No Credentials Mailbag 8-6-12

            It was around 11:30pm, and after a long day at work I was checking my Facebook before bed. This is the message that greeted me…

Hey Dick, what's holding up the G.D. mail bag? Are you in a writers drought? Is the wife or child sick? Did you fall off the grape soda truck? Are you having a bad fucking hair week? Suck it the fuck up Hero and get on it. It pains me to have to fall back on my "not civilian" tactics and to think that you are utilizing the "God gave me freedom" excuses. But I know where to find you. And Big Brother has yet to take my arsenal. As always, I'm here to help w/ the required motivation.
Legion6T standing by. – Ryan B, Kearsarge, NH

            I guess that means it’s time for a mailbag. As always, these are real or made up questions from real or fake people.

I remember one of the things you were excited about heading into 2012 was “The Dark Knight Rises”. Assuming you’ve seen it already, what do you think? – Davey, Leesburg, VA

            We’ll hit this one in bullet points.

-         Anne Hathaway’s Catwoman, who No Credentials predicted would ruin the movie, was actually the best character in the whole film. Biggest upset of the year.

-         Bane was the only villain they could’ve picked for this final film. Foes like The Riddler or The Penguin would’ve only been lesser versions of Heath Ledger’s Joker. Bane was the only realistic character they could’ve used that would’ve provided a physical threat to Batman. I like how they tied Bane’s back-story with the first movie, adding more depth than he was given in the comics. His voice was a bit out there (Grantland’s Chris Ryan compared it to “a drunk Captain Picard”), but all in all Tom Hardy did a good job with the part.

-         There were a few more plot oversights than the first two. The stock exchange accepting a transaction supposedly done by Bruce Wayne while Bane and his minions attacked the Stock Exchange (cameras couldn’t of proven that Bruce Wayne didn’t do that, no way). Bruce Wayne getting his broken vertebrae fixed by a prison inmate who used rope and a swift punch to the back. Bruce Wayne climbing out of a giant hole in the desert, somehow finding an airplane in India, paying for a ticket that he couldn’t afford because he was bankrupt, and returning to Gotham City within 24 hours of climbing out of said hole. For a series that prided itself on bringing realism to comic-book movies, these plot holes are a little far fetched.

-         All in all, I thought it was good, although I still prefer “The Dark Knight” and “Batman Begins”. It’s fair to say that this movie is the equivalent of “The Return of the Jedi”. It tied up most loose ends, and proved to be an appropriate end to the trilogy.

Will Jerry Jones get himself some glory hole this year? – Mike S., Keene, NH

            Dallas has all the pieces of a championship winning team, which means they’ll end up right around .500 like they usually do. That’s the official party line of a depressed Cowboys fan.

So let’s say the NASCAR season ends, and if the old points system was in place, Dale Earnhardt Jr. would’ve been the champion, but since it’s The Chase format, someone else takes it from him. Will that end the NASCAR playoffs? – Alexis, Round Rock, TX

            I doubt it, but that would probably be the only situation that would threaten the existence of a NASCAR playoff. The problem with that argument would be that if there wasn’t a Chase, wouldn’t teams change the way they plan for races? There’s a lot more gambling for wins now during the “regular” season, and less focus on week-to-week consistency. I doubt that Junior would be the top ranked driver right now if there wasn’t a playoff (I think Jimmie Johnson would be on top). Regardless, the merit of a NASCAR playoff is questionable enough even without the doomsday scenario of Dale Jr. losing a title. The whole point of The Chase was to boost interest during the Fall, but the NFL still crushes NASCAR. I’d do away with it, if only to appeal to old fans that no longer watch due to all of the changes and watering down of the drivers.

Jerry Garcia would’ve been 70 this past Friday. Isn’t that crazy? – The Spaceman, Ft. Lauderdale, FL

            Ya. He looked like he was 102 when he died, so I would’ve thought he’d be much older than 70.

Where’s the No Credentials Olympics Coverage? No talk about Michael Phelps, or Gabby Douglas? Come on man! – Danielle, Montpelier, VT

            I’m going to title the following response…

AN UNPOPULAR OPINION

            I hate the Olympics. I think most of the sports are stupid. People run by my front window all the time, so I don’t give a shit how fast someone can run 200 meters. I can go to my local swimming hole and watch people swim, so I don’t give a shit who the fastest backstroker (if that wasn’t a word, it is now) is. I don’t give a shit if the United States (the country with the most nuclear weapons on Earth) beats Nigeria (#31 in terms of GDP) by 83 points at basketball. Sure Usain Bolt is fast (okay, really fast. He just ran a 9.68 in the 100 meters, which I’m pretty sure is faster than my car could accelerate from a dead stop in 100 meters), but can he run full-speed with football pads on and evade tacklers? My only fond memory of an Olympic event (other than the hockey tournament in the Winter Olympics, which is fantastic) was one of the swimming relay races in 2008, and that was because I was at a bar and heavily intoxicated. I haven’t watched a second of this year’s Olympics, and don’t plan to during the next week.

How long will it take the Celtics to get over Ray Allen taking less money to join the Heat? – Alex, Dorchester, MA

            Doc Rivers and the players might not be over it yet (read Paul Pierce’s take here), but management has already moved on, and fans should too. Let’s review what happened this off-season.

1. Avery Bradley has been promoted to the starting shooting guard role, meaning Ray Allen would’ve been coming off the bench.
2. Jason Terry was signed, meaning Allen would lose even more minutes to him.
3. Only after resigning Kevin Garnett, Brandon Bass, and inking Terry, did Boston make an offer to Ray Allen.

         So essentially, after trimming his probable minutes to nothing more than 20 points per game, Boston throws out whatever money they had left to Allen. I think Danny Ainge knew Ray was going to leave all along. That offer was to ease the backlash from fans and the press. 

Did Jenna Jameson sway your presidential vote? – Ron J., Las Vegas, NV

            No, but I’m hoping Mitt Romney uses her words in a commercial. Here’s the direct quote…

"I'm very looking forward to a Republican being back in office," Jameson said while sipping champagne in a VIP room at Gold Club in the city's South of Market neighborhood. "When you're rich, you want a Republican in office."

            There’s the number one contender in the award for “Best Unintentional Back-Handed Compliment of 2012”.

So the Red Sox stink. What should I do? – Johnny, Lee, MA

            Go outdoors. Spend time with you’re family. Watch movies. You only need to get through another month before football starts, which will truly get this dogshit Red Sox team out of everyone’s mind. I watched Friday night’s game from the third inning on. I understand David Ortiz is hurt, but is Ryan Lavarnway really the best option to hit fifth? Or Cody Ross third? No wonder there are empty seats at Fenway now.

Ok Wrench, let's climb into my roller coaster for this round of M.B. Questions.
I would like the following answered in laymen's terms. I'm not looking for the Google/ Siri / Wikipedia answer. I'm looking for the "Sitting on the Tailgate drinking a cold beer in a sweaty T-Shirt" answer.
The Bullpen,
#1. What is it? Why do Baseball teams have it? Where is it? Could we take a group of kids on a field trip to visit it? Is it a requirement at all Baseball facilities? Is going to the "pen" a disciplinary action, or do people want to go to the "pen"? (as civilians going to the "pen" is often frowned on and not something one would consider a positive activity)
#2. If not covered in #1, why is it called a Bullpen? Is it because it sounds better than say, a Dog or Pig pen?
Please remember the Tailgate and cold beer while answering this seemingly simple multi layered question.
Legion6T standing by. – Ryan B., Kearsarge, NH

            I’m not a huge fan of the “no search engine” format, but at least this question is in my wheelhouse. For whatever reason, “the bullpen” is the name of the place that relief pitchers hang out during games. It’s needed for baseball teams because apparently, they can’t build dugouts big enough for the relief pitchers to sit in with the position players.
            As for why it’s called a bullpen, I have no idea. I guess it’s referring to the pitchers that are in there as bulls, which is funny because most of them are out of shape guys that fart, chew tobacco, and talk about whatever skank they hooked up with during their team’s last west coast trip during games. The name of the pen should refer to something more lazy and lethargic (the fat dog kennel?). Or it should just be called “the bench”, like every other place in sports where players who aren’t in the game are sitting is called.

Things to Look Forward to in 2012

            Here’s a quick, off the cuff list of things I’m looking forward to in 2012. Items listed are in no particular order.

The Dark Knight Rises

            The only thing that is slightly curbing my enthusiasm is the presence of Anne Hathaway. No Credentials predicts that she will create a holy trinity of women who put a damper on each Christopher Nolan Batman movie (joining Katie Holmes and Maggie Gyllenhaal).

Jimmie Johnson Not Defending His Sprint Cup Championship

            Every five or six days I check the NASCAR website, just to make sure that J.J. really didn’t win the 2011 title.

The World Ending

            No Credentials is planning on doing an on-going fictional tale called “Waiting for the World to End”. It might be 2 chapters long. It could be 150 chapters long. Expect plenty of politically incorrect content and hopefully, a laugh or two before zombies ravage the Earth, or whatever it is that the Mayans have predicted will happen.

More Mailbag Questions From Loyal Reader Ryan B.

            If it’s been too long between mailbags, Ryan fires off a 1,000-word question to me via Facebook. I just got one a week ago, so look for a mailbag very soon.

(EDITORS NOTE: You have a question of your own? Send it to c_muir@hotmail.com.  I’ll literally attempt to answer any question that is sent my way on any topic. I figured out why Jimmy cracked corn, so clearly I can figure out anything)  

Betting on the Kentucky Derby

            My ability to do this largely hinges on whether or not my Sportsbook account will have anything left after foolishly attempting to bet on the NBA.

(QUICK TANGENT: Sorry for the foul language I’m about to use, but I have to share this story… the Utah Jazz fucked me the other night. Hard. They were playing their first game of the season Tuesday against the Lakers. Keep in mind that the Lakers were playing their third game in THREE NIGHTS. Surely the Lakers would run out of gas in the second half, and Utah would pull out an upset win, or at the very least cover the spread, right? How about no. I think the score was 252-31 Los Angeles at half time. I bet the Jazz at +4.5, and had them in two separate parlays. Ouch. Thankfully, a huge bet on the Pacers Wednesday night recouped all of my losses and then some. If there is ever a petition out to get the GM of the Utah Jazz fired, I’d like to be one of the first names on it)

The 2012 Presidential Election

            Ever heard of the old football phrase, “If you have two quarterbacks, you really have none”? That’s the problem with the Republicans. If I were running the Republican Party, I’d throw old Newt out to get slaughtered this year and save Romney for 2016.

Super Bowl XLVI

            I don’t have a good read on who will make the big game this year (loyal readers of my football picks can confirm that), but I feel like the Packers/Saints vs. the Steelers/Ravens/Patriots is going to be a hell of a game.

The Denver Broncos Off-Season

            No Credentials has a rogue agent out in Denver who managed to come up with a document out of John Elway’s office. The file name was “Ways to Discreetly Knock Out Tebow Without Causing Fans to Set Sofas on Fire in My Front Lawn” (I know, the name is really long, but Elway did lead a 98-yard drive to win the AFC one year. The dude likes long things. Let’s leave that last sentence alone before I make an inappropriate joke).

Leak a Photo-shopped picture of Tebow with Lindsey Lohan in a hot tub

Hire a hit man to smack Tebow’s left elbow several times with a 6-iron
Pay local television station to air all of Tebow’s attempts to throw a 10-yard out 24 hours straight.
Trade Tebow and draft picks for rights to Andrew Luck
Have team doctors diagnose Tebow with a fake heart abnormality and void his contract
Ask God to tell Tebow to convert to fullback

            I don’t remember a franchise ever being held captive by a mediocre quarterback who was so beloved by fans. It will be fun to see how the Broncos play their cards during the draft and free agency.

NBA/NHL Playoffs

            Secretly, my favorite sports time of the year (there’s an epic playoff game on every single day. What’s better than that?). Not so secretly, my wife’s least favorite time to live in the same house as me. Both leagues look to be fairly wide open this season (we’ll try to fire up some NHL power rankings within a couple of weeks), so this April-June could be the best since 2008.

The No Credentials Baseball Draft

            Two or three of you may remember that I started a keeper league that I wrote about fairly regularly until the NFL lockout ended. I was so busy with football that I even forgot to mention that I won the first year of the league thanks to the most successful season of trading I have ever had with any fantasy team (if I had more time, I would’ve written a 6,000 word column about it that absolutely none of you would’ve cared about). After year one everyone gets to keep five guys, so this draft will be pivotal to the long-term success of each team (we get to keep 10 after year two and 15 after year three). This paragraph would be longer, but my pocket protector just broke and ink is leaking all over my shirt.

Tiger Woods

            Call me a sucker for getting too excited about Tiger’s win last month, but I’m predicting big things for Mr. Woods in 2012.

My Son Speaking English

            My boy is a year and a half now, and by my count, has a ten-word vocabulary. He just added “ya”, “no”, and “boo” the other day. He’s now doing the thing where kids try to say sentences, but it ends up sounding like “da imp boo kash mick” or something. The sooner he grasps all parts of speech, the sooner I can explain that Tom Brady hates Sesame Street. As a Cowboys fan living in New England, I will have to pull out all the stops to prevent him from being a Patriots fan.

            So there you have it. Have a safe (don’t drive drunk) and happy (don’t get in a fight) New Year everyone.

No Credentials "Mail Bag" 7-22-11

The following questions may or may not be real e-mails from real or fake people from this universe or a parallel universe.

So I threw out a trailor for “The Dark Knight Rises”, and only included four quick scenes from the new movie, and filled half of it with clips from the first two films. Somehow, this still created buzz. Can I have my “greatest movie-maker alive” plaque shipped to my house next week? – Christopher N., Highgate, London, UK

            Not yet. You lucked out with Heath Ledger overdosing before “The Dark Knight” came out (not saying this to make light of Ledger’s death, it’s just a fact people). I will give you props for delivering a quality movie that cashed in on the hype, but for now the best comparison I have for you is former New York Yankees Manager Joe Torre. Torre took over the Yankees in 1996, which was a year after Buck Showalter led the Yanks to their first playoff berth in 14 years. Torre was handed the keys to one of the best teams ever assembled, and went on to win four championships in five years. Was Torre the best manager at that time? Probably not, but he benefited from exceptional timing. I’ll argue that Nolan has done the same thing.

(RANT ALERT: Showalter getting fired is even weirder when you consider that the Yankees had the best record in the American League before the strike ended the 1994 season. If the strike never happened, Showalter could’ve led the Yankees to five titles in seven years, assumming that George Steinbrenner would’ve given him a one year mulligan in ’95. No manager in MLB history had worse luck than Showalter) 

It hasn’t been talked about in awhile, but The Rapture was moved back until October. Is the Pittsburgh Pirates leading the NL Central in July the best sign that is going to happen? – Charlotte, Pocono, PA

            That coupled with ESPN’s orgasmic reaction to the owners approving a new CBA are the two most prominent signs I’ve seen this summer that The Rapture is still on.

If you’re a present day NBA player, aren’t you offended that NBA 2K12 is having Jordan, Bird, and Magic on the cover? – Ricky, Rochester, NH

            Here’s the list of players my fiancee came up with in five minutes that are video game cover-worthy.

1.      Dirk Nowitzki

2.      Lebron James

3.      Derrick Rose

4.      Dwyane Wade

5.      Paul Pierce

6.      Rajon Rondo

7.      Ray Allen

8.      John Wall

9.      Blake Griffin

10.  Kevin Durant

11.  Kobe Bryant

12.  Steve Nash

13.  Marcin Gortat (just kidding!)

14.  Joakim Noah

15.  Amar’e Stoudamire

16.  Carmelo Anthony

17.  Pau Gasol

18.  Deron Williams

19.  Chris Paul

20.  DeMar DeRozan (another joke, but he’s her favorite under the radar player)

21.  Manu Ginobili

She realized she missed Dwight Howard after the fact, but otherwise that was a pretty solid list. With that said, this year is as good as any for the 2K Sports folks to embrace the legends of the game. The lockout is going to wipe out at least three months of the season, so it’s a good idea to distance the game a little bit from the current crop of players.

Will Yao Ming be remembered as a success or a failure? – Joe, Round Rock, TX

            I’m not one that will label a player who was limited by injury a failure (I prefer to categorize a player as a “woulda-shoulda-coulda”. Not very proffesional sounding, but then again, I’m not very proffesional), but Yao’s international impact is enough for him to be considered a success. He literally brought the NBA to China. Maybe Yao didn’t realize his full potential, but I have a feeling we’ll see a few Chinese players who were inspired by him that will make an impact within the next 10 years

I’m getting a little concerned about the polls. I need three ideas to improve my candidacy for ’12. – Barack O., Washington, D.C.

            No problem Mr. President. Without further ado…

1.      Install Chuck Norris as Secretary of Defense – I don’t even feel like I need to explain the awesomeness of this idea.

2.      Use your executive power to reverse the decision in the Casey Anthony case. You’ll secure 85% of the female vote that way.

3.      Wait for all the college folks that voted for you to give a crap about politics in 2012. Most kids could care less about mid-term senate races, but they’ll show up for the presidential race.

When you're caught between a rock and a hard place, is the rock not hard? – Megan L., Madison, NH

            Think of the phrase this way. Harrison Ford is old, but Betty White is older. So to put it in terms of an analogy, Harrison Ford is to a rock as Betty White is to a hard place. Rocks are a combo of different minerals, so here are a few substances that would be harder than your typical rock.

A.     Diamond

B.     Titanium Diboride

C.     Stishovite  

Give me the best back-handed compliment you’ve ever heard in person. – Trevor, Anchorage, AK

            I’m going to rename the people involved just incase one of them happens to read this column, but here goes…One Saturday night a few years ago I was hanging out with my friend “Dave”. Another old high-school buddy (we’ll call him “Cliff”) came over to my apartment with his fiancee “Christina”, who until that evening we had never met. After going to a couple of bars and having an after party at my place, Cliff and Christina left. Either that night or the following morning, Dave had this to say about Christina:

“You know, Christina was pretty cool for a girl that is engaged to Cliff.”

            If any of you have heard something better, feel free to e-mail me your backhanded compliment or post it in the comments section of this page.

5-years, $37.5 million for Steven Stamkos. Isn’t that a steal? – Lisa, Niagra Falls, NY

            It appears to be, but remember that Stamkos is only 21 years old. He’ll be an unrestricted free agent at 26, which should be right in the beginning of his prime. It was good faith on both sides as far as limiting the dollar amount and years of the contract.

What’s the best thing to compare the NBA’s grand unveiling of the 2011-12 schedule to? – Ty, Brockton, MA

            Other than giving Shaq the oppurtunity hydrolics  to bash Chris Bosh, a big waste of time.

Let's assume that we landed on the moon. I said “assume”. And let's assume that we actually killed Osama. Again I am just assuming here. And lets take into consideration the we can chuck a pumpkin through a massive tube great distances while still maintaining it's sphere appearance and brilliant color. At what point do you think I will be able to maintain cellular service wherever my GPS guides me? After all, cell phones were available when we supposedly landed on the moon, and for the gentleman that were hunting (I didn't say killing) Osama . I can't imagine that they would have lost cell service. Now you'll notice I didn't mention the pumpkin chucker's. Primarily because those guys only give a damn about manure, pumpkin seeds, hydrolics and velocity. Because Lord knows cell phones DON'T work in that part of the world. So, to summarize, what did the moon walkers and the spooks potentially have that I don't? This is Legion6T standing by. – Ryan B., Kearsarge, NH

            Believe it or not, there’s actually a simple answer to this long-winded question…the answer is that the astronauts and the Seals had access to more expensive technology. I’m positive that wireless companies have the capability of producing mobile devices that would have service anywhere on Earth, but the cost to produce them is so high that it is impractical to sell on the open market. You’re average American isn’t doing important things like gunning down terrorists.

            That concludes another riveting edition of the No Credentials Mailbag. Do you have a question you would like to see researched and answered? Send it to me at c_muir@hotmail.com, and I promise to at least spend a minimum of three minutes reading about it on Wikipedia. Until next time…

Responses to "Reader" Mail

These may or may not be actual messages I've receieved from readers. They also could've been made up by the author of this column to create a backbone for this piece. You never know. Enjoy!

“If you had a gun put to your head, which of the four remaining quarterbacks would you trust to win one game?” – Eric, Woodbury, NY

            Depends on the circumstances. If all four quarterbacks were on evenly matched teams, I would take Roethlisberger slightly ahead of Rodgers. As good as Aaron Rodgers has been, I’ve never seen him drive his team down the field 80+ yards to win the Super Bowl. Roethlisberger isn’t the most graceful QB, but the guy just finds a way to make plays (see the 3^rd and 19 throw he completed to win the game against Baltimore last week).

            The other two guys aren’t as far behind as you might think. Cutler, for all of his recklessness, has the strongest arm of any quarterback in the NFL. Sanchez is totally erratic, but when the game is on the line, he always seems to make a play. We’re lucky to have very intriguing quarterback pairings for the championship games this weekend (even more lucky when you consider that Brady, Manning, and Drew Brees are not involved).

“Which are you more excited for, real baseball or fantasy baseball?” – Ken, Miami, FL

            Fantasy baseball, and it’s not even close. I might not be in the majority on this, but I do feel like fair amounts of people are with me. Baseball was built for statistical nerds. Fantasy football is more mainstream, but baseball is for the hardcore stat geek that is willing to invest time in learning who the hot AAA prospects are. Perhaps I’ll get sucked in to baseball a little more if the Red Sox are a juggernaut, but committing 3+ hours six nights a week to a baseball game is too much for me. I’ll take any NBA game over any MLB game any day of the week. And then I will check my fantasy team for five minutes the next morning.

“Hockey seemed to be gaining some steam in the States last year, but in my opinion, has fallen off a bit. What does the NHL need to do to get more into the American sports scene?” Pierre, Quebec City

            This one is pretty simple. The NHL needs to come up with an arrangement to get their games back on ESPN. Sadly, we live in a world where “Sportscenter” dictates to a large percentage of the population what they should be watching. Without a contract with ESPN, hockey is lucky to get five minutes of coverage per hour of “Sportscenter”. ESPN used to have outstanding coverage of hockey back in the late ‘90s. There are rumors that ESPN and the NHL have had preliminary talks, so we’ll see what happens.

“I’m not sure how excited I can let myself get over Blake Griffin. The Clipper stink will get him eventually.” – Travis, Long Beach, CA

            I don’t think the Clipper stink will get to him. It’s much more likely that a freak leg injury will. Griffin plays basketball the way Ronnie Lott used to play football. Keep in mind that Lott had a finger cut off so he could continue playing in a game. The only thing that will stop Griffin is him jumping 12 feet in the air to snag a Baron Davis alley-oop, and then landing awkwardly and shattering his knee into 6,000 pieces. If I was a Clippers fan, I’d be terrified every time he went in the air.

“Why did you let yourself become infatuated with “Jersey Shore”? What’s wrong with you?” – C. Muir, New Hampshire

            Great question Cameron. Somehow (probably do to great editing by the folks at MTV), I became invested in the well being of these people. Escapism is also a factor, as while I certainly didn’t party like the cast of the show on a regular basis, I do remember being a little younger and not having all that much to worry about. Am I a little embarrassed to say I’ve watched every episode of the 3^rd season so far? Yes. Am I looking forward to the next episode? Yes, yes, and yes.

“Any interest in golf?” – Bob, Tempe, AR

            The only two tournaments I usually try to catch are The Masters and the US Open (catch = watch the last three or four holes). Unless Tiger Woods finds his mojo again, I’m on the outs with the PGA Tour.

“I’m not sure who was older, the cast of the “Golden Girls” during their 5^th season or the big 3 (Duncan, Manu, and Eva’s ex) for the Spurs. Can they keep it up all year?”  - Troy G., El Paso, TX

            Do I think San Antonio will end up with 70 wins? No, but as long as they can maintain their health they should have an excellent chance at nabbing the #1 seed in the west. Coach Gregg Popovich has done a great job of resting Tim Duncan (he’s only averaging 29.4 minutes per game so far this season), which is the right thing to do with a 34-year old 7-footer with a lot of mileage on his knees. Ginobili has been playing as well as he ever has, and Tony Parker (who is only 28, it just feels like he’s older because he was at one time an 18-year old rookie) has not let his much-publicized divorce distract him. I don’t think they could last against the Lakers, Oklahoma City, or Dallas in a seven game series as presently constructed, but the fact that they are a threat in the west with an aging Duncan is very impressive.

“Lebron…humble he not.” – Yoda, a Galaxy far, far away

            Wise words from the great Jedi master.

“I’m currently in the 16^th year of my Madden franchise. My entire roster is full of players that were generated by the computer. At what point do I just need to start over?” – a 14-year old from Topeka, KS

            It all depends on what your objective is. If you’re using your favorite team, than going the full 30 years is acceptable. Perhaps you want to win Super Bowl with each team, which means as soon as you win it, you start a new one. Or lastly, you are trying to play the entire career of a rookie player and develop him to greatness (Sam Bradford, Dez Bryant, ect.). At that point you end the franchise when that player retires.

“I don’t know about anyone else, but I can’t wait for your NASCAR preview.” – Leroy, Raleigh, NC

            Unless I want to attempt to set a new record for least viewed page on the Internet, I don’t think there will be a NASCAR preview coming from No Credentials, but you never know. I am a closet NASCAR fan.

“It’s going to be a weird NFL Draft this year…who do you think will get the most value?” – Edward, Arlington, VA

            It’s always hard to predict how college prospects will end up in the pros, but I think there will be two groups of winners. One will be the Carolina Panthers, who will more than likely draft Auburn DT Nick Fairley. Fairley is probably not going to be quite as dominant as Detroit Lions DT Ndamukong Suh, but he won’t be too far off. Carolina should still be terrible next year, so I have a feeling they’ll still have a crack at Andrew Luck.

            The second group is whoever is able to make moves to stock pile future picks, or bring in a player. This is not a very deep draft (with the exception of the defensive line). If I’m a team like the Cleveland Browns at #6, I would love nothing more than have a team knock on my door to try to move up to my slot (don’t be surprised to see the Patriots make a move to jump up and grab Georgia wide receiver A.J. Green). Expect a flurry of trades on draft day.

“There’s been a lot of “Free Kevin Love” talk. In your opinion, who is an athlete in any sport that really needs to be let loose so he has a chance to win?” – Edwin, Fargo, ND

            I’ll list them by league.

NFL – Steve Smith, WR, Carolina Panthers – Carolina needs to trade him for a 3^rd round pick before a felony happens on their team bus. Smith would be a perfect fit in St. Louis.

NBA – Richard Hamilton, SG, Detroit Pistons – I put Hamilton here only because I think he still has something left in the tank, and he could definitely put a team over the top. If he could some how end up in Chicago (which he probably won’t because the Pistons and Bulls are in the same division), Chicago would become even more dangerous than they already are.

MLB – Any member of the Pittsburgh Pirates – I shouldn’t have to explain this one to anybody.

NHL – Jarome Iginla, RW, Calgary Flames – Iginla has been dragging a mediocre Flames team on his back for the last decade. If we could somehow deliver him to the Pittsburgh Penguins, he would score at least 45 goals being paired with Crosby or Malkin.

“If you had to hang out with anyone on the “Jersey Shore” for a day, who would it be?” – C. Muir, New Hampshire

            I guess we’ll take one more “Jersey Shore” question. Vinny appears to be the most normal dude on the show (admittedly, that’s not saying much, but it’s a valid point in this case). I’ll nominate Pauly as a close second. 

“Give me your honest opinion about Jason Garrett as the Head Coach next year. Not that I’ll care. I just want to read about it. “ – Jerry Jones, Dallas, TX

            It makes sense going into a potential lockout to have some continuity going into 2011. I’m excited to see what Rob Ryan will do with the defense (Rob is Rex’s twin brother who the Cowboys just hired). If you recall, Ryan’s last team (Cleveland) put up some inspired efforts against the likes of New England and New Orleans this season. I’ll be anxious to see what he’s able to get out of DeMarcus Ware.

“Is Bill Belichick senile?” – message from several angry Patriots fans after loss to Jets

            I won’t say he’s senile, but he does seem like a guy who’s not quite as invested as he used to be. I could never imagine Belichick in 2001 running a fake punt in a playoff game. Maybe it’s just a case of having already accomplished so much.

“What’s wrong with the New Jersey Devils?” – David, New York City

            Brodeur getting older doesn’t help, but I think a lot of it has to do with a lack of talent at the blue line. If you think back to the great Devils teams that won Stanley Cups, they had guys like Scott Stevens knocking dudes out. Ever since he left, along with guys like Ken Daneyko and Brian Rafalski, they have not been as solid defensively. That would be the main reason they haven’t won a playoff series since the lockout. 

“My buddy and I got into an argument about what the perfect basketball team would have. Can you settle it for us?” – Sean, Saco, ME

            This is a hard one because there are so many ways to play basketball. Depending on whether you want to have a run-and-gun team (2004-2007 Phoenix Suns) or a lock down defensive team (late-80s Detroit Pistons), each style would call for players with different skill sets. For the sake of coming up with an answer, here’s a sort of realistic 8-man rotation I would put together of current players if I needed to win one game.

PG: Rajon Rondo (superb passer and defender, don’t need a scorer like Rose or Westbrook)

SG: Kevin Durant (can stretch the floor, would be alpha dog 1A on this team)

SF: Lebron James (alpha dog 1B, can obviously do it all)

PF: Kevin Love (best rebounder in basketball who can also bury 3s and hit free throws)

C: Dwight Howard (most dominant center in the game, doesn’t need the ball all the time to be effective)

BG: Jason Terry (can be a microwave off the bench, instant offense)

BF: Glen Davis (not afraid to step in and hit a big shot if needed)

BF: Thabo Sefolosha (lockdown defender)

BC: Serge Ibaka (averages over 2 blocks per game, a force inside on the defensive end)

“Based off of the preview for next week’s episode, it looks like Sammi Sweetheart could leave “Jersey Shore”. Big loss?” – C. Muir, New Hampshire

            All right, I guess we’ll answer one more Jersey question. Even though Sammi is an uber-bitch, I’d be bummed out if she left. It’s good to have a little tension between roommates, and her volatile relationship with Ronnie is always solid entertainment. I hope she sticks around.

“Give me your instant reaction when you heard that Catwoman and Bane would be the villains in the next Batman movie.” – Stuart, Rochester, NH

            Bane’s inclusion in this movie was pretty surprising. Director Christopher Nolan has shied away from non-realistic characters and story lines so far. I’ll be curious to see how Bane looks in the film. As for Catwoman, I’m disappointed that Anne Hathaway will play the part. Just seems a little too obvious, and it almost reminds me of the crappy Batman movies in the mid-90s (“Batman Forever” and “Batman & Robin”) where they were heavy on names, but the story was not as sharp. 

“Where do the Nets go now that they have shelved the idea of trading for Carmelo?” George, Newark, NJ

            I always thought it was pretty moronic that a 10-31 team was trying to make a blockbuster trade in the middle of the season. It didn’t do any of their young players any favors (particularly Derrick Favors, who has shown flashes, but was definitely distracted by his rumored move to Denver). A team like this just needs to go through the motions this season and add assets for the next year or two. Maybe in two years when they move to Brooklyn they will have the flexibility to add an elite player, and develop him along with someone they took high in the draft.

“If Dale Earnhardt Jr. sucks again this year, I vote that we kick him out of NASCAR.” – Mark, Augusta, GA

            I’ll co-sign that. He needs to crack the top 15 and contend for a win or two to restore some semblance of relevance (semblance of relevance…that was a power phrase).

“Which non-playoff team is the biggest threat to win the Super Bowl next year?” – Ted, Gorham, NH

            Without knowing what the off-season will hold, here’s my list of non-playoff threats.

1. Detroit Lions (they were 13-3 against the spread this year. If Stafford is healthy, and they have another solid draft, this team can make noise)
2. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (finished 10-6 with one of the youngest rosters in the league. They should only get better)
3. Dallas Cowboys (5-3 under Jason Garrett with Jon Kitna and Stephen McGee playing quarterback. I’m expecting big things with Romo back under center)
4. Oakland Raiders (I like they’re young offense. If they can improve their defense a little, they could be the favorites in the AFC West)
5. Houston Texans (oddly enough, the addition of Wade Phillips as defensive coordinator will make them a better team. Wade has always been a quality defensive coach. Unless Indianapolis makes some new additions to their o-line and defense, Houston can make the leap in the AFC South)

So there you have it. I’m also posting my Championship Game picks at the bottom of this. Have a good weekend folks.

STEELERS (-3.5) over Jets

BEARS (+3.5) over Packers (I’ve gotten every game wrong in the NFC, so order your Super Bowl tickets now Packers’ fans)