Monday, January 30, 2012

10 Awesome Things That Happened This Past Weekend (1/27-1/29)

10. Agent Reveals That Sidney Crosby Had a Serious Neck Injury
            I’d be a little discouraged (actually scratch that, terrified) if I was a member of the Penguins and knew that the team doctors somehow missed a fracture of the C1 and C2 vertebrae.

9. Tiger Finishes Third After Being Tied For the Lead Through 54 Holes
            It was discouraging to see a journeyman outplay Tiger in the final round, but a top-3 finish isn’t a bad way for Woods to start the year. He starts his first event in the U.S. in ten days at Pebble Beach.

8. Rashad Evans Dominates Phil Davis
            The lesson that one can take from this fight is to never bet on the guy who is wearing pink shorts.

7. Everton and Landon Donovan Defeat Fulham and Clint Dempsey
            It’s pretty cool that the top two American players were on opposite sides in the FA Cup Friday night.

6. Mavericks Nearly Choke, Somehow Defeat San Antonio
            Pretty scary for Dallas that the last 51 points for the Spurs were scored by their bench. Dirk may have returned, but all is not well for Mark Cuban and the Mavericks.

5. Fourteen Year Old Girl Wins a Pro Golf Tournament
            About the only things I was pretty good at when I was fourteen was Madden and developing pimples. Needless to say, Kydia Ko has a little more to brag about.

4. Team Chara Beats Team Alfredsson in NHL All-Star Game
            I loved the NHL’s fantasy draft to form the all-star teams last season. For whatever reason, the gimmick didn’t get me going in year 2. Pushing negativity aside, it was still a fun game to watch (assuming you have no interest in defensive hockey). I wouldn’t be doing my job if I didn’t mention that a member of The Greatest Fantasy Hockey Team That Probably Won’t Win a Championship, Marian Gaborik, was the game’s MVP.

3. Lebron James Jumps Over John Lucas



            What was worse for Lucas, Lebron dunking over him, or Lebron admitting after the game that he didn’t even see Lucas while he was in the air?

2. Derrick Rose Bricks Two Free Throws, Miami Escapes
            Rose will take the heat (pun intended) for this loss, but Chicago should be happy they had a chance to win without Luol Deng.

1. Djokovic Outlasts Nadal, Wins Longest Grand Slam Final Ever 
            I have six words that will explain how a tennis match reached the number one spot on one of these lists for the first time…five hours and fifty-three fucking minutes.                                                                                      


Saturday, January 28, 2012

The Greatest Fantasy Hockey Team That Probably Won't Win a Championship

            I’ve never publicly declared that one of my fantasy teams is vastly superior to the other squads in the league. Believe it or not, I’m usually not pompous enough to do that. I wanted to make a Namath-esque guaruantee with my baseball keeper league team last season, but didn’t want to jinx it. However, one of my two hockey teams this year is loaded enough to handle the pressure of a No Credentials guaruantee.
            My club is in a 10-team head-to-head re-draft league (spit that out three times) that I’ve been participating in since the 2007-08 season. Because I was 21 at the time, I decided it would be fitting to name my team Dogfight. This was right when the Vick scandal was huge, and I was also fixated on making a team name that didn’t end with an “s”. My first team won the title (thanks to an infamous “drunk Joe Thornton trade” that maybe someday I’ll share with the public, assuming I can get permission from the person I made the trade with), so it’s been named Dogfight ever since.
             This year’s edition is the most loaded hockey team I’ve ever assembled. To have a team worthy of making a “unless something really fucked up happens, my team should win” type claim, I have one simple requirement… If you plugged your fantasy roster into the newest video game for whatever sport you’re playing, would your team be so dominant that friends would ban you from using it in games? The following breakdown of my team will make the case that Dogfight is such a team.

Line 1

LW = James Neal, Penguins (Season Rank 2, Average Game Rank 3), drafted in the fourteenth round
C = Steven Stamkos, Lightning (Season Rank 12, Average Game Rank 11), acquired via trade
RW = Evgeni Malkin, Penguins (Season Rank 1, Average Game Rank 2), drafted in the second round
            Malkin was tabbed to be the team captain before the season, and has been everything Dogfight could’ve asked for. However, he’s too busy making fun of Sidney Crosby to make inspiring team speeches.
            “College freshmen have bounced my skull off of headboards harder than that hit Crosby took in the Winter Classic last year,” Malkin says of his real-life teammate, “What a pussy.”
            James Neal isn’t more talented than any of the players on the next two lines, but his chemistry with Malkin is what has vaulted him to the number 2 ranking in Yahoo fantasy. Stamkos is my prized mid-season acquisition. Dogfight gave up four dudes to get him (including the breakout performer of the year, Maple Leafs winger Joffrey Lupul), but Stamkos knack for tickling the twine was well worth the cost of acquiring him.

Line 2
LW = Taylor Hall, Oilers (Season Rank 80, Average Game Rank 31), drafted in the tenth round
C = Henrik Sedin, Canucks (Season Rank 19, Average Game Rank 30), acquired via trade
RW = Marian Gaborik, Rangers (Season Rank 31, Average Game Rank 35), acquired via trade
            It would be more accurate to call this group “Line 1B”. Henrik Sedin is the ultimate facilitator, and an elite goal scorer like Gaborik was built to play with him. I think I offered Hall in 20 different trades, but fortunately for me no one else in my league realizes how good he is.

Line 3
LW = Dany Heatley, Wild (Season Rank 72, Average Game Rank 102), drafted in the sixth round
C = Patrick Marleau, Sharks (Season Rank 50, Average Game Rank 44), drafted in the fourth round
RW = Kris Versteeg, Panthers (Season Rank 30, Average Game Rank 34), picked up off the waiver wire
            Line 3 is the wildcard unit of this team. All three guys are capable of getting red-hot and carrying the team for five game stretches. They are also all equally capable of falling into ten-game slumps. In a video game, they’d run roughshod over opposing team’s third lines. 

Line 4
LW = David Perron, Blues (Season Rank 435, Average Game Rank 134), acquired via trade
C = Adam Henrique, Devils (Season Rank 178, Average Game Rank 177), picked up off the waiver wire
RW = Danny Cleary, Red Wings (Season Rank 163, Average Game Rank 210), picked up off the waiver wire
            These guys don’t do much, other than making sure Evgeni Malkin has enough condoms for the team’s west coast trips.

Defenseman
Duncan Keith, Blackhawks (Season Rank 109, Average Game Rank 145), drafted in the seventh round
Brent Burns, Sharks (Season Rank 173, Average Game Rank 174), drafted in the ninth round
Tobias Enstrom, Jets (Season Rank 404, Average Game Rank 185), picked up off the waiver wire  
Mark Streit, Islanders (Season Rank 311, Average Game Rank 191), acquired via trade
            The blue-line is admittedly the weak link of Dogfight, but with the top three lines possessing the puck most of the game, who needs defense anyway?

The Goalies
Henrik Lundqvist, Rangers (Season Rank 4), drafted in the first round
Jimmy Howard, Red Wings (Season Rank 8), drafted in the fifth round
            Shoddy defense is all right when you have these two guys in net. I’ve never gone with just two goalies in fantasy hockey (I’m typically a quantity over quality kind of guy, at least in terms of my fantasy goalies), but in a league where you only need three starts per week, rolling with two isn’t a bad plan. It doesn’t hurt that I ended up with two of the top-3 net minders in terms of Yahoo rank. I punt saves almost every week, but am still rock solid with the other four categories.

The IR Spot Guy
Sidney Crosby, Penguins
            Ever since Angels infielder Howie Kendrick spent the majority of the 2008 season hogging up the DL spot on my championship winning team, I’ve always made sure to keep one crippled guy on my roster. Sidney Crosby just got dropped in this league, so he seemed like an upgrade from Andrei Markov.

            So there you have it. My team is built to destroy. I can’t wait to find out how it will somehow finish in fourth place.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

The Worst Long-Term Contract of the MLB Offseason

     I like Prince Fielder. He was a key part of my keeper league team last year, and I'm definitly keeping him for a second year this season (unless I'm heavily intoxicated when I submit my keepers and decide to gamble on Eric Hosmer). I'll grant you that Fielder and Miguel Cabrera hitting back to back is terryifying, but the other side of the diamond plus the final five years of the contract are what make Detroit's newest acquisition such a foolish one.
     Fielder was signed for 9 years at $213 million. He's going to be 28 years old this May. That means when he is 37, the Tigers will be paying him $23.5 million. One just has to look at the career track of Ryan Howard, Mo Vaughn, and Jim Thome to see what Detroit will be paying for once Fielder hits his mid-30s.
     Defensivly is where this deal will hurt in the short-term. Unless Cabrera and Fielder get comfortable sharing both first base and the DH spot, Miguel is going to spend a fair amount of time at third base. In Cabrera's last two seasons with Floriday, he committed 40 errors at third. In 14 games there for the Tigers in 2008, Cabrera committed 5 (that would put him on a pace for roughly 50 if he played the whole season there). That was four years ago. It's asking too much to expect Cabrera to be able to handle the hot corner at even a sub-par level. It's more than likely going to be a disaster on the level of former Mets catcher Todd Hundley trying to convert to the outfield about fifteen years ago (anyone else remember that? Those were some great Sportscenter highlights, espeically after they showed Chuck Knoblauch chucking the ball 20 feet over Tino Martinez' head).
     Those previous two paragraphs are the reason I am nominating Prince Fielder as the 2012 winner of "No Credentials Worst Long-Term Contract of the MLB Offseason". He joins Nationals outfielder Jayson Werth as the second winner of this award.

Monday, January 23, 2012

10 Awesome Things That Happened This Past Weekend (1/20-1/22)

PROGRAMMING ALERT: No Credentials was on the road all day Friday and Saturday, so we kept original analysis really short. Hopefully real life events will allow us to be back to our usual word count next week.

10. Ryan Braun Accepts NL MVP Award
            I’ll say this for Braun…it took some major onions to get up in front of a crowd of sports writers and make a speech. Most guys facing steroid allegations duck events like this. I want to believe him when he says his positive test was a mistake, but unfortunately the past 20 years of baseball history make it difficult to do so.

9. Dale Inman
8. Glen Wood
7. Richie Evans
6. Cale Yarborough
5. And Darrell Waltrip Inducted Into 2012 NASCAR Hall of Fame
            For further info on this list of inductees, read this fabulous column by ESPN’s Ed Hinton.

4. Bruins Outlast Flyers
            I didn’t watch a second of this game (good job by the NHL for starting this game at the exact same time as the AFC Championship Game. That’s a good way to get viewers), but any time two clubs combine for 75 shots it’s list worthy.

3. Joe Paterno Passes Away
            Death isn’t awesome, but the fact that events other than Paterno’s failure to report Jerry Sandusky have been discussed is.

2. 49ers Punt Returner Kyle Williams MVP of NFC Championship Game for New York Giants
            It’s obvious that Williams was the reason the 49ers lost, but seriously folks, we need to lay off making death threats to the guy on Twitter. Stay classy San Francisco.

1. Billy Cundiff Chokes, Hands New England AFC Championship   
            If I were Billy Cundiff, I would be blaming Steven Tyler’s awful rendition of “The National Anthem” as the reason I shanked the game tying field goal attempt.                                                                                         

Sunday, January 22, 2012

NFL Conference Championship Game Picks

I was on the road this weekend, so here's some better late than never picks.

Ravens (+7) over PATRIOTS
Giants (-2) over 49ERS

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Life-Plan for the Celtics

            I’ve always been willing to offer people “life plans”. For example, to a foreign student who was looking to stay here in the United States beyond the date of her work visa, I strongly suggested that she find a man who is in the armed forces and marry him. To make a long story short, I’m full of good ideas. Tonight I’d like to propose a pipe-dream plan for how the Boston Celtics should handle their roster before the start of the 2012-13 season. Here’s what GM Danny Ainge and company need to do.

1. Realize You’re Not Winning a Championship This Year
            Even if they get the ship righted and begin playing competitive basketball again, Boston would at best be the sixth best team in the Eastern Conference. Boston's chances of winning a title are about as good as Katy Perry's chances of acing a calculus exam. Ainge has to see that it’s time to try to get this team better in 3-5 years, not right now. Once that’s realized, here’s the first move…

2. Shop Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen at the Trade Deadline
            Both players are in the year of their contracts, so they would be low-risk rentals for whoever acquired them. Garnett especially would provide tons of cap relief for whoever acquired them. If Boston got any kind of package of young players or draft picks for either Garnett or Allen, they should jump on it.

3. Ban Paul Pierce From Eating Fast Food
            I know Pierce dealt with a heel injury before the start of the season, but did that heel prevent him from lifting weights? Paul looks like he should be starting at right guard for the Patriots instead of small forward for the Celtics.

4. Lock Rondo In A Gym For the Entire Summer Until He’s a Consistent 70% or Better Free Throw Shooter
            It’s okay if you’re best player is an abysmal free throw shooter if he’s playing center or power forward. It’s a totally different story when it’s a point guard who’s responsible for the majority of the ball handling. Rondo doesn’t need to hit 3-pointers (look at the Spurs’ Tony Parker for proof of that), but improved free-throw shooting will go along way in giving Rondo the confidence to drive into the lane.

5. Set the Roster Up For a Shot at a Quality Lottery Pick For the 2013 Draft
            Due to the aging roster, Boston is not high on the list for potential free agents. The Celtics will have all sorts of cap-space this summer with Garnett, Allen, and Jermaine O’Neal (‘s dead body) coming off the books, but there’s no chance that Dwight Howard signs with them. When elite-free agents aren’t willing to take your money, the only thing to do is tank and hope for a top-draft pick. The worst thing you can be in the NBA is a .500 team, which is what Boston will be if they continue riding the Big 4.

Monday, January 16, 2012

10 Awesome Things That Happened This Past Weekend (1/13-1/15)


10. Lebron James Can “Relate” to Tim Tebow
            This was one of the weirdest news stories on ESPN, as other than being endorsed by Nike and being overtly scrutinized by the media, I couldn’t think of two more dissimilar individuals than Lebron and Tebow.

9. Derrick Rose Obliterates Rajon Rondo
            The box score doesn’t really indicate this, but anyone who watched the fourth quarter would agree that Rose was the superior player Friday night.

8. Jeff Fisher Becomes Rams Head Coach
            Fisher is pretty crazy for picking the Rams over Miami, but perhaps he’s planning on righting off his coaching salary as a charitable donation.

7. Nuggets Hammer Heat, Hand Miami Third Straight Loss
            After a fast start, the wheels have come off a bit in Miami. Lebron is choking in the fourth quarter on a regular basis (again), Dwyane Wade is beat up almost as bad as the guy on the “Operation!” game board, and in case you forgot, they still don’t have an NBA caliber center. If you had to rank teams in the Eastern Conference, Chicago would clearly be tops right now.

6. Ravens Win Ugly Over Texans
            Was Baltimore pulling a Milton Berle against Houston and saving themselves for the Patriots, or does Joe Flacco just stink?

5. Clippers Win Battle of L.A., Part I
            Kobe did his best to keep it interesting with a 21-point third quarter, but Chris Paul was too much for Derek Fisher’s corpse to guard.

4. Yankees Trade Jesus Montero to Mariners For Michael Pineda
            I like this trade for one reason…it took both sides having some onions in order to make this swap. Both players have the potential to be perennial all-stars. If one doesn’t live up to expectations, we could be talking in fifteen years about how this was one of the most one-sided trade in history. Short-term this is a major upgrade for the Yankees, but long-term I can see Montero proving to be the most valuable asset. Pitchers are always one pitch away from Tommy John surgery, so despite the small major-league sample size of stats, I think Montero is the safer bet.

3. Giants Destroy Packers
            Ironically, there hadn’t been a bigger gag by a team generally picked by most to make the Super Bowl in the NFL playoffs since the 2008-09 Giants choked at home against the Eagles. Teams with first round byes need to revisit the whole “rest our starters in week 17 so they can get two full weeks off” strategy after Green Bay’s sloppy performance.

2. Patriots Hammer Broncos
            I think it’s safe to say that God didn’t show up Saturday night for the Broncos.

1. Vernon Davis Pulls Reenactment of T.O. in 1999, Shocks Saints        
            It’s hard to score four touchdowns in four minutes in a game of Madden, much less have two teams combine to do it in the final four minutes of a playoff game. Even if the 49ers flame out against the Giants next Sunday, good for Alex Smith to have at least one defining moment of his NFL career.

Friday, January 13, 2012

Saturday NFL Divisional Round Picks

Saints (-4) over 49ERS
            Never before has a weather forecast so dramatically influenced a No Credentials pick. Possible record high temperatures, sunshine, and minimal wind make this the Saints’ game to lose.

New Orleans 31, San Francisco 17

PATRIOTS (-13.5) over Broncos

            Tom Tom Brady, Tom Tom Brady.

New England 42, Denver 17


Monday, January 9, 2012

10 Awesome Things That Happened This Past Weekend (1/6-1/8)

10. Buccaneers Schedule Interview With Brad Childress
            Just in case you guys forgot about how incompetent Brad Childress was as a head coach for the Vikings, here’s a link to the second post ever made by No Credentials.

9. Magic Beat Kings By Seven
            This is a result that I expect none of you to care about, but No Credentials needed some good news after all the money we lost on the Steelers. Thanks to Orlando for covering the spread by half a point.

8. Chiefs Remove Interim Tag From Head Coach Romeo Crennel
            I always thought Romeo got a bad rap in Cleveland, so I’m happy to see the former Pats defensive coordinator get a second chance in Kansas City.

7. Giants Destroy Pathetic Falcons
            A fifth grader challenged me to a game of Madden the other day. While I beat him easily (no mercy from me when it comes to Madden), his play calling was much more logical than what Atlanta was running. How do you run the same quarterback sneak on two fourth and ones and get stuffed twice? Remind me to never pick the Falcons in a playoff game again.

6. New England Patriots re-hire Josh McDaniels
            Two sets of kudos need to be given out here. One goes to the New England Patriots. Bill Belichick has been known as a guy that holds grudges, and usually doesn’t get along with former assistants who have left the nest (remember Eric Mangini?). Big ups to him for bringing a guy back who once did eight hundred celebratory fist pumps after beating the Patriots in 2009. The second set goes to McDaniels, who was willing to put his ego aside and return to his old job. Expect McDaniels to rebuild his stock within two years and earn another head coaching gig.

5. Jarome Iginla Scores Goal #500
            Jarome Iginla has been the captain or co-captain of my fantasy hockey teams four of the last five seasons, so I’m happy for Iggy to reach this milestone. Now we just need to give him the Ray Bourque treatment and ship him to a contender.

4. Yankees Posada Retires
            I always thought Posada was a douche bag, so if you want to read nice things about him, check out this post by ESPN’s Wallace Matthews.

3. Texans Clobber Bengals
            It would be really easy to get excited about Houston after the thumping they delivered to Cincinnati Saturday, but I do see them giving Joe Flacco some trouble next Saturday. 

2. Saints Explode in Second Half, Outlast Lions
            If your on the 49ers, you better be praying for 25 mph winds and rain this coming Saturday. It’s going to take some help from Mother Nature to slow down the Saints attack.

1. Tebow, Powered By God, Shocks Steelers in Overtime
            Denver’s offensive game plan was one of the best I’ve ever seen by a team that is a significant underdog. They knew Tebow wouldn’t complete a high percentage of passes, but they made sure the plays they did hit would go for big yardage. The 80-yard touchdown in overtime will probably go down as one of the best sports moments of 2012.




Sunday, January 8, 2012

NHL Mid-Season Rankings

            Here’s a list that basically ranks which team is most likely to win the Stanley Cup as of this very moment (11:30pm Sunday night to be exact). It’s not necessarily indicative of where a team’s rank is based on points. Feel free to agree or disagree in the comments section below this list.

30. Columbus Blue Jackets
            I’m not sure how a team was able to put together a roster that had literally one trade-able asset (LW/RW Rick Nash), but Columbus has done it. The only thing that could save this sorry franchise is contraction.

29. Anaheim Ducks
            There are college teams with better defensemen than what Anaheim is trotting out onto the ice every night. I have goalie Jonas Hiller on one of my fantasy teams, and it’s a minor miracle if he faces less than 30 shots in a given night.  

28. Carolina Hurricanes
            Carolina is the Eastern Conference version of the Ducks. I have Cam Ward on the same team as Hiller, so I typed that previous sentence with confidence.

27. New York Islanders
            I was going to make a bunch of jokes about Rick DiPietro and how he’s on year eight of his thirty-four year contract, but then I remembered that he was from Maine. 

26. Calgary Flames
            Jarome Iginla has only one year left on his contract after this season. Someone needs to man up and set Iggy up with a Ray Bourque type opportunity to win a Stanley Cup.

(EDITORS NOTE: I think I’ve drafted Iginla onto a fantasy hockey team four of the last five years or something. I love the guy. He was co-captain of my 2007-08 championship winning team, and I’ve had a soft spot for him ever sense. Has he lost a step? Sure, but if you paired him with a top-flight center, Iginla still has the ability to dominate a game. It doesn’t make sense for the Bruins to make a run at him, but maybe a dark horse team like Florida or Los Angeles can pull the trigger on a deal)

25. Tampa Bay Lightning
            The Golden State Warriors of the NHL. Steven Stamkos and company can light the lamp, but it’s hard to win when you score five goals if your goalies give up six.

24. Montreal Canadiens
            Poor Carey Price can’t buy a break. When the team was good, Price was a liability. Now that he’s matured into a legitimate top-flight goaltender, his team sucks.

23. Edmonton Oilers
            Do you realize that Ryan Nugent-Hopkins was born in 1993? I remember shit that happened in 1993. I’m getting old.

22. Phoenix Coyotes
            Somehow Team Bankruptcy has remained sort of relevant even after trading Ilya Bryzgalov away. I hope someday we move this team to a place (Quebec or Hartford?) where fans will actually give a crap about it. The players on this team have given it all for three years running now, and deserve better fan support.

21. Colorado Avalanche
            Colorado needs to get goalie Semyon Varlamov going. They surrendered a first round pick to Washington for him (a pick which has a good chance of being in the top-10), and if they don’t establish Varlamov as their franchise net minder, they will have set the franchise back at least two years.

20. Winnipeg Jets
            I don’t think Winnipeg will sneak into the playoffs (they are too poor on the road), but there’s a few things to be excited about. I’ll list them because I enjoy lists immensely.

  1. Ondrej Pavelec isn’t the most consistent goalie, but when he’s on, good luck getting a puck past him. If Winnipeg can improve their roster over the next three years, expect Pavelec’s development to mirror the Jets’ improvements.
  2. Evander Kane has arrived. He’s on pace for close to 40 goals, looks all the world like the second coming of Jarome Iginla, and he’s not even legally allowed to drink alcohol in the United States.
  3. This team is finally playing in front of an enthusiastic home crowd. Winnipeg would probably be as bad as Anaheim or Carolina if it weren’t for their awesome home-ice advantage. Kudos to the fans for coming out to support this very young team.

19. Buffalo Sabres
            Buffalo is kind of like the fat-free version of the Boston Bruins, which is a problem when you are in the same division as the Bruins and you get your ass kicked by them on a semi-regular basis. The Sabres could desperately use a goal scorer to help Thomas Vanek. It’s a shame they couldn’t extract the “NHLPA ’93” version of Alexander Mogilny and put him on the ice.

(RANT ALERT: Jeremy Roenick rightfully gets most of the love in regards to best video game hockey player of all time, but one can’t forget the exploits of Mogilny on those Sabres teams. Mogilny couldn’t play a lick of defense, but could skate from one end of the ice to the other in approximately 1.6 seconds. He was even more devastating on the offensive end than players like Jaromir Jagr or Wayne Gretzky)

18. Ottawa Senators
            Ottawa is currently inside the top 8 in the East, but expect shoddy goaltending to eventually catch up with them. Senators’ fans have to be pumped about the development of defenseman Erik Karlsson. He’s on pace to post 74 points from the blue-line at the age of 21.

17. Dallas Stars
            Here’s another team that played way over it’s head in the first half of the season, and is now slowly slipping out of playoff contention. Improving the team across the board up the middle of the ice (center, defense, and goalie) is imperative for the Stars to return to glory.

16. New Jersey Devils
            Die-hard Devils fans (like Elaine’s on-again off-again boyfriend Puddy) would be quick to point out that New Jersey is fifth in the Eastern Conference (as of Sunday), and should be much higher on this list. However, New Jersey has been bailed out this season by the shootout. The Devils have eight shootout wins, which is four more than any team in the Eastern Conference. That translates to eight extra points (you earn one point for an overtime loss, two for a shoot-out win). New Jersey has only won 15 games in regulation or regular overtime, which is one more than the pathetic Hurricanes. New Jersey might sneak into the playoffs, but look for them to get their doors blown off by whoever they are playing.

15. Los Angeles Kings
            Los Angeles has given up the sixth fewest goals in the NHL, but unfortunately has the least amount of goals scored of any team in the league. The Kings have arguably one of the most valuable trade chips in the league (back-up goalie Jonathan Bernier, who is blocked from a full-time gig by Jonathan Quick), so perhaps L.A. will pull the trigger and add a top-flight winger to pair with Anze Kopitar.

14. Minnesota Wild
            A 1-7-2 run the last 10 games has dropped Minnesota from first to seventh in the western conference. The Wild are another team that could use some more firepower, but would be wise not to part with valuable young assets in a foolish attempt to win a Stanley Cup.

13. Nashville Predators
            Minus the part about the 1-7-2 record, you could repeat the same paragraph I wrote for the Wild in regards to Nashville. Nashville does have tremendous depth on defense (in both the NHL and their minor league club), so it would be more reasonable for them to make a move to acquire more scoring.

12. Florida Panthers
            Florida’s emergence this season has been the most shocking so far of any team in the Eastern Conference. Before getting injured, Jose Theodore was a stabilizing presence in net, while free agent acquisition Kris Versteeg has helped give the Panthers a dynamite first line. The Panthers have tons of young assets both in the AHL and at the junior levels, so the future will only get brighter for Florida.

11. Toronto Maple Leafs
            Toronto can both score a bunch, and get scored on a bunch. Better goaltending is the only difference between them and a team like Tampa Bay. GM Brian Burke is never afraid to make a deal, so don’t be shocked if the Maple Leafs make a huge splash before the trade deadline.

10. Washington Capitals
            Washington is tenth in the East right now, so ranking them tenth in these power rankings is pretty aggressive. However, they are only four points out of first in their own division, and seem to be slowly righting the ship under new coach Dale Hunter. Don’t be shocked if the team ships disgruntled winger Alexander Semin out of town.

9. St. Louis Blues
            The best dark horse candidate to win the Stanley Cup this year. St. Louis is second in the Western Conference right now despite having a 0-5 record in shoot-outs. Brian Elliott has been playing out of his mind since the start of the season, and if he sputters, former Canadiens playoff hero Jaroslav Halak is there to step in. St. Louis doesn’t have any top-flight scorers, but has enough offensive depth to consistently put pressure on the opposing goalies. It’s fair to say that the Blues are a homeless man’s version of the Boston Bruins. If David Perron gives St. Louis a big second half, he could have a Tyler Seguin-like impact the rest of the way.

8. Pittsburgh Penguins
            Sure they’ve lost four straight. They are again without Sidney Crosby, who’s been dealing with the longest headache in NHL history. Pittsburgh will right the ship behind Evgeni Malkin in time for the playoffs. They’ll probably finish anywhere between fourth and eighth in the East, but they will not be a fun first-round opponent for anyone.

7. Philadelphia Flyers
            Philly has quietly dealt with a ton of adversity this season, but has finally found a groove since losing Chris Pronger for the season. Ilya Bryzgalov is the first stud goalie this team has had since the days of Ron Hextall. If their offense is intact going into the playoffs, Philadelphia could pose the greatest threat to the Boston Bruins in the East.

6. Chicago Blackhawks
            Chicago is the highest-ranking club on the list that doesn’t have a top-flight goalie. It looks like the Blackhawks are willing to let Corey Crawford try to regain his form of a year ago, but I wouldn’t be surprised if they make a play for Evgeni Nabokov.

5. San Jose Sharks
            It’s easy to forget about the Sharks (mostly because they usually fold like a tent in the playoffs), but this edition of the Sharks is much more dedicated on the defensive end. That’s normally a good formula to follow come April and May.

4. New York Rangers
            Brad Richards may not be having the best statistical season of any free agent signing from last summer, but he has delivered the goods for the Rangers. His presence has allowed the Rangers to throw two potent lines out on the ice (Richards and Marion Gaborik don’t play together unless the Rangers have a power play). Goalie Henrik Lundqvist has done a masterful job of holding the fort while New York awaits the return of defenseman Mark Staal.

3. Detroit Red Wings
            The Red Wings have been uncharacteristically bad on the road this season, but still possess as much offensive depth as any team in the western conference. Jimmy Howard has taken two steps forward after a down year last season, and Nicklas Lidstrom has managed to squeeze out one more quality season.   

2. Boston Bruins
            Before I get flooded with hateful messages, I’ll let my readers know that Boston was penciled in to the number one spot on this list before they lost to the Canucks yesterday. I fully expected the Bruins to regress this season, and be lucky to have a seed better than sixth in the East. However, they have fully overcome the Stanley Cup hangover and have been clobbering teams left and right. The emergence of Tyler Seguin gives Boston an A-quality player that looks to be the face of the franchise for years to come. Even more importantly, Boston has the best back-up goalie in the NHL. Tuukka Rask could probably start on a regular basis for more than half the league. It will be fun seeing a team try to knock the Bruins off in a seven-game series. Boston is so deep offensively, with three lines that can score consistently, and defensively, that it will be hard for a team not to wear down against them. Unless they run into a hot goalie, it will be hard for the Bruins not to make it to the Stanley Cup Finals again.

1. Vancouver Canucks
            After a rocky start, the Canucks are firing on all cylinders. Roberto Luongo is showing no signs of the funk that led to him riding the pine for a stretch during the first month of the season. Ryan Kesler shook the rust off after off-season surgery, and as always, the Sedin twins are laying claim to the title of best pair of athletic twins in sports history. Much like Boston, Vancouver also has enough faith in backup goalie Cory Schneider that they can feel comfortable if Luongo were to suffer an injury. It’s boring to pick last years Stanley Cup Finals participants as the top two teams right now, but that’s where things look like they are going this season.

NFL Wildcard Sunday Picks

Falcons (+3) over GIANTS
            People are a little too excited about the Giants. This is a team that just three weeks ago got blown out at home by the Redskins. Two wins over two sinking ships (the Jets and Cowboys) aren’t enough to convince me that the Giants are poised to make a 2007-08 type run. I’m not crazy about the Falcons, but this game will be more about Eli and the G-Men coming up short than Atlanta dominating.

Atlanta 24, New York 20

Steelers (-9) over BRONCOS
            Unless Tom Brady is your quarterback, fairy tales don’t come true in the NFL Playoffs.

Pittsburgh 16, Denver 3

Friday, January 6, 2012

NFL Wildcard Saturday Picks

TEXANS (-4) over Bengals
            I’m proud to announce that I won’t be wagering any money on this game (as of 11pm Friday evening anyway). This pick is more about the Texans defense and running game as opposed to any faith in T.J. Yates. Don’t expect to see a very exciting game Saturday afternoon.

Houston 17, Cincinnati 7


SAINTS (-10.5) over Lions

            If Detroit couldn’t stop Green Bay’s backup quarterback on grass, what are they going to do against Drew Brees on turf? It’s great to see the Lions in the playoffs, but they are at least a year away from serious Super Bowl contention.
 
New Orleans 45, Detroit 24

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

No Credentials Mailbag 1-4-12

            The following message hit my Facebook inbox the other day from No Credentials biggest mailbag star, Ryan B.

            Do you need some help carrying that fucking mail bag? Don’t even give me that “holiday” bullshit. Suck it up and drive on…

             If I understand that message correctly, I guess it’s time for another No Credentials mailbag. As always, these may or may not be actual messages I’ve received from real or fake people.

I’m bored at work and I have a question about your beloved Cowboys. It was announced today on ESPN that Jerry Jones “won’t give up the GM gig.” Is that demoralizing for Cowboys fans? As one fan wrote on ESPN, “Well, this just solidifies the fact that Jerry's ego will keep the Cowboys at a mediocre level for the foreseeable future.” Also, please, FIRE REX RYAN. Or cut Mark Sanchez. Or both. Drive on. – Mike S., Keene, NH
            We’ll get to the Jets first…I think the jury is still out on Rex Ryan. He’s still a coach that managed to get a team quarterbacked by Mark Sanchez to the AFC Championship Game two years in a row. He deserves at least one more season. Sanchez can hit the road though. He has all the makings of a career backup.
            As for Jerry and my beloved Cowboys, yes, it is demoralizing. Jones is one of the best owners to have in sports (his U.F.O. looking stadium he built is proof of that), but for the love of God can we find an expert for picking players? The two biggest deficiencies with the 2010 squad were the offensive line (which was the reason Tony Romo ended up with a busted collarbone) and a shoddy secondary. With the exception of first round pick Tyron Smith (who has the look of a solid right tackle), both of those areas was again the Achilles heal of 2011. If Jerry can’t figure out how to address these needs, he needs to hire someone who can.   
       
In all seriousness, what do I have to do to get fired? – Norv T., San Diego, CA
            I don’t know Norv. You and A.J. Smith might need to set up a fake Penn State scandal to get yourselves out of working for the Chargers.

So three quarterbacks threw for over 5,000 yards, and seven others eclipsed 4,000. One of the guys over 4,000 was a rookie (Cam Newton). Is there such a thing as pass defense anymore? – Tyrone, Raleigh, NC
            We’ve reached a point with the NFL that yards are now very easy to come by. Thank the 2004 Colts for whining to the NFL about Ty Law and company mugging their receivers in the playoffs for this change. Now, corners can’t touch receivers after five yards. There’s really only one thing defenses can do to change the course of a game, and that is create a turnover. Former Head Coach Dennis Green used to say that a turnover was worth 100 yards, which turned out to be the most reasonable statement Green ever made during his coaching career (other than “they are who WE THOUGHT THEY WERE). For grins and giggles, let’s look at where each playoff team ranked in its respective conference in terms of generating turnovers. Starting with the NFC…

Packers and 49ers = 38, tied for first
Lions = 34, third
Giants = 31, tied for fourth
Falcons = 29, seventh
Saints = 16, sixteenth (last in the NFC)

Now the AFC…

Patriots = 34, first
Texans = 27, fifth
Ravens = 26, sixth
Bengals = 22, tenth
Broncos = 18, fourteenth
Steelers = 15, sixteenth (last in the AFC)

            Remember these numbers when San Francisco is upsetting New Orleans in the Divisional Round, and Green Bay and New England are playing in the Super Bowl.

I know you hate college football, but who wins the BCS Championship Game? – Ted, Milpitas, CA
            I have Alabama winning one of the most boring championship games since the Truman administration.

Looks like I’m going to be the next day out the door here. Now is it time to look for places to rent in Washington? – Peyton M., Indianapolis, IN
            I think so. I know the Colts are saying all the right things in regards to having both Manning and Andrew Luck on the same roster, but that wouldn’t make any financial sense. The only way I see Manning staying is if they get a blockbuster offer from another team to acquire the rights to the first overall pick, as this would allow the Colts to avoid a major cap penalty for trading Manning (who has four years remaining on his deal. If you trade a player who was given a signing bonus, you get a cap penalty for as many years as the original contract was supposed to last). Here’s the updated list of most likely landing spots for Peyton for 2012.

1.      Redskins
  
      2.      Dolphins

3.      Colts

4.      Seahawks

5.      Browns

You’ve been writing about gambling a lot. Has your entire family had to move into your parent’s basement because you gambled the rent money away? – Cindy C., Lancaster, NH
            Believe it or not, no. I was given some birthday money last October, in since I have no free-time to play any video games other than Madden, decided to open a Sportsbook account with it. The initial investment was $100. It’s been a turbulent ride, but I’ve never run dry, and never added any more cash to the account. I don’t intend to reload if I run out of cash, unless I get some more birthday money next year. So you’ll be happy to know that our family has our own place, and we are all still eating well.

Please make the case for Martin Brodeur to hang up his goalie pads. – Claude R., Berlin, NH
            Sadly, it’s not a hard one to make. If Brodeur were to finish the season with his current .893 save percentage, that would be a career low (other than when Brodeur had a four game cup of tea back in 1991-92). Getting pelted with shots behind a shoddy Devils defense hasn’t helped (he doesn’t have the luxury of having guys like Scott Stevens taking care of business for him), but the fact remains that the team looks better when Johan Hedberg is in net. Remember this paragraph in June when a red-hot Brodeur is carrying the eighth seeded Devils to the Stanley Cup Finals.

My now ex-boyfriend punched a hole in my wall when he found out he lost his fantasy football championship by 2 points. Was I in the right or wrong? – Miranda, Essex Junction, VT
            You were in the right, unless he was in a money league where first place received $1,000 or more.

We’re just a day away from “Jersday”. You excited? – The Situation, The Jersey Shore
            Excited to question myself, my moral values, and why I waste time watching such a stupid show? Ya can’t wait!

I just wanted to let you know that I lost my life savings placing bets based on your football picks over the last month. Thanks for nothing. – Orel J., Pocono, PA
            Sorry to hear that Orel. Hopefully you’re old enough to qualify for Medicare before there’s no longer money to fund it. I would like to say again that this blog is called No Credentials for a reason.
        
Who’s the NFL MVP? – Todd, Burlington, MA
            The incredible touchdown to interception ratio of Aaron Rodgers is main reason he should get the nod over Drew Brees.

As we all know, sometimes the success of a product comes from fancy advertising, a slogan, or even a good product name. Take Dunkin’ Donuts (double D's, like you can go wrong with that). Gatorade with its HD commercials and athletes sweating green. Geico with a talking (with an accent) lizard, and lastly, although I don't know the name of the company, we have a talking baby trading stocks (I rewind my DVR for those). That was my interlude...now for the question. As you know I love communications. Hell it’s my job. I love MY choice of a cell phone...we’re almost to the question. So calling an operating system an Android has logic. It conjures images of Arnold battling robots with bright beady eyes and cunning skill. RIM (Research In Motion…catchy) aka Black Berry. Here it comes...I get Apple, its healthy (1 a day keeps Doc away), it’s plainly...unique. I like that, but what does the "I" stand for in Iphone, Itouch, and Ipad? “I” don't get the "I" and I own 5 of these "I" music playing devices. Maybe "U" can explain it to m"I"self so that "I" can sleep better at n"I"ght. BTW- Today and from this day forward - I BleedBlk. – Ryan B., Kearsarge, NH
            For as big as Apple Inc., there is surprisingly little info on what the “i” stands for. The first use of the “i” was on the iMac computer in 1998. The “i” either meant “interface” or “internet” because of how easily the computer was able to navigate the World Wide Web. The “i” had no relevance to the iPod when it was released three years later, but was left on the name for brand recognition. Think of the “i” as Apple’s version of the Nike logo.


Tuesday, January 3, 2012

10 Awesome Things That Happened This Past Weekend (12/30-1/2)

10. The NFL Regular Season Ends
            Normally this would bum me out, but not having a chance to burn money betting on things like the over/under of the Cardinals/Rams game is a blessing in disguise for No Credentials.

9. Brock Lesnar Gets Pummeled, Then Retires
            I’m willing to bet that there will never be a more famous UFC fighter with a career record of 4-3 who is a bigger draw than Brock Lesnar. It’s fair to say that if he didn’t have two separate bouts of diverticulitis, his win total would be much higher. Lesnar will be missed.

8. Jets, Rex Ryan Finish 8-8
            Santonio Holmes clashing with teammates, and then quitting in the final game. Rex Ryan crying in the final team meeting, then admitting to the media he was out of touch with his team. Mark Sanchez being Mark Sanchez. Needless to say, the Jets have all sorts of issues to fix going into 2012.

7. Ricky Rubio Sparks Timberwolves
            If Minnesota starts giving Rubio 30+ minutes a night, wins over teams like Dallas and San Antonio might be become a regular event.

6. Colts Lock Up Top Pick
            I’m not really going out on a limb here, but I feel comfortable saying that the 2012 NFL Draft will be the most talked discussed since 2006. We’ll talk more about this later.

5. Broncos Lose, God Makes Sure They Win AFC West Anyway
            No word yet on whether or not God also was responsible for tearing Rashard Mendenhall’s ACL, thus removing him from Pittsburgh’s date with Denver Sunday afternoon.

4. Matt Flynn Ups His Price Tag to $60 Million
            With the list of teams that are in desperate need of a quarterback, expect Matt Flynn to get paid when he becomes an unrestricted free agent after the season. For those of you that are dumb enough to participate in fantasy leagues where the championship is decided in Week 17, I hope you all had your Lions and Packers in the starting lineup.
        
3. Giants Put 2011 Cowboys Out of Their Misery
            Much like an old dog on the way out, it was time for the Dallas Cowboys to be put down. Here’s to hoping Jerry Jones finds us a couple of corners, and two or three new offensive lineman.

2. Rangers Spoil Winter Classic For Philadelphia
            Without factoring in the stakes of a given game, is there a cooler sporting event to watch for ten minutes than an outdoor NHL game under the lights?

1. Oregon Wins Highest Scoring Rose Bowl Ever Over Wisconsin
            I’d like to thank the Ducks for taking care of business and recovering all of the money No Credentials lost betting on NFL games on Sunday.