MLB Steroids Memories

 

           Yet another steroids scandal got No Credentials thinking (always a dangerous thing)... what are my ten favorite baseball memories? A couple of facts to set the stage before we get to my list.

1. 1995 was my first year as a die-hard sports fan. I was nine years old for 10 months of it.
2. I’ve barely watched baseball over the past five years (fortunately, managing fantasy teams does not require watching real-life games).
3. Pedro Martinez was the man.

          Without further ado…

10. Anaheim Defeats the Giants in “The Steroids Series”

What Happened = San Francisco Choked in Game 6, squandering a 5-0 lead that they carried into the bottom of the seventh inning. Both teams combined to hit 21 home runs in the seven game series (San Francisco hit 14 of them!), with final scores of 11-10 in Game 2 and 16-4 in Game 5.

Chances Steroids Were Involved = If it were ever possible for the answer to this sort of question being 6,000%, this would be time for it. I think Victor Conte was injecting Giants hitters with HGH in the batter’s box. Barry Bonds stat line might have been the peak of his ridiculous steroids run (even surpassing his 73 dinger season), as he put up a .471-4-6- batting line with an OPS of 1.994. Bonds getting robbed of a World Series ring thanks to the Giants bullpen collapse was one of the great karma moments of the 2000’s that we didn’t realize was happening at the time.

Other Memorable Moments = Dusty Baker’s kid almost got run over at home plate (because you know, letting a three year old be the bat boy makes a ton of sense), but was saved by J.T. Snow.

9. Texas Chokes Twice, Giving St. Louis the World Series

What Happened = Ron Washington, higher than a kite on cocaine (just kidding! I think…), used a bunch of weird people to try to close out Game 6 of the 2011 World Series. Naturally, things didn’t work out. St. Louis posted two rallies to tie the game, and went on to take Game 7.

Chances Steroids Were Involved = We’ll go fairly high here, throwing out a number of 65%.

Other Memorable Moments = This is the only time I remember watching a World Series game in the last three years. I just had to use Google to make sure the Giants won last season. 

8. Pedro Delivers a Giant F-U Performance in Tampa Bay

What Happened = Pedro Martinez hit Gerald Williams with his fourth pitch of the night in a late August start in 2000. The following video is what resulted from said hit batter.

            After the dust settled, Martinez went into overdrive, recording 24 consecutive outs before Tampa Bay broke up the no-hit bid with a single in the bottom of the ninth.

Chances Steroids Were Involved = 100%. People don’t get pissed off like that much anymore (unless of course, it involves Zach Greinke), so roid-rage definitely had something to do with it. Also, there is no way Brian Daubach would’ve made it to the Major Leagues without the benefits of performance enhancing drugs.

Other Memorable Moments = It took four attempts (and two pitchers!) by the Devil Rays to finally hit Brian Daubach during his at-bat in the seventh inning.

Forgotten Moniker = Tampa Bay immediately became relevant when they dropped “Devil” from their team name, which is one of the great wins for God of the 2000s.

7. Mark McGwire Hits 50 Home Runs Over the Green Monster in the Home Run Derby

What Happened = Alright, I think he only did it 12 times, but regardless of the quantity, Mark McGwire hit a bunch of fucking baseballs about 500 feet in the Home Run Derby at Fenway Park. Sadly, MLB hasn’t uploaded a video of this event to YouTube yet (couldn’t imagine why), because it was incredible live television. Big Mac didn’t win the Derby, but he was the star of the show.

Chances Steroids Were Involved = Um, you know who Mark McGwire is right? 100%.

Extended Rant = There really isn’t more dated and ignorant television programming from the late-90s and early-00s than the Home Run Derbies. Watching Chris Berman go bonkers as juiceheads like Sosa and McGwire crushed baseballs is retroactively hilarious.

 

6. Josh Beckett Puts the Sox on His Back, J.D. Drew Hits the $13 Million Grand Slam

What Happened = I’m not sure if anyone remembers this, but the Red Sox were down 3 games to 1 in the 2007 ALCS against the Cleveland Indians (this was before Grady Sizemore’s career went off a cliff). Josh Beckett destroyed the Indians in Game 5 (easy to forget that performance the way his career in Boston ended), and then J.D. Drew capped a big first inning in Game 6 with the only quality play he made during his debut season in Boston.

Chances Steroids Were Involved = In the series we’ll have to say 100% (Manny Ramirez was the World Series MVP after all), but with the two guys we mentioned in the headline, I’ll say 10%. J.D. Drew or Beckett didn’t appear to give enough of a shit about baseball to ever put substances in their bodies to improve performance.

Other Memorable Moments = I was playing poker and/or heavily intoxicated during every game of the 2007 ALCS, meaning that the $13 Million Grand Slam and Beckett’s Game 5 are the only things I vividly remember about it.

5. Pedro Martinez Demoralizes Don Zimmer

What Happened = During Game 3 of the 2003 ALCS, Manny Ramirez freaked out about a baseball that was closer to home plate than his face. Chaos ensued, culminating in 146 year-old Don Zimmer going after Pedro Martinez.

 

            All right I lied Zimmer was only 72. Regardless, that’s the high comedy point of the 2003 ALCS.

Chances Steroids Were Involved = 100%, with a hint of Viagra thanks to Zimmer.

Other Memorable Moments = Aaron Boone’s walk-off Game 7 homer (which only happened because Grady Little left Pedro in one inning too long…sigh) was the last stomach punch Red Sox fans took before their epic 2004 title.

Interesting Fact = On the same day as the epic Pedro-Zimmer throw down, I had almost 100 people over my house to celebrate my birthday. That scenario sounds great on paper, but I think only five of the people in attendance knew it was my birthday.

 

4. Mariano Rivera Blows the Save in Game 7 Against Arizona

What Happened = After an epic first six games of the series (remember Derek Jeter earning the nickname Mr. November?), the Hammer of God just needed to get three outs to give the Yankees their fourth straight World Series victory.

            Needless to say, Rivera imploded. A lesser man’s career would’ve gone down the toilet after such a dramatic meltdown. The Hammer of God is not a typical closer.

Chances Steroids Were Involved = 200%. For proof, here’s the statline Luis Gonzalez threw up for the 2001 Arizona Diamondbacks.

BA = .325 (second highest of his career)

HR = 57 (only had one other season where he hit more than 30)
RBI = 142
R = 128
OPS = 1.117 (that’s not a typo)

            Call me a party-pooper, but those numbers are a tad suspicious.

Other Memorable Moments = For my money, the 2001 World Series is the greatest playoff series I’ve ever seen in any professional sport. From Randy Johnson and Curt Schilling (soccer mom) hoisting the Diamondbacks on their backs, to the epic games in New York less than two months after September 11^th, there has never been another series like it since.

Editors Note = I made money off of this series, so my opinion is 100% biased.

 

3. Pedro Martinez Goes Bonkers in the 1999 All-Star Game

What Happened = Pedro nearly throws his right arm off as he strikes out Barry Larkin (Hall of Famer), Larry Walker (fringe Hall candidate, but he was the ’97 NL MVP), Sammy Sosa (Steroids Hall of Famer), Mark McGwire (ditto), and Jeff Bagwell (soon to be Hall of Famer) during the first two innings of the ’99 All Star Game at Fenway Park.

Chances Steroids Were Involved = With Pedro’s opponents, 100%, but as for Pedro himself, I’m saying 0.

2. The Home Run Chase of ‘98

 

What Happened = Reeling from the devastating 1994 strike (that cancelled the World Series, and for all intents and purposes, destroyed the Montreal Expos), Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa dragged MLB back from the depths with their epic pursuit of 61 home runs.

Chances Steroids Were Involved = 800%. McGwire’s whole career was a juiced concoction (he posted a league leading 49 dingers and .987 OPS in his rookie year), and Sosa’s stunning 1998 season was truly remarkable. Sosa was one of the better power-speed combo players of the mid-90s (he posted 30-30 seasons in 1993 and 1995) before morphing into the Dominican version of The Hulk. Here’s the stat line he put up in 1998, with previous career highs in parenthesis.

BA = .308 (.300, 1994)

HR = 66 (40, 1996)
RBI = 158 (119, twice)
OPS = 1.024 (.889, 1996)

1. Boston’s Improbable 2004 World Series Run

What Happened = If you don’t know the story of the 2004 Boston Red Sox, then I don’t understand how you've made it this far into the column.

 

Chances Steroids Were Involved = 8,000%. For grins and giggles, here’s the list of likely juicers from the 2004 ALCS.

Alex Rodriguez

Manny Ramirez
David Ortiz
Mark Bellhorn (remember him?)
Gary Sheffield
Jason Giambi
Andy Pettitte
Dave Roberts (just kidding!)
Bill Mueller (post steroids cycle, his 2003 numbers were ridiculous)

That’s just going from memory. The 2004 Red Sox will probably be the most memorable sports team of my life time, and it wouldn’t of been possible without good old fashioned PEDs.

           

Ideas for Irrelevant Sporting Events

            If you told me a week ago that the lead story on “Pardon the Interruption” would be the football game between Northwestern and Illinois, I would’ve said that you are on drugs. You’re telling me that a match-up between two unranked Big-10 teams is more important than the Colts-Patriots game this Sunday? Apparently it is, thanks to the quirky field dimensions at Wrigley Field. If you haven’t seen footage of the east end zone, take my word that it harkens back to the days of the Arena Football League. Padding over the outfield wall literally hangs over the field (keep in mind the padding is covering bricks). In the name of safety, it has been decided that all offensive plays will be run towards the west end of the field (sorry to the poor saps who bought seats in the east end zone. Good luck getting a refund).

            I don’t know who came up with the field layout at Wrigley Field, but they should get an immediate raise. This person inadvertently created more buzz for this game than any promoter ever could. Other than fans of the two schools, I’m sure there weren’t more than 500 people in the country that even knew the two teams were playing this weekend. Kudos to you, idiotic field layout guy.

             Shortly after watching the segment about the game on “PTI”, I started thinking about other irrelevant sporting events that could use gimmicks like this to raise their profile (I’m talking about you Major League Soccer). Here’s my quick list I came up with.

1. Regular Season MLB Games

            When you have 30 teams playing 162 games a year, it’s hard to get super jazzed about a regular season baseball game (on second thought, I have a hard time getting excited for any baseball game at this point, but that’s my personal opinion). This is a very simple fix…bring back steroids.

            Baseball was way more fun when we had 12 guys a year hitting 50+ homers. Remember when Luis Gonzalez randomly hit 57 home runs in 2001 (he had only one other season in his 19 year career where he hit more than 30)? Those were good times. I’d like to bring them back.

2. NASCAR

            The NASCAR season concludes with their race to the Cell Phone Cup (alright I digress, the trophy is called the Sprint Cup) this Sunday. I was going to suggest planting explosives in various points of the track that detonate at random, but instead I’ll go with a more realistic suggestion.

            NASCAR starts their season a week or two after the Super Bowl in February. It ends the Sunday before Thanksgiving. The season is too damn long. The start date is fine, but NASCAR should consider ending their season in September. Competing with college football and the NFL is a battle NASCAR will never win.

3. PGA

            Someone from the PGA needs to tell Tiger Woods that he’s no longer married. He doesn’t need to keep up the “born-again-family-man” routine. If lining up the ladies like pins and knocking them over like a bowling ball was what got Tiger’s golf game going, then that’s what the executive’s for the PGA need to make happen. Television ratings make it very clear that the majority of America doesn’t care about golf unless Woods is doing well.

4. MLS

            This fix is so simple. I’m not sure why it hasn’t been used already. All we need to do is take footage from the Spanish Premier League, use a little CGI to replace the Spanish players with images of Americans, and we’re good to go. People will be raving about the quality of play.

            In all seriousness, I have a feeling that the United States will be one of the strongest soccer nations in the world within 20 years. More and more parents are not letting their children play football because of perceived risks of concussions. Soccer stands to benefit the most from this. Imagine if athletes like Tennessee Titan’s runningback Chris Johnson were playing soccer instead of football? Soccer will soon see an influx of quality athletes.

5. Horse Racing

            More jockey fights. Enough said.

            That’s all I have for now. Within the next couple of weeks, I’ll post some thoughts for lacrosse, curling, and figure skating. Until next time, keep your stick on the ice.