(EDITORS NOTE: The author of this post may or may not have had the Bills in a parlay yesterday. Reader discretion is advised)
I can’t
possibly express my anger at the Buffalo Bills in a logical, well-thought
paragraph, so let’s go to bullet points.
-
Buffalo allowed Chris Johnson, a man who has spent the last
two years murdering fantasy teams, to run for 195 yards and two touchdowns.
-
Ryan Fitzpatrick threw the worst interception of the 2012 season.
Even Tony Romo watched the highlight of the pick and said, “Man, that was a
shitty throw.”
-
After the Fitzpatrick interception, Matt Hasselback, who’s
been washed up for five years, marched down the field in the final minutes,
miraculously throwing a touchdown on fourth and eleven to Nate Washington.
-
I have nothing against bald people, but it feels even worse to
have my perfect parlay ruined by a bald person. It feels like Larry David got the best of me or
something.
-
Coming into the game, Tennessee had the worst point
differential in the league, and had been blown out every time they played on
the road.
-
If I ever consider wagering on the Bills again, I’ll instead
save some time and light my money on fire.
9. Fever Win First WNBA Title
I’ll
give $10 worth of Monopoly money to the first person who can tell me what city
the Fever are based out of without clicking this link.
8. Down 2-Laps, Ricky Stenhouse Rallies For Remarkable
Nationwide Series Win
The
Nationwide Series doesn’t make it into this space much during the NFL season,
but Stenhouse’s season saving rally is worthy
of the cut. Also, Kyle Busch ran out of gas in the last turn, which makes
everyone happy.
7. Red Sox Hire Former Pitching Coach John Farrell as New Manager
It’s
not everyday a shortstop gets flipped for a manager, but I have feeling the loss of Mike Aviles will be worth acquiring Farrell. If anyone has a chance of turning around Boston’s pitching staff,
it’s him.
6. Houston Texans Destroy
Ravens
I don’t think this
game was about Baltimore missing Ray Lewis as it was Houston being really pissed off after getting blown out by the Packers. The Texans have
reestablished themselves as the best team in the AFC.
5. Drew Brees Tosses Four First-Half Touchdowns
The
Saints needed every one of Brees’ touchdowns, as their anemic defense
surrendered 510 yards of total offense to Tampa Bay.
Don’t look now, but the bounty-gate Saints are on a two-game winning streak.4. Matt Kenseth Survives Another Crash Fest, Wins at Kansas
Kenseth didn’t have to dodge a 25-car pileup like he did to win at Talladega, but Kansas bit the same number of drivers in 14 separate incidents. Incredibly, the race didn’t impact the Chase standings much thanks to an incredible repair job by Jimmie Johnson’s crew. After Johnson wins this Sunday at Martinsville and takes the Chase lead, we’ll remember Kansas as the turning point for his championship run.
3. San Francisco Giants Force Game 7
San Francisco is doing its best impersonation of the St. Louis Cardinals doing everything they can to stay alive. The Giants are sending the better pitcher to the hill tonight, so that means you should probably put your money on the Cardinals.
2. Patriots Attempt To Choke Again, Still Beat
Jets
New
England heroically attempted to pull a Cowboys and blow this game at home, but
unfortunately for Jets fans, were not able to execute.
1. RGIII and Eli Exchange Last-Minute Touchdown Passes,
Giants Win
Even without Pierre Garcon and Fred Davis, Robert
Griffin III still nearly pulled off the upset with a late touchdown toss to
Santana Moss. Unfortunately, he left a little too much time for Eli.
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