Super Bowl Mail Bag, Prop Bets, and a Prediction

            As always, these may or may not be actual e-mails from real or fake people.

What’s my greatest accomplishment, winning a Super Bowl, or overshadowing a Super Bowl I’m not even playing in? – Peyton M., Indianapolis, IN

            I’m leaning toward overshadowing this year’s game, as your one Super Bowl win came against Rex Grossman. Other than the original Desert Storm invasion of Iraq in 1991, has there ever been a bigger non-Super Bowl related news story during the week leading up to the game? I’ll give any reader who comes up with one a fake prize if you message me with one.

So I’m back in the yellow scivvy, what do you think? – Greg P., Sydney, Australia

            I’m guessing most of you aren’t up to speed on The Wiggles, so let me try to make an analogy that will explain what a big deal it is for the original yellow Wiggle to return. In terms of children’s music, it’s like if Jim Morrison came back from the dead six years after his heroin overdose to sing for The Doors. Greg Page (aka Greg Wiggle) is a big f***ing deal (we’ll bleep it because we’re talking about a kid’s group). I didn’t really learn about The Wiggles until my son was born (because you know, it would be pretty strange if I was rocking out to “Hot Potato” while driving around in high school), but it didn’t take long what this guy meant to a lot of kids (and parents) all over the world. Greg left the group in 2006 because of a disorder that basically doesn’t allow enough blood to flow through his body (I always thought Sam Wiggle was a time traveler from the future who came back to poison Greg so he could be the yellow Wiggle), but now he’s back to kick ass and chew bubble gum, and of course, wiggle. 

I have a two-part question. First, is it ok to have a man crush on Tim Tebow? Second, on average, how many puppies do you think Tom Brady kicks in a day? – Colin Tuttle, Bozeman, MT

            Question 1: Michael Vick was (and is still to a few members of the population) a much-admired quarterback who also couldn’t complete a quick slant, so I’m totally cool with anybody on the Tebow bandwagon.
            Question 2: Brady thinks about kicking 100 puppies a day, but Giselle holds him back.

(EDITORS NOTE: “The New York Post” has never been a model of professional journalism, but their “exclusive” breaking of Gisele Bundchen’s private e-mail to friends and family asking for prayers for Brady this Sunday has to rank as one of the dumbest front page stories I’ve ever seen. Is it really news that a wife would ask for support before her husband’s big game? No wonder newspapers are bleeding money)

Is it reasonable for a big-time recruit to have his choice of school be partially swayed by the proximity of a fast food chain? – Dan V., Montpelier, VT

            This question is relevant after linebacker Cassanova McKinzy revealed that one of the reasons he picked Auburn over Clemson was because there wasn’t a Chick-fil-A in sight. As someone who likes Wendy’s and Chili’s way too much, I can’t fault the kid for letting him pick one school over the other for that reason. If I were a big-time college prospect, my ability to efficiently order and eat a Spicy Chicken Sandwich would probably rank second behind the likelihood of ending up in the NFL.   

Should I be bitter about getting dumped by The Wiggles, or grateful for the opportunity I was given? Sam M., Sydney, Australia

            When the news first broke, I would have to say grateful. It would be one thing if you got canned so some random guy to replace you, but there’s no shame in being replaced by the original singer. However, the smear campaign being led by Anthony Wiggle would piss off. Watch this interview to see poor Sam being referred to like he was the janitor at the Wiggles complex.

            I think Charlie Sheen was more prepared for his interviews last spring while sky high on cocaine than Anthony Wiggle was. I can’t wait for ex-Wiggle Sam’s tell all book about how much of a dick Anthony Wiggle was/is. 

Why doesn’t McD's sell hot dogs? – Megan L., Silver Lake, NH

            Ray Kroc, who purchased the brand from the McDonald brothers, stated in his 1976 autobiography that he banned chains from carrying hot dogs because he felt they were unhygenic (because you know, a Double-Quarter Pounder with Cheese is). McDonald’s restaurants in the UK, Japan, and Toronto have carried hot dogs at various times over the years, but they have followed the word of their most important executive with their locations in the U.S. since his death in 1981.  

Are the starters for the NBA All-Star Game further proof that the general public shouldn’t be allowed to vote for anything? – Finn, Bismark, ND

            Great question. Let’s review each one starting with the Eastern Conference, grading each selection on a 1 to 10 scale.

PG: Derrick Rose, Bulls – The defending MVP is having another MVP-type season despite dealing with turf toe. Grade = 10

SG: Dwyane Wade, Heat – He’s been banged up, but this pick is defensible because there has been no other 2-guard even close to him in the East. Grade = 9

SF: Lebron James, Heat – 30, 8, and 7 on 55% shooting is ridiculous. If it weren’t for the national media bias against him, he’d be the clear favorite for league MVP. Grade = 10

PF: Carmelo Anthony, Knicks – Voted in because of name alone, Anthony should’ve been passed over for Chris Bosh. Can’t believe I just typed that last sentence, but it’s 100% true. Grade = 3

C: Dwight Howard, Magic – Howard still dominates despite being surrounded by constant trade rumors and sub-par teammates. Grade = 10

Now for the West…

PG: Chris Paul, Clippers – The quarterback of Lob City, Paul has delivered the goods for the Clipers. Grade = 10

SG: Kobe Bryant, Lakers – Kobe’s scoring average is only 0.3 higher than Lebrons, but the degree of difficulty for Kobe to get his 30 points is three times higher. It’s amazing what he’s doing at his age. Grade = 10

SF: Kevin Durant, Thunder – His scoring is down, but his overall stat-line is up across the board. Grade = 10

PF: Blake Griffin, Clippers – I heart Griffin, but this is the most egregious mistake the fans made. Kevin Love is average 27 and 14, while also shooting almost 40% from 3. Stats don’t lie. Love should’ve been the pick here. Grade = 1

C: Andrew Bynum, Lakers – You could make a decent case that LaMarcus Aldridge (who isn’t a true center) could’ve filled this spot, but Bynum’s breakout season is worthy of an All-Star start. Grade = 9

            All in all the fans did a decent job. Score one for democracy.     

So I threw in an extended break during practice to try to simulate the Super Bowl halftime. Further proof I’m a genius right? – Bill B., Foxboro, MA

            I guess so, but I’ll be more impressed if you figure out a way to remove the horseshoe out of Eli Manning’s ass. 

I would like to formally request some No Credentials thoughts on this Lee Evans catch/no catch/should have reviewed the play/didn’t need to debacle. Personally, I think it was probably worth reviewing, although I don’t think that it was a catch according to the new rule. I think he sealed his fate by trying to keep taking steps instead of just falling to the ground and holding on for dear life. Also, I know I’m not alone on this, but I think Harbaugh sealed Cundiff’s fate by not calling a time out. Why lose a game with a time out left? Why make your kicker run out on to the field and rush through a kick that important? Either way I’m not too excited about this Super Bowl match up as a Patriots fan I can tell you that. – Mike S., Keene, NH

            I had no problem with that catch not getting reviewed. Both of his feet hit the ground after his hands were on the ball, but I don’t think he established clear possession before Sterling Moore knocked the ball out (quick aside, not nearly enough credit has gone to Moore for that play. A lot of DBs would have just tried to tackle him instead of punch the ball out. Cowboys corner Terrance Newman would’ve already fallen down at the five yard line before this pass was thrown, but that’s another topic of discussion).

I’ll give 65% of the blame to Harbaugh, Cundiff 30%, and whoever was operating the scoreboard at Gillette Stadium 5% (remember that the scoreboard was showing it was third down when it was actually fourth, which apparently is part of the reason why Cundiff was so confused). A NFL kicker should have the presence of mind to kick a relativly short field goal in rushed circumstances, but it’s pretty pathetic that a rushed kicked could’ve been prevented by a timeout. They didn’t even snap the ball until there was only one second left on the playclock. Harbaugh makes a lot of money to manage situations just like that.

You cool with Les Miles mocking an eighteen year old kid? – Steve A., Pittsboro, IN

I normally support the turf-eating coach, but can’t back him up here. For Christsake, the kid is 18 years old! To turn a kid just barely old enough to vote into a punch-line at your alumni dinner (aka: gathering of grumpy, ignorant, and delusional old men) is moraly deplorable.

Coming from a Pats fan, are you as tired as I am of hearing about Gronk? – Kyle H., Sacremento, CA

Coming from someone who isn’t a Pats fan, I am tired about hearing about Rob Gronkowski’s ankle. However, it’s not Super Bowl week if the media doesn’t beat one or two stories into the ground. At least this one is related to the game (unlike the Peyton Manning saga). Also, if Gronk is ineffective (which No Credentials predicts will not be the case), the Patriots have no chance of winning. So it is a big deal.

Paula Deen. Paula Deen. Paula Deen. Where do I start? I'm not a Paula fan, and this question is not intended to show my affection or lack of it. Is PD a healthy cooking chef? No. Is she entertaining? To some. Should her show be removed from television because of what and how she cooks most likely caused her health problems? Is there anything wrong with making "a" cupcake with 2 sticks of butter, 5 lbs of sugar and a gallon of whole milk? Why not chicken fry a steak, pour the fat into a shot glass, take a hit and chase it down with a 12 oz glass of maple syrup? We are Americans. I personally had the luxury to defend this great nation. The fat, thin, healthy, sick, rich, poor, disabled, able, fucking stupid, and insanely intelligent. Watch any sporting event and you WILL see a beer ad. What happens if we later find out that one of the actors was an alcoholic? Can he no longer make beer commercials? Now what about the Cialis commercials? He's got a problem, admits to it, goes on TV and talks about it, and yet his broken penis won't get his face time pulled. So I ask you this...if some fat, rebel flag waving, puts her dentures in lard at night and her definition of eating pork is eating the entire swine, should have her program removed because its not healthy? Maybe if she had a more acceptable problem like Mr. Cialis (who may or may not have abused his penis while alone or with others) she might still have the dignity that we are trying to take away. I say, let the fat lady sing (cook while televised), you? – Ryan B., Kearsarge, NH

After that magnificent rant, I’ll keep my reply short and simply say that I concur.

Before we get to my Super Bowl pick, here’s some prop bets that I like that I’m sure will lose.

First score of the game will be Any Other Score (+155)

Longest touchdown of the game will be Over 49.5 Yards (-115)
No team (+130) will score 3 straight times without other team scoring
New York’s total rushing yards will be Under 107.5 (-115)
Eli Manning Over 2.5 Rushing Yards (-120)
Hakeem Nicks Over 85.5 Receiver Yards (-130)
Tom Brady Will Not Throw an Interception (+115)
Ben-Jarvis Green-Ellis Over 47.5 Rushing Yards (-115)
Danny Woodhead Will Score a Touchdown (+300)
Wes Welker Over 81.5 Receiving Yards (-115)
Deion Branch Over 40.5 Receiving Yards (-115)
Deion Branch Over 3 Receptions (Even)
Wes Welker will have More Receptions Than Free Throws Attempted By Lebron James (-115)
Victor Cruz will have More Receptions Than Combined Goals By Rangers and Flyers (-115)
Super Bowl MVP will Thank His Teammates First During Award Acceptance Speech (+200)

Now for the moment everyone (okay, no one actually) has been waiting for, the official No Credentials Super Bowl XLVI pick…

Patriots (-3) over Giants

I don’t hate another NFL franchise more than I hate the New York Giants, so perhaps this pick is biased, but I don’t care. You pick the Patriots in this game if you believe in things like “Tom Brady can’t lose two Super Bowls to Eli Manning”, or “I want to bet against the most over-confident 9-7 team that needed to win it’s last game of the regular season to make the playoffs”. I think Gronkowski plays, and he plays well. I expect Eli Manning to turn it over at least two times. Lastly, I expect Robert Kraft to lift the Lombardi Trophy in honor of his wife Myra.

New England 30, New York 21

Blowing Up the NBA, Part 1

          I’m sick of the NBA Lockout. I hate the owners for using their leverage to try to hammer the players without little regard for whether or not there is a season this year. I’m sick of the players, who instead of continuing to negotiate after finally getting a fair offer from the owners, decided to disband the players union and take their fight to court. Neither side has come out smelling like roses.
          All the negativity going on with professional basketball has led No Credentials to find a way to have some fun with the NBA. Naturally this resulted in me going into “uber-nerd” mode. I’ve decided to do a fantasy draft for a “new” NBA. Here is how it will work.

1.      I hope none of you are fans of the Raptors, Bobcats, Kings, Grizzlies, Hornets, or Timberwolves, because those teams no longer exist in the No Credentials version of the NBA. It’s now a 24-team league with two 12-team conferences.

    
      2.      Each team is allowed to designate one player from their 2010-11 roster as it’s “keeper”.  

3.      The rest of each team’s roster will be determined in a 15 round draft. Round 1 will be the round each team picks its keeper player. The draft order will be determined by which franchises I deem most important to the NBA (in other words, in a perfect world, the teams the NBA would most benefit from if they are competitive. This mostly has to do with size of the local market, passion of the fan-base, ect.).

4.      Each team will have to stay below a $65 million salary cap. Salaries for each player picked from rounds 1-5 will be based on what is listed as their 2011-12 cap number on ESPN.com. Rounds 6-7 player salaries will be their 2011-12 number or $5 million (whichever is less). Round 8 will be the 2011-12 number or $2.5 million (whichever is less). Rounds 9-10 will be the 2011-12 number or $1 million (whichever is less). Rounds 11-15 will be $500 thousand.

5.      Each club must have a minimum of 12 players on its roster. If a club has spent too much of it’s cap on it’s top-5 picks, it’s limit for rounds 6-10 will be reduced.

            Without further ado, here’s each team’s keeper player for the 2011-12 NBA (as conceived in the delusional mind of No Credentials).

1-1.            Los Angeles Lakers – Kobe Bryant, SG = $25 million – Is he a little long in the tooth? Sure, but Kobe is still one of the most valuable players in the league, and has been the face of the Lakers for years. It would be a slap in the face if L.A. kept Gasol over Bryant.

1-2.            New York Knicks – Carmelo Anthony, SF = $19 million – Gets the nod over Stoudemire because of his more stable health. Hopefully for his sake we’ll build a better rotation around him than what the Knicks came up with last season.

1-3.            Boston Celtics – Rajon Rondo, PG = $10 million – It really kills me to use the Celtics keeper on a point guard who can’t shoot, but his salary combined with his age make him the clear choice over any of the Big 3.

1-4.            Chicago Bulls – Derrick Rose, PG = $7 million – Not that there was really any doubt here, but Rose has one more year on his rookie contract, which gives Chicago plenty of flexibility for the rest of this fake draft.

1-5.            Dallas Mavericks – Dirk Nowitzki, PF = $19 million – The reigning king of the NBA, Dirk probably wouldn’t mind if No Credentials drafts the rest of the 2010-11 Mavericks onto this club.

1-6.            Phoenix Suns – Steve Nash, PG = $12 million – The Suns roster is so barren in terms of young talent that a 37-year old point guard is the clear choice as the clubs lone keeper. We probably won’t see another Sun come off the board until the fourth round.

1-7.            Miami Heat – Lebron James, SF = $16 million – James is three years younger than Wade, plus he doesn’t come with all the injury concerns. Wade probably won’t make it back to Miami in the second round, but that may not be a bad thing.

1-8.            Washington Wizards – John Wall, PG = $6 million – It’s not out of the realm of possibility that Wall follows the same development pattern as Derrick Rose.

1-9.            Portland Trail Blazers – LaMarcus Aldridge, PF = $13 million – Aldridge showed in the second half last season that he can carry a team into the playoffs.

1-10.        Philadelphia 76ers – Andre Iguodala, SF = $14 million – I hate this keeper, but I’m not sure if Evan Turner will ever develop into a franchise player.  

1-11.        San Antonio Spurs – Tim Duncan, PF = $19 million – Keeping Duncan in this scenario doesn’t make much sense in terms of basketball (Duncan is in decline, which is what most athletes are at age 35), but you could argue that Duncan is the face of the Spurs as much (if not more) than Kobe is the face of the Lakers.

1-12.        Golden State Warriors – Stephen Curry, PG = $3 million – The fatal flaw of the Warriors the past two years is the inability of Curry and Monte Ellis to guard opposing backcourts (one of them always gets matched up against a bigger shooting guard and gets manhandled). We’ll fix that problem with this draft.

1-13.        Detroit Pistons – Greg Monroe, C = $3 million – Joe Dumars called and asked if he could forfeit his rights to keep a player and just redraft the entire team, but I told him it wasn’t allowed.

1-14.        Denver Nuggets – Danilo Gallinari, SF = $4 million – Gallinari is a homeless man’s Dirk Nowitzki who could develop into a poor man’s Dirk Nowitzki.

1-15.        Orlando Magic – Dwight Howard, C = $18 million – Even with mid-round picks, I’m guaranteeing I build a better team around Dwight than the Magic have. Still won’t be good enough to keep him from fleeing to Los Angeles though.

1-16.        Los Angeles Clippers – Blake Griffin, PF = $6 million – Here’s video evidence as to why the Blake-show is the clear choice.

1-17.        Cleveland Cavaliers – Kyrie Irving, PG = $5 million – Irving is the only rookie to be kept (remember that the Timberwolves don’t exist anymore in this fake league), which proves once again how terrible the 2011 draft class was.

1-18.        Utah Jazz – Paul Millsap, PF = $8 million – Millsap is 26 years old and makes just over $8 million per year. Al Jefferson is 26 and makes $14 million. We’ll keep Millsap.

1-19.        Houston Rockers – Kevin Martin, SG = $12 million – No club has done a better job of acquiring interesting parts that add up to nothing better than the Houston Rockets.

1-20.        New Jersey Nets – Deron Williams, PG = $16 million – I forgot that Kris Humphries played basketball until I opened up the Nets roster to see what William’s 2012 salary is.

1-21.        Indiana Pacers – Darren Collison, PG = $1 million – You’re not winning a championship with Danny Granger as your best player, so we’ll save $11 million for young prospects.

1-22.        Atlanta Hawks – Josh Smith, SF = $12 million – He can’t shoot, but Smith is a versatile defensive player that can anchor any team on that end of the floor.

1-23.        Oklahoma City Thunder – Kevin Durant, SF = $14 million – We’re not keeping him for his flag football skills.

1-24.        Milwaukee Bucks – Andrew Bogut, C = $12 million – This is another team that probably would’ve liked to pass on a keeper. Bogut gets the nod over Brandon Jennings because he’s seven feet tall, and also because Jennings can’t pass up a shot (kind of a problem when you play point guard).

Thursdays With Charlie Sheen, a Special St. Patty's Day Edition

            Happy St. Patrick’s Day to actual Irish people. You folks that aren’t Irish, but celebrate today like you are, I got some winning words for you. You want to know why I don’t get smashed on St. Patrick’s Day? Because everyday is St. Patrick’s Day for Charlie Sheen. I slam four eight balls with three porn stars on Easter. I chug fifths of Patron on Arbor Day. I slam 7-gram rocks on August 18^th. You get the idea. I don’t need to show up on “Amateur Night”. I don’t need to gag on three green beers to show how full throttle I am, and neither do you. Earn yourself. Win the war. Torpedo the giraffe…The troll of the day award (sponsored by Defeat is Not an Option) goes to Randy Moss. Seriously, I didn’t sound half as pathetic when I was begging Denise Richards to stay with me. Stick a fork in me if I ever crawl back to Chuck Lorre begging forgiveness…Who’s looking more haggard these days, me or Katie Couric?…I’d like to welcome all NFL players to the exclusive “Unemployed Winners” club. Enjoy it while it lasts…My live tour is in jeopardy because I just found out I can’t snort blow on stage…When will ESPN assign Todd McShay to laundry duty for Mel Kiper?…When I start feeling bad about myself, I replay The Situation’s bit from the Donald Trump roast on my DVR…Is it really that hard for Bruce Pearl to not think about his future, seeing how he won’t have one with Tennessee?…When I finally go totally insane, I hope I randomly start yelling “JIMMER!”…I can emphasize with Jalen Rose. Duke would never of recruited a kid like me either…Kevin Durant has enough tiger blood in his pipe cleaners to win the Western Conference…When I win my $100 from Warner Brothers, will that be enough money to buy Clippers? Blake Griffin will look good wearing a Hollywood Tiger Bloods jersey…Say what you want about my career, but at least I didn’t end up on a CBS-spin off series co-starring with LL Cool J…

10 Awesome Things That Happened This Past Weekend (2/18-2/20)

10. Justin Bieber Voted MVP of All-Star Celebrity Game

            I caught a few minutes of this game Friday night. At one point, Scottie Pippen blocked a Bieber jump shot without even leaving his feet. Beliebers must have missed that play (the MVP of this game was determined by fan vote. Who knew 13-year-old girls liked celebrity basketball games). 

            To see the epic rejection, click here.

9. Ottawa Senators and Colorado Avalanche Swap Starting Goalies

            I love trades where teams swap mediocre players that play the same position. Colorado shipped Craig Anderson and his 3.28 GAA to Ottawa for Brian Elliott and his 3.19 GAA. Essentially, both teams were so sick of their goalies that they were willing to bring in another crappy goalie to replace them. Anderson did pitch a 47-save shutout in his first game for Ottawa, so perhaps a change of scenery will be good for both of these guys.

8. Tony Stewart Edges Out Clint Bowyer to Win Nationwide Race

            More notable than Stewart edging Bowyer by a bumper was Danica Patrick running up front before eventually finishing 14^th. NASCAR would love nothing more than to see Patrick run well in her 12 Nationwide Series races this season. Good finishes would go a long in way in convincing Patrick to make the jump to NASCAR full-time in 2012.

If you missed the finish, click here.

7. Calgary Flames Destroy Canadians in Heritage Classic

            If an outdoor hockey game happens in Canada, but no one in America knows about it because of the NBA All-Star Game and the Daytona 500, did it really happen? In this case, it did.

            I only caught part of this game on accident while flipping through channels before the NBA All-Star Game. I understand that this event was geared towards Canada (the Canadian teams have been pissy about not being included in the New Year’s Day Winter Classic), but wouldn’t it make a little sense to stage the event on a quieter sports weekend? This morning on ESPN.com, the Heritage Classic was the ninth story listed on their homepage. It would make a ton of sense for the NHL to schedule this sort of event on a weekend with less competition.  

6. Rookies Beat Sophomores Thanks to John Wall

            None of Wall’s record 24 assists were as impressive as this bounce pass to Blake Griffin. Griffin should’ve borrowed Wall to help him out with the dunk contest.

5. New York Knicks Get Desperate in Pursuit for Carmelo Anthony

            New York is reportedly willing to send Danilo Gallinari, Raymond Felton, and Wilson Chandler to Denver in exchange for Carmelo Anthony. In other words, they are willing to part with their second, third, and fourth best players. That’s an awful lot to give up for a guy who scores a ton, but no much else.

4. St. Johns Beats #4 Pittsburgh With Last Second Lay-up

            St. Johns is somehow only 17-9, but it seems like every week they are pulling off a mammoth upset. They already smoked Duke, and this past weekend it was #4 Pittsburgh. I’m pulling for St. Johns to end up as an #8 or #9 seed in the NCAA Tournament so they can pull off a win over a #1 seed in round 2.

3. Blake Griffin Jumps Over a Car, Wins Slam Dunk Contest

            I don’t want to spend too much time ranting about the Dunk Contest, but I need to write a couple of sentences about Serge Ibaka. His first dunk (where video evidence clearly shows he took off a couple of inches behind the foul line) should’ve been scored a 65 out of 50. For him to be given a 45 was ridiculous. Julius Erving (who is credited with being the first man to successfully make a foul-line dunk, but actually took off while his foot was halfway over the line) should’ve walked out on to the court and kissed Ibaka’s shoes.

            Moving on from a stupid rant about a forgotten dunk (if you ever see me at the grocery store, don’t bring it up. It’s still a sore subject), I’ll simply post links to the epic dunks of the night.

           

Serge Ibaka Foul Line Dunk – This video is extra fun because Charles Barkley says “that kid has a great body” about Ibaka like he was talking about Brooklyn Decker.

Demar Derozan Makes "The Showstopper"– This video is creepy because who ever edited it decided to add somber music and play the clip in slow motion. Kind of weird, but strangely rewatchable.

Javale McGee Double-Dunk – For my money, the best dunk of the night. The degree of difficulty to pull that dunk (or two dunks I guess) was off the charts.

Blake Griffin's Reverse 360 Slam – Griffin smacked himself in the face with the ball after this slam.

Griffin Jumps Over a Car– The actual dunk itself wasn’t all that impressive, but the production value was unintentionally comical.

2. Kobe Bryant Goes Bonkers, Leads West Over the East

            Kobe’s 37 points trumped Lebron James’ triple-double. Speaking of Lebron…I didn’t think he could’ve done anything to make Cavalier’s fans hate him even more, but his impassioned speech to fire up his teammates might’ve done it (I tried to find a leak to this, but unfortunately couldn’t locate one at this time). All of a sudden a guy who mailed it in during the last three games of the playoff series against Boston gives a crap about an exhibition game?

1. 20-Year Old Trevor Bayne Wins Daytona 500

            I’m not sure what you were doing when you were twenty years old, but most of my time was spent playing video games and searching for a place to party (I write searching for a party because more often than not I was either unable to locate a party, or my buddy and I were to lazy to go to a party and played Madden instead). What was Trevor Bayne doing the day after he turned 20 years old? You know, just winning the biggest auto race in the United States.

            If you missed the last two laps, check it out here.

Responses to "Reader" Mail

These may or may not be actual messages I've receieved from readers. They also could've been made up by the author of this column to create a backbone for this piece. You never know. Enjoy!

“If you had a gun put to your head, which of the four remaining quarterbacks would you trust to win one game?” – Eric, Woodbury, NY

            Depends on the circumstances. If all four quarterbacks were on evenly matched teams, I would take Roethlisberger slightly ahead of Rodgers. As good as Aaron Rodgers has been, I’ve never seen him drive his team down the field 80+ yards to win the Super Bowl. Roethlisberger isn’t the most graceful QB, but the guy just finds a way to make plays (see the 3^rd and 19 throw he completed to win the game against Baltimore last week).

            The other two guys aren’t as far behind as you might think. Cutler, for all of his recklessness, has the strongest arm of any quarterback in the NFL. Sanchez is totally erratic, but when the game is on the line, he always seems to make a play. We’re lucky to have very intriguing quarterback pairings for the championship games this weekend (even more lucky when you consider that Brady, Manning, and Drew Brees are not involved).

“Which are you more excited for, real baseball or fantasy baseball?” – Ken, Miami, FL

            Fantasy baseball, and it’s not even close. I might not be in the majority on this, but I do feel like fair amounts of people are with me. Baseball was built for statistical nerds. Fantasy football is more mainstream, but baseball is for the hardcore stat geek that is willing to invest time in learning who the hot AAA prospects are. Perhaps I’ll get sucked in to baseball a little more if the Red Sox are a juggernaut, but committing 3+ hours six nights a week to a baseball game is too much for me. I’ll take any NBA game over any MLB game any day of the week. And then I will check my fantasy team for five minutes the next morning.

“Hockey seemed to be gaining some steam in the States last year, but in my opinion, has fallen off a bit. What does the NHL need to do to get more into the American sports scene?” Pierre, Quebec City

            This one is pretty simple. The NHL needs to come up with an arrangement to get their games back on ESPN. Sadly, we live in a world where “Sportscenter” dictates to a large percentage of the population what they should be watching. Without a contract with ESPN, hockey is lucky to get five minutes of coverage per hour of “Sportscenter”. ESPN used to have outstanding coverage of hockey back in the late ‘90s. There are rumors that ESPN and the NHL have had preliminary talks, so we’ll see what happens.

“I’m not sure how excited I can let myself get over Blake Griffin. The Clipper stink will get him eventually.” – Travis, Long Beach, CA

            I don’t think the Clipper stink will get to him. It’s much more likely that a freak leg injury will. Griffin plays basketball the way Ronnie Lott used to play football. Keep in mind that Lott had a finger cut off so he could continue playing in a game. The only thing that will stop Griffin is him jumping 12 feet in the air to snag a Baron Davis alley-oop, and then landing awkwardly and shattering his knee into 6,000 pieces. If I was a Clippers fan, I’d be terrified every time he went in the air.

“Why did you let yourself become infatuated with “Jersey Shore”? What’s wrong with you?” – C. Muir, New Hampshire

            Great question Cameron. Somehow (probably do to great editing by the folks at MTV), I became invested in the well being of these people. Escapism is also a factor, as while I certainly didn’t party like the cast of the show on a regular basis, I do remember being a little younger and not having all that much to worry about. Am I a little embarrassed to say I’ve watched every episode of the 3^rd season so far? Yes. Am I looking forward to the next episode? Yes, yes, and yes.

“Any interest in golf?” – Bob, Tempe, AR

            The only two tournaments I usually try to catch are The Masters and the US Open (catch = watch the last three or four holes). Unless Tiger Woods finds his mojo again, I’m on the outs with the PGA Tour.

“I’m not sure who was older, the cast of the “Golden Girls” during their 5^th season or the big 3 (Duncan, Manu, and Eva’s ex) for the Spurs. Can they keep it up all year?”  - Troy G., El Paso, TX

            Do I think San Antonio will end up with 70 wins? No, but as long as they can maintain their health they should have an excellent chance at nabbing the #1 seed in the west. Coach Gregg Popovich has done a great job of resting Tim Duncan (he’s only averaging 29.4 minutes per game so far this season), which is the right thing to do with a 34-year old 7-footer with a lot of mileage on his knees. Ginobili has been playing as well as he ever has, and Tony Parker (who is only 28, it just feels like he’s older because he was at one time an 18-year old rookie) has not let his much-publicized divorce distract him. I don’t think they could last against the Lakers, Oklahoma City, or Dallas in a seven game series as presently constructed, but the fact that they are a threat in the west with an aging Duncan is very impressive.

“Lebron…humble he not.” – Yoda, a Galaxy far, far away

            Wise words from the great Jedi master.

“I’m currently in the 16^th year of my Madden franchise. My entire roster is full of players that were generated by the computer. At what point do I just need to start over?” – a 14-year old from Topeka, KS

            It all depends on what your objective is. If you’re using your favorite team, than going the full 30 years is acceptable. Perhaps you want to win Super Bowl with each team, which means as soon as you win it, you start a new one. Or lastly, you are trying to play the entire career of a rookie player and develop him to greatness (Sam Bradford, Dez Bryant, ect.). At that point you end the franchise when that player retires.

“I don’t know about anyone else, but I can’t wait for your NASCAR preview.” – Leroy, Raleigh, NC

            Unless I want to attempt to set a new record for least viewed page on the Internet, I don’t think there will be a NASCAR preview coming from No Credentials, but you never know. I am a closet NASCAR fan.

“It’s going to be a weird NFL Draft this year…who do you think will get the most value?” – Edward, Arlington, VA

            It’s always hard to predict how college prospects will end up in the pros, but I think there will be two groups of winners. One will be the Carolina Panthers, who will more than likely draft Auburn DT Nick Fairley. Fairley is probably not going to be quite as dominant as Detroit Lions DT Ndamukong Suh, but he won’t be too far off. Carolina should still be terrible next year, so I have a feeling they’ll still have a crack at Andrew Luck.

            The second group is whoever is able to make moves to stock pile future picks, or bring in a player. This is not a very deep draft (with the exception of the defensive line). If I’m a team like the Cleveland Browns at #6, I would love nothing more than have a team knock on my door to try to move up to my slot (don’t be surprised to see the Patriots make a move to jump up and grab Georgia wide receiver A.J. Green). Expect a flurry of trades on draft day.

“There’s been a lot of “Free Kevin Love” talk. In your opinion, who is an athlete in any sport that really needs to be let loose so he has a chance to win?” – Edwin, Fargo, ND

            I’ll list them by league.

NFL – Steve Smith, WR, Carolina Panthers – Carolina needs to trade him for a 3^rd round pick before a felony happens on their team bus. Smith would be a perfect fit in St. Louis.

NBA – Richard Hamilton, SG, Detroit Pistons – I put Hamilton here only because I think he still has something left in the tank, and he could definitely put a team over the top. If he could some how end up in Chicago (which he probably won’t because the Pistons and Bulls are in the same division), Chicago would become even more dangerous than they already are.

MLB – Any member of the Pittsburgh Pirates – I shouldn’t have to explain this one to anybody.

NHL – Jarome Iginla, RW, Calgary Flames – Iginla has been dragging a mediocre Flames team on his back for the last decade. If we could somehow deliver him to the Pittsburgh Penguins, he would score at least 45 goals being paired with Crosby or Malkin.

“If you had to hang out with anyone on the “Jersey Shore” for a day, who would it be?” – C. Muir, New Hampshire

            I guess we’ll take one more “Jersey Shore” question. Vinny appears to be the most normal dude on the show (admittedly, that’s not saying much, but it’s a valid point in this case). I’ll nominate Pauly as a close second. 

“Give me your honest opinion about Jason Garrett as the Head Coach next year. Not that I’ll care. I just want to read about it. “ – Jerry Jones, Dallas, TX

            It makes sense going into a potential lockout to have some continuity going into 2011. I’m excited to see what Rob Ryan will do with the defense (Rob is Rex’s twin brother who the Cowboys just hired). If you recall, Ryan’s last team (Cleveland) put up some inspired efforts against the likes of New England and New Orleans this season. I’ll be anxious to see what he’s able to get out of DeMarcus Ware.

“Is Bill Belichick senile?” – message from several angry Patriots fans after loss to Jets

            I won’t say he’s senile, but he does seem like a guy who’s not quite as invested as he used to be. I could never imagine Belichick in 2001 running a fake punt in a playoff game. Maybe it’s just a case of having already accomplished so much.

“What’s wrong with the New Jersey Devils?” – David, New York City

            Brodeur getting older doesn’t help, but I think a lot of it has to do with a lack of talent at the blue line. If you think back to the great Devils teams that won Stanley Cups, they had guys like Scott Stevens knocking dudes out. Ever since he left, along with guys like Ken Daneyko and Brian Rafalski, they have not been as solid defensively. That would be the main reason they haven’t won a playoff series since the lockout. 

“My buddy and I got into an argument about what the perfect basketball team would have. Can you settle it for us?” – Sean, Saco, ME

            This is a hard one because there are so many ways to play basketball. Depending on whether you want to have a run-and-gun team (2004-2007 Phoenix Suns) or a lock down defensive team (late-80s Detroit Pistons), each style would call for players with different skill sets. For the sake of coming up with an answer, here’s a sort of realistic 8-man rotation I would put together of current players if I needed to win one game.

PG: Rajon Rondo (superb passer and defender, don’t need a scorer like Rose or Westbrook)

SG: Kevin Durant (can stretch the floor, would be alpha dog 1A on this team)

SF: Lebron James (alpha dog 1B, can obviously do it all)

PF: Kevin Love (best rebounder in basketball who can also bury 3s and hit free throws)

C: Dwight Howard (most dominant center in the game, doesn’t need the ball all the time to be effective)

BG: Jason Terry (can be a microwave off the bench, instant offense)

BF: Glen Davis (not afraid to step in and hit a big shot if needed)

BF: Thabo Sefolosha (lockdown defender)

BC: Serge Ibaka (averages over 2 blocks per game, a force inside on the defensive end)

“Based off of the preview for next week’s episode, it looks like Sammi Sweetheart could leave “Jersey Shore”. Big loss?” – C. Muir, New Hampshire

            All right, I guess we’ll answer one more Jersey question. Even though Sammi is an uber-bitch, I’d be bummed out if she left. It’s good to have a little tension between roommates, and her volatile relationship with Ronnie is always solid entertainment. I hope she sticks around.

“Give me your instant reaction when you heard that Catwoman and Bane would be the villains in the next Batman movie.” – Stuart, Rochester, NH

            Bane’s inclusion in this movie was pretty surprising. Director Christopher Nolan has shied away from non-realistic characters and story lines so far. I’ll be curious to see how Bane looks in the film. As for Catwoman, I’m disappointed that Anne Hathaway will play the part. Just seems a little too obvious, and it almost reminds me of the crappy Batman movies in the mid-90s (“Batman Forever” and “Batman & Robin”) where they were heavy on names, but the story was not as sharp. 

“Where do the Nets go now that they have shelved the idea of trading for Carmelo?” George, Newark, NJ

            I always thought it was pretty moronic that a 10-31 team was trying to make a blockbuster trade in the middle of the season. It didn’t do any of their young players any favors (particularly Derrick Favors, who has shown flashes, but was definitely distracted by his rumored move to Denver). A team like this just needs to go through the motions this season and add assets for the next year or two. Maybe in two years when they move to Brooklyn they will have the flexibility to add an elite player, and develop him along with someone they took high in the draft.

“If Dale Earnhardt Jr. sucks again this year, I vote that we kick him out of NASCAR.” – Mark, Augusta, GA

            I’ll co-sign that. He needs to crack the top 15 and contend for a win or two to restore some semblance of relevance (semblance of relevance…that was a power phrase).

“Which non-playoff team is the biggest threat to win the Super Bowl next year?” – Ted, Gorham, NH

            Without knowing what the off-season will hold, here’s my list of non-playoff threats.

1. Detroit Lions (they were 13-3 against the spread this year. If Stafford is healthy, and they have another solid draft, this team can make noise)
2. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (finished 10-6 with one of the youngest rosters in the league. They should only get better)
3. Dallas Cowboys (5-3 under Jason Garrett with Jon Kitna and Stephen McGee playing quarterback. I’m expecting big things with Romo back under center)
4. Oakland Raiders (I like they’re young offense. If they can improve their defense a little, they could be the favorites in the AFC West)
5. Houston Texans (oddly enough, the addition of Wade Phillips as defensive coordinator will make them a better team. Wade has always been a quality defensive coach. Unless Indianapolis makes some new additions to their o-line and defense, Houston can make the leap in the AFC South)

So there you have it. I’m also posting my Championship Game picks at the bottom of this. Have a good weekend folks.

STEELERS (-3.5) over Jets

BEARS (+3.5) over Packers (I’ve gotten every game wrong in the NFC, so order your Super Bowl tickets now Packers’ fans)

10 Awesome Things That Happened This Past Weekend (1/7-1/9)

10. Cavaliers Center Anderson Varejao Out For Season With Foot/Ankle Injury

            As if the Cavaliers haven’t had enough bad luck this year (losing 20 of their last 21 games, Lebron taking his talents to South Beach), they now lose their most watchable player who else was probably their most valuable trade asset. At least they’ll have a great chance at the #1 pick in the draft that is loaded with talent…oh wait, the 2011 draft class is probably the weakest in five years. It just sucks cheering for Cleveland.

9. Andrew Luck Stays at Stanford, Jim Harbaugh Leaves for 49ers

            Pretty refreshing to see a kid stay in school to earn his degree. The cautionary tale of this maneuver is Matt Leinart, who after his junior season at USC would’ve been the 1^st overall pick in the 2005 draft. Leinart stayed in school, slipped to 10^th in the draft (costing him millions of dollars) and now is a 3^rd string quarterback for the Houston Texans. Luck appears to be a much more pro-ready prospect at this point in his career than Leinart was, so hopefully he’ll maintain his status for next season, and maybe even end up in a better situation than he would’ve in Carolina.         

8. Heat Survive in Overtime Against Trail Blazers

            Lebron and company have been playing pretty solid ball ever since they decided to play fast-break basketball. If they can add some form of an interior presence at the trade deadline, they will be a serious championship threat.

7. Blake Griffin Records 23^rd Straight Double-Double

            Griffin plays basketball the way Sharktopus has no regard for human life. My level of excitement for his appearance in the dunk contest on a 10-point scale is 32,893,819,381

6. University of Michigan Schedules Meeting With Les Miles

            What does Michigan need to turn around their floundering program? A coach who makes mind-boggling play-calls, takes audacious risks, has no idea how to manager a clock, and most importantly, eats grass during games to be “one with the field” (and oh by the way, this guy somehow wins football games. I’ll sign off on Miles to Michigan all day).

5. Carmelo Anthony Trade Talks Heat Up Again

            Reportedly, the latest trade proposal that would end up with Anthony in New Jersey now involves 15 players. For those of you that don’t know about the NBA, 15 players is the number allowed on one NBA roster. This trade makes zero sense for New Jersey, but they’ll turn over their entire roster in order to satisfy their Russian billionaire owner who wants a superstar on his team. Good times.

4. Syfy Channel Airs “Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan”

            KHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(TANGENT ALERT: Believe it or not, while I was typing the previous word, the theme song for “Doogie Howser, M.D” came on my television. That has to be the longest, most uncomfortable opening introduction in television history. Creepy, low-tempo keyboards stretch on for about 45 seconds while they are showing all of little Doogie’s accomplishments. Then they list literally every actor who ever appeared on the damn show. All in all, this introduction lasts for roughly a minute and 45 seconds.)

3. Green Bay Wins Again at Philadelphia

            This was probably the strangest game of the four wild-card match-ups. It felt like Green Bay dominated, but Philly had the ball with a minute to go and a chance to win. Dog lovers across the nation must’ve been rejoicing when Vick’s last pass was intercepted.

2. Jets Win at the Buzzer Against Indianapolis

            You have to hand it to Peyton Manning for almost dragging his sorry team to a gutsy win. Hopefully for his sake, the Colts are able to reload similar to how the Patriots did after Ravens pounded them in last year’s playoffs.

             Looking ahead to the AFC Divisional Round, I can’t recall ever having both games on one side of the bracket being rubber matches (I’d suggest that the round should be renamed “Rubber Games, sponsored by Trojan”, but that would be inappropriate). I don’t give the Jets a snowball’s chance in Hell of winning at Foxborough, but I could definitely see Baltimore squeaking out a win against Pittsburgh. Definitely looking forward to next week.

1. Seahawks Stun Saints, Advance to Divisional Round

            I hate this Seattle team. For whatever reason, I can’t accept that a 7-9 team made the playoffs (I’m weird like that). It’s almost as pathetic as when an 83-win St. Louis Cardinals team won the World Series in 2006. With all that said, their performance against New Orleans last Saturday was fantastic. Matt Hasselback was chucking the rock like it was 2006. More importantly, Sean Payton didn’t advance (he’s a little too arrogant for my taste. Also, I’m a little bitter that he was once the Cowboys offensive coordinator, but left to coach the Saints. You could say that my opinion of him is slightly biased). Seattle will probably be lucky to put up 10 points in Chicago this week, but good for them for silencing at least a few critics.