10 Awesome Things That Happened This Past Weekend (3/16-3/18)

10. QVC Has Annual St. Patrick’s Day Celebration
            For 23 years running now, the bastards at QVC have been fleecing elderly women out of their social security checks every St. Patrick’s Day, peddling gaudy jewelry and overpriced sweaters. Some Irish dude who always wears a ridiculous tie runs the whole operation. They even have Celtic Thunder in the house for “live music” (live is in quotes because their audio track skipped at about 11:20pm Saturday night and thousands of blue hairs across the nation found out that they’ve been lip synching all these years. Against all odds, that event was the highlight of my St. Patrick’s Day). The only disappointing part of QVC’s celebration this year? For the very first time, the event didn’t last 24 straight hours (Obama may or may not have stepped in behind closed doors to save the elderly from these crooks). I’m not sure why I shared this paragraph with you, but assuming the bulk of my audience doesn’t watch QVC, I’m happy to educate.

9. Andy Pettitte Signs 1-Year Deal With Yankees
            The skeptic in me is willing to bet that Pettitte was juicing for an entire year during his “retirement”, and wouldn’t be stunned at all if he comes back throwing 95 mph.

8. Georgetown Beats Belmont By 15

            I’d like to thank the dumbass at Sportsbook.com who only had Georgetown as 3.5-point favorites Friday. One of the better wins for No Credentials gambling account in a long time. 

7. Patriots Sign WR Brandon Lloyd

            Only having to pay $12 million over three years for a guy who led the league in receiving yards two years ago? Ridiculous.

6. Matt Flynn Signs With Seattle

            Most folks figured that Flynn would be left in limbo until Peyton Manning chose his new team, but kudos to him for inking a deal with the Seahawks. They were a competitive team last season with Tavaris the Virus at quarterback, so anything is an upgrade.

5. Brad Keselowski Wins Second Straight at Bristol

            Any fears of Keselowski’s championship hopes being dashed by his teams lame duck status with Dodge were put to rest by his dominant performance at Bristol.

4. The Farm is Lost on “The Walking Dead”

            Unfortunately, more of the living weren’t (I’m looking at you Sophia’s mom, T-Dog, ect.).

3. Norfolk State Defeats #2 Missouri 

2. Lehigh Defeats #2 Duke
            As bummed out as I was to lose one of my Final 4 teams in the first round (only the second time that has happened in my bracket career), I was elated to see Coach K and the Blue Devils sent home from the tournament.

1. Peyton Manning Joins the Broncos, Ends Tebowmania

            We cheated for this one (it happened Monday), but that’s allowed when such an epic transaction occurs. We’ll discuss more later this week, but I do want to ask one question...if Peyton Manning's neck breaks in the first quarter of week 1, will God be responsible?

10 Awesome Things That Happened This Past Weekend (12/30-1/2)

10. The NFL Regular Season Ends
            Normally this would bum me out, but not having a chance to burn money betting on things like the over/under of the Cardinals/Rams game is a blessing in disguise for No Credentials.

9. Brock Lesnar Gets Pummeled, Then Retires

            I’m willing to bet that there will never be a more famous UFC fighter with a career record of 4-3 who is a bigger draw than Brock Lesnar. It’s fair to say that if he didn’t have two separate bouts of diverticulitis, his win total would be much higher. Lesnar will be missed.

8. Jets, Rex Ryan Finish 8-8

            Santonio Holmes clashing with teammates, and then quitting in the final game. Rex Ryan crying in the final team meeting, then admitting to the media he was out of touch with his team. Mark Sanchez being Mark Sanchez. Needless to say, the Jets have all sorts of issues to fix going into 2012.

7. Ricky Rubio Sparks Timberwolves

            If Minnesota starts giving Rubio 30+ minutes a night, wins over teams like Dallas and San Antonio might be become a regular event.

6. Colts Lock Up Top Pick

            I’m not really going out on a limb here, but I feel comfortable saying that the 2012 NFL Draft will be the most talked discussed since 2006. We’ll talk more about this later.

5. Broncos Lose, God Makes Sure They Win AFC West Anyway

            No word yet on whether or not God also was responsible for tearing Rashard Mendenhall’s ACL, thus removing him from Pittsburgh’s date with Denver Sunday afternoon.

4. Matt Flynn Ups His Price Tag to $60 Million

            With the list of teams that are in desperate need of a quarterback, expect Matt Flynn to get paid when he becomes an unrestricted free agent after the season. For those of you that are dumb enough to participate in fantasy leagues where the championship is decided in Week 17, I hope you all had your Lions and Packers in the starting lineup.
        
3. Giants Put 2011 Cowboys Out of Their Misery
            Much like an old dog on the way out, it was time for the Dallas Cowboys to be put down. Here’s to hoping Jerry Jones finds us a couple of corners, and two or three new offensive lineman.

2. Rangers Spoil Winter Classic For Philadelphia

            Without factoring in the stakes of a given game, is there a cooler sporting event to watch for ten minutes than an outdoor NHL game under the lights?

1. Oregon Wins Highest Scoring Rose Bowl Ever Over Wisconsin

            I’d like to thank the Ducks for taking care of business and recovering all of the money No Credentials lost betting on NFL games on Sunday.