The Walking Dead Mid-Season Report Card

The title of this post is pretty self-explanatory. If you don't like this show, open up google and research kittens or something.


Rick Grimes = C-
            After a strong first season, Rick spent way too much time whining about kids during the past seven episodes. Hopefully putting zombie Sophia out of her misery will reenergize him for the second half of the season.

Shane Walsh = A

            Shane is the most interesting character of the season, and the only one that seems to really understand what you have to do to survive a zombie apocalypse. Sacrificing poor Otis may have been cruel, but it was absolutely the right thing to do (sorry to go Troy Aikman on you with the use of the word absolutely).

Grade of Season 2 First-Half Story-Line = C

            Season 1 moved like each second was gold. There wasn’t a wasted moment during any of the first six episodes of the series. So far, season 2 has crept along at a snails pace. Apparently, there are real-life reasons for this (AMC is short on cash to fund the series, so leaving the group at the farm for seven hours of television was a money saver), but the fact remains that the Sophia storyline should’ve been wrapped up by the third or fourth episode. Let’s be honest, when you saw zombie Sophia walk out of the barn last Sunday night, were you thinking, “Oh no! Sophia’s a zombie!” or, “Thank God they found her, so the group can get back to more important things, like blowing zombie’s heads off”? Furthermore, there were numerous filler scenes that were unproductive (I’m talking about you, water zombie). Someone else is captaining the second half of the season (executive producer Frank Darabont essentially had the show taken away from him), so hopefully the urgency of season 1 will resurface. You don’t need tons of special effects to create suspense (just watch the original “Halloween” for proof).

Lori Grimes = B

            I’m not super fond of the direction her character has gone in this season (Grantland makes a pretty compelling case for Lori to get eaten), but it’s pretty clear that Sarah Wayne Callies is the best actor on the show.

Andrea = A-

            I need feedback from comic-book nerds (against all odds, I’m not one of them). Is Andrea the clubhouse leader right now for the hottest female zombie slayer?

Dale = B-

            Dale annoys the crap out of me, but I feel like he plays a vital role among the group. Of all the main characters, he’s the most likely to croak by the end of Season 2 (either via Walker or via Shane).

Glenn (aka “Walker Bait) = A+

            Glenn did all sorts of cool shit this season. Let’s list his accomplishments right now.

1. Successfully tied up the water zombie (if Glenn died in that scene, that would have been the most senseless loss of a person sense Tom Brady was rolled into by Bernard Pollard in 2008)
2. Banged Maggie in a pharmacy (and used protection. Smart man)
3. First person to know Lori was pregnant.
4. First person to discover the walkers in Herschel’s barn.
5. Alerted the group about the walkers, leading to the slaughter scene at the end of the mid-season finale.

            All you can say is the dude got stuff done. I really hope Glenn doesn’t get killed off anytime soon.

Carl Grimes = C+

            I despise children on television, so out of principle this is the highest grade I can give any kid character. If I were grading Carl’s immune system an A++++. Do you realize that this kid went from getting shot, surviving an operation performed by a veterinarian, to learning how to shoot a gun within five days? I feel like this is ridiculous even for a comic book/zombie show.

Daryl Dixon = B+

            Daryl was working on a solid A until starting to develop weird feelings for Sophia’s mom. His brother needs to show up again to knock some sense into him.

Walkers = A+++++++++++++++++++

            They are the highlight of every episode when they appear. Unfortunately, budget cut backs at AMC have limited their appearances so far in season 2.

Sophia’s Mom = F

            Seeing how I don’t even know the name of Sophia’s mom, that earns her an automatic F.

T-Dog = F-

            You could make a strong case that whoever is writing these episodes is a terrible racist based on the way T-Dog’s character is used on a weekly basis.

Merle = Incomplete

            My wife is obsessed with Merle. She’s convinced that he led the zombies to the group’s original camp during season 1. She even thought for a while that Merle kidnapped Sophia. For her sake, I hope Merle shows up again someday.

Hershel = A-

            For nothing else, Hershel deserves a grade in the A range for humanizing the walkers.  

Maggie = C

            Maggie started her stint on “The Walking Dead” with a bang (literally, just ask Glenn…insert rim shot here), but ended it with a whimper. Here’s the summary of the conversation she had with Glenn when she finally spoke to him about ratting out the existence of the walker barn.

Maggie = “How could you tell them?”

Glenn = “Because I’d rather have you mad at me and alive then like me and be dead.”

Maggie = Runs over to Glenn and starts making out with him.

            I guess I shouldn’t be complaining about the speed of this turnaround, but this scene left me chuckling.

Otis = A+

            No one did a better job of getting eaten this season than poor old Otis.