One of the greatest moments in my fantasy
sports playing career occurred this past week, with all nine of my active fake
teams winning last week. This meant three loaded basketball squads, two solid
hockey teams, and four hit-or-miss football clubs were able to navigate the
cloudy fantasy landscape for glory. I honestly don’t know if I’ve ever pulled
off this feat before, but since I haven't written anything in a while, this seems
like a good enough excuse to crank out some useless analysis of teams that don’t
actually exist.
Fantasy Basketball – Basketball ranks as the sport I’m the most dialed in too, and that has shown with my recent fantasy hoops performance.
The Demoralizers 8, Goodoleboy58 2
Juan Pablo Montoya 10, Goodoleboy58 1
We
put these two wins together because of one man, the fantasy hoops destroyer of
souls, Mr. Anthony Davis. To put The Brow’s start to the 2014-15 campaign in
perspective, here are some fun facts.
-
At the time of this writing, Davis is ranked in the top 5 in
scoring (fourth), rebounding (second), blocks (first, a full block per game
better than second place), and steals (fourth, tops among big men).
-
Davis has only committed 13 personal fouls in nine games,
which for a player with his level of defensive impact, is astonishing.
-
For you advanced stat nerds, he’s not even in the top 20 in
“close touches” per game (which basically rates how many times he gets the ball
in the paint).
-
The Brow is shooting 56% from the field, and he shot 66% last
week.
-
Those last two factoids together means he should be getting
the ball a lot more than he does.
-
He’s only 21 years old.
-
I’m the proud owner of him in an auction keeper league and
normal redraft league.
Sure there were other guys that
contributed to these two victories (honorable mentions go out to Damian Lillard
and Klay Thompson), but Davis is the man.
Terminus 7, Gabriel’s Great Team 2
This
is a beat ‘em and deplete ‘em league, and the addition of Steph Curry after a
win the week before paid immediate dividends. Curry is the second ranked player
in fantasy hoops this year, and the scary thing is he really hasn’t shot the
ball as well as he’s capable of.
Fantasy Hockey – Hockey is the sport I keep up with
the least, but thanks to making simple decisions (like drafting dudes late who
get to play with Crosby and Malkin) has generally led to me fielding
competitive clubs.
HiFructose CornSyrup 6, Black Bears 3
Sticking
to names I know helped me draft Tomas Plekanec very late, which allowed him to
be my MVP last week with 2 goals and 3 assists.
The Demoralizers 9, Push Puck Punk 1
Sometimes,
you have to get lucky with who you draw in a given week. Push Puck Punk was in
first place, but the law of averages resulted in his team laying an egg this
week.
Fantasy Football – I like order and logic, which
makes playing fantasy football very difficult for me on weekly basis. Of the
four teams listed below, only one is solidly near the top of the standings,
with the other three fighting for their playoff lives.
Drive On 120.40, Gunning For Plaxico 105.04
We
built this team around Jimmy Graham, but thankfully Alshon Jeffrey was able to
bail him out this week. Also big props go out to Ryan Tannehill, who didn’t
crap his pants while Tony Romo was on a bye week.
The Demoralizers 113.42, Top Gun 97.14
Mike
Evans picked a great week to have his breakout game, as his 39.04 points were
more than a third of my total scoring. If we can get Evans a real quarterback,
he’ll be a beast for the foreseeable future.
Khan 156, Jim Fossil 138
Kudos
to Emmanuel Sanders for delivering 100 yards and a touchdown before getting
knocked silly Sunday against the Rams.
Cool Ranch Doritos 117.55, Ron Burgandy 100.70
If I
were my opponent, I’d be pretty pissed that Cody Fleener put up 144 yards receiving.
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