Saturday, November 26, 2011

No Credentials Mail Bag 11/26/11

As always, these may or may not be actual questions from real or fake readers.

Should I start looking for apartments in Washington D.C. now, or can I wait a little bit? – Peyton M., Indianapolis, IN
            I’d probably start scoping neighborhoods out, but don’t go too crazy yet. There’s still a few other places you could end up next season. Here is No Credentials official rankings of the teams that Manning will most likely be under center for in week 1 of the 2012 season.

1.      Redskins

2.      49ers

3.      Seahawks

4.      Dolphins

5.      Colts

Would you be “in the mood” after shooting 25 zombies in the head? – Charlotte, Allagash, ME
            This question was raised after a scene in “The Walking Dead” last week when Andrea guns down a bunch of walkers, and then immediately follows that up by grabbing Shane’s crotch. I’m not sure where I stand on this personally, although I do feel I speak for a large percentage of the male population by saying I wish I could’ve spent more time with a girl like Andrea in high school (not that I would’ve been able to capitilize on that sort of situation  ty ty tf ftin those days, but that was probably T.M.I).

On a scale of 1-10, how badly did Denver handle Kyle Orton? – Arvada, CO
            I don’t think 10 is high enough of a number. Let’s review two key blunders that led to Denver getting absoleutly nothing for Orton.

1.      Not realizing that there team sucked and plugging in Tebow from Day 1 – You had to be on pretty good drugs to think that Kyle Orton was going to lead this team to the playoffs. Orton can play well with a strong supporting cast, but he isn’t going to carry a team on his back. Miami was willing to fork over at least a second round pick for him before the start of the season. Denver needed to sell high at this point and let (Jesus) Tebow play quarterback.

2.      Not getting at least something for Orton when Tebow was named the starter – Denver had one week to move Orton before the trade deadline. They wouldn’t of gotten a second round pick at this point, but wouldn’t a fourth round pick be better than nothing? As desperate as some teams are at the quarterback position, I find it hard to believe that no one would take a flier on Orton.

Can you please tell Jack Edwards and Andy Brickley to shut the hell up? You’d swear to God that these Bruins are the 2011 NHL version of the 1927 Yankees. – Drew E., Freeport, ME
            This question hit my inbox shortly after the end of the Bruins home game against the Blue Jackets a week ago, when Brickley went out of his way to call Columbus a “tough opponent”. Apparently Brickley doesn’t take in too much hockey outside of Boston, because Columbus is the worst team in the NHL. I understand that they are local broadcasters, but Edwards and Brickley need to show some perspective when they are televising these games. Take a page out of Don Orsillo and Remdawg’s playbook and actually present some semblance of balanced coverage.

Is it weird that Brian (the dog from Family Guy) dates chicks, or is it weirder that chicks date Brian? Megan L., Silver Lake, NH
            The upgrade from dating a human female as opposed to a female dog is much more signicant than going from a human male to a male dog (some ladies out there would probably argue that male dogs are cleaner), so the clear answer is that it is weirder that women date Brian.

The poor Buffalo Bills are crumbling. What is the best thing to compare their collapse to? Jason C., Lake George, NY
            I never watched it, but I remember seeing commercials on ABC for a drama where Geena Davis was the President. Readers correct me if I’m wrong, but I believe it was called “Commander in Chief.” The show appeared to be fairly popular when it first aired (let me define popular for a second by saying that I remember it was on the cover of “TV Guide” once or twice). Inexplicably, the head writer of the show left during the middle of the season, the quality of the episodes went down the toilet, and it was cancelled after the first season. There’s the best analogy for your 2011 Buffalo Bills.

Why is it news that a college in Utah decided that it was stupid to join the Big East? Isn’t that just common sense prevailing? Ted J., Bannockburn, IL
            Welcome to the sad state of affairs in the NCAA, where a team based out of the mountain time zone flirted with joining a league of schools on the east coast.

Which event did you care less about this past weekend, the MLS championship or the President’s Cup? – Dave, Williston, VT
             I’ll vote for the President’s Cup, since at first I thought it was a boating event instead of a golf competition.

I have thought with effort (not the "I'm on a long drive thinking, this is a relaxing shower thinking, or the after glow thinking). I have spent hours numbering in excess in search of knowing exactly what it would be like to be "The Best" at something. Anything. Wrench (EDITORS NOTE: Ryan nicknamed me “Wrench” a long time ago. Perhaps one day I’ll open this space up for him to explain that name, because I’m sure you read that and said, “Huh?”), as you are a sports fan and I am not, I put it to you like this. What did it feel like when Tiger Woods was hammering golf balls (not chicks and Cadillac’s) and he was the best? Do you fear that it will get taken away? Do you smile because you have written history? Then I think again, is it more simple, easier, more comfortable being average? – Ryan B., Kearsarge, NH
            Another multi-layered question out of the lovely town of Kearsarge, so I’ll address each part in bullets.

-         Not to make it sound to simple, but Tiger Woods must’ve been feeling pretty damn good about himself in his prime. Knowing you have the ability to contend for victory every week is the best thing you can ask for as a professional athlete.

-         Ultimately, the amount of fear a top athlete (or top anything for that matter) is what determines how long a person stays at the top of their profession. Michael Jordan is the best example of this. As Jordan aged, he no longer had the explosiveness he had in his youth, making it more difficult every year to drive to the basket. His competitiveness wouldn’t let his body fail him, and Jordan improved other aspects of his game (most notably, a post-up game and an unguardable 15-foot fade-away). It was the fear of being anything less than the best that drove Jordan to hone his craft.

-         I suppose you’re bothered less if you’re average, but even if whatever you’re best talent is won’t make you a celebrity, isn’t it good to hone your strengths? Whether it’s painting houses, selling cars, cooking pastries, writing poetry, whatever. Sorry to get all inspirational here, but it’s my belief that everyone has at least something to offer that’s above average.


No comments:

Post a Comment