10 Awesome Things That Happened This Weekend (4/26-4/28)

10. Thunder Lose Russell Westbrook For Rest of Season
            God must’ve placed a preseason wager on Miami to repeat, because too many things have occurred that have enhanced their ability to win a second straight title. The Thunder will be lucky to make it to the conference finals.

9. Aaron Rodgers Becomes an Incredibly Wealthy Man

            This is a vast improvement over Rodgers’ financial situation last week, when he was merely a moderately wealthy man. He’ll get $40 million this year for his services on the gridiron.

8. Eagles Trade Up to Draft Matt Barkley in Fourth Round

7. New York Jets Use Second Round Pick on Geno Smith
            I’d mock the probable failure of both of these players more, but my Dallas Cowboys just delivered the worst draft class in the history of man.

6. Celtics Stave Off Elimination

            Great to see Boston win what will more than likely be Kevin Garnett’s final home game.

5. Jon Jones Dismantles Chael Sonnen
            Sonnen is a huge douche bag, so the more elbows inflicting serious harm on his face, the better.

4. Anibal Sanchez Whiffs 17 Braves

            For those not in the know, that’s a lot of fucking strikeouts.

3. Kevin Harvick Passes Six Cars in One Lap, Wins Richmond
            I duplicated this feat on NASCAR Thunder 2002 for PS2 back in the day, so this wasn’t really a big deal.

2. Thunder Pull Out Just Enough to Hold Off Rockets

            Kevin Durant better be prepared to take a beating for Oklahoma City’s remaining games this season.

1. Nate Robinson Loses His Mind, Bulls Win Triple-Overtime Thriller

            Nate Robinson directly resulted in my Charlie Sheen post a couple of years back becoming the most viewed page ever produced by this blog (on a day when he was laying in a hospital bed recovering from knee surgery no less), so whenever Nate goes ape shit and single-handedly wills a team into overtime, No Credentials approves.

10 Awesome Things That Happened This Weekend (9/28-9/30)

10. Rasheed Wallace Unretires, Joins Knicks
            The last time we saw Rasheed Wallace, he had set the record for largest man boobs ever seen on a basketball court. New York should expect next to nothing from him after he took the past two seasons off.

9. Europe Steals Ryder Cup From United States

            Tea Party activists have already pinned this loss on Obama.

8. Homer Bailey Tosses No-Hitter Against Pittsburgh

            I’m 600% sure that a guy like Homer Bailey, a nice middle-of-the-rotation guy, wouldn’t of thrown a no-hitter in the steroids era. Chalk this result up as reason #692 why we need to get Major Leaguers back on HGH.

7. Two Redskins Take Each Other Out in Pre-Game Warm-Ups

 

            Washington fans everywhere agreed that they were dissapointed one of the men involved in the accident was Daniel Snyder. RGIII made sure the day was a complete downer for the ‘Skins, engineering a successful 2-minute drill to lead Washington over Tampa Bay.

6. Brad Keselowski Steals Himself a Dover Victory

            Bad Brad didn’t have the fastest car Sunday, but in the end, had the winning fuel strategy. It looks like it’s going to be a three-man battle between Keselowski, Denny Hamlin, and Jimmie Johnson for the Sprint Cup title. We’ll see how the favorites fare at Talladega next week.

5. West Virginia Quarterback Geno Smith Goes Bonkers

            Geno threw for 656 yards and eight touchdowns in the Mountaineers’ first game in the Big 12. You’ll have a very difficult time repeating that stat line in NCAA Football 13. Smith is now the clear leader in the Heisman Trophy race.

4. Arizona Cardinals Come From Behind, Beat Dolphins in Overtime
            This was my first pick in the Sportsbook 100K Survivor Pool that nearly put me into cardiac arrest.

3. Patriots Score 45 Points in Second Half
            There hasn’t been a more demoralizing half of football this year than what the poor fans of the Buffalo Bills went through Sunday. Pats fans should remember that the Jets managed to rack up 48 points against Buffalo (yes, the same Jets that got shellacked 34-0 at home by San Francisco), so they shouldn’t get too excited yet. 

2. Late Cam Newton Fumble Gives Falcons 30-28 Win

            You can’t pin this game all on Newton, as Atlanta still had to start on it’s own 1-yard line with just over a minute left in the game.

1. Eagles Knock Off Giants Again

            One of the odder stats in the NFL right now is the often ill prepared, poorly coached, horrendously clock managed Philadelphia Eagles winning eight of their last nine games against Tom Coughlin’s Giants.