No Credentials Mailbag 1-4-12

            The following message hit my Facebook inbox the other day from No Credentials biggest mailbag star, Ryan B.

            Do you need some help carrying that fucking mail bag? Don’t even give me that “holiday” bullshit. Suck it up and drive on…

             If I understand that message correctly, I guess it’s time for another No Credentials mailbag. As always, these may or may not be actual messages I’ve received from real or fake people.

I’m bored at work and I have a question about your beloved Cowboys. It was announced today on ESPN that Jerry Jones “won’t give up the GM gig.” Is that demoralizing for Cowboys fans? As one fan wrote on ESPN, “Well, this just solidifies the fact that Jerry's ego will keep the Cowboys at a mediocre level for the foreseeable future.” Also, please, FIRE REX RYAN. Or cut Mark Sanchez. Or both. Drive on. – Mike S., Keene, NH

            We’ll get to the Jets first…I think the jury is still out on Rex Ryan. He’s still a coach that managed to get a team quarterbacked by Mark Sanchez to the AFC Championship Game two years in a row. He deserves at least one more season. Sanchez can hit the road though. He has all the makings of a career backup.
            As for Jerry and my beloved Cowboys, yes, it is demoralizing. Jones is one of the best owners to have in sports (his U.F.O. looking stadium he built is proof of that), but for the love of God can we find an expert for picking players? The two biggest deficiencies with the 2010 squad were the offensive line (which was the reason Tony Romo ended up with a busted collarbone) and a shoddy secondary. With the exception of first round pick Tyron Smith (who has the look of a solid right tackle), both of those areas was again the Achilles heal of 2011. If Jerry can’t figure out how to address these needs, he needs to hire someone who can.   
       
In all seriousness, what do I have to do to get fired? – Norv T., San Diego, CA
            I don’t know Norv. You and A.J. Smith might need to set up a fake Penn State scandal to get yourselves out of working for the Chargers.

So three quarterbacks threw for over 5,000 yards, and seven others eclipsed 4,000. One of the guys over 4,000 was a rookie (Cam Newton). Is there such a thing as pass defense anymore? – Tyrone, Raleigh, NC

            We’ve reached a point with the NFL that yards are now very easy to come by. Thank the 2004 Colts for whining to the NFL about Ty Law and company mugging their receivers in the playoffs for this change. Now, corners can’t touch receivers after five yards. There’s really only one thing defenses can do to change the course of a game, and that is create a turnover. Former Head Coach Dennis Green used to say that a turnover was worth 100 yards, which turned out to be the most reasonable statement Green ever made during his coaching career (other than “they are who WE THOUGHT THEY WERE). For grins and giggles, let’s look at where each playoff team ranked in its respective conference in terms of generating turnovers. Starting with the NFC…

Packers and 49ers = 38, tied for first

Lions = 34, third
Giants = 31, tied for fourth
Falcons = 29, seventh
Saints = 16, sixteenth (last in the NFC)

Now the AFC…

Patriots = 34, first

Texans = 27, fifth
Ravens = 26, sixth
Bengals = 22, tenth
Broncos = 18, fourteenth
Steelers = 15, sixteenth (last in the AFC)

            Remember these numbers when San Francisco is upsetting New Orleans in the Divisional Round, and Green Bay and New England are playing in the Super Bowl.

I know you hate college football, but who wins the BCS Championship Game? – Ted, Milpitas, CA

            I have Alabama winning one of the most boring championship games since the Truman administration.

Looks like I’m going to be the next day out the door here. Now is it time to look for places to rent in Washington? – Peyton M., Indianapolis, IN

            I think so. I know the Colts are saying all the right things in regards to having both Manning and Andrew Luck on the same roster, but that wouldn’t make any financial sense. The only way I see Manning staying is if they get a blockbuster offer from another team to acquire the rights to the first overall pick, as this would allow the Colts to avoid a major cap penalty for trading Manning (who has four years remaining on his deal. If you trade a player who was given a signing bonus, you get a cap penalty for as many years as the original contract was supposed to last). Here’s the updated list of most likely landing spots for Peyton for 2012.

1.      Redskins

  
      2.      Dolphins

3.      Colts

4.      Seahawks

5.      Browns

You’ve been writing about gambling a lot. Has your entire family had to move into your parent’s basement because you gambled the rent money away? – Cindy C., Lancaster, NH

            Believe it or not, no. I was given some birthday money last October, in since I have no free-time to play any video games other than Madden, decided to open a Sportsbook account with it. The initial investment was $100. It’s been a turbulent ride, but I’ve never run dry, and never added any more cash to the account. I don’t intend to reload if I run out of cash, unless I get some more birthday money next year. So you’ll be happy to know that our family has our own place, and we are all still eating well.

Please make the case for Martin Brodeur to hang up his goalie pads. – Claude R., Berlin, NH

            Sadly, it’s not a hard one to make. If Brodeur were to finish the season with his current .893 save percentage, that would be a career low (other than when Brodeur had a four game cup of tea back in 1991-92). Getting pelted with shots behind a shoddy Devils defense hasn’t helped (he doesn’t have the luxury of having guys like Scott Stevens taking care of business for him), but the fact remains that the team looks better when Johan Hedberg is in net. Remember this paragraph in June when a red-hot Brodeur is carrying the eighth seeded Devils to the Stanley Cup Finals.

My now ex-boyfriend punched a hole in my wall when he found out he lost his fantasy football championship by 2 points. Was I in the right or wrong? – Miranda, Essex Junction, VT

            You were in the right, unless he was in a money league where first place received $1,000 or more.

We’re just a day away from “Jersday”. You excited? – The Situation, The Jersey Shore

            Excited to question myself, my moral values, and why I waste time watching such a stupid show? Ya can’t wait!

I just wanted to let you know that I lost my life savings placing bets based on your football picks over the last month. Thanks for nothing. – Orel J., Pocono, PA

            Sorry to hear that Orel. Hopefully you’re old enough to qualify for Medicare before there’s no longer money to fund it. I would like to say again that this blog is called No Credentials for a reason.
        
Who’s the NFL MVP? – Todd, Burlington, MA
            The incredible touchdown to interception ratio of Aaron Rodgers is main reason he should get the nod over Drew Brees.

As we all know, sometimes the success of a product comes from fancy advertising, a slogan, or even a good product name. Take Dunkin’ Donuts (double D's, like you can go wrong with that). Gatorade with its HD commercials and athletes sweating green. Geico with a talking (with an accent) lizard, and lastly, although I don't know the name of the company, we have a talking baby trading stocks (I rewind my DVR for those). That was my interlude...now for the question. As you know I love communications. Hell it’s my job. I love MY choice of a cell phone...we’re almost to the question. So calling an operating system an Android has logic. It conjures images of Arnold battling robots with bright beady eyes and cunning skill. RIM (Research In Motion…catchy) aka Black Berry. Here it comes...I get Apple, its healthy (1 a day keeps Doc away), it’s plainly...unique. I like that, but what does the "I" stand for in Iphone, Itouch, and Ipad? “I” don't get the "I" and I own 5 of these "I" music playing devices. Maybe "U" can explain it to m"I"self so that "I" can sleep better at n"I"ght. BTW- Today and from this day forward - I BleedBlk. – Ryan B., Kearsarge, NH

            For as big as Apple Inc., there is surprisingly little info on what the “i” stands for. The first use of the “i” was on the iMac computer in 1998. The “i” either meant “interface” or “internet” because of how easily the computer was able to navigate the World Wide Web. The “i” had no relevance to the iPod when it was released three years later, but was left on the name for brand recognition. Think of the “i” as Apple’s version of the Nike logo.