What Romney and the GOP Really Could Have Done to Win the White House

            It’s been two weeks since President Barack Obama was reelected to a second term. Democrats rejoiced. Republicans feared the worst, complaining not only about the President but their own party. You can read any number of articles on the Internet about why Mitt Romney lost. Click here to read about there failed experiment with technology that left most of their volunteers in battle ground states without any direction on what to do. Republican’s failure to attract Latino voters is well documented (I won’t even bother posting a link to it, just type it into a Google search and you’ll get 9,000,000 different sites). However, I think most of the reasons offered by “experts” are too broad. It’s time someone named specific ways Mitt Romney could’ve generated a better result in the electoral vote, or at the very least, figure out how Republicans can generate more votes in future elections. No Credentials isn’t qualified to do it, but that hasn’t stopped us before.

Open a Wendy’s in the Mount Washington Valley

            It was all the way back in the fall of 2008 when Wendy’s was taken away from North Conway, NH (apparently, the FDA frowns upon letting employees deal drugs through the drive-thru window). If Mitt Romney opened a new Wendy’s in my backyard back in August, it may have made me think about which candidate I was going to vote for. Well, for at least half a second.

         

Create an Ad Campaign with Dora the Explorer

            This move probably wouldn’t pay off until about 2028, but it would help the GOP plant some seeds. For example, they could send their leading presidential candidate on the show to say something like, “Remember when we wanted to deport your uncle? Just kidding!”

End the NFL Referee Lockout Before the Start of the Season

            An idea that I first heard floated around by Bill Simmons and Cousin Sal on a podcast, this could’ve at least swung the popular vote. If Romney came out and hammered the NFL for their handling of the referee crisis, Americans that don’t have time for less important issues (economy, healthcare, military, abortion) would’ve been plugged in to the 2012 election.
 

Offer to Banish the Tea Party to an Island in the South Pacific

            Ultimately, Romney breaking his back to impress the ultra-conservative members of his party was what cost him the trust of moderate undecided voters. Offering to ship folks that still want to live like it’s 1952 far away from the United States would go along way in bringing the independents to the Republican side.

Develop Technology to Stop Hurricanes

            Not to make light of Superstorm Sandy, but it’s fair to say that the timing of the storm couldn’t of been worse for the Romney campaign. It was hard to bash President Obama at campaign stops when New Jersey’s Republican governor was praising the president for his swift decisions in establishing recovery efforts (may or may not have something to do with Obama handling Sandy the exact opposite way that George W. handled Hurricane Katrina, but I digress). People got to see the President in action, while ol’ Mitt was stuck claiming he’d create seven million jobs out of thin air. What if shortly before Sandy made landfall, Romney busted onto the scene and did this…

 

            Who’s not going to vote for a guy that can stop a fucking hurricane? It would’ve been like electing Storm from X-Men with the added talent of flip-flopping on abortion.

Figure Out a Way to Compete in California

            Ceding California’s 53 electoral votes every four years is the equivalent of starting a football game down 14-0 before your offense gets a chance to hit the field. Unfortunately for the GOP, Republicans are a dying breed in America’s most populated state.

Hire Someone Other Than Karl Rove to Raise Money

            Actually, I take that back. Rove melting down on live television was the highlight of election night. We were lacking some serious entertainment without the involvement of Sarah Palin, so Rove’s performance was some much-needed comic relief.

 

           

            So there you have it. I’d like to give a shout out to Colin Tuttle, friend of the blog and graphic arts extrodianaire, for providing the pictures, even despite his best friend blowing the election. Here’s a picture of Colin with his pal Romney taken on the campaign trail.

 

 

 

 

My Christmas List

With the holidays rolling around, I thought it would be fun to post a Christmas list. These are all things that I hope can happen within the next year or so. Without further ado…

 

I wish that the NFL would keep their regular season schedule at 16 games.

I wish that “FOX News” would be forced to have its name changed to “FOX Conservatives”, and that MSNBC would be changed to “The Left Side”.

I wish that MLB would implement a salary cap, as opposed to having it’s entire infrastructure relying on the Yankees or Red Sox going deep into the playoffs to draw big TV ratings.

I wish that the Miami Heat would get rid Chris Bosh and find a couple dudes that could get a damn rebound and block a couple shots (as a fan of basketball I wish that. As a fan of the Celtics I hope they keep trotting out Bosh and his 7.9 rebounds and 0.7 blocks per game).

I wish that Gary Bettman could figure out that having less NHL teams in the southern part of the United States, and more teams in Canada, makes a lot of sense.

I wish that Tiger Woods would get his mojo back (golf mojo that is. Just wanted to be clear on that).

I wish that Jerry Jones would pay Bill Cowher eleventy billion dollars to coach the Dallas Cowboys.

I wish that Landon Donovan would be allowed to play in a European soccer league, as it would do much more to improve soccer’s popularity in the United States as opposed to him wasting away in the sub-par MLS.

I wish that Jay Leno, Chris Berman, Brett Favre, Kate Gosselin, and television show “The Sing Off” would go away. Permanently. They don’t have to die or anything; just get out of the public eye. Forever.

 

I wish that Obama, or Sarah Palin, or Martians, or anybody would destroy the BCS and create a college football playoff.

I wish that “Days of Thunder” would be released on Blu-Ray.

I wish that NASCAR would have their main series be sponsored by cigarettes again instead of a cell phone company. It was way more fun when it was “The Winston Cup Series”.

I wish that Caillou would grow hair (sorry to those of you that don’t have small children that probably don’t understand that line. You’re just going to have to trust that it’s a good wish).

Lastly, I wish everyone a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year.

10 Awesome Things That Happened This Past Weekend (11/19-11/21)

            Sorry to you soccer fans, but Colorado winning its first MLS Cup in overtime over Dallas did not make the cut. Without further ado…

10. My Mom Bringing a Box of Mint Fudge Covered Oreos to My House

            My mom and grandmother came over to visit on Saturday. She was nice enough to pick me up a box of the mint fudge covered Oreos, which I haven’t seen in years (apparently they are only out for a limited time). They were divine. Thanks Mom!

9. Denny Hamlin Doesn’t Win the NASCAR Sprint Cup

            This is the only positive event I can take away from Jimmie Johnson winning his 5^th straight championship.

8. BJ Penn KOs Matt Hughes in 21 Seconds at UFC 123

            It’s a good thing each UFC pay-per-view has multiple fights. So that way we can enjoy one quick knockout and not feel guilty about the money spent.

7. Nebraska Coach Bo Pelini Goes Bonkers

            I had the Nebraska – Texas A&M game on for background noise while my in-laws were visiting Saturday evening. Every time I looked at the TV, Pelini was screaming at someone. First it was a referee. Then it was his 19-year old freshmen quarterback Taylor Martinez, who had just rolled his ankle. Then it was back to the officials. I’m not sure which was a deeper shade of red, Pelini’s face or the Cornhuskers pants. Pelini even ran out of his way to scream at the refs after the game was over. The performance by Pelini was so embarrassing during their 9-6 lost to the Aggies that the Chancellor of Nebraska announced Sunday that there would be potential for punishment against the coach.

            I never want to accuse anyone of using some sort of substance, but Pelini was beyond crazy. I’m not sure what his blood pressure was, but I’ll estimate that it was around 225 over 140. I hope there weren’t too many potential recruits watching the game.  

           

6. New York Jets Pull Off Another Miraculous Comeback Against Texans

            Either the Jets are intentionally trying to add a degree of difficulty to all of their games, or they have been compromised by a bookie. There’s no other explanation for the wins they’ve been able to pull off against the Lions, Browns, and Texans. They were aided Sunday by a completely incompetent Texans defense. How do you allow a team with no time outs to complete a 50-yard fly pattern along the sideline? It was totally ridiculous. I suppose we shouldn’t be to surprised, based on the Hail Mary they gave up to Jacksonville to lose a week ago, but it was still stunning to watch.             

5. Packers Annihilate Vikings 31-3

            Green Bay was kind enough to end Wade Phillips’ coaching career with the Cowboys a couple of weeks ago. Thankfully for my Dad’s sake, they’ve done the same thing to Brad Childress.

4. Barbara Bush Says Sarah Palin Should Stay in Alaska

            This is a direct quote that Babs made to Larry King in an interview that will be aired on CNN Monday evening…

“I sat next to her once. Thought she was beautiful…and she’s very happy in Alaska, and I hope she’ll stay there.”

           

            This is another fun story for FOX News to talk about. Hopefully for the GOP’s sake the infighting between regular Republicans and Tea Party candidates is taken care of before the 2012 election.              

3. Richard Seymour Slaps Ben Roethlisberger

            It’s a shame Seymour couldn’t of done this at that Georgia bar before Big Ben went into the bathroom with an underage girl. 

2. Eagles Win a Sloppy Game Over the Giants

            Both teams tried to make cases as to why they should not be considered serious contenders. New York could only manage 208 yards of total offense and turned the ball over five times. Philadelphia stormed out to a 16-3 lead before falling behind by a point in the 4^th quarter. The Eagles are clearly in the driver’s seat to win the NFC East, but I don’t see them beating Green Bay or the Saints in the playoffs. There only chance is if Michael Vick continues playing like he’s not from planet Earth. Vick took about 10 vicious hits last night. We’ll see if he can stay healthy for the rest of the year.

1. Patriots Survive Against the Colts, 31-28

            The game of the week lived up to it’s billing. New England had the pedal to the metal early, but let off just enough so the Colts could get back into the game. I’m not sure if the Patriots can survive giving up 350 passing yards a game, but they keep winning so I won’t argue with success.

            I wrote this last week, but this season feels even more like 2003 than it did seven days ago. New England is playing turnover free football, and their defense is making timely plays to win games (none more needed than James Sanders' interception with 31 seconds left. That was the most shocking play of any game Sunday). Their match-up with the Jets on Monday, December 6^th, will be a mammoth game. If the Patriots can win that game, and then secure home-field (which shouldn’t be a problem since they’ve already beaten the Steelers, Colts, and Ravens), New England will be awfully hard to be at home in January.