5000% Uninformed NCAA Tournament Picks

            As an emerging sports fan in the mid-90s, I wanted to soak in everything. I knew every pertinent thing you need to know about the NFL, MLB, NBA, NHL, NASCAR, PGA, PTA, and college sports. I’d re-watch Sportscenter episodes over in over (remember when they used to do that?), even when all they had was college basketball highlights. It was virtually 24/7 sports.
            But alas, I got older. I started working a retail job in high school, which meant I was unable to watch college football on Saturday 95% of the time. Then, I started partying (we start early in New Hampshire). Incredibly despite partying through the college age years, I was able to hold on to a full-time job. The death nail to living a 24/7 sports lifestyle? Focusing on supporting a family.
            Inevitably, some things had to be cut out. I tried quitting NASCAR in 2008, but the sport is too engrained in my DNA to get rid of it fully. Baseball has gotten super boring since they took steroids away, so now I only follow it for fantasy purposes (it’s amazing how much one can know about baseball without watching a single inning of it). I’ll read about the major events in tennis and golf, but no longer commit to watching the final round at Augusta. NFL is still king (until super-liberals ban it from the United States in 30 years), NBA has climbed up my rankings (only because the quality of play is so high), but that’s where it ends.
            Of all the leagues I used to follow, college basketball was the easiest to cut out. The overall quality of play is atrocious, with most games moving at a slower pace than a Peter Jackson movie. I get that all the kids are “trying hard” because they haven’t gotten paid yet, but just because they give a shit doesn’t mean the play is any good. I can’t make time to watch it anymore, which is why this March will be the most uninformed I’ve ever been for the NCAA tournament. Here’s the short list of things I know.

1. The Big 10 was regarded as the best conference in the country.
2. Kentucky isn’t participating.
3. I hate Duke.
4. Gonzaga’s center is one goofy looking dude. Can’t wait for him to average 3.5 points and 2 rebounds during his NBA career.
5. I still hate Duke.

         With that in mind, here’s my prediction for all 63 NCAA tournament match-ups. We’ll start by breaking down each region, and then making Final 4 picks.

MIDWEST

First Round

#1 Louisville over #16 NC A&T/Liberty

#2 Duke over #15 Albany
#3 Michigan St. over #14 Valparaiso
            The only memory I have of any of the underdog schools is Valparaiso, and that was when one of the five Drew brothers hit the following 3-pointer to upset #4 Ole Miss in 1998.

#4 Saint Louis over #13 New Mexico State

            For a solid decade, I’ve picked a college from New Mexico to pull off a first round upset, and even a few times have put that school in the Elite 8. Needless to say, that strategy hasn’t worked out.

#12 Oregon over #5 Oklahoma State

            Everything I’ve read suggests that Oregon should be at least a single digit seed, and I usually take two or three #12 seeds to win every year. Sign me up for the Ducks.

#11 Middle Tennessee State or #11 St. Marys over #6 Memphis

            This marks the first time I’ve ever picked whoever wins a play-in game to advance to the second round (in case you haven’t noticed, I refuse to call the play-in games “the first round” and the first round “the second round”, even if that’s what the NCAA wants to jam down our throats. It’s bad enough they already fucked up the bracket. I’m not bending on the name of the first and second rounds). This has more to do with not liking Memphis than having a strong opinion of either of the #11 seeds.

#10 Cincinnati over #7 Creighton

            Creighton is one of the only teams in this entire region that likes to play fast, so in the spirit of expecting the less desireable outcome to occur, I’m picking Cincinnati to win. I don’t know if that makes any sense, but whatever.

#8 Colorado State over #9 Missouri

            This is an unofficial, non-researched opinion, but I think Colorado State owns the record for most times being in an 8-9 game in NCAA Tournament history.

Second Round

#1 Louisville over #8 Colorado State

            This will be a cakewalk for Louisville. I didn’t even blink about making this pick. Remember that when Colorado State hits a game-winning buzzer beater.

#10 Cincinnati over #2 Duke

            I planned on picking against Duke in the Sweet 16, so why not double down and have losing during the opening weekend? Cincinnati has the defensive ability to frustrate the Blue Devils. At least that’s what I’ve read.

#3 Michigan State over #11 Middle Tennessee State or #11 St. Mary’s

            Even if you put the best players from both 11 seeds together, I still don’t think they win this game. Continuing that thought, what would this hybrid team be called? Middle Mary’s State?

#12 Oregon over #4 Saint Louis

            Continuing the No Credentials tradition of picking two 12 seeds to make the Sweet 16, will get one team out of the way with our first region. If nothing else, you know Oregon will wear really gaudy looking uniforms.

Sweet 16

#1 Louisville over #12 Oregon

            Here’s an Adidas school vs. Nike school battle. That has no relevance to anything. I just wanted to note it.

#3 Michigan St. over #10 Cincinnati

            Tom Izzo isn’t a spectacular coach, but the dude has a habit of getting the most out of his teams in March.

Elite 8

#1 Louisville over #3 Michigan State

            I’m tempted to take the team from the stronger conference (the Big 10 is loaded this year), but when you’re uninformed, it’s safe to role with the #1 overall seed until at least the Final 4.

West

#1 Gonzaga over #16 Southern

#2 Ohio State over #15 Iona
            Here are your no brainers out west.

#14 Harvard over #3 New Mexico

            At the time I wrote about New Mexico State earlier in this piece, I had no clue that New Mexico was a #3 seed. We’ll stick to our guns and keep betting against New Mexico colleges, and this one gives us the added bonus of getting to cheer for nerds.

#4 Kansas State over #13 Boise State or #13 La Salle

            I already have gone over my quota for play-in game participants to advance.

#5 Wisconsin over #12 Mississippi

            Why do I feel so confident that Wisconsin is going to win by at least 20 points? Someone with knowledge please give me a reason.

#11 Belmont over #6 Arizona

            Arizona is only 5-5 in their last 10, and Belmont is notorious for pulling off crazy shit in the tournament.

#10 Iowa State over #7 Notre Dame

            Iowa State loves to make it rain from downtown. They either win by 25 or lose by 25.

#8 Pittsburgh over #9 Wichita State

            I mentally flipped a coin to choose a winner here.

Second Round

#1 Gonzaga over #8 Pittsburgh

            It was tempting to take Pittsburgh, but Gonzaga should be pretty motivated to make it to the second weekend during their first ever tournament as a #1 seed.

#2 Ohio State over #10 Iowa State

            If Iowa gets hot, they could completely destroy my bracket. You’ll see why momentarily.

#5 Wisconsin over #4 Kansas State

            Essentially, I’m assuming that a Big 10 team should beat a Big 12 team. I typed that not knowing if the Big 12 still exists.

#11 Belmont over #14 Harvard

            Folks in charge of televising the NCAA tournament are praying this match-up doesn’t happen.

Sweet 16

#5 Wisconsin over #1 Gonzaga

            Still wagering on the quality of the Big 10.

#2 Ohio State over #11 Belmont

            Ditto for this pick.

Elite 8

#2 Ohio State over #5 Wisconsin

            I expect the Buckeyes to win in a rematch of the Big 10 championship game.

South

Round 1

#1 Kansas over #16 Western Kentucky

#2 Georgetown over #15 Florida Gulf Coast
#3 Florida over #14 Northwestern State
            There’s your shoe-ins, although some experts think Florida Gulf Coast can give Georgetown a run.

#13 South Dakota State over #4 Michigan

            I don’t like this Michigan team at all. Even if they win, I don’t see them getting past the Sweet 16.

#5 VCU over #12 Akron

            VCU made the Final Four two years ago. Raise your hand if you remember that happening.

#11 Minnesota over #6 UCLA

            Someone has to win this battle of two struggling teams.

#7 San Diego State over #10 Oklahoma

            It wasn’t that long ago that Oklahoma was losing scholarships because their head coach wouldn’t stop texting recruits like a 13-year old girl.

#9 Villanova over #8 North Carolina

            This one hurts to pick (the Tar Heels are the closest thing I have to a favorite college basketball program), but one can’t deny that the Big East was much better than the ACC.

Round 2

 
#9 Villanova over #1 Kansas
            I predict one number one team to lose in the second round every year. A third of the time, I’m right.

#2 Georgetown over #7 San Diego State

            Remember when San Diego State almost joined the Big East? That would’ve been the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard of in college sports.

#3 Florida over #11 Minnesota

            Man, the Gators got a great opening weekend draw. At least in the opinion of this uninformed blogger.

#5 VCU over #13 South Dakota State

            Another game CBS would like to do anything in their power to prevent from happening.

Sweet 16

#2 Georgetown over #2 Florida

            The Gators melt like Tony Romo when they are in close games. They won’t run away from Georgetown.

#5 VCU over #9 Villanova

            Picking a winner of this potential match-up makes me think I really fucked up this region.

Elite 8

#2 Georgetown over #5 VCU

            Even if I get the rest of the region wrong, Georgetown will still score me some points if they make it to the Final Four.

East

First Round

#1 Indiana over whichever shitty #16 wins the play-in game

#2 Miami over #15 Pacific
#3 Marquette over #14 Davidson
#4 Syracuse over #13 Montana
            Talk about a top-heavy region. Syracuse as a #4 is ridiculous.

#12 California over #5 UNLV
            This game is being played roughly an hour south of California’s campus. That’s really fair.

#6 Butler over #11 Bucknell

            You don’t bet against Butler. Not until the next round anyway.

#10 Colorado over #7 Illinois

            Some guy who works for ESPN said Illinois is overrated. I sure hope he’s right.

#8 N.C. State over #9 Temple

            This game should be renamed “the Earn the Right to Get Slaughtered by Indiana” game.

Second Round

#1 Indiana over #8 N.C. State
#2 Miami over #10 Colorado
#3 Marquette over #6 Butler
#4 Syracuse over #12 California
            I’ll rename this the chalk region.

Sweet 16

#1 Indiana over #4 Syracuse

#2 Miami over #3 Marquette
            Still rolling with chalk.

Elite 8

#1 Indiana over #2 Miami

            I’m either really sure of myself or really lazy because I’ve already typed 8,000 words.

Final Four

#1 Indiana over #2 Georgetown
#2 Ohio State over #1 Louisville
            I think I just picked two Big 10 schools over two Big East schools, but I don’t actually know what teams are in what conference anymore.

National Championship

#1 Indiana over #2 Ohio State

            Tom Crean has a link to the Harbaugh brothers (I think he’s married to a Harbaugh sister or something), so we’ll ride the Harbaugh wave through the NCAA tournament.

 
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