Week 13 NFL Picks

            An amazing thing happened last week. No, we’re not talking about RGIII eviscerating the Cowboys (it’s going to suck playing him twice a year), The Ass Fumble (thanks go out to Rex Ryan for not benching the Sanchize yet, otherwise we wouldn’t have that wonderful highlight to watch over and over for years to come), or even Thanksgiving. No, it was something much more significant than that, something that clearly shows the Mayans are right and we all have only three weeks to live…

No Credentials went 14-1-1 picking the Week 12 games.

            It started with a rousing 3-0 run on Thanksgiving, which led to a luck-filled Sunday, culminating with the joy of picking against a shitty Eagles team. To put my good fortune in perspective (sorry if I’m bragging, but I’m pretty sure 14-1-1 will never, EVER, happen again), here are some fun facts.

-         Of the sixteen teams I picked to cover, only one of them didn’t win outright (Detroit, and by my count, they should’ve beaten Houston four different times). Fortunately, they still covered.

-         Denver was the only team I chose that lost against the spread, but they still were able to advance No Credentials in the Sportsbook $100K Survivor Pool, and I had them in a two-team teaser with the Bengals (dropping their line to 4.5), which also won.

-         Atlanta pushed (only beating Tampa by 1), but they redeemed themselves for me last night against New Orleans. Still can’t wait to bet on whoever they are playing against in the Divisional Round.

-         Sprinkling a little fantasy football in just for fun, my No Credentials Fantasy Football League team, which has been decimated by injuries (don’t feel too bad for me, I lost my mind and drafted both Vick and Roethlisberger. Should’ve known how that pair would turn out), had it’s season saved by Colin Kaepernick and Bryce Brown. To show how in the tank I am for Kaepernick, I was just able to correctly spell his name twice without even having to rely on spell check.

            I’d like to take more credit for my ridiculous week of prognostication, but I was half asleep when I made my Sunday/Monday picks after working a 6am-6pm shift on Black Friday. Even more egregious, I only made two wagers on NFL games (who’s winnings only made up for a foolish bet on the Trail Blazers earlier in the week). Thankfully, I didn’t have to work 12 hours today, but I will try to duplicate some of last week’s magic and simply list all of my picks. Home teams are in caps.

BEARS (-4) over Seahawks

PACKERS (-8) over Vikings

Rams (+7.5) over 49ERS

JETS (-4.5) over Cardinals

Panthers (-3) over CHIEFS

LIONS (-5) over Colts

Jaguars (+6) over BILLS

Patriots (-9) over DOLPHINS

Texans (-7) over TITANS

BRONCOS (-7) over Buccaneers

CHARGERS (+1.5) over Bengals

Browns (+2.5) over RAIDERS

RAVENS (-4) over Steelers

Eagles (+10.5) over COWBOYS

Giants (-2.5) over REDSKINS

 

Last Week = 14-1-1

Thursday = 1-0 (thanks Brees for out-sucking Matty Ice)
Season = 94-77-5