The Dark Knight Rises
The only thing that is slightly curbing my enthusiasm is the presence of Anne Hathaway. No Credentials predicts that she will create a holy trinity of women who put a damper on each Christopher Nolan Batman movie (joining Katie Holmes and Maggie Gyllenhaal).Jimmie Johnson Not Defending His Sprint Cup Championship
Every five or six days I check the NASCAR website, just to make sure that J.J. really didn’t win the 2011 title.The World Ending
No Credentials is planning on doing an on-going fictional tale called “Waiting for the World to End”. It might be 2 chapters long. It could be 150 chapters long. Expect plenty of politically incorrect content and hopefully, a laugh or two before zombies ravage the Earth, or whatever it is that the Mayans have predicted will happen.
More Mailbag Questions From Loyal Reader Ryan B.
If
it’s been too long between mailbags, Ryan fires off a 1,000-word question to me
via Facebook. I just got one a week ago, so look for a mailbag very soon.
(EDITORS NOTE: You have a question of your own? Send it to c_muir@hotmail.com. I’ll literally attempt to answer any
question that is sent my way on any topic. I figured out why Jimmy cracked
corn, so clearly I can figure out anything)
Betting on the Kentucky Derby
My ability to do this largely hinges on whether or not my Sportsbook account will have anything left after foolishly attempting to bet on the NBA.
(QUICK TANGENT: Sorry for the foul language I’m about to
use, but I have to share this story… the Utah Jazz fucked me the other night.
Hard. They were playing their first game of the season Tuesday against
the Lakers. Keep in mind that the Lakers were playing their third game in THREE
NIGHTS. Surely the Lakers would run out of gas in the second half, and Utah
would pull out an upset win, or at the very least cover the spread, right? How
about no. I think the score was 252-31 Los Angeles at half time. I bet the Jazz
at +4.5, and had them in two separate parlays. Ouch. Thankfully, a huge bet on
the Pacers Wednesday night recouped all of my losses and then some. If there is
ever a petition out to get the GM of the Utah Jazz fired, I’d like to be one of
the first names on it)
The 2012 Presidential Election
Ever heard of the old football phrase, “If you have two quarterbacks, you really have none”? That’s the problem with the Republicans. If I were running the Republican Party, I’d throw old Newt out to get slaughtered this year and save Romney for 2016.Super Bowl XLVI
I don’t have a good read on who will make the big game this year (loyal readers of my football picks can confirm that), but I feel like the Packers/Saints vs. the Steelers/Ravens/Patriots is going to be a hell of a game.The Denver Broncos Off-Season
No Credentials has a rogue agent out in Denver who managed to come up with a document out of John Elway’s office. The file name was “Ways to Discreetly Knock Out Tebow Without Causing Fans to Set Sofas on Fire in My Front Lawn” (I know, the name is really long, but Elway did lead a 98-yard drive to win the AFC one year. The dude likes long things. Let’s leave that last sentence alone before I make an inappropriate joke).
Leak a Photo-shopped picture of Tebow with Lindsey Lohan in
a hot tub
Hire a hit man to smack Tebow’s left elbow several times
with a 6-ironPay local television station to air all of Tebow’s attempts to throw a 10-yard out 24 hours straight.
Trade Tebow and draft picks for rights to Andrew Luck
Have team doctors diagnose Tebow with a fake heart abnormality and void his contract
Ask God to tell Tebow to convert to fullback
I don’t
remember a franchise ever being held captive by a mediocre quarterback who was
so beloved by fans. It will be fun to see how the Broncos play their cards
during the draft and free agency.
NBA/NHL Playoffs
Secretly, my favorite sports time of the year (there’s an epic playoff game on every single day. What’s better than that?). Not so secretly, my wife’s least favorite time to live in the same house as me. Both leagues look to be fairly wide open this season (we’ll try to fire up some NHL power rankings within a couple of weeks), so this April-June could be the best since 2008.The No Credentials Baseball Draft
Two or three of you may remember that I started a keeper league that I wrote about fairly regularly until the NFL lockout ended. I was so busy with football that I even forgot to mention that I won the first year of the league thanks to the most successful season of trading I have ever had with any fantasy team (if I had more time, I would’ve written a 6,000 word column about it that absolutely none of you would’ve cared about). After year one everyone gets to keep five guys, so this draft will be pivotal to the long-term success of each team (we get to keep 10 after year two and 15 after year three). This paragraph would be longer, but my pocket protector just broke and ink is leaking all over my shirt.Tiger Woods
Call me a sucker for getting too excited about Tiger’s win last month, but I’m predicting big things for Mr. Woods in 2012.
My Son Speaking English
My
boy is a year and a half now, and by my count, has a ten-word vocabulary. He
just added “ya”, “no”, and “boo” the other day. He’s now doing the thing where
kids try to say sentences, but it ends up sounding like “da imp boo kash mick”
or something. The sooner he grasps all parts of speech, the sooner I can
explain that Tom Brady hates Sesame Street. As a Cowboys fan living in New
England, I will have to pull out all the stops to prevent him from being a
Patriots fan.
So there
you have it. Have a safe (don’t drive drunk) and happy (don’t get in a fight)
New Year everyone.
GOOD JOB WITH THIS POST. HAD QUITE A FEW CHUCKLES READING IT. J-La
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