NFL Three-Quarter Pole Power Rankings

            We did something a little different with this edition of our NFL power rankings. Utilizing ESPN’s NFL Playoff Machine, we projected the results of every game for the rest of the NFL season. Using that, we’ll rank the teams based on their projected finish.

32. Kansas City Chiefs (2-10, projected finish 3-13)

            Kansas City’s win against Carolina will be one of the five most memorable victories of the 2012-13 season (playoffs included), but that doesn’t mean they will close the year on a five game winning streak. The Chiefs are still a team in desperate need of finding a franchise quarterback.

31. Jacksonville Jaguars (2-10, projected finish 3-13)

            I know there a fair amount of years left in this decade, but Blaine Gabbert is a strong candidate for worst first round draft pick of the ‘10s.

30. Philadelphia Eagles (3-9, projected finish 3-13)

            There’s no better example of how devastating an inept offensive line can be for your football team than the 2012 Philadelphia Eagles.

29. Oakland Raiders (3-9, projected finish 4-12)

            The Carson Palmer trade continues to look worse and worse with each passing day. All of the draft picks they gave up to the Bengals could’ve been used to shore up an atrocious defense.

28. Detroit Lions (4-8, projected finish 4-12)

            Every game of the 2012 season for Detroit has looked like a “No Fucking Way Game” in Madden. Long term, they could benefit from adding an elite defensive playmaker with a high draft pick in next year’s draft.

27. New York Jets (5-7, projected finish 5-11)

            Welcome to the AFC’s version of the Eagles.

26. Arizona Cardinals (4-8, projected finish 5-11)

            Weird fact…Arizona was 3-0 with the replacement referees. They are 1-8 since.

25. Carolina Panthers (3-9, projected finish 5-11)

            Ron Rivera doesn’t get talked about enough when the discussion of horrendous NFL coaches comes up.

24. Tennessee Titans (4-8, projected finish 6-10)

            You could argue that Tennessee has only one legitimate win this season (their 37-3 thrashing of Miami in Week 10). At least Chris Johnson has shown that he has a pulse this year.

23. Buffalo Bills (5-7, projected finish 6-10)

            What happens when a team invests too much money in a quarterback from Harvard? The 2012 Buffalo Bills, that’s what happens.

22. Minnesota Vikings (6-6, projected finish 6-10)

            If there were such a thing as “Most Valuable Player Who Got Hurt During the Middle of the Season and His Team Immediately Went in the Shitter Award”, it would go to Percy Harvin.

21. Cleveland Browns (4-8, projected finish 6-10)

            For those of you that play fantasy football and have bitched before because you’re one of the top scoring teams but you’re record doesn’t reflect it, here’s two point differentials for you to chew on for real NFL teams.

-41
-36

            The first point differential is for the Indianapolis Colts, who need two wins to wrap up a Wild Card spot. The second is for the Cleveland Browns, who’ve played their asses off all season but have consistently come up short. Buy stock in the 2013 Browns.

20. Miami Dolphins (5-7, projected finish 7-9)

            There’s way too much Ryan Tannehill involved to give me any optimism about the three-year outlook of the Dolphins. They’d be above .500 if Matt Moore was starting.

19. San Diego Chargers (4-8, projected finish 7-9)

            I’m still trying to figure out how I projected San Diego to win three of their last four games. This team mailed the season in a month ago.

18. Dallas Cowboys (6-6, projected finish 7-9)

            Jerry Jones needs to mail Sean Payton a blank check. It should be plain to see that Dallas is going nowhere with Jason Garrett at the helm.

17. New Orleans Saints (5-7, projected finish 7-9)

            As far as disorganized football teams go, the Saints have done pretty well for themselves.

16. St. Louis Rams (5-6-1, projected finish 7-8-1)

            The Rams are two or three offensive playmakers short of being a playoff team. Their haul from the pre-draft trade with the Redskins last spring should help that.

15. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (6-6, projected finish 8-8)

            Who would’ve thought that Tampa Bay would be the highest scoring team in the NFC through 12 games? Too bad they can’t play a lick of defense.

14. Baltimore Ravens (9-3, projected finish 9-7)

            At first glance, it would seem aggressive to predict that Baltimore will lose their last four games, but here’s the argument in bullet points.

-         Baltimore ranks 15^th in passing yardage, 23^rd in rushing, 23^rd in passing yards allowed, and 23^rd in rushing yards allowed.

-         Take away their Week 1 blowout of Cincinnati (remember they were honoring their recently deceased owner) and their Week 10 blowout of Oakland (remember, they are the Raiders), and Baltimore has been outscored by 5 points this season in their other ten games.

-         The replacement refs gift-wrapped a Week 3 win over the Patriots for them, Jason Garrett gift wrapped a Week 6 win over the Cowboys with horrendous clock management (stunner!), and Ray Rice had to convert a fourth and 29 for Baltimore to force overtime against an awful Chargers team.

-         The remaining schedule is @ Redskins (too banged up on defense to hang with RGIII), vs. Broncos (still playing for a first round bye), vs. Giants (will be playing to stay ahead of the Redskins), and vs. Bengals (if Cincinnati takes care of business, they should be battling Baltimore for the final wildcard spot in Week 17 on NBC’s “SUNDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL”. ALL RIGHT SUNDAY NIGHT WHERE ARE YOU…oops, sorry).

So you heard it here first, Baltimore loses out and misses the playoffs.

13. Washington Redskins (6-6, projected finish 9-7)

            The cool thing to do is to predict that Washington will overtake the Giants and take the NFC East, and the schedule looks favorable on paper, but remember the plucky Cleveland Browns. Washington travels there in Week 15, and that’s where the winning streak ends. Couple that with resurgence by the Giants (more on that later), and RGIII will have to wait until next year to make his playoff debut.

12. Indianapolis Colts (8-4, projected finish 10-6, #5 seed in the AFC)

            I can’t wait to bet on whoever the Colts play in the first round of the playoffs. Indy will lose by 17+.

11. Cincinnati Bengals (7-5, projected finish 10-6, #6 seed in the AFC)

            Here’s the other team I can’t wait to bet against.

10. San Francisco 49ers (8-3-1, projected finish 10-5-1, #6 seed in the NFC)

            San Francisco got a tough draw with back-to-back road dates at New England and Seattle. They need to win one or hope Seattle trips up somewhere else in order to secure the division. No Credentials doesn’t see that happening, meaning a road trip to the Giants.

9. Chicago Bears (8-4, projected finish 11-5, #5 seed in the NFC)

            Big props to Chicago attempting to reenact a 1970s style offense. Brandon Marshal has 61 more receptions than any one else on the team, and over 900 more receiving yards than anyone else. I can’t wait for them to get shut out at Seattle in the Wild Card Round.

8. Seattle Seahawks (7-5, projected finish 11-5, #4 seed in the NFC)

            Three games at home (where Seattle morphs into the ’85 Bears) and one road date at Buffalo make for a favorable finish.

7. New York Giants (7-5, projected finish 11-5, #3 seed in the NFC)

            I have New York slaughtering the Falcons in Atlanta Week 15. Don’t let a fluke loss at Washington fool you. The Giants will still be a scary team come January.

6. Pittsburgh Steelers (7-5, projected finish 11-5, #4 seed in the AFC)

            With only one road game left (at the pathetic Cowboys), Pittsburgh is poised to take advantage of a potential Baltimore collapse.

5. Denver Broncos (9-3, projected finish 12-4, #3 seed in the AFC)

            The Peyton Manning comeback has been a tremendous success, but in this model, it won’t end well with a forecasted second round clash against New England.

4. Green Bay Packers (8-4, projected finish 12-4, #2 seed in the NFC)

            A road game at Chicago is all that stands in the way between Green Bay securing a first round bye in the playoffs.

3. Atlanta Falcons (11-1, projected finish 13-3, #1 seed in the NFC)

            Atlanta should coast to the number one seed in the NFC, but that doesn’t mean they are a shoe-in to win a playoff game. At least in this model, they won’t have to play the Giants in the second round.

2. New England Patriots (9-3, projected finish 13-3, #2 seed in the AFC)

            Expect the Patriots to take a page out of the Green Bay Packers playbook when Aaron Rodgers hung six touchdowns on the Texans in Week 6.

1. Houston Texans (11-1, projected finish 14-2, #1 seed in the AFC)

            Houston might lose this Monday night at New England, but the rest of their schedule is favorable enough that they should still end up with home-field advantage. It would be a much different game if the Patriots had to travel to Houston for the AFC Championship Game.