A Jet Dryer Exploded, and Other Things That Happened in the Daytona 500

The Daytona 500 was on really, really late last night. Much later than most racing fans are used to staying up. My Dad was asleep before Jimmie Johnson's crash, and that was the second lap of the race. Here's a review of all the noteworthy events that happened during the race.

Juan Pablo Montoya Crashed Into a Jet Dryer
        

            The odds of Montoya’s suspension breaking, and then consequently forcing his car to slide directly into a jet dryer, must’ve been 1,000,000 to 1. When Darrell Waltrip says that a crash is the most bizzarre event he’s ever seen, that means something. 

Jimmie Johnson Gets Knocked Out 2 Laps Into the Race

            As soon as it was confirmed that there were no serious injuries, the 2012 Sprint Cup season officially got off to the best start possible (for No Credentials anyway) with the elimination of the five-time champion. Elliott Sadler made the most of his one-off appearance in the 33 car.

The Jet Dryer Exploded

            I had never given much thought about what could happen if a car careened into the back of a jet dryer, but I supposed if I had to list the five most possible outcomes of such an event, explosion probably would’ve made the list.             

Danica Patrick and Trevor Bayne’s Suspensions Ruined By Wet Grass

            To get rid of the 48, I guess we also had to give up two of the fan favorites. On a sunny day both Bayne and Patrick would’ve been fine, but their cars sunk so low into the wet grass that their suspensions actually dug into it. It was a real shame for Bayne, who had a car fast enough to win the race.

Seriously, It Was a Fucking Inferno

            I just watched this video 10 more times. I could watch it 500 more.

Jeff Gordon’s Engine Blows Up

            Gotta hand it to ol’ Gordo. Even when his engine blows, he still gets praise for alerting his fellow competiters to get away from him.

My Wife Thought Dave Blaney’s Name Was “Dave Baloney”

            Blaney was the number one supporting actor to the gigantic fireball in turn 3, because if the track was too damaged to race, he was in position to win the race. He generated so much interest in the Muir house that we researched the specifics of the company that sponsored his car. Even more importantly, Blaney was trending on Twitter. 

Brad Keselowski Tweets From His Car During the Red Flag

            I don’t think I will ever hear a good reason why Keselowski felt the need to have his cellphone on him during the Daytona 500, but it proved to be tremendous foresight. Keselowski tripled his Twitter followers by the end of the race.

Tide?

            It’s easy to forget that NASCAR used be a country bumpkin affair (with all the corporate sponsorships and all), but the fact that laundry detergent was used to wash off 200 gallons of jet fuel was a great reminder of the sport’s old school roots.

Matt Kenseth Wins, Dale Jr. Ends Up Second

            At roughly 12:51am Tuesday morning, Kenseth held off Dale Earnhardt Jr. and Greg Biffle (Biffle may or may not have been dragging his break so Dale Jr. wouldn’t be able to pass Kenseth, but we’ll leave that for the Junior Nation conspiracy theorists) to earn his second career Daytona 500 win.

10 Awesome Things That Happened This Past Weekend (11/4-11/6)

10. Baltimore Orioles Name Former Red Sox GM Dan Duquette GM
            Duquette got a bad rap in Boston (his comments about how he hoped to keep Roger Clemens in Boston through the “twilight” of his career after Clemens signed with Toronto being the most infamous), but the guy had as much (if not more) to do with the core of the 2004 Red Sox than Theo Epstein did. Pedro Martinez, Manny Ramirez, Johnny Damon, Derek Lowe, and Jason Varitek were all players acquired by Duquette. Duquette also was the general manager of the greatest team no one remembers, the 1994 Montreal Expos. Until realignment comes it will be tough sledding, but Baltimore made a wise decision for their next general manager.         

9. Trevor Bayne Wins First Nationwide Race, Danica Finishes Eleventh

            I wouldn’t fault you for forgetting that Trevor Bayne existed before he passed Carl Edwards on Saturday. NASCAR would benefit from both Bayne and Danica Patrick having more consistent success in 2012.

8. Northwestern Upsets #9 Nebraska

            Somewhere, Michael Wilbon was very happy Saturday afternoon.        

7. Patrick Peterson Makes Incredible Game-Winning Punt Return

            This play was amazing for the following three reasons, even though it occurred in a game between two 1-6 football teams.

1. Peterson caught the ball on the 1-yard line. Any football fan that knows anything about the sport that the rule is if a punt looks like it is going to land inside the 10, let it go.
2. The runback itself looked like Bo Jackson in TECMO Super Bowl.
3. More importantly, Arizona was favored by three. Typically once a game reaches overtime it ends in a field goal (unless it’s a college game that doesn’t include LSU and Alabama). If you bet on Arizona, or picked them to win like I did, the odds were that you were either staring at a loss or a push. Peterson’s overtime clincher not only gave Arizona their second victory, but people with sick gambling addictions that actually wagered on this game a thrilling victory.

6. Packers Hang on in Shoot-Out, Win 45-38 in San Diego
            It felt like Aaron Rodgers only had the ball for five minutes in this game, but he still managed to throw for 250 and four touchdowns.

5. Tony Stewart Wins Fourth Race of Chase, Within 3 Points of Carl Edwards

            My Chase preview is starting to look more and more like a comedy piece with each trip Tony makes to victory lane. It’s going to be a lot of fun the next two weeks with Smoke and Cousin Carl locked in a tight battle. Look for Edwards to make a stand at Phoenix next week. He had the fastest car their last spring before getting crashed out.

4. LSU Wins “Game of the Century” in Overtime Over Alabama
            After watching four quarters of this game before falling asleep on my couch right before overtime, I’m still trying to figure out how two teams with quarterback play that appears to be somewhere between mediocre and putrid could be ranked 1-2 in the polls. If either team had Andrew Luck under center, they would’ve beaten the other by three touchdowns. I really hope we don’t have to watch a rematch in the BCS Championship Game.

3. NASCAR Parks Kyle Busch

            I’m all for drivers settling their business amongst themselves, but there is no rational defense for what Kyle Busch did to Ron Hornaday in the truck race Friday night. Kudos to the suits running NASCAR for finally putting an end to the “have at it” era.

2. Ravens Shock Steelers

            I’ve never thought all that much of Joe Flacco. He’s certainly been a solid quarterback during his NFL career, but I never though of him as someone who could eventually carry a franchise to a Super Bowl. Last night’s 92-yard drive to sweep the season series over the Steelers was a good way for him to win me over.

1. Eli Leads Another Late-Game Comeback Against Patriots

            It’s hard to believe, but we live in a world where Eli Manning owns Tom Brady.

           

10 Awesome Things That Happened This Past Weekend (2/18-2/20)

10. Justin Bieber Voted MVP of All-Star Celebrity Game

            I caught a few minutes of this game Friday night. At one point, Scottie Pippen blocked a Bieber jump shot without even leaving his feet. Beliebers must have missed that play (the MVP of this game was determined by fan vote. Who knew 13-year-old girls liked celebrity basketball games). 

            To see the epic rejection, click here.

9. Ottawa Senators and Colorado Avalanche Swap Starting Goalies

            I love trades where teams swap mediocre players that play the same position. Colorado shipped Craig Anderson and his 3.28 GAA to Ottawa for Brian Elliott and his 3.19 GAA. Essentially, both teams were so sick of their goalies that they were willing to bring in another crappy goalie to replace them. Anderson did pitch a 47-save shutout in his first game for Ottawa, so perhaps a change of scenery will be good for both of these guys.

8. Tony Stewart Edges Out Clint Bowyer to Win Nationwide Race

            More notable than Stewart edging Bowyer by a bumper was Danica Patrick running up front before eventually finishing 14^th. NASCAR would love nothing more than to see Patrick run well in her 12 Nationwide Series races this season. Good finishes would go a long in way in convincing Patrick to make the jump to NASCAR full-time in 2012.

If you missed the finish, click here.

7. Calgary Flames Destroy Canadians in Heritage Classic

            If an outdoor hockey game happens in Canada, but no one in America knows about it because of the NBA All-Star Game and the Daytona 500, did it really happen? In this case, it did.

            I only caught part of this game on accident while flipping through channels before the NBA All-Star Game. I understand that this event was geared towards Canada (the Canadian teams have been pissy about not being included in the New Year’s Day Winter Classic), but wouldn’t it make a little sense to stage the event on a quieter sports weekend? This morning on ESPN.com, the Heritage Classic was the ninth story listed on their homepage. It would make a ton of sense for the NHL to schedule this sort of event on a weekend with less competition.  

6. Rookies Beat Sophomores Thanks to John Wall

            None of Wall’s record 24 assists were as impressive as this bounce pass to Blake Griffin. Griffin should’ve borrowed Wall to help him out with the dunk contest.

5. New York Knicks Get Desperate in Pursuit for Carmelo Anthony

            New York is reportedly willing to send Danilo Gallinari, Raymond Felton, and Wilson Chandler to Denver in exchange for Carmelo Anthony. In other words, they are willing to part with their second, third, and fourth best players. That’s an awful lot to give up for a guy who scores a ton, but no much else.

4. St. Johns Beats #4 Pittsburgh With Last Second Lay-up

            St. Johns is somehow only 17-9, but it seems like every week they are pulling off a mammoth upset. They already smoked Duke, and this past weekend it was #4 Pittsburgh. I’m pulling for St. Johns to end up as an #8 or #9 seed in the NCAA Tournament so they can pull off a win over a #1 seed in round 2.

3. Blake Griffin Jumps Over a Car, Wins Slam Dunk Contest

            I don’t want to spend too much time ranting about the Dunk Contest, but I need to write a couple of sentences about Serge Ibaka. His first dunk (where video evidence clearly shows he took off a couple of inches behind the foul line) should’ve been scored a 65 out of 50. For him to be given a 45 was ridiculous. Julius Erving (who is credited with being the first man to successfully make a foul-line dunk, but actually took off while his foot was halfway over the line) should’ve walked out on to the court and kissed Ibaka’s shoes.

            Moving on from a stupid rant about a forgotten dunk (if you ever see me at the grocery store, don’t bring it up. It’s still a sore subject), I’ll simply post links to the epic dunks of the night.

           

Serge Ibaka Foul Line Dunk – This video is extra fun because Charles Barkley says “that kid has a great body” about Ibaka like he was talking about Brooklyn Decker.

Demar Derozan Makes "The Showstopper"– This video is creepy because who ever edited it decided to add somber music and play the clip in slow motion. Kind of weird, but strangely rewatchable.

Javale McGee Double-Dunk – For my money, the best dunk of the night. The degree of difficulty to pull that dunk (or two dunks I guess) was off the charts.

Blake Griffin's Reverse 360 Slam – Griffin smacked himself in the face with the ball after this slam.

Griffin Jumps Over a Car– The actual dunk itself wasn’t all that impressive, but the production value was unintentionally comical.

2. Kobe Bryant Goes Bonkers, Leads West Over the East

            Kobe’s 37 points trumped Lebron James’ triple-double. Speaking of Lebron…I didn’t think he could’ve done anything to make Cavalier’s fans hate him even more, but his impassioned speech to fire up his teammates might’ve done it (I tried to find a leak to this, but unfortunately couldn’t locate one at this time). All of a sudden a guy who mailed it in during the last three games of the playoff series against Boston gives a crap about an exhibition game?

1. 20-Year Old Trevor Bayne Wins Daytona 500

            I’m not sure what you were doing when you were twenty years old, but most of my time was spent playing video games and searching for a place to party (I write searching for a party because more often than not I was either unable to locate a party, or my buddy and I were to lazy to go to a party and played Madden instead). What was Trevor Bayne doing the day after he turned 20 years old? You know, just winning the biggest auto race in the United States.

            If you missed the last two laps, check it out here.