Assuming that
the Mayans are on to something, what are the best signs that the end of days
will be upon us soon? – Edgar, Lynn, MA
Here’s two clear events that might lead you to
plan you finances so you have $0 in your bank account on December 21st,
2012.
2. Kanye West
dating Kim Kardashian – If these two create offspring, we’re dead. We’re all
DEAD.
1. Dick Clark
died – Assuming that the Mayans are right, I’m guessing this conversation
happened shortly before Clark passed away.
God: It’s your
time.
Clark: I can’t
leave yet! That’ll leave Seacrest all alone on New Year’s Eve. He’ll ruin the
show!God: The world is going to explode 10 days before New Year’s Eve this year. You won’t have to worry about that.
Clark: Well if that’s the case, can I listen to Robert Johnson in Heaven?
God: You can download him on Lord-Tunes, but you can’t see him live. He went straight to Hell.
So Mariano
Rivera is indestructable for parts of 3 decades, but his replacement can’t even
stay upright for two weeks? Tony, Riverhead, NY
Whenever an unusually durable athlete does down to
an injury, the replacement always goes down with an ailment of his own shortly
after. A similar thing happened when Brett Favre’s consecutive games streak
came to an end in 2010. Tavaris “The Virus” Jackson tore a knee ligament the
next week.
(EDITORS NOTE: In
a year that MLB instituted a second wildcard in an attempt to insure that the
Yankees and Red Sox make the playoffs, isn’t it funny that the odds of both
squads making it this year are very low? Both team's bullpens are suspect.
Boston’s starting pitching has been inconsistent, while New York’s aging
offense has been sputtering (with the exception of Derek Jeter, who figured out
that ditching Minka Kelly was the key to restoring his power stroke). The only
saving grace for both teams has been the struggles of the Angels, who No
Credentials predicted would be a shoe-in for one of the two Wildcard spots (I’m
not giving up on them yet. It’s still way to early to count out any team,
assuming they don’t play in Kansas City, Minnesota, Seattle, Oakland, Houston,
Chicago, or San Diego), are five games under .500 at the time of this writing.
Justin Bieber
says he has “had a beer”. What brand do you think it was? Tasha, Harrison, ME
What a great question. Let’s rank the top-5
candidates in reverse order.
5. Mike’s Hard Lemonade
4. Molson Canadian (he's from Canada after all)3. Smirnoff Triple Raspberry Lemon Shake w/hint of Pineapple (guessing this is a custom beverage Smirnoff made for the Bieb)
2. Skyy Blue
1. Labatt Blue
Who do you
have winning the Preakness? – Abigail, Red Rock, TX
I want to stay loyal to I’ll Have Another, but
facing a small field with very few sprinters, Bodemiester should have an easier
go of it. He won’t need to try to set a land-speed record in the first half of
the race, and should have plenty left in the tank coming down the stretch.
Still trying
to wrap my head around how Chris Bosh makes such a huge difference for the
Miami Heat. Sam, Epping, NH
Anyone that knows anything about basketball would
never argue that Chris Bosh is the second best player on the Miami Heat.
However, one could make a case that he’s the second most valuable player
the Heat have. The similar skill sets of Lebron James and Dwyane Wade make it
hard for them to function together in the same play (unless it’s a fast break).
More often than not, one of them gets the ball at the top of the key and runs a
pick-and-roll with a Miami big (when healthy, that big would be Bosh) while the
other stands on the side and watches from the 3-point line. With Bosh out,
whoever is setting the screen for James/Wade is not a consistent threat to
score in a pick-and-roll. This allows the opposing big men to clog the lane and
shut down drives to the basket. Miami’s half-court offense has morphed into the
basketball equivalent of a poop sandwich without Bosh.The secret to solving this problem? Run James and Wade in the pick and roll together (if Lebron bitches about playing the 4, tell him to shut the fuck up), surround them with Chalmers and whichever stiff you want to plug in at small forward (I’ll vote for Shane Battier over Mike Miller and James Jones) on the wings, with Joel Anthony on the backside to hit the offensive glass (not that he could catch an offensive rebound, he’s much more likely to fumble it out of bounds). The most likely outcomes of running this offense would be a drive to the basket or a wide open 3. Let’s make sure Coach Spo doesn’t see this paragraph until the Heat are eliminated by the Pacers.
How much do
you have to like hockey to give a shit about Kings-Coyotes? – Ed, Manchester,
VT
I’ll grade myself a slightly above average fan of
hockey (I play fantasy hockey, that earns me the above average tag), and I’m
struggling to care about this one. Anything involving Phoenix makes it hard to
take seriously, espeically when you have a throwback match-up in the Eastern
Conference.
Who wins a
fight, Axl Rose or a pissed off Kurt Busch? – George, Hickory, NC
This one would definitly be a lightweight division
battle. Kurt is certainly a volitale personality, but all of his abuse has been
verbal. Axl’s willingness to throw a fist or two gives him the edge.
"Its
black and white". Translation - its obvious, crystal clear,
incontrovertible, fact. I understand the statement. I often use it.
So now I give you my problem (question). Why is it black and white? Is it
because they are equal and exact opposites? If that were the case why would we
not say "its positive and negative" IE battery terminals? And if we
are basing this on black and white being equal and exact opposites we must take
into consideration that black isn't a color and as we all know white is. ( We
could debate that statement until I was blue and you were red in the face) Or
is it because we look at it like words on a page? Something written in a
"matter of fact" way? If this is the case, could we say "blue
(ink) and yellow (paper)"? Walk into any Staples and shop around the Post
It and Sharpie section and we might be saying "Its pecker pink and pumpkin
orange". But maybe that wouldn't have the impact the user was looking for.
And what if your colorblind? I guess in that case white, blue, black or yellow don't apply. Ultimately Wrench, what I'm asking is why is it "black and white". And please don't tell me its obvious, crystal clear, incontrovertible or fact. – Ryan B., Kearsarge, NH
I think there were 16 questions in the previous two paragraphs. For fear of drifting too far into a gray area, we’ll let the question stand on it’s own. Until next time…
