Week 1 NFL Picks

            Last year, Week 1 destroyed No Credentials. A 3-13 stink bomb set us behind the eight ball early. This year, we’re not off to a good start (although I stand behind my opening night pick. Wasn’t my fault one of Baltimore’s two competent receivers was run into by his own guy on a punt, or that Peyton Manning went bonkers. Nevermind, it was my fault. You never bet against Peyton Manning at night), but the rest of the Week 1 will be better. Why? Well…I don’t know.
            As a special treat for No Credentials readers (all six of you), we invited friend of the blog Ethan Hedrick to also make picks every week (EDITORS NOTE: Actually, he invited himself, but I figured it wasn’t a bad idea. Instead of one person posting bad picks, why not two?). His picks will be listed below mine. He claims to have picked Denver in his office pool, so we’ll spot him a 1-0 lead.
            Without further ado, the rest of my shitty Week 1 picks.
 

New England Patriots (-10.5) @ Buffalo Bills

Sunday, 1:00pm, CBS, O/U 51
            New England ran for approximately 1,253 yards in the two games they played against Buffalo last year. Throw in a few E.J. Manuel turnovers and this one will be a runaway.

Patriots (-10.5) over BILLS
 

Tennessee Titans (+7) @ Pittsburgh Steelers

Sunday, 1:00pm, CBS, O/U 42
            I wrote in the preseason how I had a good feeling about Tennessee’s improved offensive line. Throw in a retooling Steelers team, and we’re signing off on this game staying within a touchdown.

Titans (+7) over STEELERS

 

Atlanta Falcons (+3) @ New Orleans Saints

Sunday, 1:00pm, FOX, O/U 56
            New Orleans was a team I never picked correctly last season, and I expect this year to be no different. On paper, the Falcons offense shreds the Saints.

Falcons (+3) over SAINTS

 

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (-4.5) @ New York Jets

Sunday, 1:00pm, FOX, O/U 39.5
            A line that feels at least two points too low, but your getting a Josh Freeman discount.

Buccaneers (-4.5) over JETS

Kansas City Chiefs (-4.5) @ Jacksonville Jaguars

Sunday, 1:00pm, CBS, O/U 42
            The obvious rebound team faces one of the obvious worst teams in the league. The longer Blaine Gabbert is involved, the longer Jacksonville should be wagered against any time you’re getting less than a touchdown.

Chiefs (-4.5) over JAGUARS

 

Cincinnati Bengals (+3) @ Chicago Bears

Sunday, 1:00pm, CBS, O/U 42.5
            One of the more difficult match ups to predict, we’ll bet on home field advantage as our tiebreaker.

BEARS (-3) over Bengals

Miami Dolphins (+1.5) @ Cleveland Browns

Sunday, 1:00pm, CBS, O/U 41
            Here’s your under bet of the week, for those of you who love cheering against points.

Dolphins (+1.5) over BROWNS

 

Seattle Seahawks (-4) @ Carolina Panthers

Sunday, 1:00pm, FOX, O/U 45
            Your “No Credentials Upset of the Week That is Destined to Fail”, sponsored by Microsoft.

PANTHERS (+4) over Seahawks

 

Minnesota Vikings (+6) @ Detroit Lions

Sunday, 1:00pm, FOX, O/U 47
            I’m not sold on the Vikings, but any team coached by Jim Schwartz doesn’t deserve to be favored by more than three points.

Vikings (+6) over LIONS

 

Oakland Raiders (+10.5) @ Indianapolis Colts

Sunday, 1:00pm, CBS, O/U 47
            Oakland is atrocious. Absolutely atrocious.

COLTS (-10.5) over Raiders

 

Arizona Cardinals (+4.5) @ St. Louis Rams

Sunday, 4:30pm, FOX, O/U 41.5
            Carson Palmer will put up some stats, but he will also get sacked seven times.

RAMS (-4.5) over Cardinals

Green Bay Packers (+5.5) @ San Francisco 49ers

Sunday, 4:30pm, FOX, O/U 49
            San Francisco isn’t a good place to show up and play when you have a banged up offensive line.

49ERS (-5.5) over Packers

 

New York Giants (+3.5) @ Dallas Cowboys

Sunday, 8:30pm, NBC, O/U 50
            Eli Manning is undefeated in Jerry-World, but the run has to end eventually. Dallas has more talent, and fortunately no one is injured yet.

COWBOYS (-3.5) over Giants

 

Philadelphia Eagles (+4.5) @ Washington Redskins

Monday, 7:00pm, ESPN, O/U 52.5
            I don’t feel great either way about this game, but even if Kirk Cousins gets involved at some point, the Eagles defense is bad enough for Washington to cover.

REDSKINS (-4.5) over Eagles

Houston Texans (-5.5) @ San Diego Chargers

Monday, 10:20pm, ESPN, O/U 45
            Weird stuff usually happens in the second Monday night game during Week 1, but normally the game doesn’t feature a contending team. Houston has it’s flaws, but the defense is stout enough to hold the Chargers in check.

Texans (-5.5) over CHARGERS

Ethan’s Picks

Bill’s cover, combined rushing attempts 100.

Tennessee, and they win because Pittsburgh’s O-line sucks.
New Orleans, they are like 11-2 against the dirty birds.
Tampa Bay, Jets are already fighting Oakland for #1 pick.
KC, Blaine Gabbert is pretty fun to watch.
Bengals, Cutler is too much of a gunslinger for a west coast offense.
Browns, in Weeden I trust.
Seattle, by 20.
Adrian Peterson, I refuse to call them the Vikings (to cover).
Oakland barely covers because they have to ensure a loss to keep pace with the Jets.
St. Louis, but who cares in that division.
San Fran, by 2 TDs
NYG, Dallas has yet to prove they can beat these guys in their own stadium.  Lose by a TD.
Philly, RGIII is exposed quickly
Houston, J.J. Watt kills someone.
 

Thursday Pick = 0-1

Ethan’s Thursday Pick = 1-0