Better Late Than Never Mailbag (10-27-12)

It's been a while since we emptied the inbox, so here you go. As always, these may or may not be actual messages from real or fake people.

Who would you rather party with, Wade Boggs, Oil Can Boyd, or Josh Beckett? – Tom A., Goffstown, NH

            We’re ruling Beckett out without hesitation because while he likes to drink beer, he’d probably just talk about his ranch in Texas the whole time. Choosing between Boggs and Boyd depends on your tastes. Legend has it that Wade Boggs once drank between 60-70 beers on a cross-country flight, and was famous for eating fried chicken before every game (keep in mind his career lasted 18 years, and baseball teams play 162 games a year). Oil Can Boyd has similar interests, with the added element of cocaine. Booger-sugar has never been something I’ve been interested in, so I’ll party with Boggs. 

Is Dale Earnhardt Jr. a hero or a pansy for seeking out medical help and missing two races? – Floyd P., Mobile, AL

            If the injury had to do with any body part other than his head, I’d say he was taking the easy way out. As it was, if he was in the top-5 in the points, I guaruantee he wouldn’t of visited the doctor after his Talladega crash. There’s too much to lose for a championship contending driver to take a race off. Hopefully Junior will not have further issues (concussions ruined Ricky Craven’s driving career, to name one example) and can be a championship threat in 2013.

What do you think of the NFL playing in London? – Janice L., Brownfield, ME

            I’ve never been a fan of it. It takes a home date away from a team (this Sunday, the Rams are technically the home team, even though the ratio of people that know who Tom Bray is as compared to the number of people who know who Sam Bradford is 150,000-1 in the U.K.), which in the name of fairness, is wrong. If this Sunday’s game was played in St. Louis, Tom Brady and the sputtering Patriots offense (more on that later) would have to play against a defense that has laid it all on the line every week so far this season in a loud dome. Instead, New England essentially gets a ninth home game. I’m all for using preseason to showcase the NFL in other countries, but playing games that actually count overseas is ridiculous.
 

Would you put money on anyone other than Miami or the Lakers in the Finals? – Ben B., Buford, GA

            If I understand the wording of this question right, we’re asking if any of the other 28 teams could win the championship. The only team I’d logically consider betting would be Oklahoma City. They have the depth and the star-power needed to make a championship run, even if they would have to beat both Los Angeles and Miami to do it. Unfortunately if you’re betting at a casino, you’re only getting 3.5-1 on your money if you place a futures bet on the Thunder. If you don’t mind potentially pissing money away, Boston at 12-1, Philadelphia at 30-1 (would need a healthy Andrew Bynum and an Evan Turner breakout year to make some noise), and Denver at 40-1 (ton of talent, but who’s their crunch-time guy?) are the most logical long-shot bets.

So there’s no hockey right now, and no one gives a shit. Why? – Paul J., Ithaca, NY

            Diehard hockey fans are different than most sports fans. They are more willing too consume lower talent level leagues if the NHL isn’t available. They are watching minor leagues, college, high school, or overseas league games. If MLB were to go on strike again, hardcore seam-heads wouldn’t start watching college games or Triple-A games. Hockey fans enjoy the game itself, regardless of the level of talent they are seeing. There isn’t the outcry from this group like there was during the NFL lockout a year ago.
            As for casual fans, we’re too busy watching NFL games and the World Series. The NBA showed that they could survive without having games until Christmas last year. There’s simply too much going on right now for most casual fans to say, “Hey, why aren’t the Bruins playing?” Casual fans won’t be looking for hockey until it’s the usual time for the Stanley Cup Playoffs. Sadly, the owners know they can get away with a lockout, and until the players bend to their wants and needs, there will be no NHL.

What’s going to happen to Tim Tebow? He’s nowhere to be found in a Jets uniform! – Janice L., Brownfield, ME

            Barring a Mark Sanchez injury (it appears there isn’t a level of play bad enough that will force Rex Ryan to bench him), Tebow will continue to fill the role of “interesting hood ornament”. He was brought in to get attention and generate headlines, and I think that’s what the Jets will try to milk out of him for the rest of the season before Jacksonville trades the Jets a third round pick for Tebow next spring. Or even better, maybe he'll get cut and the Patriots will sign him to replace Danny Woodhead (more on that in the next answer).

Lots of finger pointing with the Patriots this year due to their early issues (though they have only lost the 3 games by a combined total of 4 points). Things like Josh McDaniels is too cute/arrogant at times with his playcalling, the secondary if awful, Bill Belichick is not the defensive "genius" he once was, Brady has lost his grip on executing in pressure situations, the offense can't close out games, etc. Obviously its a combination of many things, but what do you think is the most significant factor? – Mike S., Keene, NH

            Mike covered most of the points, but here’s a bullet form list that I will then choose the most significant factor from.

-         Too much Danny Woodhead (I get it that he’s a short white-guy so naturally most people from New England love him, but the dude averages 3.5 yards a carry. The Patriots three other runningbacks average 5.4, 5.0, and 4.4 yards a carry. Let’s bring Woodhead in on 3^rd down passing situations and never hand off to him. EVER)

-         Lack of a dominant pass rusher

-         Lousy secondary

-         Poor offensive playcalling (has there been anything more comical than watching Tom Brady attempted 12 back-shoulder fade passes a game to Brandon Lloyd?)

           To answer the question, we’ll put bullet points one and four together. Josh McDaniels needs to utilize his weapons better with more high percentage plays, and stick with the running game when it is working. If he wants to make sure he doesn’t keep hurting himself, he can hit Woodhead in the knee with a crowbar.

Bobby Valentine rolled David Ortiz under the bus the other day. Shouldn’t he of done that before he was fired? – Rick S., Worcester, MA

            Valentine seems like a guy who likes making headlines, so it could’ve helped him out in that department.

Who has the better chance of coming back, Mariano Rivera or Derek Jeter? – Janice L., Brownfield, ME

            With reports out now that Rivera is having second thoughts about returning next season (remember, he was more than likely going to retire if he didn’t blow out his knee shagging fly balls in batting practice), Jeter has to be the choice. A broken ankle isn’t a picnic, but the rehabilitation needed to fully recover from that injury is much less significant than returning from a torn ACL. 

The NBA is dropping the center spot from the All-Star ballot. Why is this news? – Marcus S., Irvine, CA

            David Stern has made it a habit of putting out odd press releases in the fall to try to steal headlines from the NFL. Chalk this up as another attempt at a fun headline. It’s a shame we’ll only get to enjoy them for two more years.

A pound of gold and one of feathers weighs the same. (But carrying one or the other is very different)
Pitcher "A" can through a ball @ 100 MPH. And so can pitcher "B". (Very differently)
Don't even get me started on terminal velocity, apples, and gravitational pull. (122 MPH versus Red Bull)
Anyone can look through a scope and see the target. (100 meters - to calculating the curvature of the earth @ 1.5 miles)
Hell, I was under the impression that having one testicle gave you an advantage. (One nut, two nut, three nut, dope)
Eat eggs, don't eat eggs. (Eat or be eaten...trust me those nasty birds would start w/ your eyes)
Men. Don't carry cellular devices in your front pocket and turn them off while in flight. (Like dodging a bullet is a bad thing)
Girl- "I don't care how big it is"
Guys translation- "I have a small penis"
Girl " you are huge!"
Guys translation- "she is lying" (self explanatory)
I'm going to get another Tattoo. (If I didn't have one, I wouldn't have any)
My question? What passed through your mind in the last 10 minutes dick? – Ryan B., Kearsarge, NH

            I’d love to share it, but would be embarrassed to reveal how much of those 10 minutes would be filled up by children’s television programming.