Random World Cup Thoughts

            The World Cup is the last major sporting event that No Credentials has not had the chance to discuss (this blog started three months after the 2010 World Cup ended), so we’re more than happy to offer up worthless opinions to fellow uninformed Americans. If you’re not from America and a diehard fan of futbol, I’m sorry your browsing of the World Wide Web brought you here.

Argentina Will Probably Do Better This Year Now That A Drug Addict Isn’t There Head Coach

            Well I guess we can’t say with 100% certainty that their new head coach isn’t a user, but Diego Maradona’s exploits were well known when Argentina shockingly named him Head Coach before the 2010 World Cup. To put his craziness in perspective, Maradona just said in an interview that beating Brazil in their home country would be “an orgasm” (that’s not a joke, he really said that!). Instead of being used in a facilitator role like he was four years ago, Lionel Messi should be turned loose to do what he does better than anyone else in the world.



Don't Buy Stock in the Americans

            So when the U.S.A. goes 0-3 in group play, will Landon Donovan feel bummed out for his former teammates, or want to stick two middle fingers in Jurgen Klinsmann’s face? We’re guessing a mix of both.



I Should Have Lobbied Harder to Have Our Pet Hamster Named “Schweinsteiger”

            What a ridiculous fucking name. If you asked a 100 people if Schweinsteiger was the last name of a mid-fielder for Germany or the code-name for U.S. drones in the Middle East, we’re guessing the results would be close to a 50-50 split.

Iran is My Sleeper Team This Year

            Don’t ask me why.

Germany-Portugal is a Ridiculous Opening Match-Up

            We’re guessing the Germans test how healthy Cristiano Ronaldo really is, early and often.

Hopefully the Fields are to Standard

            During my schooling career, I often waited until the very last moment to complete projects, which was all right because my assignments never involved BUILDING FUCKING STADIUMS TO HOST THE BIGGEST SOCCER TOURNAMENT ON PLANET EARTH. It’s not like Brazil didn’t know years ago they were going to be hosting the World Cup.

We Think Brazil Is Going to Win the Cup

            Brazil has the easiest group draw (without looking at numbers, we’re guessing their three opponents have the lowest combined Gross Domestic Product rating of any other trio. Not sure what that has to do with soccer, but if you’re here for real information you can’t say I didn’t warn you in the opening paragraph), which ultimately leads us to put them over the top.

1. Brazil
2. Argentina
3. Germany

10 Awesome Things That Happened This Weekend (2/8-2/10)

10. Nemo Barrels Through the Northeast
            I’m not sure when we started naming blizzards (I remember most winter events being remembered by things like “Ice Storm of ’98” or “Blizzard of ‘32”), but this weekends storm system deserved to be named after something much tougher than a Pixar fish.

9. Cristiano Ronaldo Nets a Hat Trick

            We usually save our soccer praises for Lionel Messi (who despite leading a 6-1 romp on Sunday, gets a week off), we’ll call out the pretty boy on Real Madrid for a job well done.

8. Rusty Wallace, An Old Guy, and Three Dead People Join NASCAR Hall of Fame

            Rusty was one of the pillars of the sport when I was first getting into it as a youngster. I’ve mocked him several times in this blog (whether it was including him on the list of worst ESPN employees, or shamelessly linking to the video of his ’93 crash at Talladega), but for all he’s done for NASCAR, he deserved to get in.

7. Rob Ryan Lands With the Saints

            Ryan has always cooked up a good gameplan for the Saints, so this isn’t a shock at all.

6. California Pulls Off Road Upset at #7 Arizona

            Here’s your “Top-10 Upset That No Credentials Doesn’t Give a Shit About Of The Week”, sponsored by Prestone.

5. Clippers Survive 3^rd Quarter Carmelo Onslaught
            Carmelo had 38 points by the end of the third quarter, but somehow only managed to put up two shots in the fourth.

4. Half-Court Heave Leads to Wisconsin’s Overtime Upset Over Michigan

            I’m all-in on desperation heaves that improbably tie basketball games. Michigan feels like a #2 seed that’s going to get bounced in the second round.

3. Lebron Dominates Again
            Five straight games with 30+ points while shooting better than 60% from the floor is ridiculous.

2. Notre Dame Needs Five Overtimes to Knock Off Louisville

            For those not in the know, that’s a lot of fucking overtimes.

1. Celtics Pull Out Triple Overtime Victory, Now 7-0 Without Rondo

            You can’t be surprised at all that Boston dropped Monday night’s game against the Bobcats after the epic tilt they had with the Nuggets on Sunday.

10 Awesome Things That Happened This Weekend (10/5-10/7)

10. Terry Francona Finds a New Job
            Unfortunately, it’s not with the Red Sox.

9. Messi and Ronaldo Both Score Twice, Match Ends in a Draw

            I don’t know what Nou Camp is, but anything that puts the two best futbol players in the universe on the same field works for me.

8. Ridiculous Infield Fly Call Helps Cardinals Hang On Against Braves

            Here’s a simple rule all umps should follow…if the left fielder is calling for the ball, than the infield fly rule does not apply.

7. South Carolina Pounds #5 Georgia

6. Florida Shuts Down #4 LSU
5. NC State Stuns #3 Florida State
            The last time three teams in the top 5 lost on the same day was October 11, 2008. Interestingly enough, that was the same day friend of the blog Mike Stevens and I spent an inordinate amount of time trying to find a bar that was televising Game 2 of the ALCS between Boston and Tampa Bay. The events clearly aren’t related, but I thought I would note it.

4. Texas Rangers Finish Off End Of Year Choke, Lose Play-In Game to Baltimore
            It’s great to see Baltimore advance deeper into the post-season, but it’s also a shame that this is likely the end of the Josh Hamilton era in Texas. Mostly because that means Boston will probably pay him $220 million this winter.

3. Drew Brees Breaks Consecutive Games With a Touchdown Pass Record
            Even more important for New Orleans, the Saints finally got a win. 

2. Matt Kenseth Dodges Massive Last Lap Wreck at Talladega

            Sunday’s finish was ridiculous, even by Talladega’s lofty standards of wild endings.

1. Colts Honor Their Coach, Shock Packers

            Storming back from a 21-3 halftime deficit, Andrew Luck and company played out of their minds in an effort to win for Head Coach Chuck Pagano, who was diagnosed with Leukemia six days prior.

10 Awesome Things That Happened This Past Weekend (4/20-4/22)

10. Fenway Turns 100, Red Sox Celebrate With Epic Implosion
            Boston’s play was so awful against New York that God did them a favor and dumped rain Sunday night, canceling an inevitable Yankee sweep. No Credentials’ news department is working on a story about Bobby Valentine, so stay tuned…

9. Dwyane Wade Bans Girlfriend From Courtside Side Seats

            A stupid story for sure, but the headline is funny enough. In related news, I’ve banned my wife from ever attending my local open gym so my jumpers don’t become even more erratic than they already are.

8. Lakers Defeat Oklahoma City in Double-Overtime Slugfest

            Overshadowing Kobe Bryant’s heroics was the violent elbow to the head Metta World Peace delivered to James Harden. I’m still trying to figure out how World Peace can call it an accident. I’ll give a fake prize to the first reader who can come up with another time someone celebrated a great play by swinging his or her elbow back at full force.

7. Denny Hamlin Steals Win From Martin Truex Jr. at Kansas

            Truex dominated most of the afternoon, but when the sun finally peaked through on a miserable cold day, Hamlin came to life and stole the trophy. That’s two wins for No Credentials pre-season championship pick.

6. Kings Knock Out Canucks

5. Predators Eliminate Red Wings
            The folks at NBC won’t like two of the most popular teams getting eliminated in the first round, but it’s great to see two teams with little to no recent success come up with a first round win. Both Los Angeles (behind Jonathan Quick) and Nashville (behind Pekka Rinne) are great examples of how far a goalie can take you.

4. Jon Jones Manhandles Rashad Evans

            Even on an off night, Jones was still in command of Evans for the entire match.

3. Real Madrid Stuns Barcelona

            Being not much of a futbol guy, I always had assumed that Cristiano Ronaldo was an over-rated pretty boy. His game-winning goal Saturday proves otherwise.

2. White Sox Pitcher Philip Humber Throws Perfect Game

            I don’t mean to piss on Mr. Humber’s fire, but shouldn’t this feat get an asterisk because he did it against the Mariners?

1. Tyler Seguin Lifts Bruins to Game 7

            It took six games, but Boston’s young phenom finally made a difference with the game-winning goal Sunday. Seguin and the rest of the big guns on Boston had been quiet all series. If they fire on all cylinders Wednesday, the Bruins will move on to round 2.