10 Awesome Things That Happened This Weekend (4/26-4/28)

10. Thunder Lose Russell Westbrook For Rest of Season
            God must’ve placed a preseason wager on Miami to repeat, because too many things have occurred that have enhanced their ability to win a second straight title. The Thunder will be lucky to make it to the conference finals.

9. Aaron Rodgers Becomes an Incredibly Wealthy Man

            This is a vast improvement over Rodgers’ financial situation last week, when he was merely a moderately wealthy man. He’ll get $40 million this year for his services on the gridiron.

8. Eagles Trade Up to Draft Matt Barkley in Fourth Round

7. New York Jets Use Second Round Pick on Geno Smith
            I’d mock the probable failure of both of these players more, but my Dallas Cowboys just delivered the worst draft class in the history of man.

6. Celtics Stave Off Elimination

            Great to see Boston win what will more than likely be Kevin Garnett’s final home game.

5. Jon Jones Dismantles Chael Sonnen
            Sonnen is a huge douche bag, so the more elbows inflicting serious harm on his face, the better.

4. Anibal Sanchez Whiffs 17 Braves

            For those not in the know, that’s a lot of fucking strikeouts.

3. Kevin Harvick Passes Six Cars in One Lap, Wins Richmond
            I duplicated this feat on NASCAR Thunder 2002 for PS2 back in the day, so this wasn’t really a big deal.

2. Thunder Pull Out Just Enough to Hold Off Rockets

            Kevin Durant better be prepared to take a beating for Oklahoma City’s remaining games this season.

1. Nate Robinson Loses His Mind, Bulls Win Triple-Overtime Thriller

            Nate Robinson directly resulted in my Charlie Sheen post a couple of years back becoming the most viewed page ever produced by this blog (on a day when he was laying in a hospital bed recovering from knee surgery no less), so whenever Nate goes ape shit and single-handedly wills a team into overtime, No Credentials approves.

10 Awesome Things That Happened This Weekend (4/19-4/21)

10. James Harrison Signs With Cincinnati
            It isn’t on the scale of Brett Favre playing for the Vikings against Green Bay, but seeing Harrison against the Steelers will be pretty weird.

9. Gonzaga Center Kelly Olynyk Enters NBA Draft

            No one is more excited about this than Mavericks center Chris Kaman, who after a decade long run will finally have competition for the distinction of ugliest player in the NBA.

8. Pacers Clobber Hawks

7. Lakers Can’t Score Against Spurs
6. Heat Dominate Bucks
            None of these games were particularly watchable, but No Credentials always has room in the weekend review to celebrate a successful three-team teaser.

5. Darrelle Revis Acquired By Tampa Bay Buccaneers
            Because you know, paying a cornerback who just had ACL surgery six months ago $16 million a year makes a ton of sense.

4. Matt Kenseth Dominates Kansas

            Other than the car-crunching collision between Kyle Busch and Joey Logano, the only other noteworthy moment of this race was Kenseth briefly racing his former car, now driven by Ricky Stenhouse Jr. A late caution during a pit cycle put the #17 deep in the field, and gift-wrapped Kenseth’s second win with Joe Gibbs Racing.

3. Carmelo Goes Bonkers Again, Leads Knicks to Game 1 Win Over Boston
            Boston had a win brewing through three quarters, but an eight point fourth quarter did the Celtics in.

2. 98 Year-Old Nuggets Point Guard Andre Miller Leads Thrilling Game 1 Win over Golden State

            Incredibly, Miller didn’t need to use a walker to make his game-winning lay-up.

1. Boston Wins

            Starting with the terrifying manhunt that ended in an alert man’s boat, and culminating in a stirring pre-game ceremony at Fenway Park that was emphatically concluded by David Ortiz, the citizens of Boston have a lot to be proud about after the dramatic events of last week. B-Strong Boston.

Quick NBA First Round Playoff Picks

#1 Miami Heat vs. #8 Milwaukee Bucks
            Get your brooms ready.

Heat over Bucks 4-0

 

#2 New York Knicks vs. #7 Boston Celtics

            Maybe it’s being a homer, maybe it’s believing in things bigger than basketball propelling a team to great things, but I see Boston putting on a show in the first round.

Celtics over Knicks 4-2

 

#3 Indiana Pacers vs. #6 Atlanta Hawks

            When you already can’t shoot against an average NBA defense, the Indiana Pacers are not a team you want to play.

Pacers over Hawks 4-1

 

#4 Brooklyn Nets vs. #5 Chicago Bulls

            If Derrick Rose were 100%, this would be a Bulls sweep. As it is, it will take a superb effort by Deron Williams to push the Nets into the second round. I don’t think it will happen.

Bulls over Nets 4-3

 

#1 Oklahoma City Thunders vs. #8 Houston Rockets

            How lucky are we to see James Harden and his beard face off against his former team in the first round? This is going to be the most entertaining round 1 series.

Thunder over Rockets 4-3

 

#2 San Antonio Spurs vs. #7 Los Angeles Lakers

            There are absolutely no perimeter players the Lakers have that can hang with the incredible depth the Spurs have. Los Angeles might be wishing they missed the playoffs when this series is over.

Spurs over Lakers 4-0

 

#3 Denver Nuggets vs. #6 Golden State Warriors

            For my money, the hardest series to forecast. If Denver hadn’t been battered by injuries, I’d pick them to sweep.

Nuggets over Warriors 4-3

 

#4 Los Angeles Clippers vs. #5 Memphis Grizzlies

            Has there ever been a more disorganized playoff team than the Clippers? I think their crunch-time offense is called “Uh, Chris Paul go do something cool”.

Grizzlies over Clippers 4-2

Pat Summerall

     In the infancy of my sports fandom, it felt like Pat Summerall and John Madden called every single Dallas Cowboys game. In many ways, they were the storytellers of the favorite era of my all-time favorite team. Here's the fourth quarter of the game that officially started the mid-90s dynasty, the 1992-93 NFC Championship Game at San Francisco.

 

 

 

     R.I.P. Pat.

10 Awesome Things That Happened This Weekend (4/12-4/14)

10. Jose Reyes Injures His Ankle
            A bunch of folks that drafted him in the third or fourth round on their fantasy team are really disappointed.

9. Carlos Quentin Drops Appeal, Dodges Trip to Los Angeles

            Shouldn’t of Quentin’s penalty forced him to play at Dodger Stadium less than a week after breaking Zack Greinke’s clavicle?

8. Kyle Busch Wins Another Nationwide Race

            It’s awesome that all of the young up-and-coming drivers get a chance to finish second to Kyle Busch every week in the Nationwide Series.

7. Michigan Point Guard Trey Burke Enters the NBA Draft
            Eventually, a NBA team could win a championship if Trey Burke was their fourth best player. I’m not sure if that’s a comment or an insult, but it’s the way it is.

6. Kevin Durant Fined $25,000 For “Menacing Gesture”

            I tried to fine my son $25K for dropping a menacing poop in his Pamper, but alas he doesn’t have any money.

5. Atlanta Braves Sweep Nationals, Improve to 11-1
            If Evan Gattis keeps hitting the crap out of baseballs, someone is going to make a movie about him in three years.

4. Kyle Busch Wins the NRA 500

            People two left or right of center were too busy arguing about the NRA to realize that a NASCAR race was actually happening.

3. Dirk Nowitzki Becomes First German to Score 25,000 Points
            Deutschland ist sehr gut.

2. Kobe Bryant Tears His Achilles, Makes a Crazy Facebook Post, and Then Tweets Photos of His Surgery

            Don’t bet against Kobe being ready for opening night next fall.

1. Adam Scott Wins The Masters

            This one was especially meaningful after Scott’s epic choke last summer in the British Open. Incredibly, he becomes the first man from Australia ever to win at Augusta.

10 Awesome Things That Happened This Weekend (4/5-4/7)

10. Rob Gronkowski Needs Further Surgery
           No word yet on whether or not Gronkowski’s infection originated from an Irish pub, a strip club, or a house party.

9. Cubs Strip Carlos Marmol of Closer Role

            Is two days the shortest leash a closer has ever had in MLB history?

8. Louisville Women Join Men’s Team in Championship Game

7. Connecticut Finally Beats Notre Dame, Makes Women’s Title Game
            I could give a shit about women’s basketball, but I had a hard enough digging for seven things to put on this list, so filling two spots here is worth the plug for women’s hoops.

6. Jimmie Johnson Dominates Martinsville

            No Credentials has a hard team thinking of a race he looks forward to less than one at the track that Jimmie Johnson dominates at more than any other.

5. Clippers Clobber Los Angeles
            I’m not sure which stat is more incredible, that the Clippers won their first division title in franchise history, or that they swept the Lakers for the first time since 1974-75. 

4. Carmelo Continues Going Bonkers, Leads Knicks to Win in OKC

            New York is looking more like the team that started the year as the greatest threat to the Heat in the Eastern Conference.

3. Will Middlebrooks Racks Up 3 Dingers
            For those not in the know, that’s a lot of fucking home runs.

2. Michigan Tries to Choke, Hangs on to Beat Syracuse
            All Syracuse needed was a Michigan player to do a Chris Webber and call a time-out they didn’t have to push the Orange into the Championship Game.

1. Down 12, Louisville Rallies Past Wichita St.

            If my bracket is any indication, the following prediction is probably awful, but No Credentials sees Louisville winning by double digits tonight.

10 Awesome Things That Happened This Weekend (3/29-3/31)

10. Dallas Cowboys Give Tony Romo a Bunch of Cash
            Evidently, one playoff win in seven seasons is worth $108 million. Somewhere on Earth, Tom Brady threw up in his mouth when he heard of this signing.

9. Miami Heat Sit Lebron and Wade Against Spurs

            The last team these two teams met, Greg Popovich sat his best players and earned a $100,000 fine. I don’t think the Heat will suffer the same fate.

8. Sidney Crosby Takes a Puck IN THE FACE

            Normally an injury to the best player in the world wouldn’t make the list, but at least he didn’t suffer a concussion. Crosby will be back for the Stanley Cup Playoffs.

7. Houston Astros Win First Game in the American League
            Good for them, because this is likely the most games over .500 the Astros will be all season.

6. Syracuse Suffocates Marquette Makes Final 4

            Marquette should be embarrassed to only put up 39 points in a regional final.

5. Baylor Women Lose in Sweet 16
            Easter Sunday was a tough day for those of you that like watching tall women dunk.

4. Michigan Pulls Off Improbable Sweet 16 Overtime Win Over Kansas

            The Wolverines, which looked like a team that could easily be beaten by #13 South Dakota St., have suddenly caught fire on their way to the Final 4.

3. Wichita St. Knocks Out Annoying White Point Guard For Ohio State, Makes Final Four
            No one will miss Aaron Kraft than CBS announcer Clark Kellogg.

2. Louisville Crushes Duke
            Impressive effort by the tournament’s top seed, which had to overcome watching a teammate suffer a compound fracture.

1. Andrea Dies on “The Walking Dead”

            Thank goodness she croaked, otherwise this would’ve been a completely worthless season finale.