No Credentials Summer Recap

            I wish I had a better excuse as to why No Credentials has been less active over the pass six months, but really it boils down to two things.

1.      I was without Playstation 3 for five months.

      2.      I bought a new one, and play a game of my Madden franchise when before I would be writing blog posts.

To make up for our lack of production, we’ll take a quick peak at stories I briefly thought about tackling before deciding playing another game with my son at quarterback of the Kansas City Chiefs was more exciting.

MLB

Ryan Braun Surrenders

            There’s no other word for it, as Braun defiantly took on MLB for almost two years before essentially accepting a plea deal. One wonders if Braun backed down partially because his team is terrible, and he’s been nursing a sore thumb the past two months that hasn’t improved. He’ll come back with no marketability in 2014, but he will be healthy, and quite possibly a top-10 fantasy asset next season.

Mariano Rivera Wins the All-Star Game MVP

            Evidently, a scoreless eighth is more valuable than a scoreless ninth. This game was further proof of why an All-Star Game should have nothing to do with determining home-field advantage for it’s championship series.

The Yankees Stink

            That statement is a little strong in realistic terms (they are over .500, and would gave a one game lead in the NL West), but compared to the usual excellence produced by the Yankees, it’s an accurate one. The offense is abysmal, only generating 125 less runs this season than the Red Sox have. C.C. Sabathia looks to be in desperate need of a switch the National League, and Alex Rodriguez still hangs over the club like a black cloud. While not supporters of the Bronx Bombers, we here at No Credentials are always fans of roster building, so here’s our on the fly, not well thought out fix for the New York Yankees that they can begin implementing before the trade deadline.

1. Give up on the 2013 season – It would be one thing if they were just seven games behind the Red Sox, but they also trail Tampa Bay and Baltimore (by 6.5 and 4 games). The Rangers and Indians are also ahead of them in the Wild Card standings.
2. Trade Robinson Cano – By all accounts, it appears Cano is going to ask for eleventy billion dollars this winter. If George Steinbrenner were still alive, he would never make it to free agency, but unfortunately for Yankees’ fans his kids aren’t as willing to open up the checkbook. Rather than let him walk in free agency (and only soak up draft picks), they should try to push for a blockbuster trade now. Where could he go you ask? My money if he hits free agency is the Washington Nationals, but you could never count out the Detroit Tigers from making an aggressive trade.      
3. Blackmail Mariano Rivera into returning for the 2014 season – Sure it would be awkward after all of the retirement gifts Rivera has been getting all season (my all-time favorite “retiring” person that ended up not retiring was Mark Martin, who swore up and down 2005 would be his last season, only to return in 2006. He’s still racing a part-time schedule today) if he came back next season, but who cares. I think he could throw that ridiculous cutter until he was 65 years old.
4. Frame A-Rod, Sabathia, and Teixeira for a bank robbery – These guys are earning $75 million (!) combined this season, so coming up with some clever scheme to void their contracts would be advantageous.

NFL

Von Miller Potentially Facing a 4-Game Suspension

            It’s a good thing Miller plays a sport where it’s fans don’t give a shit about statistics, because he will not come back with the same stigma as Ryan Braun.

NBA

The Dwightmare Ends…Howard Chooses Houston

            If I weren’t so addicted to playing my Madden franchise I would’ve dropped a 4,000-word piece about Howard shortly after he joined the Rockets, but you’re going to have to settle for bullet points.

-         Shaq was wrong when he accused Howard of not being able to play in a big city. For one, Dwight was working on a way to weasel his way onto the Clippers to play with his buddy Chris Paul. The last time I checked, the Clippers still play in Los Angeles. Howard leaving the Lakers had more to do with him not wanting to put up with Kobe Bryant than him not being able to handle L.A.

-         Of all the teams that were trying to land Howard, the Rockets were the best fit for him. With Howard in the fold, they are fielding a more athletic version of the Orlando team Dwight carried to the 2009 NBA Finals. Even better for the Rockets, they still have a valuable trade asset in Omer Asik that can be used to improve the roster. You can’t make Houston the clear favorites in the ultra-competitive Western Conference, but they’ll have a reasonable chance at playing for a championship the next two or three years.

-         The Lakers are going to suck balls. It would make tons of sense for them to tank the season like the Celtics are going to do (more on that in the next bullet point), but instead, they’ll field a mediocre team based around a physically limited Kobe Bryant. Pau Gasol should be better utilized, but that won’t be enough for them to be better than .500.

Danny Ainge Blows Up the Celtics

            Is it going to suck watching Paul Pierce (a Celtic since 1997) and Kevin Garnett (the catalyst for the 2008 championship winning team) play for the Nets? Yes. Is it going to suck to watch Doc Rivers coach the Clippers? Yes. The “Ubuntu” Era was responsible for the rebirth of Celtic pride in the northeast, but it was wise to turn the page on this group of players. When you have the chance to land one of five potential franchise players in next year’s draft, the most logical thing to do is to suck as much as humanly possible and improve your lottery chances. The team implosion will be complete if they are able to showcase Rajon Rondo for a 10-game tryout after he returns from injury and then ship him off to a contending (hopefully with Gerald Wallace’s horrendous contract, but that’s probably wishful thinking).

NHL

Bruins Give Up On Seguin

            Because you know, any time you can prematurely give up on a 21-year old phenom, you have to do it. This deal will hurt when Tyler Seguin wins a Hart Trophy in Dallas.

NASCAR

Jimmie Johnson is Better at NASCAR Than Any Other Athlete is at any Other Sport Right Now

            It hasn’t been fair this season. If not for some bad luck with pit stops and restarts, Johnson could very well have eight wins right now. Unless Joe Gibbs Racing finds some durability with their Toyota engines, the Chase for the Cup could be over in eight races.

10 Awesome Things That Happened This Past Weekend (4/20-4/22)

10. Fenway Turns 100, Red Sox Celebrate With Epic Implosion
            Boston’s play was so awful against New York that God did them a favor and dumped rain Sunday night, canceling an inevitable Yankee sweep. No Credentials’ news department is working on a story about Bobby Valentine, so stay tuned…

9. Dwyane Wade Bans Girlfriend From Courtside Side Seats

            A stupid story for sure, but the headline is funny enough. In related news, I’ve banned my wife from ever attending my local open gym so my jumpers don’t become even more erratic than they already are.

8. Lakers Defeat Oklahoma City in Double-Overtime Slugfest

            Overshadowing Kobe Bryant’s heroics was the violent elbow to the head Metta World Peace delivered to James Harden. I’m still trying to figure out how World Peace can call it an accident. I’ll give a fake prize to the first reader who can come up with another time someone celebrated a great play by swinging his or her elbow back at full force.

7. Denny Hamlin Steals Win From Martin Truex Jr. at Kansas

            Truex dominated most of the afternoon, but when the sun finally peaked through on a miserable cold day, Hamlin came to life and stole the trophy. That’s two wins for No Credentials pre-season championship pick.

6. Kings Knock Out Canucks

5. Predators Eliminate Red Wings
            The folks at NBC won’t like two of the most popular teams getting eliminated in the first round, but it’s great to see two teams with little to no recent success come up with a first round win. Both Los Angeles (behind Jonathan Quick) and Nashville (behind Pekka Rinne) are great examples of how far a goalie can take you.

4. Jon Jones Manhandles Rashad Evans

            Even on an off night, Jones was still in command of Evans for the entire match.

3. Real Madrid Stuns Barcelona

            Being not much of a futbol guy, I always had assumed that Cristiano Ronaldo was an over-rated pretty boy. His game-winning goal Saturday proves otherwise.

2. White Sox Pitcher Philip Humber Throws Perfect Game

            I don’t mean to piss on Mr. Humber’s fire, but shouldn’t this feat get an asterisk because he did it against the Mariners?

1. Tyler Seguin Lifts Bruins to Game 7

            It took six games, but Boston’s young phenom finally made a difference with the game-winning goal Sunday. Seguin and the rest of the big guns on Boston had been quiet all series. If they fire on all cylinders Wednesday, the Bruins will move on to round 2.

           

                                                                                                          

Bruins-Capitals Game 4 Running Diary

7:35: We’re coming to you live from No Credentials Headquarters! We’re going to miss most of the first period because my son is still awake, and if he sees the computer on he immediately starts screaming for YouTube videos.

7:36: The Bald Asshole (aka Pierre McGuire) is interviewing John Carlson. Unfortunately, Carlson didn’t punch The Bald Asshole in the face.

7:40: NBCSN must be really struggling if they are devoting ad time to qualifying for the U.S. Men’s Wrestling team.

7:40: Capitals win the opening face-off. They’ve been dominating face-offs all series long.

7:41: Sloppy turnover by Capitals in first minute of game on their own end. Fortunate to survive that one.

7:41: Not as fortunate…the Bruins. An Ovechkin collision creates a 2 on 1 for Brooks Laich and Marcus Johansson. 1-0 Capitals.

7:43: Good time to mention that Washington is without their second best offensive player tonight, Niklas Backstrom, due to a really poor decision by the NHL to suspend him for a game.

7:44: I already wish that I were watching a Flyers-Penguins game instead. The score would already be 3-2.

7:46: If Boston was getting production out of any of their big guns (Lucic, Seguin, Krejci, Bergeron), they’d be going for the sweep tonight. I type this after a sloppy off-side by Bergeron and Lucic.

7:48: Bomb by Chara leads to a rebound, but Bruins can’t convert. Having someone more mobile than Ilya Bryzgalov in goal helped Washington.

7:49: Real encouraging play by Tyler Seguin. Made a nifty pass to Krejci, but unfortunately he overstated the puck. Bruins are out-shooting Washington 8-1 to start the game.

8:13: All right my kid’s in bed, and apparently I missed Rich Peverley’s goal. In the time I spent away from the game, I did decide that Doc Emerick is my favorite sports announcer. Also, in my next life, I’ve decided I want to come back as a Canadian hockey coach.

8:15: Rich Peverley just slashed a Capital and snapped his stick in half. Washington will end the first period on a power play.

8:16: Washington can’t even get the puck passed the blue-line with an extra guy on the ice.

8:20: Bruins have a 14-3 shot advantage, but yet the score is tied 1-1.

8:21: During the intermission, I’m going to try to think of as many events as possible I’d like to have Doc Emerick lend his voice to.

Football

Basketball
Baseball
Auto Racing
Curling
Fencing
Porno
Bowling
Mystery Science Theater 3000
A Kid’s Television Show
Westminster Dog Show
Track and Field
Horse Racing (an obvious one, thanks to the NBC Sports Network for airing a Kentucky Derby commercial)

8:23: I’m interrupting the list to talk about the NBC intermission crew. Mike Milbury and the guy on the left (sorry, don’t know his name) have been on TV every day since the playoffs start, and it looks like they’ll be on everyday of the playoffs. I don’t mind the guy on the left, but I think I’m three days away from reaching my Mike Milbury tolerance level.

8:30: Just incase you wanted confirmation that Milbury is an idiot, check out his Wikipedia page. Signing Rick DiPietro to a 15-year contract should earn Milbury a lifetime ban from ever being a GM for a NHL team.

8:46: Took an extended break to rotate laundry and clean up the bathtub. Came back to hear The Bald Asshole compare Braden Holtby to Ken Dryden. Someone get Pierre some cold water.

8:50: Holtby is on pace to face 50 shots tonight in regulation. I’ll give The Bald Asshole a little more credit for his Dryden comparison.

8:53: Tim Thomas just stones Ovechkin on a wrist shot from the slot. Thomas hasn’t been tested much, but he’s been rock solid (you can’t blame the Capitals goal on him).

8:53: Benoit Pouiliot just roofed one over Holtby, which was followed by the Capitals roofing one over Tim Thomas. Still 1-1.

8:55: Boston now out-shooting Washington 26-8. If the Capitals win, Braden Holtby should be the first, second, and third star of the game.

8:56: Johnny Boychuck hooks Troy Brower (the most impressive no-name Capital in this series). Washington gets a power play at the half way point of the second period.

8:57: I’m not sure how Dennis Wideman didn’t score. Net was wide open, and Wideman just blew it. Boston is lucky to still be tied.

8:58: Ovechkin just shanks another sure goal opportunity. Good grief.

9:01: Brad Marchand received a gorgeous one-time pass from Rich Peverley, except Marchand didn’t one-time it. Instead, an easy save for Holtby. I’m not a hockey expert (or for that matter, an anything expert), but Boston’s scorers look like they are over-thinking it a little bit.

9:02: The Bald Asshole is interviewing The Vacuum Cleaner Salesman, Claude Julien. No Credentials loves that guy.

9:06: Wild action on both ends resulted in near scoring chances for both teams. Capitals have come to life in the second period offensively.

9:07: Just saw on ESPN.com that Curtis Granderson hit 3 dingers in the first four innings tonight. Yikes.

9:08: I want to see the video of Ovechkin falling over the bench five more times.

9:12: My wife just asked when the All-Star Game is. Needless to say, she doesn’t follow hockey much. She did take the time to announce that Zdeno Chara is her favorite hockey player. “He’s like a big monkey on the ice.”

9:14: Killer Bergeron penalty leads to a power play goal by Alexander Semin. Semin’s shot appeared to be traveling 160 mph. 2-1 Capitals.

9:16: Apparently the guy on the left’s name is Liam.

9:22: “What’s up with him? He looks like crap. He acts like crap. He’s probably drunk out of his mind.” – my wife on Alex Ovechkin

9:46: Took a break from typing for a bit, but we’ll comeback to report Tim Thomas’ incredible save to keep it a one goal game with 12 minutes to go.

9:47: I’ve stopped typing because I’m reading this great piece of satire by Chuck Klosterman. 

11:44: So ya…I was talking with my wife and forgot to type for two hours. If I’m the Bruins, I’m scared shitless right now. Braden Holtby looks like a cross between Dryden and Patrick Roy (The Bald Asshole was on to something). Game 5 is a must win for the Bruins.

Perception and Reality

Perception – Dirk Nowitzki has shed the label of “soft” that he has had after finally winning a title.

Reality – Not to piss on the fire that is the Nowitzki love fest (I’ve been putting logs on that fire since Game 2 of the Lakers series), but I’ll still classify Dirk as a finesse player. Sure, he’s more willing to drive to the basket when needed than he was earlier in his career, but this isn’t a guy that lives in the paint.

            ESPN.com posted this column that compared Dirk to other power forwards in NBA history. While it’s interesting to look at that list, is it fair to compare Charles Barkley and Nowitzki? Their games are totally different. Barkley was capable of putting up 30-15 every night in his glory days while totally controlling the paint. Nowitzki makes his living nailing unblockable mid-range jumpers. Dirk should be looked at as 7-foot German version of Larry Bird (minus the overall playmaking ability Bird had), and a player who had enough talent to be centerpiece of a championship team.   

Perception – “Jake and the Neverland Pirates” is the best new show for 2-5 year-olds on television (based on television ratings).

Reality – Here’s the basic plot outline for every episode of this cartoon.

1. Captain Hook steals something from Jake and the Neverland Pirates.
2. Jake and the Neverland Pirates take it back.
3. Captain Hook ends up either stuck in a tree, stuck on an island, or floating in the water.

Other than the pirates saying “YO HO!” all the time (which makes me giggle, because occasionally I have the maturity of a 13-year old), this show brings nothing to the table. If you’re looking for a good kids show, watch “Yo Gabba Gabba” or “Mickey Mouse Clubhouse”.

Perception – Lebron James is too scared in the clutch to take advantage of his otherworldly abilities.

Reality – You could read a thousand opinions on this, but I’ll offer up my take (because commenting on things that have been discussed a billion times is what bloggers do. Or so I’ve been told). Lebron James and Dwyane Wade essentially do the same things on the basketball court. Unfortunately, they can’t do most of those things at the same time. Wade is the more assertive of the two, which therefore results in Lebron deferring to him the majority of the time. There are three things that can improve Miami’s chances for winning a championship in 2012.

1. Make Lebron the official starting point guard. It makes more sense to have James channel his inner-Magic Johnson with Wade on the wing as opposed to both out wide and taking turns on isos. Throw in sending Wade to “Ray Allen School” (which specializes in the art of running around screens without the basketball), and you would have all the makings of a dynamite offense.
2. Lebron should lock himself in a gym for the entire month of July and have Hakeem Olajuwon teach him how to play in the post. With his combination of size, quickness, and passing, James would be deadly operating out of the paint.
3. Either Wade or Lebron should be traded for Dwight Howard (EDITORS NOTE: I realize this will never happen, but it’s fun to throw out there. That’s another thing hack bloggers do. Throw out situations that will never occur but discuss them like they could). Whichever one is left would have the benefit of dominating the basketball. Chris Bosh would then become the secondary scoring option, and Dwight Howard would defend the paint and make up for Bosh’s lack of…how should I put this…onions. 

Perception – Sympathy is lost for a murdered mother when it is rumored that she was involved in dealing drugs.

Reality – Loyal readers of this blog might recall this piece I wrote a couple of months ago about a murder that occurred in North Conway. When the story first broke (from the disappearance to the announcement that the body was found), there was nothing but sympathy for the mother and her daughter. However, as facts have slowly come out, and the locals are now under the impression that she ended up in her situation due to drugs, pity was lost. I’ve even heard some people around town say “the daughter is better off now that she will be out of that situation”.

            Not to sound like a bleeding heart, but ignorant statements of that nature drive me insane. It’s reckless to assert that any child is better off with their mother dead. I don’t care how shady or questionable a person is, but that child will never have a stronger bond with anyone than she would’ve had with her mom. We shouldn’t let the involvement of drugs cloud the fact that a young girl will be motherless for the rest of her life.

Perception – Glenn Beck is bonkers.

Reality – In this case, perception really is reality.

Perception – Kyle Busch deserved getting the snot beat out of him by car owner Richard Childress.

Reality – I’ll keep this one short because I know most of you don’t give a crap about NASCAR…NO!!! I get that Childress was sick of Busch roughing up his drivers, and wanted to prove a point. However, Kyle Busch bumping up against the side of a truck after a race to show his displeasure with how he was raced didn’t warrant that behavior. As a matter of fact, unless you’re in a boxing ring, the octagon, or in a life or death situation, I really feel like there’s no need to ever punch someone in the face (somewhere in another dimension, John Lennon is smiling after reading that sentence). Childress is a multi-millionaire who is one of the most successful owners in NASCAR history. Lobby NASCAR, Bitch to the media about Kyle Busch, paint “Shrub is an Ass” on the hood of one of your cars, but don’t punch the dude in the face.

(EDITORS NOTE: Sorry, went longer than advertised on that one…)

Perception – Of all the Boston sports teams, the Bruins are the most stable for the next decade.

Reality – Let’s look at this in terms of pros and cons for the Bruins.

PROS

1. Tyler Seguin finally showed what he could potentially deliver when he was unleashed in the Conference Finals against Tampa Bay. Seguin has all the tools to develop into a franchise forward that can carry the offense.
2. Boston will have the 9^th pick in the 2011 draft thanks to the Phil Kessel trade (keep in mind that they got Seguin with the 2^nd pick last year thanks to this trade also).
3. Other than Mark Recchi (who is retiring), Tomas Kaberle (a trade-deadline rental who will not be back), and Michael Ryder (a free-agent who is replaceable, but could resign for less than the $4 million he was paid last season), the entire team is under contract for next season.

CONS

1. Tim Thomas is 37-years old. He certainly can give a couple more solid seasons, but isn’t the long-term answer in goal. Tukka Rask was serviceable in 2009-10, but it’s unclear if he is more than a spot-starter. If Boston doesn’t address the goalie position in the draft the next year or two, goaltending will be an issue.
2. The NHL is the most fluid of all the four major professional sports. There have been six different champions in the six seasons since the NHL lockout. Boston should be a playoff team for the foreseeable future, but it would be foolish to think they can be a dynasty.

With all that said, here is my list of who I expect to be the most successful sports teams in Boston for the next five years.

1. Boston Red Sox (Adrian Gonzalez is a beast)
2. Boston Bruins (If Seguin reaches his potential, they can vault over the Sox)
3. New England Patriots (New England’s relentless hording of draft picks gives them tons of flexibility going forward)
4. Boston Celtics (Aging core, unclear if Rondo will ever develop into a true franchise point guard. They vault up the list if they make a huge splash in the summer of 2012)