I’ve been running a fantasy basketball league for four seasons now, but sadly year five appears to be in jeopardy. Our draft is scheduled to happen in 10 days, but unfortunately we might be without NBA games for a year. In light of the league being unable to be decided by statistics, I’ve come up with a fairly simple scoring system to use during the lockout for my fantasy league, and I’m kind enough to share it with the world.
20 points for participating in a playground league game.
10 points for being on the cover of a grocery store magazine (bump Kris Humphries, aka “Mr. Kardashian”, up a few rounds).
40 points for making Sportcenter’s top 10 plays with a dunk over some poor European dude.
30 points for using a trending “#” on Twitter.
-100 points for comparing NBA owners to “slave drivers”.
50 points for earning an invite to a fellow player’s all-star game, 100 points for hosting an all-star game.
75 points for legally changing a name (example: Meta World Peace).
15 points for getting arrested.
0.25 points for every day worked at a retail store (had to make Delonte West valuable somehow).
1 point for every anti-owners tweet.
30 points for recording a song.
25 points for creating a fetus (if we applied these rules back in fantasy basketball during the 1998-99 lockout, Shawn Kemp would’ve been a fantasy legend).
60 points for appearing in a movie.
-50 points for showing up at the first game post-lockout 30 pounds overweight (I’m looking at you Michael Beasley. Baron Davis is out of the running because he put on 40 pounds after getting traded to Cleveland).
10 points for airing a new commercial.
-20 points for saying that “we care about the fans”.
15 points for a player tweeting that they are hitting the gym (Russell Westbrook looks like the clubhouse leader in this category so far).
5 points for showing up at a NFL, MLB, NHL, or NASCAR event.
40 points for being involved in a nightclub altercation.
250 points for appearing in a porn movie (makes Greg Oden worth a late-round flyer).
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