1.
I was without
Playstation 3 for five months.
2.
I bought a new one,
and play a game of my Madden franchise when before I would be writing blog
posts.
To make up for our lack of production, we’ll take a
quick peak at stories I briefly thought about tackling before deciding playing
another game with my son at quarterback of the Kansas City Chiefs was more
exciting.
MLB
Ryan Braun
Surrenders
There’s no
other word for it, as Braun defiantly took on MLB for almost two years before essentially accepting a plea deal. One
wonders if Braun backed down partially because his team is terrible, and he’s
been nursing a sore thumb the past two months that hasn’t improved. He’ll come
back with no marketability in 2014, but he will be healthy, and quite possibly
a top-10 fantasy asset next season.
Mariano Rivera Wins the All-Star Game MVP
Evidently,
a scoreless eighth is more valuable than a scoreless ninth. This game was
further proof of why an All-Star Game should have nothing to do with
determining home-field advantage for it’s championship series.
The Yankees Stink
That
statement is a little strong in realistic terms (they are over .500, and would
gave a one game lead in the NL West), but compared to the usual excellence
produced by the Yankees, it’s an accurate one. The offense is abysmal, only
generating 125 less runs this season than the Red Sox have. C.C. Sabathia looks
to be in desperate need of a switch the National League, and Alex Rodriguez
still hangs over the club like a black cloud. While not supporters of the Bronx
Bombers, we here at No Credentials are always fans of roster building, so
here’s our on the fly, not well thought out fix for the New York Yankees that
they can begin implementing before the trade deadline.
- Give up on the 2013 season – It would be one thing if they were just seven games behind the Red Sox, but they also trail Tampa Bay and Baltimore (by 6.5 and 4 games). The Rangers and Indians are also ahead of them in the Wild Card standings.
- Trade Robinson Cano – By all accounts, it appears Cano is going to ask for eleventy billion dollars this winter. If George Steinbrenner were still alive, he would never make it to free agency, but unfortunately for Yankees’ fans his kids aren’t as willing to open up the checkbook. Rather than let him walk in free agency (and only soak up draft picks), they should try to push for a blockbuster trade now. Where could he go you ask? My money if he hits free agency is the Washington Nationals, but you could never count out the Detroit Tigers from making an aggressive trade.
- Blackmail Mariano Rivera into returning for the 2014 season – Sure it would be awkward after all of the retirement gifts Rivera has been getting all season (my all-time favorite “retiring” person that ended up not retiring was Mark Martin, who swore up and down 2005 would be his last season, only to return in 2006. He’s still racing a part-time schedule today) if he came back next season, but who cares. I think he could throw that ridiculous cutter until he was 65 years old.
- Frame A-Rod, Sabathia, and Teixeira for a bank robbery – These guys are earning $75 million (!) combined this season, so coming up with some clever scheme to void their contracts would be advantageous.
NFL
Von Miller
Potentially Facing a 4-Game Suspension
It’s a good
thing Miller plays a sport where it’s fans don’t give a shit about statistics,
because he will not come back with the same stigma as Ryan Braun.
NBA
The Dwightmare
Ends…Howard Chooses Houston
If I
weren’t so addicted to playing my Madden franchise I would’ve dropped a
4,000-word piece about Howard shortly after he joined the Rockets, but you’re
going to have to settle for bullet points.
-
Shaq was wrong when he accused Howard of not being able to
play in a big city. For one, Dwight was working on a way to weasel his way onto
the Clippers to play with his buddy Chris Paul. The last time I checked, the
Clippers still play in Los Angeles. Howard leaving the Lakers had more to do
with him not wanting to put up with Kobe Bryant than him not being able to
handle L.A.
-
Of all the teams that were trying to land Howard, the Rockets
were the best fit for him. With Howard in the fold, they are fielding a more
athletic version of the Orlando team Dwight carried to the 2009 NBA Finals.
Even better for the Rockets, they still have a valuable trade asset in Omer
Asik that can be used to improve the roster. You can’t make Houston the clear
favorites in the ultra-competitive Western Conference, but they’ll have a
reasonable chance at playing for a championship the next two or three years.
-
The Lakers are going to suck balls. It would make tons of
sense for them to tank the season like the Celtics are going to do (more on
that in the next bullet point), but instead, they’ll field a mediocre team
based around a physically limited Kobe Bryant. Pau Gasol should be better
utilized, but that won’t be enough for them to be better than .500.
Danny Ainge Blows Up the Celtics
Is it going
to suck watching Paul Pierce (a Celtic since 1997) and Kevin Garnett (the
catalyst for the 2008 championship winning team) play for the Nets? Yes. Is it
going to suck to watch Doc Rivers coach the Clippers? Yes. The “Ubuntu” Era was
responsible for the rebirth of Celtic pride in the northeast, but it was wise
to turn the page on this group of players. When you have the chance to land one
of five potential franchise players in next year’s draft, the most logical
thing to do is to suck as much as humanly possible and improve your lottery
chances. The team implosion will be complete if they are able to showcase Rajon
Rondo for a 10-game tryout after he returns from injury and then ship him off
to a contending (hopefully with Gerald Wallace’s horrendous contract, but
that’s probably wishful thinking).
NHL
Bruins Give Up On
Seguin
Because you
know, any time you can prematurely give up on a 21-year old phenom, you have to
do it. This deal will hurt when Tyler Seguin wins a Hart Trophy in Dallas.
NASCAR
Jimmie Johnson is
Better at NASCAR Than Any Other Athlete is at any Other Sport Right Now
It hasn’t been fair this season. If not for some bad luck with pit stops and restarts, Johnson could very well have eight wins right now. Unless Joe Gibbs Racing finds some durability with their Toyota engines, the Chase for the Cup could be over in eight races.
