2014 Olympic Men's Hockey Tournament Preview

             I’ll be honest…I could give a shit about the Winter Olympics. Other than Bob Costas having weird eye issues, nothing has caught No Credentials attention yet. That all changes tomorrow, as one of the most underrated sporting events on planet Earth begins. We’ll break down what makes the Olympic Men’s Hockey Tournament so awesome.

-         Unlike the basketball tournament in the Summer Olympics, more than three teams actually have a realistic chance of winning. You could make a case for eight of the twelve teams having at least a 1% chance of earning Gold Medals.

-         Every game feels like a Stanley Cup Playoffs game. Hockey players are wired differently than any other professional athlete, so even though they aren’t earning a normal paycheck to play in the Olympics, they compete twice as hard as they do in a regular season game.

-         While there is parity to an extent, the top-tier teams are ridiculously stacked. Canada is always able to roll out four lines full of All-Star caliber players, but Sweden isn’t far behind. Even the United States has finally added some depth with a new wave of young players, led by Chicago’s Patrick Kane.

-         When teammates from NHL teams are split onto different countries, it feels extra intense. Crosby vs. Malkin. Kane vs. Toews. Chara vs. Bergeron. Or when a sniper has the pleasure of trying to score on his NHL goalie. All of those match-ups add to the intrigue.

-         Some of the non-NHL guys are actually pretty damn good, and they are more familiar with the international style rink and rules. This keeps most games close, unlike when the USA basketball team gets to stomp all over Ecuador or something.

With all that said, in reverse order is our rankings of each team in the tournament.   

NORWAY

Goalies = F
Defensemen = F
Forwards = F
            Somehow, Norway has two goalies with “Lars” as their first name. That’s never a good sign.

SLOVENIA

Goalies = D
Defensemen = D
Forwards = D+
            They have Anze Kopitar, and literally nothing else. Furthermore, I have no idea where Slovenia is.

LATVIA

Goalies = D
Defensemen = D+
Forwards = D
            For anyone that ever played the international tournament in the EA Sports hockey games over the past decade, Latvia immediately jumps to the top of teams to root for. The crowd chanted “LATVIA! LATVIA! LATVIA! LAVTIA!” so passionately that it almost made you want to move there (emphasis on “almost”). When I asked friends of the blog Ethan Hedrick and Mike Stevens (the two individuals that I have completed world tournaments with), all they had to say was “LATVIA! LATVIA! LATVIA! LATVIA!” No Credentials is on the Latvia bandwagon.

AUSTRIA

Goalies = D
Defensemen = D
Forwards = C
            I feel like based on their geographic location on planet Earth, Austria should be better at hockey.

SWITZERLAND

Goalies = B+
Defensemen =C
Forwards = C+
            Of teams that have the majority of their roster made up of non-NHL players, Switzerland is regarded as the club with the best chance to make noise.

SLOVAKIA

Goalies = B
Defensemen = B+
Forwards = B-
            It will take a hot streak from Jaroslav Halak and dominant play on the blue-line from Zdeno Chara for Slovakia to snag a top-2 spot in group play over either Russia or the United States.

CZECH REPUBLIC

Goalies = B
Defensemen = B
Forwards = B
            The Czech’s famously robbed Canada of a gold medal in 1998 thanks to the heroics of Dominek Hasek, but the talent of their team has fallen off dramatically over the past decade.

FINLAND

Goalies = A
Defensemen = B-
Forwards = C+
            Tuuka Rask provides the Fins their best goaltending since Mikka Kiprusoff in 2006. They’ll have to keep all of their games low scoring, but if they do, Rask can help them steal a medal.

RUSSIA

Goalies = A-
Defensemen = C+
Forwards = A-
            Russia has the home-ice advantage (which historically is a big deal in this event), but a weak defensive corps could be their undoing.
 

UNITED STATES

Goalies = A
Defensemen = B+
Forwards = A-
            Bringing back the majority of the silver medal-winning group from 2010, Team USA is positioned as one of the favorites for the first time in years. Led by Patrick Kane and Phil Kessel offensively, they’ll need Ryan Miller to repeat his last Olympic performance for them to have a chance.

SWEDEN

Goalies = A
Defensemen = A
Forwards = A-
            Even down one Sedin twin (Henrik is injured and will be unable to play), Sweden still has to be regarded as the co-favorite along with Canada.

 



CANADA

Goalies = A
Defensemen = A
Forwards = A+
            Canada is always the most talented team top to bottom in this tournament (to put it in perspective, Patrice Bergeron is probably going to be their fourth line center), but they have a history of choking in the Olympics (they only won last year for the first time in years because it was on home-soil in Vancouver). They’ll need either Carey Price or Roberto Luongo (the latter of the two famously flopped during the 2010 Olympics) to grab the starting gig by the horns before elimination play and provide stability to their star studded lineup. If that happens, Sidney Crosby and company will take care of the rest.

PREDICTIONS

Bronze = Russia

Silver = Canada
Gold = Sweden

Bruins-Penguins Eastern Conference Finals Preview and Prediction

            We’re busting out the “tale of the tape” method to determine who will win the right to face the Western Conference winner for the Stanley Cup.

 

Forwards

            Both teams are deep, but when you have the star power that Pittsburgh has, it’s no contest. Figuring out how to slow down both the Crosby and Malkin lines will be Boston’s toughest challenge.

Advantage = Penguins

 

Defenseman

            At first glance, you want to say Boston. They have Zdeno Chara, one of the few defenders on Earth that have a chance of slowing down Sidney Crosby, along with a cast of role players that play solid team defense. However, when you look at the other side, you have Kris Letang, arguably the top offensive defenseman in the game. If I were guaranteed that Wade Redden and Andrew Ference would be 100% for this series, it would be advantage Boston. With that not being the case, we’ll call it a draw.

Advantage = Push

Goaltending

            Tuuka Rask isn’t the second coming of Patrick Roy (his Game 4 against New York was so atrocious it had some New Englanders asking if Tim Thomas was available), but Pittsburgh’s goaltending is the Achilles heal of the team. Longtime starter Marc-Andre Fleury was benched after a lackluster performance in round 1 against the Islanders. While Tomas Vokoun has been solid in net since replacing him, one would have to wonder how long of a leash he has if the Bruins light him up in the first few games of the series.

Advantage = Bruins

Special Teams

            Barring a goalie collapse, here’s where the series gets decided. Pittsburgh was the second ranked team on the power play during the regular season, but only five other teams were worse than them at killing penalties. Boston was the fourth best team on the penalty kill, but only four teams were worse than them at scoring power play goals. The Bruins would be best served avoiding the penalty box, as Pittsburgh has already netted 13 power play goals in 11 playoff games. To put things in perspective, Brad Marchand leads the Bruins with 3 power play assists. Pittsburgh has five players who have at least three assists, with the Letang/Malkin/Crosby trio netting 7-6-5. When you trot sharpshooters like Jarome Iginla, James Neal, and Chris Kunitz around the quality of playmakers the Penguins have, it makes for a deadly attack.

Advantage = Penguins

Coaching

            I’m taking Claude “The Vacuum Cleaner Salesman” Julien over any coach not named Mike Babcock in the NHL. I love that guy.

Advantage = Bruins

Home Crowd

            Two great hockey towns here, but if I have to nitpick, I don’t like that all too often the Penguins go with the “white out” and dress all their fans in white t-shirts. That and the stirring rendition of the National Anthem just a day after the Boston Marathon bombing earns the Bruins an uncontested win in this category for the next three years against any city not named Toronto.

Advantage = Bruins

Local Announcers

            Jack Edwards is a fucking idiot, and an embarrassment to the city of Boston.

Advantage = Penguins

Prediction
            Boston is going to beat and batter the Penguins, but there’s just too much talent on the other side. Look for Pittsburgh’s juggernaut power play to be the difference in this series.
 
Penguins in 7 over Bruins

10 Awesome Things That Happened This Weekend (5/17-5/19)

10. Atletico Madrid Stuns Real Madrid to Win One of 683 Soccer Trophies Given Out Every Year
            Anything involving pretty-boy Cristiano Ronaldo getting thrown out of a game while his team loses, I’m down with.

9. Bob Burnquist Wins 24^th X Games Medal

            Burnquist was one of the top skaters back in the early days of the Tony Hawk video games, so how he’s still getting it done all these years later, I have no idea.

8.  San Jose Scores Season-Saving Overtime Win Over Kings

            Going down 3-0 to the defending Stanley Cup winners wouldn’t of been a recipe for success. Still think L.A. will take care of business though.

7. Miguel Cabrera Posts a 3-Dinger Game
            About the only way someone will make this list during the last sporting event of the weekend (NFL season not included) is hitting three home runs in one game. I’m sick of pitchers flirting with perfect games, so that wouldn’t even cut it anymore.

6. Jimmie Johnson Wins Another All-Star Race

            By all accounts this event was virtually unwatchable, but it serves as an excuse to link to one of No Credentials favorite video clips, the end of the 1992 Winston.

5. Orb Finishes Fourth in the Preakness
            The perils of being pinned to the rail.

4. Sidney Crosby’s Hat Trick Leads Penguins to 2-0 Series Lead Over Ottawa

3. Facing 3-0 Hole, Ottawa Rallies to Win Game 3 in Double Overtime
            Crosby was brilliant on Friday, but it was the goalie’s turn to shine in Game 3.

2. Boston Beats the Hell Out of the Rangers, Take 2-0 Lead

            No Credentials is looking forward to the inevitable confrontation between the Bruins and Penguins.

1. Pacers Eliminate Knicks

            There’s some measure of irony that New York City’s greatest high school player was responsible fore the end of the 2012-13 Knicks.

10 Awesome Things That Happened This Weekend (3/29-3/31)

10. Dallas Cowboys Give Tony Romo a Bunch of Cash
            Evidently, one playoff win in seven seasons is worth $108 million. Somewhere on Earth, Tom Brady threw up in his mouth when he heard of this signing.

9. Miami Heat Sit Lebron and Wade Against Spurs

            The last team these two teams met, Greg Popovich sat his best players and earned a $100,000 fine. I don’t think the Heat will suffer the same fate.

8. Sidney Crosby Takes a Puck IN THE FACE

            Normally an injury to the best player in the world wouldn’t make the list, but at least he didn’t suffer a concussion. Crosby will be back for the Stanley Cup Playoffs.

7. Houston Astros Win First Game in the American League
            Good for them, because this is likely the most games over .500 the Astros will be all season.

6. Syracuse Suffocates Marquette Makes Final 4

            Marquette should be embarrassed to only put up 39 points in a regional final.

5. Baylor Women Lose in Sweet 16
            Easter Sunday was a tough day for those of you that like watching tall women dunk.

4. Michigan Pulls Off Improbable Sweet 16 Overtime Win Over Kansas

            The Wolverines, which looked like a team that could easily be beaten by #13 South Dakota St., have suddenly caught fire on their way to the Final 4.

3. Wichita St. Knocks Out Annoying White Point Guard For Ohio State, Makes Final Four
            No one will miss Aaron Kraft than CBS announcer Clark Kellogg.

2. Louisville Crushes Duke
            Impressive effort by the tournament’s top seed, which had to overcome watching a teammate suffer a compound fracture.

1. Andrea Dies on “The Walking Dead”

            Thank goodness she croaked, otherwise this would’ve been a completely worthless season finale.

Half-Baked 2013 NHL Season Preview

            Against all odds, the NHL season is starting in less than 48 hours. No Credentials thought it had written an accurate season preview last Halloween, but alas games will actually be played. In honor of the NHL teams spending roughly 35 seconds preparing for the season, No Credentials spent no time researching anything for the following preview (short of participating in one fantasy draft last Sunday).

Any Team Can Win The Stanley Cup

            Hockey is a fucked up sport. Cramming a 48 regular season into three months is ludicrous. It won’t take much of a hot streak for any club to sneak into the playoffs and make a Kings-esque run through the Stanley Cup Playoffs.

Except the Columbus Blue Jackets

            They suck.

Fear The Russians

            Chill out baby-boomers, we’re not talking about the Cold War. The majority of Russians played in the KHL, which should alleviate any rust. However, when the NHL regular season ends, Evgeni Malkin will have played 91 games (assuming he’s healthy), which is nine more than the typical NHL regular season. Don’t be shocked if the Russian players fade come playoff time.

Tim Thomas Will Not Be Missed

               Last time I remember seeing the Bruins on the ice, the Capitals were upsetting them in the first round. Tukka Rask will at least deliver a playoff appearance.

Sidney Crosby Will Not Have A Head Injury

            The best benefit of the lockout? There are 34 fewer games for Sidney Crosby to get a concussion in.

The Red Wings Will Be Weird To Watch Without Niklas Lidstrom

            Lidstrom wasn’t the flashiest player, but he was the most reliable defenseman in the league for the past 20 years. He will not be easily replaced.

Don’t Buy Stock In The Minnesota Wild

            I had the Wild pegged as a bust before the season, but then inexplicably drafted both of their goalies, Gary Suter, and Mikka Koivu in the No Credentials Fantasy Hockey League.

We’ll Pick Pittsburgh To Win The East

            A full year of a healthy Crosby and Malkin make Pittsburgh the most talented team in the East.

We’ll Pick St. Louis To Win The West

            While St. Louis lacks a bona-fide superstar, they go three lines deep, and have the strongest defense in the league. Depth works when you’re in a compressed season.

Screw It, We’ll Pick The Blues To Hoist The Stanley Cup

            Remember, it’s going to be a messed up season.

10 Awesome Things That Happened This Past Weekend (3/23-3/25)

Programming Note: I spent about 15 hours drafting fantasy baseball teams last night, then worked all day, and then played basketball (Camsanity struck again), so we're experimenting with a new format this week that involves me being extra lazy (something I'm a veteran at). Here we go.

10. Just incase you forgot, Pat Robertson is still a dumbass.  

9. The Big Tuna to the Saints? Ya buddy!

8. Texas Rangers figure Game 6 collapse was not enough, attempt to put fans into cardiac arrest with a nuclear hot dog.

7. Rain doesn’t piss on Smoke’s fire.

6. Knicks crush Pistons, No Credentials advances in Sportsbook’s $20,000 survivor pool (I’m not even going to link to that, because only myself and 426 other gambling degenerates gave a damn about this game).

5. Ohio, not Ohio St., almost beat North Carolina.

4. The Heat make a stand (off the court).

3. Sidney Crosby, Pittsburgh Penguins continue to go bonkers.

2. Inspired by Rick Pitino’s infamous encounter at a diner, Louisville scores very, very quickly to come from behind.

1. Tiger Tiger Woods Y’all!

10 Awesome Things That Happened This Past Weekend (1/27-1/29)

10. Agent Reveals That Sidney Crosby Had a Serious Neck Injury
            I’d be a little discouraged (actually scratch that, terrified) if I was a member of the Penguins and knew that the team doctors somehow missed a fracture of the C1 and C2 vertebrae.

9. Tiger Finishes Third After Being Tied For the Lead Through 54 Holes

            It was discouraging to see a journeyman outplay Tiger in the final round, but a top-3 finish isn’t a bad way for Woods to start the year. He starts his first event in the U.S. in ten days at Pebble Beach.

8. Rashad Evans Dominates Phil Davis

            The lesson that one can take from this fight is to never bet on the guy who is wearing pink shorts.

7. Everton and Landon Donovan Defeat Fulham and Clint Dempsey

            It’s pretty cool that the top two American players were on opposite sides in the FA Cup Friday night.

6. Mavericks Nearly Choke, Somehow Defeat San Antonio

            Pretty scary for Dallas that the last 51 points for the Spurs were scored by their bench. Dirk may have returned, but all is not well for Mark Cuban and the Mavericks.

5. Fourteen Year Old Girl Wins a Pro Golf Tournament

            About the only things I was pretty good at when I was fourteen was Madden and developing pimples. Needless to say, Kydia Ko has a little more to brag about.

4. Team Chara Beats Team Alfredsson in NHL All-Star Game

            I loved the NHL’s fantasy draft to form the all-star teams last season. For whatever reason, the gimmick didn’t get me going in year 2. Pushing negativity aside, it was still a fun game to watch (assuming you have no interest in defensive hockey). I wouldn’t be doing my job if I didn’t mention that a member of The Greatest Fantasy Hockey Team That Probably Won’t Win a Championship, Marian Gaborik, was the game’s MVP.

3. Lebron James Jumps Over John Lucas

            What was worse for Lucas, Lebron dunking over him, or Lebron admitting after the game that he didn’t even see Lucas while he was in the air?

2. Derrick Rose Bricks Two Free Throws, Miami Escapes

            Rose will take the heat (pun intended) for this loss, but Chicago should be happy they had a chance to win without Luol Deng.

1. Djokovic Outlasts Nadal, Wins Longest Grand Slam Final Ever 

            I have six words that will explain how a tennis match reached the number one spot on one of these lists for the first time…five hours and fifty-three fucking minutes.                                                                                      

The Greatest Fantasy Hockey Team That Probably Won't Win a Championship

            I’ve never publicly declared that one of my fantasy teams is vastly superior to the other squads in the league. Believe it or not, I’m usually not pompous enough to do that. I wanted to make a Namath-esque guaruantee with my baseball keeper league team last season, but didn’t want to jinx it. However, one of my two hockey teams this year is loaded enough to handle the pressure of a No Credentials guaruantee.
            My club is in a 10-team head-to-head re-draft league (spit that out three times) that I’ve been participating in since the 2007-08 season. Because I was 21 at the time, I decided it would be fitting to name my team Dogfight. This was right when the Vick scandal was huge, and I was also fixated on making a team name that didn’t end with an “s”. My first team won the title (thanks to an infamous “drunk Joe Thornton trade” that maybe someday I’ll share with the public, assuming I can get permission from the person I made the trade with), so it’s been named Dogfight ever since.
             This year’s edition is the most loaded hockey team I’ve ever assembled. To have a team worthy of making a “unless something really fucked up happens, my team should win” type claim, I have one simple requirement… If you plugged your fantasy roster into the newest video game for whatever sport you’re playing, would your team be so dominant that friends would ban you from using it in games? The following breakdown of my team will make the case that Dogfight is such a team.

Line 1

LW = James Neal, Penguins (Season Rank 2, Average Game Rank 3), drafted in the fourteenth round
C = Steven Stamkos, Lightning (Season Rank 12, Average Game Rank 11), acquired via trade
RW = Evgeni Malkin, Penguins (Season Rank 1, Average Game Rank 2), drafted in the second round
            Malkin was tabbed to be the team captain before the season, and has been everything Dogfight could’ve asked for. However, he’s too busy making fun of Sidney Crosby to make inspiring team speeches.
            “College freshmen have bounced my skull off of headboards harder than that hit Crosby took in the Winter Classic last year,” Malkin says of his real-life teammate, “What a pussy.”
            James Neal isn’t more talented than any of the players on the next two lines, but his chemistry with Malkin is what has vaulted him to the number 2 ranking in Yahoo fantasy. Stamkos is my prized mid-season acquisition. Dogfight gave up four dudes to get him (including the breakout performer of the year, Maple Leafs winger Joffrey Lupul), but Stamkos knack for tickling the twine was well worth the cost of acquiring him.

Line 2

LW = Taylor Hall, Oilers (Season Rank 80, Average Game Rank 31), drafted in the tenth round
C = Henrik Sedin, Canucks (Season Rank 19, Average Game Rank 30), acquired via trade
RW = Marian Gaborik, Rangers (Season Rank 31, Average Game Rank 35), acquired via trade
            It would be more accurate to call this group “Line 1B”. Henrik Sedin is the ultimate facilitator, and an elite goal scorer like Gaborik was built to play with him. I think I offered Hall in 20 different trades, but fortunately for me no one else in my league realizes how good he is.

Line 3

LW = Dany Heatley, Wild (Season Rank 72, Average Game Rank 102), drafted in the sixth round
C = Patrick Marleau, Sharks (Season Rank 50, Average Game Rank 44), drafted in the fourth round
RW = Kris Versteeg, Panthers (Season Rank 30, Average Game Rank 34), picked up off the waiver wire
            Line 3 is the wildcard unit of this team. All three guys are capable of getting red-hot and carrying the team for five game stretches. They are also all equally capable of falling into ten-game slumps. In a video game, they’d run roughshod over opposing team’s third lines. 

Line 4

LW = David Perron, Blues (Season Rank 435, Average Game Rank 134), acquired via trade
C = Adam Henrique, Devils (Season Rank 178, Average Game Rank 177), picked up off the waiver wire
RW = Danny Cleary, Red Wings (Season Rank 163, Average Game Rank 210), picked up off the waiver wire
            These guys don’t do much, other than making sure Evgeni Malkin has enough condoms for the team’s west coast trips.

Defenseman

Duncan Keith, Blackhawks (Season Rank 109, Average Game Rank 145), drafted in the seventh round
Brent Burns, Sharks (Season Rank 173, Average Game Rank 174), drafted in the ninth round
Tobias Enstrom, Jets (Season Rank 404, Average Game Rank 185), picked up off the waiver wire  
Mark Streit, Islanders (Season Rank 311, Average Game Rank 191), acquired via trade
            The blue-line is admittedly the weak link of Dogfight, but with the top three lines possessing the puck most of the game, who needs defense anyway?

The Goalies

Henrik Lundqvist, Rangers (Season Rank 4), drafted in the first round
Jimmy Howard, Red Wings (Season Rank 8), drafted in the fifth round
            Shoddy defense is all right when you have these two guys in net. I’ve never gone with just two goalies in fantasy hockey (I’m typically a quantity over quality kind of guy, at least in terms of my fantasy goalies), but in a league where you only need three starts per week, rolling with two isn’t a bad plan. It doesn’t hurt that I ended up with two of the top-3 net minders in terms of Yahoo rank. I punt saves almost every week, but am still rock solid with the other four categories.

The IR Spot Guy

Sidney Crosby, Penguins
            Ever since Angels infielder Howie Kendrick spent the majority of the 2008 season hogging up the DL spot on my championship winning team, I’ve always made sure to keep one crippled guy on my roster. Sidney Crosby just got dropped in this league, so he seemed like an upgrade from Andrei Markov.

            So there you have it. My team is built to destroy. I can’t wait to find out how it will somehow finish in fourth place.

10 Awesome Things That Happened This Past Weekend (11/18-11/20)

10. Sidney Crosby Returns With a Vengeance

            Crosby netted a goal and two assists in his first NHL game in 10 months. Even the most avid fans of the Washington Capitals would have to admit that deep down, they are happy that Sid the Kid is back. For the sake of the sport, it’s important that its best player is back.

9. Bears Win, But Lose Jay Cutler

            Chicago has the defense to hold the fort until Cutler returns (the earliest it looks like Cutler will return is the first week of the playoffs), but it’s going to be real tough sledding for Chicago to hang on to a wildcard spot in the NFC.

8. Cowboys Need Overtime to Defeat Redskins

            As pathetic as their play was at times, I guess a win is still a win. Dallas faces suddenly resurgent Miami on Thanksgiving.

7. Eagles Stay Alive (Barely), Win in New York

            It took ten games, but we finally saw the Eagles defense everyone was expecting to see when they made all of their additions. There’s enough talent on that side of the ball to carry them, even if Vince Young is under center.

6. Oklahoma State Loses

5. Oregon Loses
4. Oklahoma Loses
            I wasn’t happy to see Oklahoma St. lose (with the school dealing with the tragic death of their women’s basketball coach and an assistant in a plane crash), but all three of these losses add up to BCS mayhem (cue the All State guy).

3. Dan Henderson Survives UFC 139, Even Wins Against Rua

            A fantastic night of fights was capped off by what Dana White called the UFC’s “Ali-Frazier III”.

2. Lee Corso is the Man

            College football fans sure got a surprise during the end of ESPN’s “College Game Day” this morning. Corso has fired weapons during a live broadcast before, but this was his first career f-bomb on live television. Hopefully he doesn’t get canned over it.

1. Tony Stewart Wins Closest Championship Battle in NASCAR History

            I’ve been watching NASCAR for a long time, and I can’t recall a better performance from start to finish that what we saw from Tony Stewart Sunday. He went to the back twice due to repairs on the front bumper of his car. Stewart passed 116 cars, which unless the track is Daytona or Talladega, is an incredible feat. Even more impressive, his team outwitted Carl Edwards to get out in front for the last green flag run (that actually happened on accident, due to a foolish gamble on fuel mileage by Stewart that only worked because of a caution that came out right after he pitted). Edwards did everything he could (starting on the pole, leading the most laps), but a second place finish wasn’t enough. There isn’t really any other superlatives you can use to describe the battle between Stewart and Edwards during The Chase, so I’ll conclude this analysis with a foolish paragraph written by some idiot blogger before the 10 race playoffs. Please note that this guy ranked both Ryan Newman and Tony Stewart together in his preview piece.

11. Ryan Newman, #39 Army Chevrolet, Stewart-Haas Racing (Preseason No Credentials Rank = 24

10. Tony Stewart, #14 Mobil 1/Office Depot Chevrolet, Stewart-Haas Racing (Preseason No Credentials Rank = 6)
            These two guys should probably share the driver of the year award, as the fact that they were able to pilot their mediocre race teams into the Chase is remarkable. With the exception of the second Chase race at Loudon (where Newman and Stewart finished 1-2), expect both drivers to struggle for top-15s.

            Here’s another excerpt from this same writer's mailbag he did after the first race of the Chase.

            In your Chase Preview you said Tony Stewart would be lucky to run in the top-15 during the final ten races. He went out and won the first race at Chicago. Defend yourself. – Nicole, Augusta, GA
            To the uninformed reader that it may have looked like No Credentials was way off, but the bottom line is a driver who said himself he had no business being in The Chase stole a gas mileage race. He’ll look good in New Hampshire again this week, but it will be all down hill from there. Remember this paragraph when Stewart is hoisting the trophy in November.

            Oh wait, I was the dolt that wrote those two paragraphs! Just more proof that this blog is called No Credentials for a reason.

10 Awesome Things That Happened This Past Weekend (12/24-12/26)

10. Eagles-Vikings Game Cancelled Due to Blizzard

            For those of you who missed last week’s column, the #10 spot has turned into something that really isn’t awesome, but is something I can rant about.

            I’m just going to copy the quote made by Pennsylvania Governor Ed Rendell made to a Philadelphia radio station, because it is better than anything I could ever write. Enjoy.

             "It goes against everything that football is all about… My biggest beef is that this is part of what's happened in this country. I think we've become wussies… We've become a nation of wusses. The Chinese are kicking our butt in everything. If this was in China do you think the Chinese would have called off the game? People would have been marching down to the stadium, they would have walked and they would have been doing calculus on the way down."

            In related news, Ed Rendell is officially the most awesome politician in the United States.

9. Sidney Crosby Extends Points Streak to 24 Games

            Hockey is pretty far off the national radar, so what Sidney Crosby has been doing this season has gone mostly unnoticed. Which is a damn shame. To put it in perspective, Crosby’s streak would be equivalent to a 48 game hitting streak in baseball. Hopefully the streak is still alive when they face the Capitals on New Years in the Winter Classic.

8. Cowboys Miss an Extra Point, Lose to Cardinals

            About the same number of people who read this blog watched this game due to the fact that it was on NFL Network (for those of you not in the know, that number is roughly 7). At least Dallas was been eliminated from playoff contention months ago, otherwise this loss would’ve troubled me much more. Not now though. Keep losing guys, it’s a higher draft pick if we do.

7. Spike TV Has “Star Wars” Marathon on Christmas Eve and Christmas

            These movies always suck me in. Episode I is a crappy movie (thanks to Jar Jar Binks and the little kid playing Anakin Skywalker), but it’s bad enough that making fun of it is actually enjoyable. II and III are all right, despite the best efforts of Hayden Christensen to destroy them. Have you ever watched a football game where one team’s quarterback is playing so bad that you think he bet money on the other team (example: Neil O’Donnell in Super Bowl XXX for the Steelers against the Cowboys)? That’s what it looks like Christensen was doing in these movies. I think when George Lucas was casting the part, his only criteria was “dude who sort of looks like a young Mark Hamill”. At least he gets most of his limbs chopped off at the end of the third one, so there’s a payoff at the end.

Episodes IV-VI are classics. An epic story carried by solid performances, these movies are still the gold standard for quality science fiction.

6. Bears Win a Surprising Shootout Against the Jets

            This only made the list because every NFL expert and their brother picked this game to be a low-scoring, defensive affair. It’s a good thing TV networks pay big money to get these people’s opinions.

5. Carolina Panthers Earn #1 Pick in 2011 NFL Draft

            After getting destroyed by the Steelers last Thursday, and then two unlikely simultaneous victories by the Bengals and Broncos, Carolina has clinched the top pick with a game to spare. The popular opinion will be for the Panthers to add Stanford quarterback Andrew Luck. However, the roster is so bad that throwing a young quarterback onto this team might not be the best idea. We’ll discuss this more come early April when the NFL Draft is approaching.

4. Green Packers Push Giants to the Brink of Elimination

            I’m on board with any outcome that ends in the phrase “New York Giants in a free-fall”. Has anyone noticed how Green Bay has done this season against coaches on the hot seat? They destroyed Dallas, and the next day Wade Phillips got the boot. They pounded Minnesota in the Metrodome (before the roof imploded), and the next day Brad Childress was canned (by the way, these posts were much easier to make when idiots like Phillips and Childress were head coaches. I miss those guys). Green Bay won’t kick Tom Coughlin out the door, but they could get the first assist (hockey term) if New York doesn’t make the playoffs after week 17.

3. 49ers Coach Mike Singletary Goes Bonkers, Then Gets Fired

            I’m going to keep this very brief…Mike Singletary is f***ing nuts. I’d love to see him coach a college team (as long as my son  wasn’t on it), but I have a feeling his NFL coaching career could be over.

2. Miami Heat Defeat Lakers

            If I had remembered that the Lakers were 4-8 in their previous 12 Christmas Day games, I wouldn’t of been as surprised about the outcome as I was when it happened. LA looked listless, and didn’t take advantage of their significant size advantage inside. I have a feeling that if these two teams were to meet in the NBA Finals, it would be a very different outcome. The Lakers are on cruise control until April.

1. Christmas

            Was there any doubt that this would be #1? Christmas is awesome. I hope everyone had a very happy holiday.