10 Awesome Things That Happened This Past Weekend (11/19-11/21)

            Sorry to you soccer fans, but Colorado winning its first MLS Cup in overtime over Dallas did not make the cut. Without further ado…

10. My Mom Bringing a Box of Mint Fudge Covered Oreos to My House

            My mom and grandmother came over to visit on Saturday. She was nice enough to pick me up a box of the mint fudge covered Oreos, which I haven’t seen in years (apparently they are only out for a limited time). They were divine. Thanks Mom!

9. Denny Hamlin Doesn’t Win the NASCAR Sprint Cup

            This is the only positive event I can take away from Jimmie Johnson winning his 5^th straight championship.

8. BJ Penn KOs Matt Hughes in 21 Seconds at UFC 123

            It’s a good thing each UFC pay-per-view has multiple fights. So that way we can enjoy one quick knockout and not feel guilty about the money spent.

7. Nebraska Coach Bo Pelini Goes Bonkers

            I had the Nebraska – Texas A&M game on for background noise while my in-laws were visiting Saturday evening. Every time I looked at the TV, Pelini was screaming at someone. First it was a referee. Then it was his 19-year old freshmen quarterback Taylor Martinez, who had just rolled his ankle. Then it was back to the officials. I’m not sure which was a deeper shade of red, Pelini’s face or the Cornhuskers pants. Pelini even ran out of his way to scream at the refs after the game was over. The performance by Pelini was so embarrassing during their 9-6 lost to the Aggies that the Chancellor of Nebraska announced Sunday that there would be potential for punishment against the coach.

            I never want to accuse anyone of using some sort of substance, but Pelini was beyond crazy. I’m not sure what his blood pressure was, but I’ll estimate that it was around 225 over 140. I hope there weren’t too many potential recruits watching the game.  

           

6. New York Jets Pull Off Another Miraculous Comeback Against Texans

            Either the Jets are intentionally trying to add a degree of difficulty to all of their games, or they have been compromised by a bookie. There’s no other explanation for the wins they’ve been able to pull off against the Lions, Browns, and Texans. They were aided Sunday by a completely incompetent Texans defense. How do you allow a team with no time outs to complete a 50-yard fly pattern along the sideline? It was totally ridiculous. I suppose we shouldn’t be to surprised, based on the Hail Mary they gave up to Jacksonville to lose a week ago, but it was still stunning to watch.             

5. Packers Annihilate Vikings 31-3

            Green Bay was kind enough to end Wade Phillips’ coaching career with the Cowboys a couple of weeks ago. Thankfully for my Dad’s sake, they’ve done the same thing to Brad Childress.

4. Barbara Bush Says Sarah Palin Should Stay in Alaska

            This is a direct quote that Babs made to Larry King in an interview that will be aired on CNN Monday evening…

“I sat next to her once. Thought she was beautiful…and she’s very happy in Alaska, and I hope she’ll stay there.”

           

            This is another fun story for FOX News to talk about. Hopefully for the GOP’s sake the infighting between regular Republicans and Tea Party candidates is taken care of before the 2012 election.              

3. Richard Seymour Slaps Ben Roethlisberger

            It’s a shame Seymour couldn’t of done this at that Georgia bar before Big Ben went into the bathroom with an underage girl. 

2. Eagles Win a Sloppy Game Over the Giants

            Both teams tried to make cases as to why they should not be considered serious contenders. New York could only manage 208 yards of total offense and turned the ball over five times. Philadelphia stormed out to a 16-3 lead before falling behind by a point in the 4^th quarter. The Eagles are clearly in the driver’s seat to win the NFC East, but I don’t see them beating Green Bay or the Saints in the playoffs. There only chance is if Michael Vick continues playing like he’s not from planet Earth. Vick took about 10 vicious hits last night. We’ll see if he can stay healthy for the rest of the year.

1. Patriots Survive Against the Colts, 31-28

            The game of the week lived up to it’s billing. New England had the pedal to the metal early, but let off just enough so the Colts could get back into the game. I’m not sure if the Patriots can survive giving up 350 passing yards a game, but they keep winning so I won’t argue with success.

            I wrote this last week, but this season feels even more like 2003 than it did seven days ago. New England is playing turnover free football, and their defense is making timely plays to win games (none more needed than James Sanders' interception with 31 seconds left. That was the most shocking play of any game Sunday). Their match-up with the Jets on Monday, December 6^th, will be a mammoth game. If the Patriots can win that game, and then secure home-field (which shouldn’t be a problem since they’ve already beaten the Steelers, Colts, and Ravens), New England will be awfully hard to be at home in January.

Ideas for Irrelevant Sporting Events

            If you told me a week ago that the lead story on “Pardon the Interruption” would be the football game between Northwestern and Illinois, I would’ve said that you are on drugs. You’re telling me that a match-up between two unranked Big-10 teams is more important than the Colts-Patriots game this Sunday? Apparently it is, thanks to the quirky field dimensions at Wrigley Field. If you haven’t seen footage of the east end zone, take my word that it harkens back to the days of the Arena Football League. Padding over the outfield wall literally hangs over the field (keep in mind the padding is covering bricks). In the name of safety, it has been decided that all offensive plays will be run towards the west end of the field (sorry to the poor saps who bought seats in the east end zone. Good luck getting a refund).

            I don’t know who came up with the field layout at Wrigley Field, but they should get an immediate raise. This person inadvertently created more buzz for this game than any promoter ever could. Other than fans of the two schools, I’m sure there weren’t more than 500 people in the country that even knew the two teams were playing this weekend. Kudos to you, idiotic field layout guy.

             Shortly after watching the segment about the game on “PTI”, I started thinking about other irrelevant sporting events that could use gimmicks like this to raise their profile (I’m talking about you Major League Soccer). Here’s my quick list I came up with.

1. Regular Season MLB Games

            When you have 30 teams playing 162 games a year, it’s hard to get super jazzed about a regular season baseball game (on second thought, I have a hard time getting excited for any baseball game at this point, but that’s my personal opinion). This is a very simple fix…bring back steroids.

            Baseball was way more fun when we had 12 guys a year hitting 50+ homers. Remember when Luis Gonzalez randomly hit 57 home runs in 2001 (he had only one other season in his 19 year career where he hit more than 30)? Those were good times. I’d like to bring them back.

2. NASCAR

            The NASCAR season concludes with their race to the Cell Phone Cup (alright I digress, the trophy is called the Sprint Cup) this Sunday. I was going to suggest planting explosives in various points of the track that detonate at random, but instead I’ll go with a more realistic suggestion.

            NASCAR starts their season a week or two after the Super Bowl in February. It ends the Sunday before Thanksgiving. The season is too damn long. The start date is fine, but NASCAR should consider ending their season in September. Competing with college football and the NFL is a battle NASCAR will never win.

3. PGA

            Someone from the PGA needs to tell Tiger Woods that he’s no longer married. He doesn’t need to keep up the “born-again-family-man” routine. If lining up the ladies like pins and knocking them over like a bowling ball was what got Tiger’s golf game going, then that’s what the executive’s for the PGA need to make happen. Television ratings make it very clear that the majority of America doesn’t care about golf unless Woods is doing well.

4. MLS

            This fix is so simple. I’m not sure why it hasn’t been used already. All we need to do is take footage from the Spanish Premier League, use a little CGI to replace the Spanish players with images of Americans, and we’re good to go. People will be raving about the quality of play.

            In all seriousness, I have a feeling that the United States will be one of the strongest soccer nations in the world within 20 years. More and more parents are not letting their children play football because of perceived risks of concussions. Soccer stands to benefit the most from this. Imagine if athletes like Tennessee Titan’s runningback Chris Johnson were playing soccer instead of football? Soccer will soon see an influx of quality athletes.

5. Horse Racing

            More jockey fights. Enough said.

            That’s all I have for now. Within the next couple of weeks, I’ll post some thoughts for lacrosse, curling, and figure skating. Until next time, keep your stick on the ice.