10 Awesome Things That Happened This Weekend (12/6-12/8)

10. United States Draws the Group of Death for 2014 World Cup
            American futbol fans are going to have to adopt another team if they want to follow a club beyond group play next year. The Americans will be lucky to win a game.

9. Rudy Gay Shipped to Sacramento

            It takes a franchise as dysfunctional as Sacramento to take on a $20 million a year player shooting 39% from the field, and that’s exactly what Toronto found. All they need is a favorable lottery spot to build the team around Canadian Andrew Wiggins.

8. Matt Prater Boots a 64-Yard Field Goal

            This is notable because no man in the history of THE NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE had ever successfully converted an attempt this long. We’ll put an asterisk next to it because it happened 5,000 feet above sea level.

7. Colorado Stuns Andrew Wiggins, Kansas
            Long-term, a little adversity for this year’s sensational freshmen class isn’t a bad thing.

6. Robinson Cano Inks $240 Million Deal With Seattle

            In a vacuum, giving a contract of this size too a 31-year old second baseman isn’t that bright. However, when you’re looking to make a splash and let the baseball world know that you mean business, landing a player of Cano’s stature is the right thing to do.

5. Michigan State Upsets Ohio State
4. Auburn Outguns Missouri
            It wouldn’t of been entirely fair if the team from (by far) the country’s hardest conference was shut out of the national championship game by two teams who faced a far inferior slate, but justice was served when the Spartans knocked off the Buckeyes.

3. Kobe Returns

            Sure he almost had more turnovers than points, but it’s great to see the Black Mamba back on the court.
       
2. 49ers Make a Statement Against Seattle
            This game doesn’t change the fact that Seattle is the Super Bowl favorite, but at least the 49ers know they are capable of knocking them off.

1. Patriots Grab Victory From Jaws of Defeat

            It made virtually no sense that Cleveland was trying to win the game (with the moves they’ve made this season, sucking as much as possible to secure as much value from the draft is the way to go), so I guess Tom Brady tossing two touchdowns in the final minute make sense. Unfortunately for Patriots fans, their Super Bowl hopes are likely on ice after Rob Gronkowski shredded a couple of knee ligaments.

10 Awesome Things That Happened This Weekend (11/15-11/17)

10. Austin Dillon Wins Nationwide Title
            Sadly, no one other than his grandfather gave a shit about this accomplishment, as Dillon didn’t even win a race this year in a series dominated by Cup regulars.

9. Kobe Returns to Practice

            This development doesn’t mean the Black Mamba will be back on the court in a week, but it’s a great sign that one of the greatest players of the post-Jordan era will be back soon.

8. Georges St. Pierre “Beats” Johny Hendricks

            Rather than use a ton of expletives to describe my disdain for the judges of this fight (EDITORS NOTE: We had money on this fight), we’ll let Dana White do the talking.

 

7. USC Upsets Stanford
            It’s cool that Lane Kiffin is no longer involved with the USC program, because I feel like I can actually celebrate their successes again.

6. Indiana Pacers Finally Lose a Game

            More vital than that fact was the effectiveness of Derrick Rose and the Chicago Bulls. The 2011 MVP looked a little sluggish in the early parts of the season, but appears to be hitting his stride.

5. Steelers Show Life, Rally Against Detroit
            Believe it or not, Pittsburgh is only a game out of the sixth seed in the AFC.

4. Denver Dominates Kansas City

            Last night was a prime example of why you really can’t trust Alex Smith if you have aspirations for a Super Bowl run.

3. Chicago Bears Outlast Weather, Baltimore Ravens in Overtime

            It only made sense that a game delayed two hours by the threat of a tornado went into overtime.
       
2. Saints Capitalize on Late 49ers Miscues, Win 23-20
            A costly roughing the passer penalty (which maybe back in the day would’ve been legal, but not anymore) and a fair catch interference call ultimately ruined what had been an impressive effort by the underdog 49ers.

1. Jimmie Johnson Wins 6^th Sprint Cup

            Johnson did everything he had to do to secure a championship that officially opens the quest to equal Richard Petty and Dale Earnhardt as the only drivers to ever win seven titles.

10 Awesome Things That Happened This Weekend (4/12-4/14)

10. Jose Reyes Injures His Ankle
            A bunch of folks that drafted him in the third or fourth round on their fantasy team are really disappointed.

9. Carlos Quentin Drops Appeal, Dodges Trip to Los Angeles

            Shouldn’t of Quentin’s penalty forced him to play at Dodger Stadium less than a week after breaking Zack Greinke’s clavicle?

8. Kyle Busch Wins Another Nationwide Race

            It’s awesome that all of the young up-and-coming drivers get a chance to finish second to Kyle Busch every week in the Nationwide Series.

7. Michigan Point Guard Trey Burke Enters the NBA Draft
            Eventually, a NBA team could win a championship if Trey Burke was their fourth best player. I’m not sure if that’s a comment or an insult, but it’s the way it is.

6. Kevin Durant Fined $25,000 For “Menacing Gesture”

            I tried to fine my son $25K for dropping a menacing poop in his Pamper, but alas he doesn’t have any money.

5. Atlanta Braves Sweep Nationals, Improve to 11-1
            If Evan Gattis keeps hitting the crap out of baseballs, someone is going to make a movie about him in three years.

4. Kyle Busch Wins the NRA 500

            People two left or right of center were too busy arguing about the NRA to realize that a NASCAR race was actually happening.

3. Dirk Nowitzki Becomes First German to Score 25,000 Points
            Deutschland ist sehr gut.

2. Kobe Bryant Tears His Achilles, Makes a Crazy Facebook Post, and Then Tweets Photos of His Surgery

            Don’t bet against Kobe being ready for opening night next fall.

1. Adam Scott Wins The Masters

            This one was especially meaningful after Scott’s epic choke last summer in the British Open. Incredibly, he becomes the first man from Australia ever to win at Augusta.

10 Awesome Things That Happened This Weekend (3/8-3/10)

10. Steelers Cut James Harrison
            Pittsburgh fans will forever be grateful for Harrison’s 100-yard interception return in the Super Bowl.

9. 15-20 Liberty Flames Earn NCAA Tournament Bid

            Liberty will go down as the second worst team to make postseason play in sports play, narrowly losing out to the 2008 Miami Dolphins.

8. Deron Williams Buries NBA Record 9 Threes in First Half Against Wizards

            For those not in the know, that’s a lot of fucking threes.

7. Canadiens and Mexicans Beat the Shit Out of Each Other in World Baseball Classic
            As soon as the first punch was thrown, the brawl became the most interesting thing that has ever happened in the WBC. Hopefully this doesn’t lead to tension between the two countries, as I’d hate for the United States to get caught in the crossfire.

6. Chicago Blackhawks Finally Lose a Regulation Game

            Incredibly, the Blackhawks have now lost two games in a row.

5. Matt Kenseth Celebrates Birthday With a Win at Las Vegas
            It was an impressive feat for Kenseth to hold off Kasey Kahne (who had the fastest car all day) with old tires to score his first win for Joe Gibbs Racing. Early returns from his move from Roush Fenway are positive.

4. Boston Outlasts Hawks

3. Kobe Bryant Wills Lakers to Overtime Win Over Toronto
            It’s been a rough season for the longtime NBA rivals, but things are finally looking up for Boston and L.A. Boston has climbed all the way to sixth in the Eastern Conference, while the Lakers are currently in the top eight in the West for the first time in 2013.

2. Miami Heat Run Winning Streak to 18

            There is no debating who the current favorite to win the NBA Finals is right now. When you’re the defending champs, you’ve won 18 in a row, and you employ the best player on Earth, it’s hard to argue for the Spurs or Thunder.

1. Tiger Woods Dominates for 76^th Career PGA Tour Victory

            No Credentials has said it before, and we’ll write it again. Golf is ten times more watchable when Tiger Woods is firing on all cylinders. There has never been an athlete that has single-handedly carried his sport like Tiger. It’s hard not to get excited about his chances at The Masters in a few weeks.

10 Awesome Things That Happened This Past Weekend (2/22-2/24)

10. No Fans Died After Horrific Last Lap Nationwide Crash
            For all my years of watching auto racing, I don’t recall a time when a tire got into the seats and didn’t kill at least one person. We’ll discuss this event, and the public perception of the top story on our list, later this week.

9. Caution Flag Gives Johnny Sauter Truck Series Win at Daytona

            I had planned to rip NASCAR for not letting the trucks race to the checkered flag, but arguing against safety seemed pretty ignorant after the events of Saturday.

8. Golden State Debuts Short Sleeve Jerseys

            The Warriors looked pretty stupid in their new shirts, but at least they were able to pull out an overtime win over the top team in the NBA.

7. Ryan Braun Homers in First Spring Training At-Bat

            I’d spend more time mocking Braun for all his links to potential steroid use if he wasn’t one of the pillars of my keeper league team.

6. Manti Te’o Faces the Music at the NFL Combine

            Predictably, the NFL brass wasn’t very sympathetic for Te’o getting cat-fished. He didn’t help his cause by running a 4.82 40 today either.

5. Ronda Rousey Arm Bars Liz Carmouche
            In other words, the girl with the pretty face and the big arms beat the girl with the ugly face and the big arms.

4. #2 Miami Upset By Wake Forest

            Here’s this weeks installment of “Big Time College Basketball Upset That No Credentials Doesn’t Give a Shit About”, sponsored by ACME. Although on a side note, how the hell did the Miami Hurricanes get ranked second in the nation in men’s basketball?

3. Alex Ovechkin Drops a Hat Trick on New Jersey

            It’s hard to believe that the man once regarded as the second best hockey player on Earth hadn’t netted 3 goals in a game in over two years.

2. Kobe Bryant Shows Up Mark Cuban

            After dropping 38 points, 12 boards, and 7 assists, Kobe had the right to tweet “AMNESTY THAT”.

1. Jimmie Johnson Wins 2013 Daytona 500, Danica Patrick Finishes 8th

            Some folks called this race boring, but at least a car didn’t end up in the seats.

10 Awesome Things That Happened This Past Weekend (2/15-2/17)

10. Rick Grimes Keeps Seeing His Dead Wife
            I watch “The Walking Dead” to see zombies, not a dude going bonkers and making out with a ghost.

9. Rafael Nadal Wins First Tennis Tournament Since Returning From Injury

            Tennis is way more interest when Nadal is in the mix. That’s your Troy Aikman-esque comment of the day, sponsored by “You’re Absolutely Right Joe”.

8. Lionel Messi Scores 300^th Career Goal For Barcelona

            Here’s your obligatory mention of futbol in the weekly top 10 to soak up some cheap page hits from Europe.

7. Terrance Ross Wins the Worst Dunk Contest Ever

            Want to get some stars into the dunk contest? Let’s offer a $1 million (after taxes) to the winner. You’ll get some name guys to particpate for that prize.

6. Michael Kidd-Gilchrist Admits He Lost 1-on-1 Game Against Michael Jordan

            I’d make fun of Kidd-Gilchrist more, but I once got up-faked by a dude in his sixties a couple of years back.

5. #2 Duke Gets Upset By Maryland
            Here’s this week’s installment of the “Big Time College Basketball Upset That No Credentials Doesn’t Give A Shit About”, sponsored by Apple Cider Vinegar.

4. Kyrie Irving Takes Home 3-Point Shootout Championship

            An impressive showing by the Cavaliers budding superstar point guard, who scored 23 out of a possible 30 points in the final round against New Hampshire’s own Matt Bonner.

3. Kevin Harvick Starts Lame-Duck Season With Sprint Unlimited Win
            We won’t put too much stock in this win as the majority of the top teams were knocked out early in the race, so don’t look for Harvick to be ranked very high in this week’s NASCAR season preview.

2. Danica Patrick Wins Daytona 500 Pole

            NASCAR has a long list of “storybook” outcomes, so here’s where Danica’s pole winning run ranks.

1. Richard Petty claiming his 200^th and final career win with Ronald Reagan in attendance at the 1984 Firecracker 400 (Petty was, and still is, a diehard Republican, so this victory turned into a glorified campaign stop for Reagan while he was running for his second term in office).

2. Dale Earnhardt Jr. winning the Pepsi 400 just five months after his father died in a last-lap crash in the 500 (as someone who watched the whole race live, I don’t care about the conspiracy theory. That was the most memorable NASCAR victory by anyone of the entire decade).
3. Danica Patrick winning the pole for this year’s Daytona 500.

            You might think I’d come down negatively on this, but you’d be mistaken. Qualifying at Daytona is in the discussion of most boring things you could ever watch on television. Furthermore, qualifying means very little at a restrictor plate track where cars zoom from the back to the front in less than a handful of laps. If NASCAR did anything to “encourage” a pole-winning run by Patrick, I’d call that some damn good marketing.

1. Chris Paul Quarterbacks West Win in NBA All-Star Game

            Paul was the MVP, Kevin Durant was the best scorer, but it was Kobe Bryant’s two blocks of Lebron James that will go in the books as the most memorable moments of the game.

10 Awesome Things That Happened This Weekend (1/25-1/27)

10. Danica Patrick and Ricky Stenhouse Announce That They Are Dating
            I have high hopes for Stenhouse, so hopefully this doesn’t derail his career.

9. Juan Montoya Clinches Another Rolex 24 Win For Chip Ganassi

            I’m not emotionally invested in sports car racing (the cars are cool, but they get to spread out for my liking), but mentioning Montoya is the perfect excuse to show what happened to him last February at Daytona.

 

8. Lebron Celebrates $75,000 Half-Court Shot With a Fan

            Thanks to the lovely tax code, Michael Drysch will only get to keep $53,000 of it.

7. Saturday Night Live Mocks Ray Lewis

            The only thing this skit missed was a steroids reference.

 

6. Villanova Stuns #3 Syracuse

            Here is this week’s “Major College Basketball Upset That No Credentials Doesn’t Give A Shit About”, sponsored by VAGISIL.

5. Kobe Learns To Pass

            If this were still 2012, I’d say it was another sure sign of an impending apocalypse.
         
4. Northern Illinois Scores Four First Half Points In a Division I Men’s Basketball Game
            Thankfully, they exploded for 21 points in the second.

3. Ashley Wagner Wins U.S. Figure Skating Championship

            I don’t know where my life went wrong, but I watched roughly an hour of this event, and was thoroughly entertained.

2. Carmelo Drops 42 On the Hawks

            Anthony had been crushing the field goal percentage of my second fantasy basketball team for weeks, so Sunday’s explosion was much appreciated.

1. Celtics Outlast Heat in Double Overtime, Then Find Out Rondo Has Torn ACL
            A potentially season saving win was marred by the news that Rajon Rondo blew out his knee in Friday night’s double-overtime win over the Hawks.

10 Awesome Things That Happened This Past Weekend (3/30-4/1)

10. LOGO Plays “Showgirls” All Day Sunday
            My wife tripped over this one (I swear). The movie is apart of LOGO’s “great American cinema” series. Apparently, LOGO has a much different idea of great filmmaking than the majority of the American public.

9. Red Sox Announce Daniel Bard Will Start Year in Rotation

            Because anytime you can screw up your bullpen on the fleeting chance that a guy who hasn’t started a game in 5 years might be decent at the back end of your rotation, you have to do it.

8. Johan Santana Named Mets Opening Day Starter

            It’s really easy to forget that Santana was once the most dominant pitcher in baseball. Even with him, the Mets will struggle to stay out of the NL East basement, but good for him for returning after missing the entire 2011 season.

7. Ubaldo Jimenez Gets Revenge on Troy Tulowitzki With Fastball to the Elbow

            Aside from the fact that Tulowitzki is on one of my 4 fantasy teams (sadly, I couldn’t tell you which one), I love every part of this story. I like that Ubaldo was pissed off about not getting a contract extension when he was still with the Rockies while Tulowitzki and Carlos Gonzalez did. I love that Tulowitzki basically said that Ubaldo needs to shut the hell up and move on with his career. I love that Rockies manager Jim Tracy went on the record after the incident and said that he has lost all respect for Jimenez. It’s a damn shame that the Rockies and Indians won’t play again this season.

6. Notre Dame Knocks Off Lady Huskies in Overtime

            I didn’t watch a second of this game, but I’m 99% sure that this score results in no Geno Auriemma for several months.

5. Kobe Bryant Goes 3-21 in Lakers Victory Over Hornets

            Thankfully, Kobe’s career worst shooting performance wasn’t enough from preventing the Lakers advancing No Credentials in the Sportsbook $20,000 survivor pool.

4. Celtics Thump Heat

            If every Celtics game were played on Sunday afternoon on ABC, Rajon Rondo would be the greatest point guard in NBA history. 

3. David Reutimann Takes Win 200 Away From Hendrick Motorsports

            It’s not fair to be so hard on Reutimann, who was shooting for the best possible finish to keep his car in the top 35 in owner points, so let’s play it safe and blame NASCAR. Let’s say only the top 25 in points were guaranteed a starting spot every week (there’s really only 20 cars that have a realistic shot to win every race). This would prevent an also ran team like Reutimanns from keeping an ailing car on the race track one lap too long and completely altering the complexion of a race in the final laps. While Sunday’s finish was certainly memorable (Ryan Newman won by the way), we were robbed off a classic 4-lap sprint to the finish between Jeff Gordon and Jimmie Johnson. I’ll leave it to you to decide if that outcome would be better than the one we got Sunday.   

2. Anthony Davis and His Uni-Brow Take Over Against Louisville

            If I were a fan of the Bobcats, Wizards, Hornets, Raptors, Cavaliers, or Kings, I’d be cheering for my team to lose every game to get some more ping balls for the draft lottery this May. Anthony Davis is that good.

1. Down Big, Kansas Storms Back to Top Ohio St.

            Jared Sullinger didn’t strike me as the sort of player that could shoot his team out of a victory, but that’s what happened Saturday night. Kansas will be heavy underdogs against Kentucky, but they do have the necessary depth in the frontcourt to give the Wildcats problems.

                                                                                                         

10 Awesome Things That Happened This Past Weekend (3/9-3/11)

10. Jets Give Mark Sanchez $60 Million Extension
            When people are joking on Twitter that the news of a Sanchez extension was real and not a story on The Onion, you know it’s a tough time to be a Jets fan.

9. Vermont Catamounts Earn NCAA Tournament Berth

            Many moons ago, I was a student at UVM for about 5 and a half minutes, so way to go Catamounts!

8. Masked Mamba Leads Lakers Rally Past Celtics

            Even more impressive than Kobe’s ten points in the fourth quarter? His suggestion that the game clinching shot be taken by Andrew Bynum.

7. Florida St. Upsets North Carolina

6. Vanderbilt Upsets Kentucky
5. College Basketball Conference Tournaments Are Stupid
            North Carolina, Kentucky, and Syracuse all lost in their conference tournaments, and still earned number one seeds in the NCAA Tournament. I rest my case that conference tournaments are stupid.

4. Tony Stewart Beats Jimmie Johnson in Vegas

            Smoke usually doesn’t heat up until the summer. Might be time for folks to get worried about the defending champion.

3. Rick Kills Shane on “The Walking Dead”

            I guess when you have the chance to kill off your show’s most interesting character you have to do it.

2. Peyton Manning Visits Denver and Arizona

            Add getting Broncos fans so giddy about his potential arrival that they are willing to toss Tebow-mania to the wayside like an expired piece of chicken to the list of amazing accomplishments made by Peyton Manning.

1. Washington Redskins Mortgage Future For Robert Griffin III

            So let me get this straight…a terrible team with many holes surrenders this years second round pick, and two future first round picks, for the rights to a rookie quarterback who will probably struggle out of the box? Aren’t the odds in favor of Washington being among the ten worst teams in football next season? Even with as good as Cam Newton was last season, Carolina still ended up with the ninth pick in this years draft. St. Louis is making out like bandits in this trade. RG3 needs to be the second coming of Randall Cunningham (circa 1990) to justify the price Washington paid to acquire him.

10 Awesome Things That Happened This Past Weekend (3/2-3/4)

10. Elliott Sadler Wins First Nationwide Race in 14 Years

            Apparently, it took wrecking a five-time champion on the second lap of the Daytona 500 to get Elliott Sadler back to victory lane. That’s not true at all, but it’s fun to remember that Jimmie Johnson wrecked on the second lap of the Daytona 500.

9. Late Jumper Gives Ohio St. Share of Big Ten Title

            Amazingly enough, it’s a three way split in the Big Ten as Michigan St., Michigan, and Ohio State all have a piece of the regular season title. For the first time in years, the Big Ten Tournament might actually be interesting. 

8. Dale Dies on “The Walking Dead”

            Dale was a whiny bitch, so I can’t say that I’m overtly bummed to see him bite the dust.

7. Jim Calhoun Returns to UConn Bench, Huskies Win

            I’d be happier to see Calhoun back if he wasn’t such a slime-ball. Nevertheless, UConn could steal a 9 or 10 seed in the tournament if they can go on a deep run in the Big East Tournament.

6. Saints Place Franchise Tag on Drew Brees

           Thankfully for the health of Brees, defensive coordinator Gregg Williams did not place the franchise tag.

5. UNC Pummels Duke, Wins ACC Regular Season Championship

            Duke had the largest halftime deficit they have ever faced at Cameron Indoor Stadium in this contest. North Carolina looks like a squad that is peaking at the perfect time.

4. Denny Hamlin Has Enough Gas, Wins at Phoenix

            This is the second straight year that the driver No Credentials has picked before the season to win the championship has won the second race of the season at Phoenix. That has no relevance to anything, but I thought I would note it.

3. Tiger Fires Final Round 62, Loses By Two Strokes to Rory McIlroy

            After withstanding Tiger’s furious rally, McIlroy has climbed to the top of the World Golf rankings.

2. Kobe’s 33 Points Lead Lakers to Win Over Miami

            The Masked Mamba eclipsed 30 points for the third straight game since Dwyane Wade broke his nose. The refs emasculated Wade in this one, collecting three quick fouls in the middle of the fourth quarter and fouling out of the game.

1. Rondo and Pierce Go Bonkers, Lead Celtics Over Knicks in Overtime

            Linsanity was put on ice Sunday afternoon as Rajon Rondo was in control throughout. We’ll see if this game is a springboard for the second half of the season, or simply an excuse for Danny Ainge to up the asking price for Rondo.

Super Bowl Mail Bag, Prop Bets, and a Prediction

            As always, these may or may not be actual e-mails from real or fake people.

What’s my greatest accomplishment, winning a Super Bowl, or overshadowing a Super Bowl I’m not even playing in? – Peyton M., Indianapolis, IN

            I’m leaning toward overshadowing this year’s game, as your one Super Bowl win came against Rex Grossman. Other than the original Desert Storm invasion of Iraq in 1991, has there ever been a bigger non-Super Bowl related news story during the week leading up to the game? I’ll give any reader who comes up with one a fake prize if you message me with one.

So I’m back in the yellow scivvy, what do you think? – Greg P., Sydney, Australia

            I’m guessing most of you aren’t up to speed on The Wiggles, so let me try to make an analogy that will explain what a big deal it is for the original yellow Wiggle to return. In terms of children’s music, it’s like if Jim Morrison came back from the dead six years after his heroin overdose to sing for The Doors. Greg Page (aka Greg Wiggle) is a big f***ing deal (we’ll bleep it because we’re talking about a kid’s group). I didn’t really learn about The Wiggles until my son was born (because you know, it would be pretty strange if I was rocking out to “Hot Potato” while driving around in high school), but it didn’t take long what this guy meant to a lot of kids (and parents) all over the world. Greg left the group in 2006 because of a disorder that basically doesn’t allow enough blood to flow through his body (I always thought Sam Wiggle was a time traveler from the future who came back to poison Greg so he could be the yellow Wiggle), but now he’s back to kick ass and chew bubble gum, and of course, wiggle. 

I have a two-part question. First, is it ok to have a man crush on Tim Tebow? Second, on average, how many puppies do you think Tom Brady kicks in a day? – Colin Tuttle, Bozeman, MT

            Question 1: Michael Vick was (and is still to a few members of the population) a much-admired quarterback who also couldn’t complete a quick slant, so I’m totally cool with anybody on the Tebow bandwagon.
            Question 2: Brady thinks about kicking 100 puppies a day, but Giselle holds him back.

(EDITORS NOTE: “The New York Post” has never been a model of professional journalism, but their “exclusive” breaking of Gisele Bundchen’s private e-mail to friends and family asking for prayers for Brady this Sunday has to rank as one of the dumbest front page stories I’ve ever seen. Is it really news that a wife would ask for support before her husband’s big game? No wonder newspapers are bleeding money)

Is it reasonable for a big-time recruit to have his choice of school be partially swayed by the proximity of a fast food chain? – Dan V., Montpelier, VT

            This question is relevant after linebacker Cassanova McKinzy revealed that one of the reasons he picked Auburn over Clemson was because there wasn’t a Chick-fil-A in sight. As someone who likes Wendy’s and Chili’s way too much, I can’t fault the kid for letting him pick one school over the other for that reason. If I were a big-time college prospect, my ability to efficiently order and eat a Spicy Chicken Sandwich would probably rank second behind the likelihood of ending up in the NFL.   

Should I be bitter about getting dumped by The Wiggles, or grateful for the opportunity I was given? Sam M., Sydney, Australia

            When the news first broke, I would have to say grateful. It would be one thing if you got canned so some random guy to replace you, but there’s no shame in being replaced by the original singer. However, the smear campaign being led by Anthony Wiggle would piss off. Watch this interview to see poor Sam being referred to like he was the janitor at the Wiggles complex.

            I think Charlie Sheen was more prepared for his interviews last spring while sky high on cocaine than Anthony Wiggle was. I can’t wait for ex-Wiggle Sam’s tell all book about how much of a dick Anthony Wiggle was/is. 

Why doesn’t McD's sell hot dogs? – Megan L., Silver Lake, NH

            Ray Kroc, who purchased the brand from the McDonald brothers, stated in his 1976 autobiography that he banned chains from carrying hot dogs because he felt they were unhygenic (because you know, a Double-Quarter Pounder with Cheese is). McDonald’s restaurants in the UK, Japan, and Toronto have carried hot dogs at various times over the years, but they have followed the word of their most important executive with their locations in the U.S. since his death in 1981.  

Are the starters for the NBA All-Star Game further proof that the general public shouldn’t be allowed to vote for anything? – Finn, Bismark, ND

            Great question. Let’s review each one starting with the Eastern Conference, grading each selection on a 1 to 10 scale.

PG: Derrick Rose, Bulls – The defending MVP is having another MVP-type season despite dealing with turf toe. Grade = 10

SG: Dwyane Wade, Heat – He’s been banged up, but this pick is defensible because there has been no other 2-guard even close to him in the East. Grade = 9

SF: Lebron James, Heat – 30, 8, and 7 on 55% shooting is ridiculous. If it weren’t for the national media bias against him, he’d be the clear favorite for league MVP. Grade = 10

PF: Carmelo Anthony, Knicks – Voted in because of name alone, Anthony should’ve been passed over for Chris Bosh. Can’t believe I just typed that last sentence, but it’s 100% true. Grade = 3

C: Dwight Howard, Magic – Howard still dominates despite being surrounded by constant trade rumors and sub-par teammates. Grade = 10

Now for the West…

PG: Chris Paul, Clippers – The quarterback of Lob City, Paul has delivered the goods for the Clipers. Grade = 10

SG: Kobe Bryant, Lakers – Kobe’s scoring average is only 0.3 higher than Lebrons, but the degree of difficulty for Kobe to get his 30 points is three times higher. It’s amazing what he’s doing at his age. Grade = 10

SF: Kevin Durant, Thunder – His scoring is down, but his overall stat-line is up across the board. Grade = 10

PF: Blake Griffin, Clippers – I heart Griffin, but this is the most egregious mistake the fans made. Kevin Love is average 27 and 14, while also shooting almost 40% from 3. Stats don’t lie. Love should’ve been the pick here. Grade = 1

C: Andrew Bynum, Lakers – You could make a decent case that LaMarcus Aldridge (who isn’t a true center) could’ve filled this spot, but Bynum’s breakout season is worthy of an All-Star start. Grade = 9

            All in all the fans did a decent job. Score one for democracy.     

So I threw in an extended break during practice to try to simulate the Super Bowl halftime. Further proof I’m a genius right? – Bill B., Foxboro, MA

            I guess so, but I’ll be more impressed if you figure out a way to remove the horseshoe out of Eli Manning’s ass. 

I would like to formally request some No Credentials thoughts on this Lee Evans catch/no catch/should have reviewed the play/didn’t need to debacle. Personally, I think it was probably worth reviewing, although I don’t think that it was a catch according to the new rule. I think he sealed his fate by trying to keep taking steps instead of just falling to the ground and holding on for dear life. Also, I know I’m not alone on this, but I think Harbaugh sealed Cundiff’s fate by not calling a time out. Why lose a game with a time out left? Why make your kicker run out on to the field and rush through a kick that important? Either way I’m not too excited about this Super Bowl match up as a Patriots fan I can tell you that. – Mike S., Keene, NH

            I had no problem with that catch not getting reviewed. Both of his feet hit the ground after his hands were on the ball, but I don’t think he established clear possession before Sterling Moore knocked the ball out (quick aside, not nearly enough credit has gone to Moore for that play. A lot of DBs would have just tried to tackle him instead of punch the ball out. Cowboys corner Terrance Newman would’ve already fallen down at the five yard line before this pass was thrown, but that’s another topic of discussion).

I’ll give 65% of the blame to Harbaugh, Cundiff 30%, and whoever was operating the scoreboard at Gillette Stadium 5% (remember that the scoreboard was showing it was third down when it was actually fourth, which apparently is part of the reason why Cundiff was so confused). A NFL kicker should have the presence of mind to kick a relativly short field goal in rushed circumstances, but it’s pretty pathetic that a rushed kicked could’ve been prevented by a timeout. They didn’t even snap the ball until there was only one second left on the playclock. Harbaugh makes a lot of money to manage situations just like that.

You cool with Les Miles mocking an eighteen year old kid? – Steve A., Pittsboro, IN

I normally support the turf-eating coach, but can’t back him up here. For Christsake, the kid is 18 years old! To turn a kid just barely old enough to vote into a punch-line at your alumni dinner (aka: gathering of grumpy, ignorant, and delusional old men) is moraly deplorable.

Coming from a Pats fan, are you as tired as I am of hearing about Gronk? – Kyle H., Sacremento, CA

Coming from someone who isn’t a Pats fan, I am tired about hearing about Rob Gronkowski’s ankle. However, it’s not Super Bowl week if the media doesn’t beat one or two stories into the ground. At least this one is related to the game (unlike the Peyton Manning saga). Also, if Gronk is ineffective (which No Credentials predicts will not be the case), the Patriots have no chance of winning. So it is a big deal.

Paula Deen. Paula Deen. Paula Deen. Where do I start? I'm not a Paula fan, and this question is not intended to show my affection or lack of it. Is PD a healthy cooking chef? No. Is she entertaining? To some. Should her show be removed from television because of what and how she cooks most likely caused her health problems? Is there anything wrong with making "a" cupcake with 2 sticks of butter, 5 lbs of sugar and a gallon of whole milk? Why not chicken fry a steak, pour the fat into a shot glass, take a hit and chase it down with a 12 oz glass of maple syrup? We are Americans. I personally had the luxury to defend this great nation. The fat, thin, healthy, sick, rich, poor, disabled, able, fucking stupid, and insanely intelligent. Watch any sporting event and you WILL see a beer ad. What happens if we later find out that one of the actors was an alcoholic? Can he no longer make beer commercials? Now what about the Cialis commercials? He's got a problem, admits to it, goes on TV and talks about it, and yet his broken penis won't get his face time pulled. So I ask you this...if some fat, rebel flag waving, puts her dentures in lard at night and her definition of eating pork is eating the entire swine, should have her program removed because its not healthy? Maybe if she had a more acceptable problem like Mr. Cialis (who may or may not have abused his penis while alone or with others) she might still have the dignity that we are trying to take away. I say, let the fat lady sing (cook while televised), you? – Ryan B., Kearsarge, NH

After that magnificent rant, I’ll keep my reply short and simply say that I concur.

Before we get to my Super Bowl pick, here’s some prop bets that I like that I’m sure will lose.

First score of the game will be Any Other Score (+155)

Longest touchdown of the game will be Over 49.5 Yards (-115)
No team (+130) will score 3 straight times without other team scoring
New York’s total rushing yards will be Under 107.5 (-115)
Eli Manning Over 2.5 Rushing Yards (-120)
Hakeem Nicks Over 85.5 Receiver Yards (-130)
Tom Brady Will Not Throw an Interception (+115)
Ben-Jarvis Green-Ellis Over 47.5 Rushing Yards (-115)
Danny Woodhead Will Score a Touchdown (+300)
Wes Welker Over 81.5 Receiving Yards (-115)
Deion Branch Over 40.5 Receiving Yards (-115)
Deion Branch Over 3 Receptions (Even)
Wes Welker will have More Receptions Than Free Throws Attempted By Lebron James (-115)
Victor Cruz will have More Receptions Than Combined Goals By Rangers and Flyers (-115)
Super Bowl MVP will Thank His Teammates First During Award Acceptance Speech (+200)

Now for the moment everyone (okay, no one actually) has been waiting for, the official No Credentials Super Bowl XLVI pick…

Patriots (-3) over Giants

I don’t hate another NFL franchise more than I hate the New York Giants, so perhaps this pick is biased, but I don’t care. You pick the Patriots in this game if you believe in things like “Tom Brady can’t lose two Super Bowls to Eli Manning”, or “I want to bet against the most over-confident 9-7 team that needed to win it’s last game of the regular season to make the playoffs”. I think Gronkowski plays, and he plays well. I expect Eli Manning to turn it over at least two times. Lastly, I expect Robert Kraft to lift the Lombardi Trophy in honor of his wife Myra.

New England 30, New York 21

Blow-Out the Budget 2011-12 NBA Preview

            No Credentials spent (way too much) time reviewing every roster in the NBA. Here are the qualifications for the three levels of players we assigned.

A-Level = A man capable of being the best player on a championship contending team with the right personal around him, or a player with the potential to be that type of guy.

B-Level = A man capable of being the second, third, or fourth best player on a championship contending team, or a player with A-Level talent that has personality traits that prevent them from reaching that level.

C-Level = Players capable of delivering 15-25 solid minutes off the bench, or former A and B-Level players that have slight chances of bouncing back.

30. Charlotte Bobcats

A-Level = None
B- Level = SF/PF/C Boris Diaw
C- Level = PG D.J. Augustin, SF Corey Maggette
Rookies = PG Kemba Walker, C Bismack Biyombo
Reason for Optimism = Probable top-5 pick in loaded 2012 Draft.
            Michael Jordan wasn’t a hard-line owner in the lockout because he cared about the economics of the NBA. I think he just wanted to cancel the season so no one would have to see his crappy team attempt to play basketball. It would be wise for Charlotte to give plenty of minutes to Kemba Walker to see if he is a viable NBA player. His size forces him to play the point, but he doesn’t have the natural passing instincts of Stephen Curry to make the transition be as smooth.

29. Cleveland Cavaliers

A-Level = None
B-Level = PF Antawn Jamison, C Anderson Varejao
C-Level = PG/SG Ramon Sessions
Rookies = PG Kyrie Irving, PF Tristan Thompson
Reason for Optimism = New foundation is under construction.
            I don’t see Kyrie Irving developing to a point where he is on the level of a Paul/Rose/Williams type player, but Irving could eventually be the second or third best player on a contending team. Odds are Cleveland will end up with another high first round pick for 2012. A core of Irving, Tristan Thompson (who looks like a project player at this point, but could be a force in two or three seasons, and one of the top rookies from the 2012 class will be something for Cavs fans to look forward too. Flipping Varejao and Jamison to contending teams for future draft picks would speed the rebuilding process even more.

28. Detroit Pistons

A-Level = None
B-Level = SG Ben Gordon, C Greg Monroe
C-Level = PG/SG Rodney Stuckey, SF Tayshaun Prince, SF Austin Daye, PF Charlie Villanueva
Rookies = PG Brandon Knight, C Vernon Macklin
Reason for Optimism = They have to fire Joe Dumars soon…right?
            If the NBA title were awarded to the team that acquired the most mediocre players that play the same positions, Detroit would easily be the championship favorites. Joe Dumars is like the owner in your fantasy football league who drafts two quarterbacks in the first four rounds. Resigning Tayshaun Prince will only take away minutes from promising youngsters like Austin Daye. 

27. Toronto Raptors

A-Level = None
B-Level = SG DeMar DeRozan, PF Andrea Bargnani
C-Level = PG Jose Calderon, PG Jerryd Bayless, SG Leandro Barbosa, PF Amir Johnson, C Ed Davis
Rookies = None
Reason for Optimism = The Maples Leafs are back!
            My wife loves DeMar DeRozan. She drafted him in the sixteenth round in our fantasy draft last year. She loves that he has two capital letters in the middle of his first and last name. She loves that he didn’t use props or gimmicks in last years dunk contest, and then called out the people who did. Needless to say, it wasn’t surprising that she took DeRozan about 25 picks earlier than she needed to in our draft this past Sunday.

26. Washington Wizards

A-Level = PG John Wall
B-Level = C JaVale McGee
C-Level = SG Nick Young, SF Rashard Lewis, PF Andray Blatche
Rookies = SF Jan Vesely, PG Shelvin Mack, SF Chris Singleton
Reason for Optimism = Jan Vesely’s girlfriend.
            John Wall should take a major step forward in his development, but there isn’t enough talent around him to fully take advantage of it. Washington would be wise to tank the season in order to get a second banana for Wall (think a Harrison Barnes, Anthony Davis type player).

25. Phoenix Suns

A-Level = None
B-Level = PG Steve Nash, PF Channing Frye, C Marcin Gortat
C-Level = SG/SF Jared Dudley, SG Shannon Brown, SF Grant Hill, C Robin Lopez
Rookies = PF Markieff Morris
            This looks like the year the Phoenix Suns will finally hit rock bottom. Nash still has the ability to make everyone on the court with him better, but it’s going to be a challenge for him to hold up through the condensed schedule. I don’t see a guy on this roster that will be able to get his own shot (unless Shannon Brown has some skills we don’t know about). Hopefully for the sake of Nash the Suns have the decency to ship him to a contender.

24. Milwaukee Bucks

A-Level = None
B- Level = PG Brandon Jennings, SG Stephen Jackson, C Andrew Bogut
C-Level = SG Mike Dunleavy, SF Carlos Delfino, SF Luc Richard Mbah a Moute, PF Drew Gooden
Rookies = SF Tobias Harris, PF Jon Leuer
Reason for Optimism = Greg Jennings will be back after the bye!
            Milwaukee plays real hard defense, but had a terrible time trying to score last season. I’ll be polite and say that Brandon Jennings’ shot selection was questionable. He’ll benefit from having Stephen Jackson on the team, which hopefully well allow him to stay out of hero mode on a nightly basis. The only thing that will save the Bucks from lottery-ville will be Andrew Bogut returning to his 2009-10 form (pre-elbow injury).

23. New Jersey Nets

A-Level = PG Deron Williams
B-Level = C Brook Lopez (out 4-10 weeks), PF Kim Kardashian’s Ex-Husband…oh I’m sorry he has a name…Kris Humphries
C-Level = PG Jordan Farmar, SG Anthony Morrow, SF/PF Shawne Williams, C Mehmet Okur
Rookies = SG Marshon Brooks, C Jordan Williams
Reason for Optimism = A couple of months of Dwight Howard trade rumors before he ends up with the Lakers.
            I wrote a couple of flattering things about the Nets a couple of nights ago (and a joke about how they could trade Brook Lopez and a bag of dog poop for Dwight Howard), but now Lopez will probably miss at least half of the regular season. Ouch.

22. Philadelphia 76ers

A-Level = None
B-Level = PG Jrue Holiday, SF Andre Iguodala, SF Thaddeus Young, PF Elton Brand
C-Level = PG Louis Williams, SG Evan Turner, SG Jodie Meeks, C Spencer Hawes
Rookies = PF Lavoy Allen, C Nikola Vucevic
Reason for Optimism = What will they get when they move Andre Iguodala?
            I’d like this group a lot more if this were a normal season, but can’t see Elton Brand holding up long. He’s not a guy that’s capable to survive a nine games in twelve days type stretch. My two main objectives this season if I were running the 76ers would be to see if Evan Turner can morph into a franchise player (he didn’t appear to have that potential last season), and then find a suitor for Andre Iguodala. Iguodala would be a valuable defensive force on a playoff team, but isn’t suiting to being your squad’s best player. He’s the classic “B-Level Guy Being Asked to be an A-Level Guy” example.

21. New Orleans Hornets

A-Level = SG Eric Gordon
B-Level = C Emeka Okafor, PF/C Chris Kaman
C-Level = PG Jarrett Jack, SF Trevor Ariza, SF Al-Farouq Aminu
Rookies = None
Reason for Optimism = David Stern is going to rig the draft so the Hornets end up with the top-2 picks next year.
            Gordon is poised for a monster season (think 27 points per game), but unfortunately there just isn’t enough around him this season for the Hornets to make the playoffs. Expect guys like Ariza or Kaman to eventually get flipped for future assets, and also expect the Hornets to look very scary going into the 2013-14 season. 

20. Minnesota Timberwolves

A-Level = None
B-Level = PF Kevin Love
C-Level = PG J.J. Barea, SG Wes Johnson, SF Michael Beasley, PF Anthony Tolliver, PF Anthony Randolph, C Darko Millcic
Rookies = PG Ricky Rubio, SF Derrick Williams, SG Malcolm Lee
Reason for Optimism = Plenty of assets to attempt to trade for star players that want nothing to do with playing for the Minnesota Timberwolves.
            GM David Kahn has taken a page out of the Joe Dumars playbook, and acquired all sorts of players that do the exact same thing. Most seasons that would be a problem, but in the 120 sprint the NBA has scheduled, an over abundance of depth might not be a bad thing. The Timberwolves will have no problem trotting out guys with fresh legs every night. Would you bet on the Celtics back-ups to beat Minnesota’s second unit (which will feature Williams, Barea, Tolliver, and Randolph to begin the season)? I wouldn’t.

19. Sacramento Kings

A-Level = None
B-Level = PG/SG Tyreke Evans, SG Marcus Thornton, C DeMarcus Cousins
C-Level = SG Francisco Garcia, SF John Salmons, PF J.J. Hickson
Rookies = PG Jimmer Fredette (JIMMER!), PG Isaiah Thomas, SF Tyler Honeycutt
Reason for Optimism = Fans get to watch the oddest collection of characters since “Arrested Development”
            I could probably write 3,000 words about how crazy this roster is. Jimmer must’ve thought he accidentally arrived at a halfway house when he showed up for Kings training camp. I’d like to see the go small with Jimmer and Thornton in the backcourt, Tyreke at the 3, and Cousins and Hickson working down low. None of those five guys would play defense, but the team would put up 115 per game. 

18. Utah Jazz

A-Level = PF/C Al Jefferson
B-Level = PG Devin Harris, PF Paul Millsap, PF Derrick Favors
C-Level = SG C.J. Miles
Rookies = C Enes Kanter, SG Alec Burks
Reason for Optimism = Great skiing!
            Utah is stuck with the same issue that screwed the Lakers up last season. Their three best players (Jefferson, Millsap, and Favors) usually can’t be on the court together. Things are even more complicated when you throw rookie Enes Kanter (who is a project player) into the mix. Millsap will reportedly see a lot of time at small forward, but that would be a disaster defensively. Look for Utah to move Millsap before the trade deadline, whether they are in contention or not.

17. Golden State Warriors

A-Level = PG Stephen Curry, PG/SG Monta Ellis
B-Level = SF Dorell Wright, PF David Lee
C-Level = None
Rookies = SG Klay Thompson, C Jeremy Tyler, PG Charles Jenkins
Reason for Optimism = The “sent” folder on Monta Ellis’ cellphone.
            Golden State will never be a contender until they move either Curry or Ellis. Neither of them can guard opposing 2-guards, which is tough when there is no one behind them to defend the rim (sorry Kwame Brown, there’s 10 years of evidence that you are not that guy). Ellis has a hint of Marbury, so he would be the guy I would try to move. 

16. Denver Nuggets

A-Level = None
B-Level = PG Ty Lawson, SG Arron Afflalo, SF Danilo Gallinari, PF Nene Hillario
C-Level = PG Andre Miller, SG Rudy Fernandez, SF Corey Brewer, PF Al Harrington, C Timofey Mozgov, C Chris Anderson
Rookies = SF Jordan Hamilton, PF Kenneth Faried
Reason for Optimism = Wilson Chandler is tearing it up right now…in China…until March…
               It’s amazing that Denver traded it’s franchise player away ten months ago, and lost three guys who decided to play in China, still looks this competitive on paper. If Gallinari or Lawson make the leap to A-Level status, we could be talking about a club that lands the third seed in the western conference.    

15. Houston Rockets

A-Level = None
B-Level = PG Kyle Lowry, SG Kevin Martin, SF Chase Budinger, PF Luis Scola
C-Level = PG Goran Dragic, SG Courtney Lee
Rookies = PF Marcus Morris, SF Chandler Parsons
Reason for Optimism = If we suck, we can blame David Stern from preventing Pau Gasol and Nene joining our team.
            For years, Houston has been hoarding assets. The hoarding of those assets finally appeared to pay off when the Rockets facilitated the Chris Paul trade to the Lakers. Alas, Stern vetoed the trade, Houston didn’t get Pau Gasol (and Nene, who apparently was set to join if Pau was acquired), and is now stuck with a bunch of pissed off players. As it stands now, Houston is a decent center away from being a contender in the west.

14. Orlando Magic

A-Level = C Dwight Howard
B-Level = SG Jason Richardson
C-Level = PG Jameer Nelson, SF Hedo Turkoglu, PF Ryan Anderson, PF Glen Davis
Rookies = SF DeAndre Liggins, PF Justin Harper
Reason for Optimism = Local amusement parks.
            No wonder Dwight Howard wants to leave Orlando. Big Baby was there big off-season move so far, which is even crazier when you factor in that they gave up a better player (Brandon Bass) to get him. It’s hard to tell if Orlando will stay strong in attempting to convince Howard to stay. If he does, they are looking at a four through sixth seed in the east. The earlier they trade him, the better chances of acquiring a top lottery pick. My advice for Orlando is to ship Howard out now to the highest bidder.

13. Atlanta Hawks

A-Level = SF/PF Josh Smith
B-Level = SG Joe Johnson, PF/C Al Horford
C-Level = PG Jeff Teague, SG/SF Tracy McGrady, SF Marvin Williams,
Rookies = PF Keith Benson
Reason for Optimism = If the world ends next year, we won’t have to pay Joe Johnson anymore money!
            I’d like Atlanta much more if they found a live body to play center, which would allow Smith and Horford to switch to the four and three. They don’t have enough size to exploit a team like Miami, and not enough athleticism to hang with Chicago. The only hope for the Hawks is Jeff Teague. If he becomes a consistent top-15 point guard, Atlanta has the big guns to hang with the elite teams of the east.

12. San Antonio Spurs

A-Level = SG Manu Ginobili
B-Level = PF/C Tim Duncan, PG Tony Parker
C-Level = SG Gary Neal, PF Matt Bonner, C DeJuan Blair, C Tiago Splitter
Rookies = SF Kawhi Leonard, PG Cory Joseph
Reason for Optimism = Due to end up with the top pick in the draft and pick a seven-footer that will be a cornerstone of the franchise for 15 years.
            If there was ever a team that was not constructed to play 66 games in 120 days, it would be this one. San Antonio is going to need major contributions from Gary Neal and Tiago Splitter to hang in the playoff race out west. That’s the only way the burden can be taken off of the very old foundation. Don’t be surprised if the long rumored Tony Parker trade finally comes to fruition this season.

11. Los Angeles Lakers

A-Level = SG Kobe Bryant, PF/C Pau Gasol
B-Level = C Andrew Bynum (suspended first four games)
C-Level = PG Derek Fisher, SF Matt Barnes, SF Metta World Peace, PF Josh McRoberts, PF/C Troy Murphy
F-Level = SF Luke Walton
Rookies = PG Darius Morris, SG Andrew Goudelock, PF Ater Majok
Reason for Optimism = Stem cells.
            Here’s another team not constructed to play a sprint schedule. Los Angeles has slowly morphed into one of the least athletic teams in the league. Losing Lamar Odom (one of the most versatile players in the league who could also handle the ball) is a killer for a club that has a gaping hole at point guard. They’ll be dangerous in the playoffs regardless of seed. It’s just a matter of keeping Kobe, Pau, and Bynum healthy.

10. New York Knicks

A-Level = SF Carmelo Anthony, PF Amar’e Stoudemire
B-Level = C Tyson Chandler, PG Baron Davis (out for probably the first month with a back injury)
C-Level = PG/SG Toney Douglas, SG Landry Fields
F-Level = PG Mike Bibby’s Rotting Corpse, I Mean, PG Mike Bibby (it’s hard to tell he’s still alive sometimes)
Rookies = SG Iman Shumpert, C Josh Harrellson
Reason for Optimism = No point guard, no problem! (they hope)
            I’d like the Knicks so much more if they had Lebron James instead of Carmelo. Anthony will be asked to be primary distributor of the ball (at least until Baron Davis is healthy), which is a role he has never had. For the most part, he’s been a ball-stopping isolation player his entire career. It will be interesting to see if he has the ability and mind-set to do it. He’ll need to shoulder the load in order to keep Amar’e and his shaky knees healthy through the season.

9. Portland Trail Blazers

A-Level = PF LaMarcus Aldridge
B-Level = PG Raymond Felton, SG Wesley Matthews, SF Gerald Wallace, C Marcus Camby, PG/SG Jamal Crawford
C-Level = C Kurt Thomas, C Greg Oden, C Greg Oden’s Penis
Rookies = PG Nolan Smith, SG Jon Diebler, SF Tanguy Ngombo
Reason for Optimism = Brandon Roy (may his basketball career R.I.P.) is no longer being paid $1, much less $18 million.
            I really like Portland’s top-6, but have concerns about the rest of the bench. Nolan Smith needs to give 15 Eric Maynor-like minutes a night to stabilize the second unit. If they can get anything out of Greg Oden come playoff time, Portland will boast the deepest group of bigs in the western conference.  

8. Boston Celtics

A-Level = SF Paul Pierce
B-Level = PG Rajon Rondo, SG Ray Allen, PF Kevin Garnett
C-Level = SG Marquis Daniels, PF Brandon Bass, C Jermaine O’Neal, C Chris Wilcox
Rookies = SG E’twaun Moore, PF JaJuan Johnson
Reason for Optimism = The Patriots beat Tebow!
            Boston failed to trade for Chris Paul, and pissed off Rondo in the process (not sure how he’ll react to that, although things have gone well in the pre-season so far). David West spurned them and instead signed with the Pacers. The only positive move for the Celtics was upgrading from Big Baby to Brandon Bass (and saving a few bucks in the process). The Celtics would be wise to take it easy in the regular season to keep the Big 4 healthy, and then run at full strength during the playoffs. They will need all four guys playing at their best to have any shot of winning the title.

7. Indiana Pacers

A-Level = SF Danny Granger
B-Level = PG Darren Collison, SG Paul George, PF David West, C Roy Hibbert
C-Level = PG/SG George Hill, PF Tyler Hansbrough, C Jeff Foster
Rookies = None
Reason for Optimism = Pieces are in place
            I’m predicting that the Pacers will be my NBA version of the Milwaukee Brewers (I loved them in my MLB preview last spring). There isn’t an overwhelming amount of depth, but I really like their 8-man rotation. David West’s arrival filled a gaping hole in the post, and allows Roy Hibbert to focus more on playing tough defense and cleaning up on the offensive glass. The only things that could derail them is a Danny Granger injury (he’s had a few during his career) and a David West injury (he’ll be a season removed from an ACL tear while trying to play 66 games in 120 days). If health is in their favor, watch out for the Pacers.

6. Dallas Mavericks

A-Level = PF Dirk Nowitzki
B-Level = PG Jason Kidd, SG Vince Carter, SG Jason Terry, SF Shawn Marion, SF/PF Lamar Odom
C-Level = PG Delonte West, C Brendan Haywood
Rookies = None
Reason for Optimism = We’re the defending champs bitch!
            The more I think about it, I really like how Mark Cuban and his people put their title-defending team together. There’s the ability to play big or small (having Kidd-Terry-Carter-Dirk-Odom out on the court at the same time could be the fastest bunch of old dudes in NBA history), and have tons of shooters to surround Nowitzki. The Mavericks’ chance at a title hinge largely on how well Brendan Haywood can fill the void left by Tyson Chandler. A repeat is unlikely, but look for the Mavericks to be stronger than the experts think. Either way, Dallas has done a nice job building a competitive team along with cap space for next year’s free agent class.

5. Los Angeles Clippers

A-Level = PG Chris Paul, PF Blake Griffin
B-Level = PG/SG Chauncey Billups, PG Mo Williams, SF Caron Butler, C DeAndre Jordan
C-Level = PG/SG Randy Foye, PG/SG Eric Bledsoe, SF Ryan Gomes, C Reggie Evans
Rookies = SG Travis Leslie, PF Trey Thompkins
Reason for Optimism = Blake Griffin, Year 2: Lob City.
             The Clippers are a really good that are a minor tweak or two away from being great. Their Achilles heal appears to be the ability to guard opposing 2-guards. Asking the combination of Paul/Billups/Williams/Foye do it for 48 minutes is a tall order. Moving Mo Williams to a team for a guy like O.J. Mayo would make a whole lot of sense. In addition, shipping Eric Bledsoe out for an additional big-man (Bill Simmons talked about how Anderson Varejao would be an excellent back-up for both Griffin and Jordan) would give this team depth across the board. Look for the Clippers to be very active before the trade deadline. Even after the Chris Paul trade, they have plenty of moveable parts left. 

4. Memphis Grizzlies

A-Level = PF Zach Randolph
B-Level = SF Rudy Gay, C Marc Gasol, PG Mike Conley, SG Tony Allen, SG O.J. Mayo
C-Level = PG Greivis Vazquez, SF Sam Young, PF Darrell Arthur (injured to start the year), PF Mikki Moore
Reason for Optimism = The return of Rudy Gay to a club that nearly made the Western Conference Finals last year without him.
            There isn’t a more underrated front-line in the NBA than Gay-Randolph-Gasol. All three are athletic, all of them can hammer the glass, and all three can score when the opportunity is there. The ceiling of the Grizzlies will be decided by whether or not they move O.J. Mayo, and what they get back in return. Personally, I think they should keep him as their sixth man and try to have him fill a Jason Terry-like role. Last year’s playoff run wasn’t a fluke. The Grizzlies are for real.

3. Chicago Bulls

A-Level = PG Derrick Rose
B-Level = C Joakim Noah, PF Carlos Boozer, SF Luol Deng, SG Richard Hamilton, PF Taj Gibson
C-Level = SG Ronnie Brewer, SF Kyle Korver
F-Level = PF Brian Scalabrine
Rookies = SF Jimmy Butler
Reason for Optimism = We finally have a 2-guard that can do stuff!
            The reason Miami overwhelmed the Bulls after Chicago’s Game 1 win in the Eastern Conference Finals was the inability of anyone other than Derrick Rose to create their own shot. Chicago has two potential sources of alternate offense this season. The obvious first choice is Richard Hamilton, who has spent the past two seasons in purgatory on the putrid Pistons. It’s unclear how much (if anything) Hamilton has left in the tank, but the early returns in pre-season have been good. The other source is the return to form of Carlos Boozer. Boozer battled injuries all last season, which eventually led to a loss in confidence during the postseason. By the time the Bulls entered the playoffs Taj Gibson was a much more effective player. Boozer has also looked great so far in pre-season, giving hope to Bulls fans that they will finally have the interior scoring they thought they were getting when they signed Boozer in the summer of 2010. 

2. Miami Heat

A-Level = SG Dwyane Wade, SF Lebron James
B-Level = PF Chris Bosh
C-Level = PG Mario Chalmers, SG-SF Shane Battier, SF Mike Miller, PF Udonis Haslem
Rookies = PG Norris Cole
Reason for Optimism = Not as much of the country hates the Heat as they did last year.
            The same depth issues Miami dealt with last season still exist today, but this appears to be the team in pole position to benefit from the return of the players stuck in China. Joel Anthony doesn’t strike fear in anyone (except Lebron when he sets up Anthony with a perfect look-pass only to see Anthony fumble it out of bounds), but imagine if they can add Kenyon Martin for the final month of the year and the playoffs? One of the China guys is going to take less money for a shot at a ring. The only thing that will keep Miami out of the Eastern Conference Finals is the health of Dwyane Wade.

1. Oklahoma City Thunder

A-Level = SF Kevin Durant, PG Russell Westbrook
B-Level = SG James Harden, PF/C Serge Ibaka, C Kendrick Perkins
C-Level = PG Eric Maynor, SG Thabo Sefolosha, SF Daequan Cook, PF Nick Collison, C Nazr Mohammed
Rookies = SG Reggie Jackson (not the MLB Hall-of-Famer)
Reason for Optimism = If there ever was a team prepared to play 66 games in 120 days, it’s this one.
            Oklahoma has so many things going in it’s favor this season that I’ll list all of them in their own bullet point.

-         If James Harden makes the leap to superstardom (which a few experts think is a possibility), the Thunder will be the only team with three elite scorers on its roster.

-         Except for Perkins, Collison, and Mohammed, there isn’t a dude over 25 years old on this team. Young legs will take you far this year.

-         There isn’t a more flexible team in the league right now. These guys can beat you big or small.

-         Eric Maynor would be starting for at least 10 other teams. I’d like to see the Thunder put him and Westbrook in the same backcourt. Imagine a small-ball line up of Maynor-Westbrook-Harden-Durant-Ibaka? Yikes.

-         A full-season of Perkins means a full-season of Serge Ibaka racking up vicious weak-side blocks.

            The only underlying plot that will prevent Oklahoma City from reaching it’s potential is the alpha dog battle between Durant and Westbrook. At some point, Westbrook has to accept that he is Robin to Durant’s Batman. If they can get to the point where they are running the pick and roll together, there will be no stopping Oklahoma City from winning the 2012 NBA Championship.