10 Awesome Things That Happened This Past Weekend (2/15-2/17)

10. Rick Grimes Keeps Seeing His Dead Wife
            I watch “The Walking Dead” to see zombies, not a dude going bonkers and making out with a ghost.

9. Rafael Nadal Wins First Tennis Tournament Since Returning From Injury

            Tennis is way more interest when Nadal is in the mix. That’s your Troy Aikman-esque comment of the day, sponsored by “You’re Absolutely Right Joe”.

8. Lionel Messi Scores 300^th Career Goal For Barcelona

            Here’s your obligatory mention of futbol in the weekly top 10 to soak up some cheap page hits from Europe.

7. Terrance Ross Wins the Worst Dunk Contest Ever

            Want to get some stars into the dunk contest? Let’s offer a $1 million (after taxes) to the winner. You’ll get some name guys to particpate for that prize.

6. Michael Kidd-Gilchrist Admits He Lost 1-on-1 Game Against Michael Jordan

            I’d make fun of Kidd-Gilchrist more, but I once got up-faked by a dude in his sixties a couple of years back.

5. #2 Duke Gets Upset By Maryland
            Here’s this week’s installment of the “Big Time College Basketball Upset That No Credentials Doesn’t Give A Shit About”, sponsored by Apple Cider Vinegar.

4. Kyrie Irving Takes Home 3-Point Shootout Championship

            An impressive showing by the Cavaliers budding superstar point guard, who scored 23 out of a possible 30 points in the final round against New Hampshire’s own Matt Bonner.

3. Kevin Harvick Starts Lame-Duck Season With Sprint Unlimited Win
            We won’t put too much stock in this win as the majority of the top teams were knocked out early in the race, so don’t look for Harvick to be ranked very high in this week’s NASCAR season preview.

2. Danica Patrick Wins Daytona 500 Pole

            NASCAR has a long list of “storybook” outcomes, so here’s where Danica’s pole winning run ranks.

1. Richard Petty claiming his 200^th and final career win with Ronald Reagan in attendance at the 1984 Firecracker 400 (Petty was, and still is, a diehard Republican, so this victory turned into a glorified campaign stop for Reagan while he was running for his second term in office).

2. Dale Earnhardt Jr. winning the Pepsi 400 just five months after his father died in a last-lap crash in the 500 (as someone who watched the whole race live, I don’t care about the conspiracy theory. That was the most memorable NASCAR victory by anyone of the entire decade).
3. Danica Patrick winning the pole for this year’s Daytona 500.

            You might think I’d come down negatively on this, but you’d be mistaken. Qualifying at Daytona is in the discussion of most boring things you could ever watch on television. Furthermore, qualifying means very little at a restrictor plate track where cars zoom from the back to the front in less than a handful of laps. If NASCAR did anything to “encourage” a pole-winning run by Patrick, I’d call that some damn good marketing.

1. Chris Paul Quarterbacks West Win in NBA All-Star Game

            Paul was the MVP, Kevin Durant was the best scorer, but it was Kobe Bryant’s two blocks of Lebron James that will go in the books as the most memorable moments of the game.

NBA Off-Season Game Plans - New Orleans and Charlotte

Every few days, No Credentials will look at the long term prospects of each NBA team. We'll look at who each team has under contract, their cap space for next summer, and how No Credentials thinks they should manager their off-season. We'll start with the biggest winner of last night's draft lottery paired with last night's biggest loser.

 

New Orleans Hornets

A-Level Potential Players Under Contract = None (SG Eric Gordon is a restricted free agent)
B-Level Potential Players Under Contract = PF/C Emeka Okafor
C-Level Players Under Contract = SF Al-Farouq Aminu, SF Trevor Ariza, PG Jarrett Jack
Cap Space = $17 million
The No Credentials Plan = Thanks to the luck of the draw (or David Stern rigging the lottery, you believe what you want), New Orleans will know that Anthony Davis will be in the fold. The Uni-Brow is fortunate to begin his NBA career alongside Emeka Okafor, who will allow The Uni-Brow to primarily serve as a weak-side shot blocker. Even if Davis doesn’t develop an offensive game for five years, he will still be a dominant force on the defensive end.
            The draft won’t end for New Orleans after selecting The Uni-Brow. The Hornets also have the tenth pick, acquired in the Chris Paul trade from the Clippers. What they should do with this pick depends largely on whether or not Eric Gordon will return. If Gordon stays in the fold, they should address the point guard position (my vote would be for North Carolina’s Kendall Marshall, but Weber State’s Damian Lillard would also be in the mix). If it appears Gordon is going to bolt (many folks believe that Gordon has wanted to join the Pacers ever since he arrived in the NBA), Austin Rivers should be the pick.
            In a perfect world, New Orleans opening night starting line-up next season would be Marshall-Gordon-Ariza-Uni-Brow-Okafor, which is an intriguing group. After resigning Gordon, New Orleans would be best served just adding short term contracts to fill out the team. Even with Gordon healthy, this group would have a hard time making the playoffs in the ultra-deep West, so making a 5-year, $30 million dollar offer to a veteran doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. Give the kids a year or two to develop, and by 2015 we could be talking about a very dangerous Hornets team.

Charlotte Bobcats

A-Level Potential Players U.C. = None
B-Level Potential Players U.C. = PG Kemba Walker, C Bismack Biyombo
C-Level Players U.C. = SG Gerald Henderson
Cap Space = $10 million
The No Credentials Plan = Man does it suck balls to be a Bobcats fan. You missed out on Anthony Davis. You only have $10 million in cap space this off-season, thanks to paying DeSagana Diop and Corey Maggette a combined $17 million (ouch). At least the second pick will net them a potential A-Level prospect in Michael Kidd-Gilchrist (Yahoo has Thomas Robinson going second, but don’t believe them. A bunch of monkeys run their sports outfit). The team will stink for another two or three years, but at least they’ll have another solid prospect to group with Biyombo and Walker. Diop is a $7 million expiring contract, so Charlotte would be wise to flip him to a team desperate for cap space in exchange for a couple of picks.
            If Charlotte thinks outside of the box, they should strongly consider moving down in the draft. Portland (who owns the sixth and eleventh picks) would be a logical trade partner. I don’t think it would be all that hard to talk the Trail Blazers, a team that many had pegged as a dark horse for this season’s title, into shipping them their two first round picks, plus a future first along with it. When you’re as bad as Charlotte, acquiring as many solid assets as possible is the best course of action.