10 Awesome Things That Happened This Weekend (12/28-12/30)

10. Hideki Matsui Retires
            Matsui easily ranks as one of my five favorite Yankees of the 2000s. Affectionately nicknamed “Chief Matsui” in the greater Mount Washington Valley area, he will be best remembered as the best Japanese baseball import not named Ichiro Suzuki.

9. Clippers Win 17^th in a Row

            Kobe Bryant and the rest of the Lakers’ organization have every right to acknowledge the Clippers as the better NBA team in Los Angeles.

8. Patriots Dominate Dolphins

7. Broncos Clobber Chiefs
            With both teams snagging first round byes Sunday, it’s hard to fathom which of the other four AFC Playoff teams will prevent a Manning-Brady AFC Championship Game battle.

6. Eagles Officially Quit on Andy Reid

5. Giants Eliminated From Postseason Contention
            When it was 21-0 with two minutes left in the first quarter, I was starting to feel bad for Andy Reid, but then I remembered all the times his Eagles used to beat the crap out of the pathetic Cowboys in the early 2000s. His gross mismanagement of timeouts, challenges, and the play clock will be sorely missed. As for the Giants, I couldn’t be happier that they will be starting their off-season early.
           
4. Cain Velasquez Rocks Junior Dos Santos
            We’ll give Dos Santos a Tommy Point for fighting the final three rounds with a broken jaw.

3. Redskins Win the NFC East
            For those of you that bet a backbreaking Tony Romo interception would lead to doom for the Cowboys, pat yourselves on the back.

2. Chuck Pagano Returns to the Colts Sideline, Colts Beat Texans

            No Credentials has really dropped the ball on the story of Pagano, who made his emotional return in the Colts final home game. Kudos to them for wrecking the Texans opportunity for home-field advantage.

1. Minnesota Vikings Complete Stunning Run to the Playoffs

            The best result of Sunday afternoon’s back and forth, highflying shootout between Aaron Rodgers and Adrian Peterson? They get to do it again Saturday night at Lambeau Field.

Week 17 Picks

            Sadly, we’ve reached the end of the NFL regular season. This year, it’s extra sad, because No Credentials is as dialed in as it’s ever been with NFL prognostication. Riding a 24-8 run the past two weeks, here’s the Week 17 picks.

BILLS (-3) over Jets

BENGALS (-2.5) over Ravens

STEELERS (-6) over Browns

Texans (-7) over COLTS

Jaguars (+4) over TITANS

Eagles (+7) over GIANTS

Bears (-3) over LIONS

SAINTS (-5) over Panthers

Buccaneers (+3.5) over FALCONS

PATRIOTS (-10) over Dolphins

Packers (-3.5) over VIKINGS

Chiefs (+16) over BRONCOS

CHARGERS (-7) over Raiders

49ERS (-16.5) over Cardinals

Rams (+11) over SEAHAWKS

REDSKINS (-3) over Cowboys

 

Last Week = 12-4

Season = 133-102-5

NBA Christmas Day Observations

No Credentials was able to view at least five minutes of every Christmas game in the NBA. Here are ten observations of each team that particiapated.

Brooklyn Nets – They are the new Atlanta Hawks. Joe Johnson brought the stink with him.

Boston Celtics – Boston isn’t a team anyone will want to face in a seven game series, but they will need to flip one or two of their back-up wings for a big to have a real chance against Miami.

New York Knicks – Boom or bust depending on how Amar’e Stoudemire blends in. If he is truly accepting of a bench role that makes a ton of sense (could plug in at the 4 when Carmelo Anthony sits, and man the 5 when Tyson Chandler does), New York is the team that Miami should legitimately be worried about in the Eastern Conference.

Los Angeles Lakers – Mitch Kupchak should explore all other ways to add three point shooting and a stretch-4 without including Pau Gasol before moving the scruffy looking Spaniard. They don’t need a big name to hit threes, just a couple of dudes of the role-playing variety. It would be crazy to think of the Lakers and Celtics making a trade, but a Barbosa for Jordan Hill swap would make a ton of sense for both sides (cap implications not considered, because I just took NyQuil and don’t have the ambition to see if that deal would work on the NBA Trade Machine).

Oklahoma City Thunder – Don’t let the loss today fool you. The Thunder are still the favorite in the West.

Miami Heat – In case their recent scuffles the past month fooled you, let today reaffirm that Miami is the class of the Eastern Conference. When the Heat are firing on all cylinders, it really isn’t close.

Chicago Bulls – Can Derrick Rose deliver an Adrian Peterson-like comeback in 2013? Joakim Noah’s offensive breakout would only be enhanced by the return of the 2010-11 MVP.

Houston Rockets – Without looking at advanced metrics, this looks like the most unselfish team in the league. They’ve really taken on the persona of their franchise player, James Harden.

Denver Nuggets – In the NBA, it is possible to have too many guys, leading to undefined roles, fluctuating minutes, and bruised egos. Denver needs to move out three to four players to carve out a solid eight-man rotation.

 
Los Angeles Clippers – They are deep, they run the floor, and have a surplus of ball handlers and shooters. Chris Paul gets the most of every teammate, making the Clippers a scary opponent come playoff time.

10 Awesome Things That Happened This Weekend (12/21-12/23)

10. The World Didn’t Explode
            I can now say that I’ve lived through Y2K, The Rapture, and the Mayan Apocalypse. I look forward to the next doomsday prediction.

9. Nick Swisher Joins the Indians

            This doesn’t have any relation to real-life, but I thought it would be a good time to mention that Nick Swisher was one of the main components I gave away in a 4-for-1 deal for Buster Posey in the No Credentials keeper league. 

8. Lionel Messi Ends 2012 With 91 Goals

            For those not in the know, that’s a lot of fucking goals.

7. Temple Knocks Off #3 Syracuse

            Here’s your obligatory mention of a big college basketball upset that I really don’t give a shit about, sponsored by Mentos.

6. Calvin Johnson Sets Record For Single-Season Receiving Yardage

            Glad something positive came out of the poop sandwich that was the 2012 Detroit Lions.

5. Dirk Returns

            We’ll ignore the fact that the Spurs beat Dallas by 29 points and simply celebrate the return of the big goofy German.
           
4. Vikings Stun Texans
            I’d like to formally apologize to anyone whose fantasy football fate depended on or Adrian Peterson Arian Foster.

3. Andrew Luck Leads Colts Back to Postseason
            They are going to lose by 25 to the Ravens in the Wildcard Round, but a playoff appearance in his rookie season with his less than stellar supporting cast is a stunning accomplishment.

2. Cincinnati Eliminates Steelers, Earns Wildcard Berth

            Fortunately this game didn’t happen on 12-21-12, or else the world surely would’ve ended.

1. Cowboys Rally, Still Lose to Saints in Overtime

            I’m overjoyed that the Giants choke job ensures that the Cowboys will blow another Week 17 opportunity to win the NFC East.   

Week 16 NFL Picks

We survied the Mayans, so here's some Week 16 picks. Let it be known that we are do for a market correction.

PACKERS (-12.5) over Titans

PANTHERS (-8.5) over Raiders

DOLPHINS (-4.5) over Bills

Bengals (+3.5) over STEELERS

Patriots (-14.5) over Jaguars

Colts (-7) over CHIEFS

Saints (+2.5) over COWBOYS

Redskins (-6.5) over EAGLES

Rams (+3) over BUCCANEERS

TEXANS (-7.5) over Vikings

Chargers (+2.5) over JETS

BRONCOS (-12) over Browns

Giants (-2.5) over RAVENS

Bears (-6) over CARDINALS

49ers (+1) over SEAHAWKS

 

Last Week = 12-4

Saturday Pick = In Progress (go Falcons!)
Season = 121-98-5

Waiting For the World to End, Volume 2: My Favorite Apocalypses

            In reverse order, I rank what my favorite ways of ending the world would be.

Nuclear Holocaust

            This would be the most embarrassing, as human hands would bring the end of the world.  

Errant Passes By New York Jets’ Quarterbacks

            Is it possible that we could get concussed to death? The plucky trio of Sanchez-Tebow-McElroy would be the ideal candidates to attempt it.

Alien Invasion

            A bunch of spaceships appearing in orbit would be fun for about two minutes, until they started frying us with advanced weaponry. For grins and giggles, here’s a list within the list showing what would be my favorite alien invaders.

5. Martians, “Mars Attacks!”

4.The Galactic Empire, “Star Wars”

3. The aliens from “Independence Day”

2. Xenomorph, “Alien” franchise

1. The Borg, “Star Trek” 

A Kanye-Kardashian Fetus

            Odds are high that this fetus would morph into a black hole, sucking all life into it.

Zombie Outbreak

            Enough people in this country play “Call of Duty”, so maybe we’ll have enough trained citizens to eventually survive a zombie apocalypse.

Justin Bieber/Taylor Swift Duet Album

            All of the anguish over botched relationships by these two dimwits would surely create enough bad vibes to shift a tectonic plate or two.

Sun Going Supernova, Vaporizing the Earth

            No one would survive, but it would be painless. At least, I think it would (nerds correct me if I’m wrong!).

Polar Shift Resulting in an Ice Age

            Couldn’t we all just wear a jacket?
 

If you missed Volume 1, click here.

10 Awesome Things That Happened This Weekend (12/14-12/16)

10. Andrew Bynum Claims Kobe Stunted His Development
            I’d take his comments more seriously if he wasn’t rocking a Mod-Squad hair-do.

9. Josh Hamilton Signs Five-Year, $125 Million Deal With Angels

            There won’t be a scarier trio in MLB than Trout-Pujols-Hamilton. Too bad the Angels have no pitching.

8. Butler Takes Down #1 Indiana in Overtime

            Is there another school in the country that has pulled off as many improbable upsets as Butler over the past decade?

7. Seahawks Drop 50 Points Again

            For those of you that had the onions to start Russell Wilson in your fantasy playoff game this week, I salute you. Karma is eventually going to strike Seattle, adding the fake punt they ran while up by 30 and their replacement-ref aided victory over Green Bay earliar in the year.

6. Denver Dominates Baltimore

            Joe Flacco is a fraud.

5. Adrian Peterson Keeps Going Bonkers, Leads Vikings to Win in St. Louis

            With all due respect to Peyton Manning, Peterson should win the NFL MVP, Offensive Player of the Year, and Comeback Player of the Year award.
           
4. Kirk Cousins Wins First Career Start
            When the Redskins selected Cousins just days after mortgaging their future for Robert Griffin III, it seemed like their organization was run by a bunch of monkeys. For this season at least, that pick may have saved their playoff hopes.

3. Patriots Nearly Pull Off Epic Comeback, Lose to San Francisco
            One of the wildest games of the season, San Francisco showed tons of resiliency rebounding from a 28-0 run by the Patriots to win this game. The 49ers need one more win to lock up the NFC West. As for New England, they can kiss a first round bye good bye, and pencil in a divisional round game at Denver.

2. Cowboys Take Down Steelers in Overtime

            The game was playing out as a typical fourth quarter Cowboys-collapse, but incredibly Dallas flipped the script. The best proof of the NFL weekend that the world might explode in four days.

1. The World Honors the Victims of Newtown, CT

            Whether it be the moments of silence before all of this weekend’s sporting events, President Obama’s incredible speech Sunday night, the releasing of pictures of all the little ones that lost their lives, the past few days have been filled with emotion. It’s terribly sad to think that it took an elementary school massacre to make us consider that military assault weapons shouldn’t be so readily available (comparing it to sports for a moment, it’s a reminder of when we were losing NASCAR drivers left and right during the late-90s and 2000 and no one gave a shit. It took Dale Earnhardt’s death in the 2001 Daytona 500 for the sport to finally enact safety measures to keep the drivers safe. No NASCAR driver has died since), or that we should reassess how we deal with mentally unstable individuals. While it is true that evil will inevitably pop up in this world, every measure should be taken to limit the damage it will inflict. No Credentials offers it’s most sincere condolences to the family and friends of the 26 people lost, and to the greater Newtown community.   

Week 15 NFL Picks

Packers (-2.5) over BEARS

Giants (+1.5) over FALCONS

Buccaneers (+3.5) over SAINTS

RAMS (-2.5) over Vikings

BROWNS (Pick ‘em) over Redskins

DOLPHINS (-7.5) over Jaguars

Broncos (-3) over RAVENS

TEXANS (-10) over Colts

Panthers (+3) over CHARGERS

Seahawks (-5) over BILLS (game being played in Toronto)

CARDINALS (+6.5) over Lions

COWBOYS (+2) over Steelers

RAIDERS (-3) over Chiefs

49ers (+4.5) over PATRIOTS

TITANS (-1.5) over Jets

Last Week = 8-8
Thursday = 1-0
Season = 109-94-5

Waiting For the World to End, Volume 1: Don't Argue About the Apocalypse

            Just a gentle reminder from No Credentials…the world is supposed to explode in a week. Or become infested with zombies. Or be stricken by earthquakes and volcanoes because of a dramatic polar shift. Or something. I could use science to validate why you shouldn’t argue that the Mayans are going to be right, but I have a much simpler reason.

What good is it to argue a point if you won’t get to gloat about it after it’s proven correct?

            Most of the time when you argue about a possible outcome, there’s a chance you either get to celebrate your genius or have to eat crow for your stupidity. In this case, if the world ends, you’ll be dead, and if it doesn’t, you’ll look like a dumbass. At best, you might be one of the few survivors of a zombie apocalypse, but will you really feel like reminding people that you’re right when walkers are trying to bite your ankle? There’s no winning in the debate of whether or not the world will end. It’s the ultimate lose-lose situation.

10 Awesome Things That Happened This Past Weekend (12/7-12/9)

10. Dodgers Sign Zach Greinke, Korean Lefty Hyun-Jin Ryu
            If nothing else, the past decade of major league baseball has proven that spending money recklessly doesn’t guaruantee a playoff spot, much less a World Series, but kudos to the Dodgers for ignoring this trend and throwing cash all over the place.

9. Royals Trade James Shields to Tampa Bay for Minor League Stud Wil Myers

            I have a hard time believing that the Rays are going to end up getting outsmarted by Kansas City. If Myers is in the majors by the end of May, pencil him in for AL Rookie of the Year.

8. Giants Score 52 Points

7. Seahawks Score 58 Points
            In Seattle’s case, the score was 58-0, which is the type of result that should relegate Arizona to the Arena League.

6. Johnny Manziel Wins the Heisman

            I love the name Johnny Manziel.

5. Adrian Peterson Goes Bonkers Again

            The fact that Peterson has a legitimate shot at a 2,000 yard rushing season less than 365 days after tearing his left ACL should go down as one of the most remarkable athletic achievements of the last 20 years.
         
4. Lionel Messi Sets Record For Most Goals in One Year
            Wasn’t Messi getting hauled off the pitch on a stretcher last week?

3. RGIII Nearly Blows Out ACL, Redskins Win Anyway   
            Even without their franchise player, the Redskins were able to pull off an epic comeback.

2. Down Nine in the Fourth Quarter, Cowboys Keep Season Alive

            Leave it to the sorry Bengals to make the Cowboys look like a competent fourth quarter team.

1. Pacquiao Hits the Canvas

            I’d like to formally thank Juan Manuel Marquez for finally putting to bed the talk of a Manny Pacquiao-Floyd Mayweather Jr. mega fight. 

Week 14 NFL Picks

            If you want extended analysis of each team, read my power rankings that I posted Wednesday (needless to say, my forecast of a Broncos win over Oakland was correct).

REDSKINS (-2.5) over Ravens

Chiefs (+6.5) over BROWNS

STEELERS (-8) over Chargers

Titans (+5.5) over COLTS

JAGUARS (+3) over Jets

Bears (-3) over VIKINGS

PANTHERS (+3.5) over Falcons

BUCCANEERS (-7.5) over Eagles

BILLS (-3) over Rams

BENGALS (-3) over Cowboys

49ERS (-10) over Dolphins

GIANTS (-4.5) over Saints

SEAHAWKS (-10) over Cardinals

Lions (+6.5) over PACKERS

PATRIOTS (-3.5) over Texans

Last Week = 7-9

Thursday = 1-0
Season = 101-86-5

NFL Three-Quarter Pole Power Rankings

            We did something a little different with this edition of our NFL power rankings. Utilizing ESPN’s NFL Playoff Machine, we projected the results of every game for the rest of the NFL season. Using that, we’ll rank the teams based on their projected finish.

32. Kansas City Chiefs (2-10, projected finish 3-13)

            Kansas City’s win against Carolina will be one of the five most memorable victories of the 2012-13 season (playoffs included), but that doesn’t mean they will close the year on a five game winning streak. The Chiefs are still a team in desperate need of finding a franchise quarterback.

31. Jacksonville Jaguars (2-10, projected finish 3-13)

            I know there a fair amount of years left in this decade, but Blaine Gabbert is a strong candidate for worst first round draft pick of the ‘10s.

30. Philadelphia Eagles (3-9, projected finish 3-13)

            There’s no better example of how devastating an inept offensive line can be for your football team than the 2012 Philadelphia Eagles.

29. Oakland Raiders (3-9, projected finish 4-12)

            The Carson Palmer trade continues to look worse and worse with each passing day. All of the draft picks they gave up to the Bengals could’ve been used to shore up an atrocious defense.

28. Detroit Lions (4-8, projected finish 4-12)

            Every game of the 2012 season for Detroit has looked like a “No Fucking Way Game” in Madden. Long term, they could benefit from adding an elite defensive playmaker with a high draft pick in next year’s draft.

27. New York Jets (5-7, projected finish 5-11)

            Welcome to the AFC’s version of the Eagles.

26. Arizona Cardinals (4-8, projected finish 5-11)

            Weird fact…Arizona was 3-0 with the replacement referees. They are 1-8 since.

25. Carolina Panthers (3-9, projected finish 5-11)

            Ron Rivera doesn’t get talked about enough when the discussion of horrendous NFL coaches comes up.

24. Tennessee Titans (4-8, projected finish 6-10)

            You could argue that Tennessee has only one legitimate win this season (their 37-3 thrashing of Miami in Week 10). At least Chris Johnson has shown that he has a pulse this year.

23. Buffalo Bills (5-7, projected finish 6-10)

            What happens when a team invests too much money in a quarterback from Harvard? The 2012 Buffalo Bills, that’s what happens.

22. Minnesota Vikings (6-6, projected finish 6-10)

            If there were such a thing as “Most Valuable Player Who Got Hurt During the Middle of the Season and His Team Immediately Went in the Shitter Award”, it would go to Percy Harvin.

21. Cleveland Browns (4-8, projected finish 6-10)

            For those of you that play fantasy football and have bitched before because you’re one of the top scoring teams but you’re record doesn’t reflect it, here’s two point differentials for you to chew on for real NFL teams.

-41
-36

            The first point differential is for the Indianapolis Colts, who need two wins to wrap up a Wild Card spot. The second is for the Cleveland Browns, who’ve played their asses off all season but have consistently come up short. Buy stock in the 2013 Browns.

20. Miami Dolphins (5-7, projected finish 7-9)

            There’s way too much Ryan Tannehill involved to give me any optimism about the three-year outlook of the Dolphins. They’d be above .500 if Matt Moore was starting.

19. San Diego Chargers (4-8, projected finish 7-9)

            I’m still trying to figure out how I projected San Diego to win three of their last four games. This team mailed the season in a month ago.

18. Dallas Cowboys (6-6, projected finish 7-9)

            Jerry Jones needs to mail Sean Payton a blank check. It should be plain to see that Dallas is going nowhere with Jason Garrett at the helm.

17. New Orleans Saints (5-7, projected finish 7-9)

            As far as disorganized football teams go, the Saints have done pretty well for themselves.

16. St. Louis Rams (5-6-1, projected finish 7-8-1)

            The Rams are two or three offensive playmakers short of being a playoff team. Their haul from the pre-draft trade with the Redskins last spring should help that.

15. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (6-6, projected finish 8-8)

            Who would’ve thought that Tampa Bay would be the highest scoring team in the NFC through 12 games? Too bad they can’t play a lick of defense.

14. Baltimore Ravens (9-3, projected finish 9-7)

            At first glance, it would seem aggressive to predict that Baltimore will lose their last four games, but here’s the argument in bullet points.

-         Baltimore ranks 15^th in passing yardage, 23^rd in rushing, 23^rd in passing yards allowed, and 23^rd in rushing yards allowed.

-         Take away their Week 1 blowout of Cincinnati (remember they were honoring their recently deceased owner) and their Week 10 blowout of Oakland (remember, they are the Raiders), and Baltimore has been outscored by 5 points this season in their other ten games.

-         The replacement refs gift-wrapped a Week 3 win over the Patriots for them, Jason Garrett gift wrapped a Week 6 win over the Cowboys with horrendous clock management (stunner!), and Ray Rice had to convert a fourth and 29 for Baltimore to force overtime against an awful Chargers team.

-         The remaining schedule is @ Redskins (too banged up on defense to hang with RGIII), vs. Broncos (still playing for a first round bye), vs. Giants (will be playing to stay ahead of the Redskins), and vs. Bengals (if Cincinnati takes care of business, they should be battling Baltimore for the final wildcard spot in Week 17 on NBC’s “SUNDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL”. ALL RIGHT SUNDAY NIGHT WHERE ARE YOU…oops, sorry).

So you heard it here first, Baltimore loses out and misses the playoffs.

13. Washington Redskins (6-6, projected finish 9-7)

            The cool thing to do is to predict that Washington will overtake the Giants and take the NFC East, and the schedule looks favorable on paper, but remember the plucky Cleveland Browns. Washington travels there in Week 15, and that’s where the winning streak ends. Couple that with resurgence by the Giants (more on that later), and RGIII will have to wait until next year to make his playoff debut.

12. Indianapolis Colts (8-4, projected finish 10-6, #5 seed in the AFC)

            I can’t wait to bet on whoever the Colts play in the first round of the playoffs. Indy will lose by 17+.

11. Cincinnati Bengals (7-5, projected finish 10-6, #6 seed in the AFC)

            Here’s the other team I can’t wait to bet against.

10. San Francisco 49ers (8-3-1, projected finish 10-5-1, #6 seed in the NFC)

            San Francisco got a tough draw with back-to-back road dates at New England and Seattle. They need to win one or hope Seattle trips up somewhere else in order to secure the division. No Credentials doesn’t see that happening, meaning a road trip to the Giants.

9. Chicago Bears (8-4, projected finish 11-5, #5 seed in the NFC)

            Big props to Chicago attempting to reenact a 1970s style offense. Brandon Marshal has 61 more receptions than any one else on the team, and over 900 more receiving yards than anyone else. I can’t wait for them to get shut out at Seattle in the Wild Card Round.

8. Seattle Seahawks (7-5, projected finish 11-5, #4 seed in the NFC)

            Three games at home (where Seattle morphs into the ’85 Bears) and one road date at Buffalo make for a favorable finish.

7. New York Giants (7-5, projected finish 11-5, #3 seed in the NFC)

            I have New York slaughtering the Falcons in Atlanta Week 15. Don’t let a fluke loss at Washington fool you. The Giants will still be a scary team come January.

6. Pittsburgh Steelers (7-5, projected finish 11-5, #4 seed in the AFC)

            With only one road game left (at the pathetic Cowboys), Pittsburgh is poised to take advantage of a potential Baltimore collapse.

5. Denver Broncos (9-3, projected finish 12-4, #3 seed in the AFC)

            The Peyton Manning comeback has been a tremendous success, but in this model, it won’t end well with a forecasted second round clash against New England.

4. Green Bay Packers (8-4, projected finish 12-4, #2 seed in the NFC)

            A road game at Chicago is all that stands in the way between Green Bay securing a first round bye in the playoffs.

3. Atlanta Falcons (11-1, projected finish 13-3, #1 seed in the NFC)

            Atlanta should coast to the number one seed in the NFC, but that doesn’t mean they are a shoe-in to win a playoff game. At least in this model, they won’t have to play the Giants in the second round.

2. New England Patriots (9-3, projected finish 13-3, #2 seed in the AFC)

            Expect the Patriots to take a page out of the Green Bay Packers playbook when Aaron Rodgers hung six touchdowns on the Texans in Week 6.

1. Houston Texans (11-1, projected finish 14-2, #1 seed in the AFC)

            Houston might lose this Monday night at New England, but the rest of their schedule is favorable enough that they should still end up with home-field advantage. It would be a much different game if the Patriots had to travel to Houston for the AFC Championship Game.

10 Awesome Things That Happened This Past Weekend (11/30-12/2)

10. NBA Fines Spurs $250K For “Restgate”
            It’s relatively amusing that Danny Green, the youngest player that Greg Popovich sent home for last Thursday’s game in Miami, now is dealing with a pulled hamstring.

9. LA Galaxy Win Their Second Straight MLS Championship

            Roughly 23,000 people give a shit.

8. Northern Illinois Crashes BCS Party

            Congrats to the Mid-American Conference champions for earning the right to get blown out by 35 points against Florida State in the Sugar Bowl.

7. Denver Broncos Clinch the AFC West

            Not a lot of folks would’ve predicted that Denver would have a playoff spot wrapped up with four games to play in the regular season.

6. Michonne Kills the Governor’s Zombie Daughter, Than Stabs Him in the Eye With a Shard of Glass on “The Walking Dead”.

            That headline pretty much sums up the reason the mid-season finale made the list.

5. Sidney Rice Nearly Gets Head Torn Off While Scoring Game-Winning Touchdown

            For a guy who’s dealt with concussions throughout his career, this was a truly inspiring effort by Sidney Rice. Seattle appears to have a firm hold on the second wildcard spot in the NFC with three of their four remaining games at home. 
          
4. Orlando Magic Win First Game Against Dwight Howard
            Orlando won’t have a lot to get excited about this season (unless you’re a fan of watching Glen Davis drawing charges), so good for them for embarrassing their former franchise player Sunday night.

3. Charlie Batch Leads Stunning Steelers Comeback at Baltimore
            It’s a minor miracle that Charlie Batch is still employed by a NFL team, much less leading a fourth quarter rally against Pittsburgh’s most hated rival. If Ben Roethlisberger is leading the Steelers to a Super Bowl title in January, this is the game that will have started the run.

2. Alabama Wins Epic SEC Title Game, Earns BCS Championship Berth

            No Credentials predicts that Alabama will have a much easier time with Notre Dame than they did with Georgia.

1. Chiefs Win Despite Tragic Events a Day Earlier

            I can’t even get mad about Kansas City booting No Credentials out of the Sportsbook Survivor Pool (I had chosen Carolina Friday night) after what they overcame to win on Sunday.

Week 13 NFL Picks

            An amazing thing happened last week. No, we’re not talking about RGIII eviscerating the Cowboys (it’s going to suck playing him twice a year), The Ass Fumble (thanks go out to Rex Ryan for not benching the Sanchize yet, otherwise we wouldn’t have that wonderful highlight to watch over and over for years to come), or even Thanksgiving. No, it was something much more significant than that, something that clearly shows the Mayans are right and we all have only three weeks to live…

No Credentials went 14-1-1 picking the Week 12 games.

            It started with a rousing 3-0 run on Thanksgiving, which led to a luck-filled Sunday, culminating with the joy of picking against a shitty Eagles team. To put my good fortune in perspective (sorry if I’m bragging, but I’m pretty sure 14-1-1 will never, EVER, happen again), here are some fun facts.

-         Of the sixteen teams I picked to cover, only one of them didn’t win outright (Detroit, and by my count, they should’ve beaten Houston four different times). Fortunately, they still covered.

-         Denver was the only team I chose that lost against the spread, but they still were able to advance No Credentials in the Sportsbook $100K Survivor Pool, and I had them in a two-team teaser with the Bengals (dropping their line to 4.5), which also won.

-         Atlanta pushed (only beating Tampa by 1), but they redeemed themselves for me last night against New Orleans. Still can’t wait to bet on whoever they are playing against in the Divisional Round.

-         Sprinkling a little fantasy football in just for fun, my No Credentials Fantasy Football League team, which has been decimated by injuries (don’t feel too bad for me, I lost my mind and drafted both Vick and Roethlisberger. Should’ve known how that pair would turn out), had it’s season saved by Colin Kaepernick and Bryce Brown. To show how in the tank I am for Kaepernick, I was just able to correctly spell his name twice without even having to rely on spell check.

            I’d like to take more credit for my ridiculous week of prognostication, but I was half asleep when I made my Sunday/Monday picks after working a 6am-6pm shift on Black Friday. Even more egregious, I only made two wagers on NFL games (who’s winnings only made up for a foolish bet on the Trail Blazers earlier in the week). Thankfully, I didn’t have to work 12 hours today, but I will try to duplicate some of last week’s magic and simply list all of my picks. Home teams are in caps.

BEARS (-4) over Seahawks

PACKERS (-8) over Vikings

Rams (+7.5) over 49ERS

JETS (-4.5) over Cardinals

Panthers (-3) over CHIEFS

LIONS (-5) over Colts

Jaguars (+6) over BILLS

Patriots (-9) over DOLPHINS

Texans (-7) over TITANS

BRONCOS (-7) over Buccaneers

CHARGERS (+1.5) over Bengals

Browns (+2.5) over RAIDERS

RAVENS (-4) over Steelers

Eagles (+10.5) over COWBOYS

Giants (-2.5) over REDSKINS

 

Last Week = 14-1-1

Thursday = 1-0 (thanks Brees for out-sucking Matty Ice)
Season = 94-77-5

David Stern Can Go To Hell

     Get ready for a talking heads explosion on ESPN tomorrow. David Stern blasted Greg Popovich for resting the San Antonio Spurs' Big 3, saying that the Spurs would face significant . He sent Tim Duncan, Tony Parker, and Manu Ginobili home instead of bringing them to Miami. Popovich also didn't bring along Danny Green, who's led the team in minutes during the first month of the season. Tonight's game was the Spurs fourth in five nights, and their sixth road game in ten days.
     What exactly can David Stern fine the Spurs for? Good planning? Miami hadn't played a game since Saturday, so even the best effort from San Antonio would've likely resulted in a loss. Stern is just pissed because Popovich rested his stars during a nationally televised game on TNT. I look forward to seeing what rule the NBA commish makes up on the fly so he can penalize San Antonio.

10 Awesome Things That Happened This Weekend (11/22-11/25)

10. Auburn Fires Gene Chizik
            Apparently, a national championship only buys you two years of job security.

9. Detroit Lions Get Screwed

            If it is any consolation for Detroit fans, at least they covered the point spread.

8. The Bengals Get Revenge on Carson Palmer

            One could argue that Carson Palmer got what he deserved for bailing out on the Bengals last year.

7. Jaguars Show Life, Knock Off Tennessee

            Want to know why No Credentials gave a shit about this game? Gambling on the Jaguars money line, that’s why.

6. No Credentials Goes 13-1-1 With Week 12 Picks

            No Credentials career best picks weekend is another sure sign that the world is going to explode on December 21, 2012.

5. Ray Rice Converts a Fourth and 29

            Getting a first down on fourth and 29 is hard to do in Madden, much less real life.
          
4. San Francisco Dominates New Orleans
            Colin Kaepernick’s efforts to save my fantasy football team’s season were greatly appreciated.

3. Notre Dame Knocks Off USC, Earns BCS Championship Game Appearance
            Congratulations to the Fighting Irish for earning the right to get slaughtered by the SEC Champions in the BCS title game.

2. RGIII Lights Up Dallas, Redskins Hold On Late

            It looks like Robert Griffin III is going to be tormenting me for years to come.

1. Patriots Rack Up 35 Second Quarter Points, Humiliate Jets

            The Thanksgiving night loss was so catastrophic, Fireman Ed was pushed to retire.

Week 12 NFL Picks

            12 hours on my feet for Black Friday have led to a condensed list of my week 12 picks. Just know that I went 3-0 on Thanksgiving and incredibly, didn’t bet on any of the games.

BENGALS (-8.5) over Raiders

BROWNS (+1) over Steelers

COLTS (-3) over Bills

Broncos (-10.5) over CHIEFS

JAGUARS (+4) over Titans

Falcons (-1) over BUCCANEERS

BEARS (-6) over Vikings

DOLPHINS (+3) over Seahawks

Ravens (-1) over CHARGERS

49ers (-1) over SAINTS

Rams (+1.5) over CARDINALS

GIANTS (-3) over Packers

Panthers (-2.5) over EAGLES

 

Last Week = 6-8

Thanksgiving = 3-0 (a holiday miracle!)
Season = 80-76-4

What Romney and the GOP Really Could Have Done to Win the White House

            It’s been two weeks since President Barack Obama was reelected to a second term. Democrats rejoiced. Republicans feared the worst, complaining not only about the President but their own party. You can read any number of articles on the Internet about why Mitt Romney lost. Click here to read about there failed experiment with technology that left most of their volunteers in battle ground states without any direction on what to do. Republican’s failure to attract Latino voters is well documented (I won’t even bother posting a link to it, just type it into a Google search and you’ll get 9,000,000 different sites). However, I think most of the reasons offered by “experts” are too broad. It’s time someone named specific ways Mitt Romney could’ve generated a better result in the electoral vote, or at the very least, figure out how Republicans can generate more votes in future elections. No Credentials isn’t qualified to do it, but that hasn’t stopped us before.

Open a Wendy’s in the Mount Washington Valley

            It was all the way back in the fall of 2008 when Wendy’s was taken away from North Conway, NH (apparently, the FDA frowns upon letting employees deal drugs through the drive-thru window). If Mitt Romney opened a new Wendy’s in my backyard back in August, it may have made me think about which candidate I was going to vote for. Well, for at least half a second.

         

Create an Ad Campaign with Dora the Explorer

            This move probably wouldn’t pay off until about 2028, but it would help the GOP plant some seeds. For example, they could send their leading presidential candidate on the show to say something like, “Remember when we wanted to deport your uncle? Just kidding!”

End the NFL Referee Lockout Before the Start of the Season

            An idea that I first heard floated around by Bill Simmons and Cousin Sal on a podcast, this could’ve at least swung the popular vote. If Romney came out and hammered the NFL for their handling of the referee crisis, Americans that don’t have time for less important issues (economy, healthcare, military, abortion) would’ve been plugged in to the 2012 election.
 

Offer to Banish the Tea Party to an Island in the South Pacific

            Ultimately, Romney breaking his back to impress the ultra-conservative members of his party was what cost him the trust of moderate undecided voters. Offering to ship folks that still want to live like it’s 1952 far away from the United States would go along way in bringing the independents to the Republican side.

Develop Technology to Stop Hurricanes

            Not to make light of Superstorm Sandy, but it’s fair to say that the timing of the storm couldn’t of been worse for the Romney campaign. It was hard to bash President Obama at campaign stops when New Jersey’s Republican governor was praising the president for his swift decisions in establishing recovery efforts (may or may not have something to do with Obama handling Sandy the exact opposite way that George W. handled Hurricane Katrina, but I digress). People got to see the President in action, while ol’ Mitt was stuck claiming he’d create seven million jobs out of thin air. What if shortly before Sandy made landfall, Romney busted onto the scene and did this…

 

            Who’s not going to vote for a guy that can stop a fucking hurricane? It would’ve been like electing Storm from X-Men with the added talent of flip-flopping on abortion.

Figure Out a Way to Compete in California

            Ceding California’s 53 electoral votes every four years is the equivalent of starting a football game down 14-0 before your offense gets a chance to hit the field. Unfortunately for the GOP, Republicans are a dying breed in America’s most populated state.

Hire Someone Other Than Karl Rove to Raise Money

            Actually, I take that back. Rove melting down on live television was the highlight of election night. We were lacking some serious entertainment without the involvement of Sarah Palin, so Rove’s performance was some much-needed comic relief.

 

           

            So there you have it. I’d like to give a shout out to Colin Tuttle, friend of the blog and graphic arts extrodianaire, for providing the pictures, even despite his best friend blowing the election. Here’s a picture of Colin with his pal Romney taken on the campaign trail.

 

 

 

 

10 Awesome Things That Happened This Past Weekend (11/16-11/18)

10. Toronto Blue Jays Ink Melky Cabrera to a $16 Million Deal
            Because you know, when you get the chance to sign an admitted juicer who will probably hit .260 now that he’s clean, you have to do it. Kudos to Toronto though for going bonkers and spending a bunch of cash this off-season. 

9. Ricky Stenhouse Jr. Wins Second Straight Nationwide Series Championship

            It sucks to lose Matt Kenseth, but Jack Roush couldn’t ask for a better replacement than Stenhouse. In four years, we could be talking about him as the next Brad Keselowski.

8. GSP Returns

            It wasn’t Georges St-Pierre’s most impressive performance, but at least the potential super-fight with Anderson Silva is still a possibility.

7. Houston Texans Win 43-37 Shoot-Out Over Jacksonville

            A suprisingly entertaining game who’s boxscore looks like it was produced by two junior high kids playing Madden. For Jagaurs fans, at least they could see that Justin Blackmon can play when he has someone other than Blaine Gabbert throwing him the ball.

6. Ravens Win a Slugfest in Pittsburgh

            It wasn’t pretty, but thanks to Jacoby Jones punt return, Baltimore has a two game cushion in the AFC North.

5. Patriots Put Up 59 Points

            Throwing some water on the Andrew Luck Love-Fest was a welcome event for Patriots’ fans, but unfortunately they paid a price for it. Rob Gronkowski had surgery today on his broken forearm.
          
4. #2 Oregon Loses in Overtime to Stanford
3. #1 Kansas State Pummeled by Baylor
            What did these two shocking upsets result in? That’s right, another event that proves the Mayans could be right about the world exploding next month…Notre Dame is the #1 team in the country.

2. Dallas Cowboys Rally, Defeat Cleveland in Overtime, Keep No Credentials Alive in the Sportsbook.com $100K Survivor Pool

            I’m glad I was working during this game, because I’m pretty sure I would’ve had a minor cardiac event if I was able to follow it live. Thankfully, I won’t be able to pick them the rest of the season.

1. Brad Keselowski Wins the 2012 Sprint Cup, Then Gets Wasted

            Keselowski is the first Sprint/Winston Cup Champion who’s post-race celebration included chugging Miller Lite out of a 128-ounce glass while being interviewed on Sportscenter.