No Credentials Mailbag 1-4-12

            The following message hit my Facebook inbox the other day from No Credentials biggest mailbag star, Ryan B.

            Do you need some help carrying that fucking mail bag? Don’t even give me that “holiday” bullshit. Suck it up and drive on…

             If I understand that message correctly, I guess it’s time for another No Credentials mailbag. As always, these may or may not be actual messages I’ve received from real or fake people.

I’m bored at work and I have a question about your beloved Cowboys. It was announced today on ESPN that Jerry Jones “won’t give up the GM gig.” Is that demoralizing for Cowboys fans? As one fan wrote on ESPN, “Well, this just solidifies the fact that Jerry's ego will keep the Cowboys at a mediocre level for the foreseeable future.” Also, please, FIRE REX RYAN. Or cut Mark Sanchez. Or both. Drive on. – Mike S., Keene, NH

            We’ll get to the Jets first…I think the jury is still out on Rex Ryan. He’s still a coach that managed to get a team quarterbacked by Mark Sanchez to the AFC Championship Game two years in a row. He deserves at least one more season. Sanchez can hit the road though. He has all the makings of a career backup.
            As for Jerry and my beloved Cowboys, yes, it is demoralizing. Jones is one of the best owners to have in sports (his U.F.O. looking stadium he built is proof of that), but for the love of God can we find an expert for picking players? The two biggest deficiencies with the 2010 squad were the offensive line (which was the reason Tony Romo ended up with a busted collarbone) and a shoddy secondary. With the exception of first round pick Tyron Smith (who has the look of a solid right tackle), both of those areas was again the Achilles heal of 2011. If Jerry can’t figure out how to address these needs, he needs to hire someone who can.   
       
In all seriousness, what do I have to do to get fired? – Norv T., San Diego, CA
            I don’t know Norv. You and A.J. Smith might need to set up a fake Penn State scandal to get yourselves out of working for the Chargers.

So three quarterbacks threw for over 5,000 yards, and seven others eclipsed 4,000. One of the guys over 4,000 was a rookie (Cam Newton). Is there such a thing as pass defense anymore? – Tyrone, Raleigh, NC

            We’ve reached a point with the NFL that yards are now very easy to come by. Thank the 2004 Colts for whining to the NFL about Ty Law and company mugging their receivers in the playoffs for this change. Now, corners can’t touch receivers after five yards. There’s really only one thing defenses can do to change the course of a game, and that is create a turnover. Former Head Coach Dennis Green used to say that a turnover was worth 100 yards, which turned out to be the most reasonable statement Green ever made during his coaching career (other than “they are who WE THOUGHT THEY WERE). For grins and giggles, let’s look at where each playoff team ranked in its respective conference in terms of generating turnovers. Starting with the NFC…

Packers and 49ers = 38, tied for first

Lions = 34, third
Giants = 31, tied for fourth
Falcons = 29, seventh
Saints = 16, sixteenth (last in the NFC)

Now the AFC…

Patriots = 34, first

Texans = 27, fifth
Ravens = 26, sixth
Bengals = 22, tenth
Broncos = 18, fourteenth
Steelers = 15, sixteenth (last in the AFC)

            Remember these numbers when San Francisco is upsetting New Orleans in the Divisional Round, and Green Bay and New England are playing in the Super Bowl.

I know you hate college football, but who wins the BCS Championship Game? – Ted, Milpitas, CA

            I have Alabama winning one of the most boring championship games since the Truman administration.

Looks like I’m going to be the next day out the door here. Now is it time to look for places to rent in Washington? – Peyton M., Indianapolis, IN

            I think so. I know the Colts are saying all the right things in regards to having both Manning and Andrew Luck on the same roster, but that wouldn’t make any financial sense. The only way I see Manning staying is if they get a blockbuster offer from another team to acquire the rights to the first overall pick, as this would allow the Colts to avoid a major cap penalty for trading Manning (who has four years remaining on his deal. If you trade a player who was given a signing bonus, you get a cap penalty for as many years as the original contract was supposed to last). Here’s the updated list of most likely landing spots for Peyton for 2012.

1.      Redskins

  
      2.      Dolphins

3.      Colts

4.      Seahawks

5.      Browns

You’ve been writing about gambling a lot. Has your entire family had to move into your parent’s basement because you gambled the rent money away? – Cindy C., Lancaster, NH

            Believe it or not, no. I was given some birthday money last October, in since I have no free-time to play any video games other than Madden, decided to open a Sportsbook account with it. The initial investment was $100. It’s been a turbulent ride, but I’ve never run dry, and never added any more cash to the account. I don’t intend to reload if I run out of cash, unless I get some more birthday money next year. So you’ll be happy to know that our family has our own place, and we are all still eating well.

Please make the case for Martin Brodeur to hang up his goalie pads. – Claude R., Berlin, NH

            Sadly, it’s not a hard one to make. If Brodeur were to finish the season with his current .893 save percentage, that would be a career low (other than when Brodeur had a four game cup of tea back in 1991-92). Getting pelted with shots behind a shoddy Devils defense hasn’t helped (he doesn’t have the luxury of having guys like Scott Stevens taking care of business for him), but the fact remains that the team looks better when Johan Hedberg is in net. Remember this paragraph in June when a red-hot Brodeur is carrying the eighth seeded Devils to the Stanley Cup Finals.

My now ex-boyfriend punched a hole in my wall when he found out he lost his fantasy football championship by 2 points. Was I in the right or wrong? – Miranda, Essex Junction, VT

            You were in the right, unless he was in a money league where first place received $1,000 or more.

We’re just a day away from “Jersday”. You excited? – The Situation, The Jersey Shore

            Excited to question myself, my moral values, and why I waste time watching such a stupid show? Ya can’t wait!

I just wanted to let you know that I lost my life savings placing bets based on your football picks over the last month. Thanks for nothing. – Orel J., Pocono, PA

            Sorry to hear that Orel. Hopefully you’re old enough to qualify for Medicare before there’s no longer money to fund it. I would like to say again that this blog is called No Credentials for a reason.
        
Who’s the NFL MVP? – Todd, Burlington, MA
            The incredible touchdown to interception ratio of Aaron Rodgers is main reason he should get the nod over Drew Brees.

As we all know, sometimes the success of a product comes from fancy advertising, a slogan, or even a good product name. Take Dunkin’ Donuts (double D's, like you can go wrong with that). Gatorade with its HD commercials and athletes sweating green. Geico with a talking (with an accent) lizard, and lastly, although I don't know the name of the company, we have a talking baby trading stocks (I rewind my DVR for those). That was my interlude...now for the question. As you know I love communications. Hell it’s my job. I love MY choice of a cell phone...we’re almost to the question. So calling an operating system an Android has logic. It conjures images of Arnold battling robots with bright beady eyes and cunning skill. RIM (Research In Motion…catchy) aka Black Berry. Here it comes...I get Apple, its healthy (1 a day keeps Doc away), it’s plainly...unique. I like that, but what does the "I" stand for in Iphone, Itouch, and Ipad? “I” don't get the "I" and I own 5 of these "I" music playing devices. Maybe "U" can explain it to m"I"self so that "I" can sleep better at n"I"ght. BTW- Today and from this day forward - I BleedBlk. – Ryan B., Kearsarge, NH

            For as big as Apple Inc., there is surprisingly little info on what the “i” stands for. The first use of the “i” was on the iMac computer in 1998. The “i” either meant “interface” or “internet” because of how easily the computer was able to navigate the World Wide Web. The “i” had no relevance to the iPod when it was released three years later, but was left on the name for brand recognition. Think of the “i” as Apple’s version of the Nike logo.

Responses to "Reader" Mail

These may or may not be actual messages I've receieved from readers. They also could've been made up by the author of this column to create a backbone for this piece. You never know. Enjoy!

“If you had a gun put to your head, which of the four remaining quarterbacks would you trust to win one game?” – Eric, Woodbury, NY

            Depends on the circumstances. If all four quarterbacks were on evenly matched teams, I would take Roethlisberger slightly ahead of Rodgers. As good as Aaron Rodgers has been, I’ve never seen him drive his team down the field 80+ yards to win the Super Bowl. Roethlisberger isn’t the most graceful QB, but the guy just finds a way to make plays (see the 3^rd and 19 throw he completed to win the game against Baltimore last week).

            The other two guys aren’t as far behind as you might think. Cutler, for all of his recklessness, has the strongest arm of any quarterback in the NFL. Sanchez is totally erratic, but when the game is on the line, he always seems to make a play. We’re lucky to have very intriguing quarterback pairings for the championship games this weekend (even more lucky when you consider that Brady, Manning, and Drew Brees are not involved).

“Which are you more excited for, real baseball or fantasy baseball?” – Ken, Miami, FL

            Fantasy baseball, and it’s not even close. I might not be in the majority on this, but I do feel like fair amounts of people are with me. Baseball was built for statistical nerds. Fantasy football is more mainstream, but baseball is for the hardcore stat geek that is willing to invest time in learning who the hot AAA prospects are. Perhaps I’ll get sucked in to baseball a little more if the Red Sox are a juggernaut, but committing 3+ hours six nights a week to a baseball game is too much for me. I’ll take any NBA game over any MLB game any day of the week. And then I will check my fantasy team for five minutes the next morning.

“Hockey seemed to be gaining some steam in the States last year, but in my opinion, has fallen off a bit. What does the NHL need to do to get more into the American sports scene?” Pierre, Quebec City

            This one is pretty simple. The NHL needs to come up with an arrangement to get their games back on ESPN. Sadly, we live in a world where “Sportscenter” dictates to a large percentage of the population what they should be watching. Without a contract with ESPN, hockey is lucky to get five minutes of coverage per hour of “Sportscenter”. ESPN used to have outstanding coverage of hockey back in the late ‘90s. There are rumors that ESPN and the NHL have had preliminary talks, so we’ll see what happens.

“I’m not sure how excited I can let myself get over Blake Griffin. The Clipper stink will get him eventually.” – Travis, Long Beach, CA

            I don’t think the Clipper stink will get to him. It’s much more likely that a freak leg injury will. Griffin plays basketball the way Ronnie Lott used to play football. Keep in mind that Lott had a finger cut off so he could continue playing in a game. The only thing that will stop Griffin is him jumping 12 feet in the air to snag a Baron Davis alley-oop, and then landing awkwardly and shattering his knee into 6,000 pieces. If I was a Clippers fan, I’d be terrified every time he went in the air.

“Why did you let yourself become infatuated with “Jersey Shore”? What’s wrong with you?” – C. Muir, New Hampshire

            Great question Cameron. Somehow (probably do to great editing by the folks at MTV), I became invested in the well being of these people. Escapism is also a factor, as while I certainly didn’t party like the cast of the show on a regular basis, I do remember being a little younger and not having all that much to worry about. Am I a little embarrassed to say I’ve watched every episode of the 3^rd season so far? Yes. Am I looking forward to the next episode? Yes, yes, and yes.

“Any interest in golf?” – Bob, Tempe, AR

            The only two tournaments I usually try to catch are The Masters and the US Open (catch = watch the last three or four holes). Unless Tiger Woods finds his mojo again, I’m on the outs with the PGA Tour.

“I’m not sure who was older, the cast of the “Golden Girls” during their 5^th season or the big 3 (Duncan, Manu, and Eva’s ex) for the Spurs. Can they keep it up all year?”  - Troy G., El Paso, TX

            Do I think San Antonio will end up with 70 wins? No, but as long as they can maintain their health they should have an excellent chance at nabbing the #1 seed in the west. Coach Gregg Popovich has done a great job of resting Tim Duncan (he’s only averaging 29.4 minutes per game so far this season), which is the right thing to do with a 34-year old 7-footer with a lot of mileage on his knees. Ginobili has been playing as well as he ever has, and Tony Parker (who is only 28, it just feels like he’s older because he was at one time an 18-year old rookie) has not let his much-publicized divorce distract him. I don’t think they could last against the Lakers, Oklahoma City, or Dallas in a seven game series as presently constructed, but the fact that they are a threat in the west with an aging Duncan is very impressive.

“Lebron…humble he not.” – Yoda, a Galaxy far, far away

            Wise words from the great Jedi master.

“I’m currently in the 16^th year of my Madden franchise. My entire roster is full of players that were generated by the computer. At what point do I just need to start over?” – a 14-year old from Topeka, KS

            It all depends on what your objective is. If you’re using your favorite team, than going the full 30 years is acceptable. Perhaps you want to win Super Bowl with each team, which means as soon as you win it, you start a new one. Or lastly, you are trying to play the entire career of a rookie player and develop him to greatness (Sam Bradford, Dez Bryant, ect.). At that point you end the franchise when that player retires.

“I don’t know about anyone else, but I can’t wait for your NASCAR preview.” – Leroy, Raleigh, NC

            Unless I want to attempt to set a new record for least viewed page on the Internet, I don’t think there will be a NASCAR preview coming from No Credentials, but you never know. I am a closet NASCAR fan.

“It’s going to be a weird NFL Draft this year…who do you think will get the most value?” – Edward, Arlington, VA

            It’s always hard to predict how college prospects will end up in the pros, but I think there will be two groups of winners. One will be the Carolina Panthers, who will more than likely draft Auburn DT Nick Fairley. Fairley is probably not going to be quite as dominant as Detroit Lions DT Ndamukong Suh, but he won’t be too far off. Carolina should still be terrible next year, so I have a feeling they’ll still have a crack at Andrew Luck.

            The second group is whoever is able to make moves to stock pile future picks, or bring in a player. This is not a very deep draft (with the exception of the defensive line). If I’m a team like the Cleveland Browns at #6, I would love nothing more than have a team knock on my door to try to move up to my slot (don’t be surprised to see the Patriots make a move to jump up and grab Georgia wide receiver A.J. Green). Expect a flurry of trades on draft day.

“There’s been a lot of “Free Kevin Love” talk. In your opinion, who is an athlete in any sport that really needs to be let loose so he has a chance to win?” – Edwin, Fargo, ND

            I’ll list them by league.

NFL – Steve Smith, WR, Carolina Panthers – Carolina needs to trade him for a 3^rd round pick before a felony happens on their team bus. Smith would be a perfect fit in St. Louis.

NBA – Richard Hamilton, SG, Detroit Pistons – I put Hamilton here only because I think he still has something left in the tank, and he could definitely put a team over the top. If he could some how end up in Chicago (which he probably won’t because the Pistons and Bulls are in the same division), Chicago would become even more dangerous than they already are.

MLB – Any member of the Pittsburgh Pirates – I shouldn’t have to explain this one to anybody.

NHL – Jarome Iginla, RW, Calgary Flames – Iginla has been dragging a mediocre Flames team on his back for the last decade. If we could somehow deliver him to the Pittsburgh Penguins, he would score at least 45 goals being paired with Crosby or Malkin.

“If you had to hang out with anyone on the “Jersey Shore” for a day, who would it be?” – C. Muir, New Hampshire

            I guess we’ll take one more “Jersey Shore” question. Vinny appears to be the most normal dude on the show (admittedly, that’s not saying much, but it’s a valid point in this case). I’ll nominate Pauly as a close second. 

“Give me your honest opinion about Jason Garrett as the Head Coach next year. Not that I’ll care. I just want to read about it. “ – Jerry Jones, Dallas, TX

            It makes sense going into a potential lockout to have some continuity going into 2011. I’m excited to see what Rob Ryan will do with the defense (Rob is Rex’s twin brother who the Cowboys just hired). If you recall, Ryan’s last team (Cleveland) put up some inspired efforts against the likes of New England and New Orleans this season. I’ll be anxious to see what he’s able to get out of DeMarcus Ware.

“Is Bill Belichick senile?” – message from several angry Patriots fans after loss to Jets

            I won’t say he’s senile, but he does seem like a guy who’s not quite as invested as he used to be. I could never imagine Belichick in 2001 running a fake punt in a playoff game. Maybe it’s just a case of having already accomplished so much.

“What’s wrong with the New Jersey Devils?” – David, New York City

            Brodeur getting older doesn’t help, but I think a lot of it has to do with a lack of talent at the blue line. If you think back to the great Devils teams that won Stanley Cups, they had guys like Scott Stevens knocking dudes out. Ever since he left, along with guys like Ken Daneyko and Brian Rafalski, they have not been as solid defensively. That would be the main reason they haven’t won a playoff series since the lockout. 

“My buddy and I got into an argument about what the perfect basketball team would have. Can you settle it for us?” – Sean, Saco, ME

            This is a hard one because there are so many ways to play basketball. Depending on whether you want to have a run-and-gun team (2004-2007 Phoenix Suns) or a lock down defensive team (late-80s Detroit Pistons), each style would call for players with different skill sets. For the sake of coming up with an answer, here’s a sort of realistic 8-man rotation I would put together of current players if I needed to win one game.

PG: Rajon Rondo (superb passer and defender, don’t need a scorer like Rose or Westbrook)

SG: Kevin Durant (can stretch the floor, would be alpha dog 1A on this team)

SF: Lebron James (alpha dog 1B, can obviously do it all)

PF: Kevin Love (best rebounder in basketball who can also bury 3s and hit free throws)

C: Dwight Howard (most dominant center in the game, doesn’t need the ball all the time to be effective)

BG: Jason Terry (can be a microwave off the bench, instant offense)

BF: Glen Davis (not afraid to step in and hit a big shot if needed)

BF: Thabo Sefolosha (lockdown defender)

BC: Serge Ibaka (averages over 2 blocks per game, a force inside on the defensive end)

“Based off of the preview for next week’s episode, it looks like Sammi Sweetheart could leave “Jersey Shore”. Big loss?” – C. Muir, New Hampshire

            All right, I guess we’ll answer one more Jersey question. Even though Sammi is an uber-bitch, I’d be bummed out if she left. It’s good to have a little tension between roommates, and her volatile relationship with Ronnie is always solid entertainment. I hope she sticks around.

“Give me your instant reaction when you heard that Catwoman and Bane would be the villains in the next Batman movie.” – Stuart, Rochester, NH

            Bane’s inclusion in this movie was pretty surprising. Director Christopher Nolan has shied away from non-realistic characters and story lines so far. I’ll be curious to see how Bane looks in the film. As for Catwoman, I’m disappointed that Anne Hathaway will play the part. Just seems a little too obvious, and it almost reminds me of the crappy Batman movies in the mid-90s (“Batman Forever” and “Batman & Robin”) where they were heavy on names, but the story was not as sharp. 

“Where do the Nets go now that they have shelved the idea of trading for Carmelo?” George, Newark, NJ

            I always thought it was pretty moronic that a 10-31 team was trying to make a blockbuster trade in the middle of the season. It didn’t do any of their young players any favors (particularly Derrick Favors, who has shown flashes, but was definitely distracted by his rumored move to Denver). A team like this just needs to go through the motions this season and add assets for the next year or two. Maybe in two years when they move to Brooklyn they will have the flexibility to add an elite player, and develop him along with someone they took high in the draft.

“If Dale Earnhardt Jr. sucks again this year, I vote that we kick him out of NASCAR.” – Mark, Augusta, GA

            I’ll co-sign that. He needs to crack the top 15 and contend for a win or two to restore some semblance of relevance (semblance of relevance…that was a power phrase).

“Which non-playoff team is the biggest threat to win the Super Bowl next year?” – Ted, Gorham, NH

            Without knowing what the off-season will hold, here’s my list of non-playoff threats.

1. Detroit Lions (they were 13-3 against the spread this year. If Stafford is healthy, and they have another solid draft, this team can make noise)
2. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (finished 10-6 with one of the youngest rosters in the league. They should only get better)
3. Dallas Cowboys (5-3 under Jason Garrett with Jon Kitna and Stephen McGee playing quarterback. I’m expecting big things with Romo back under center)
4. Oakland Raiders (I like they’re young offense. If they can improve their defense a little, they could be the favorites in the AFC West)
5. Houston Texans (oddly enough, the addition of Wade Phillips as defensive coordinator will make them a better team. Wade has always been a quality defensive coach. Unless Indianapolis makes some new additions to their o-line and defense, Houston can make the leap in the AFC South)

So there you have it. I’m also posting my Championship Game picks at the bottom of this. Have a good weekend folks.

STEELERS (-3.5) over Jets

BEARS (+3.5) over Packers (I’ve gotten every game wrong in the NFC, so order your Super Bowl tickets now Packers’ fans)