Casually Informed World Cup Observations

My Favorite Officials on Earth are the Offsides Guys
            Most sports use lines to determine when a player is offside or out of bounds, but soccer opts to use little European dudes running up and down the sideline with flags. It’s fantastic.

Lionel Messi is Better at Futbol Than Anyone Else is at Anything Else

            Argentina isn’t as deep as Brazil or Germany, and their defense isn’t highly regarded either. However, Lionel Messi is the greatest equalizer in the game. His mere presence on the pitch seemed to force Belgium into a hyper-defensive game plan (remember that this is the same Belgium team that peppered Tim Howard with shots last Sunday. They only managed one shot today, which either had to do with incredible defense by Argentina or FIFA rigging the match), which is reminiscent of how NFL defenses used to play against Randy Moss. Assuming Argentina gets past the Netherlands (which isn’t a sure thing), defeating Brazil or Germany in the final would further cement Messi’s near mythical status.

Goalies Have Been Ridiculous

            Whether it was Tim Howard or Guillermo Ochoa, we’ve almost seen NHL-like performances where a hot goaltender is almost enough to deliver a victory. Howard became an instant Twitter folk-hero with his record setting, 15-save performance against Belgium. Even though goal scoring is up, the play of goalies will be on of the things I remember about the 2014 World Cup. 

Soccer Players are Lucky FIFA Isn’t Run By the NBA

            With the amount of flopping that goes on in every game, the NBA would be doling out $2 million in fines per match.

I Love the Time of Day These Games are Played

            Seriously, what’s better than turning a World Cup game on when normally your best TV option is “The Price is Right” or “Ellen”? The USMNT game against Belgium did better in the ratings than the NBA Finals did, and that game started at 4 p.m. on a Tuesday. MLB should take some notes and consider moving their start times up.

The Start Times are Going to Suck For Americans in Four Years

            The 2018 World Cup is going to be in Russia, which means most of the games will begin between 5 and 7 in the morning for East Coast Americans. Americans have shown they can get into soccer, but the 2018 Cup will be a serious test of our dedication to the game.

USMNT is the Worst Acronym Ever

            Acronyms should be less than three letters (NFL, L.A., USA), with the only larger ones being acronyms that can be spoken like a word (NASCAR, NASA). USMNT doesn’t fit either of those two conditions.

 



Neymar’s Injury is a Bummer

            At least Brazil will have a good excuse when they lose to Germany.

 

 

 

 

 

 

           

                         

Random World Cup Thoughts

            The World Cup is the last major sporting event that No Credentials has not had the chance to discuss (this blog started three months after the 2010 World Cup ended), so we’re more than happy to offer up worthless opinions to fellow uninformed Americans. If you’re not from America and a diehard fan of futbol, I’m sorry your browsing of the World Wide Web brought you here.

Argentina Will Probably Do Better This Year Now That A Drug Addict Isn’t There Head Coach

            Well I guess we can’t say with 100% certainty that their new head coach isn’t a user, but Diego Maradona’s exploits were well known when Argentina shockingly named him Head Coach before the 2010 World Cup. To put his craziness in perspective, Maradona just said in an interview that beating Brazil in their home country would be “an orgasm” (that’s not a joke, he really said that!). Instead of being used in a facilitator role like he was four years ago, Lionel Messi should be turned loose to do what he does better than anyone else in the world.



Don't Buy Stock in the Americans

            So when the U.S.A. goes 0-3 in group play, will Landon Donovan feel bummed out for his former teammates, or want to stick two middle fingers in Jurgen Klinsmann’s face? We’re guessing a mix of both.



I Should Have Lobbied Harder to Have Our Pet Hamster Named “Schweinsteiger”

            What a ridiculous fucking name. If you asked a 100 people if Schweinsteiger was the last name of a mid-fielder for Germany or the code-name for U.S. drones in the Middle East, we’re guessing the results would be close to a 50-50 split.

Iran is My Sleeper Team This Year

            Don’t ask me why.

Germany-Portugal is a Ridiculous Opening Match-Up

            We’re guessing the Germans test how healthy Cristiano Ronaldo really is, early and often.

Hopefully the Fields are to Standard

            During my schooling career, I often waited until the very last moment to complete projects, which was all right because my assignments never involved BUILDING FUCKING STADIUMS TO HOST THE BIGGEST SOCCER TOURNAMENT ON PLANET EARTH. It’s not like Brazil didn’t know years ago they were going to be hosting the World Cup.

We Think Brazil Is Going to Win the Cup

            Brazil has the easiest group draw (without looking at numbers, we’re guessing their three opponents have the lowest combined Gross Domestic Product rating of any other trio. Not sure what that has to do with soccer, but if you’re here for real information you can’t say I didn’t warn you in the opening paragraph), which ultimately leads us to put them over the top.

1. Brazil
2. Argentina
3. Germany