Quick March Madness Thoughts

-         I was on-board with the play-in games until I realized two of them involved #11 and #12 seeds. It would make perfect sense to have all of these games involve #16 seeds. You would give the stage (a small stage, but a stage nevertheless) to eight small programs, with four of them getting to go home and say they won a NCAA tournament game. Furthermore, none of the teams that would win a play-in game would have a chance to beat a #16 seed, so it wouldn’t mess up your bracket. It makes so much sense it hurts.

-         I’m not going to say that Obama lost my vote in 2012 or anything, but he really bummed me out with his gutless choice of four #1 seeds making the Final Four. This guy is supposed to be a huge basketball fan, yet he predicts a scenario that has only happened once. Was he trying to swing Tea Party voters with his ultra conservative picks? You let me down Mr. President.

-          I wrote about this a week or two ago, but it bears repeating. This is a year that the 53-year old secretary you work with that has never watched a minute of college basketball will probably win your office pool. Logic such as, “I won 13 straight games of beer pong at Marquette once, I’ll take them over Xavier!” or, “My oldest son was conceived at a frat house at Texas A&M, give me them over Florida State!” will rule. My fiancée picked Morehead St. over Louisville because the name “Morehead” made her giggle. And you know what? Morehead St. will probably win. It’s that kind of year.

-         If you want to be guaranteed to lose your office pool, follow these rules (you want to know why? Because these are my rules, and I’m the Los Angeles Clippers of bracket contests. My only winning year was 2005 when I rode North Carolina to victory. Other than that, it’s been disaster after disaster). I always pick two #10, #11, and #12 seeds to pull an upset in the first round (or “Round of 64” according to the NCAA). These games usually feature either an over-valued BCS conference club against a quality mid-major (#5 Kansas State and #12 Utah State is an example), or two mediocre BCS conference teams (#7 UCLA vs. #10 Michigan State). My upset picks that fall in the 10-12 range are #12 Memphis, #11 Missouri, #10 Florida State, #12 Utah State, #11 Gonzaga, and #10 Michigan State.

-         I’ll only pick a #13 or #14 seed to win if I feel there is a major concern with the favorite in that match-up. The only team I see a major red flag with is Connecticut, who just grinded out a Big East Tournament Championship by winning games five days in a row. Syracuse was the last team to pull off an effort like that in the Big East Tournament, winning four straight games in 2006. Even with four days off before the 1^st round, Syracuse lost as a 5^th seed to Texas A&M. I’m a Kemba Walker fan (even though I don’t think he has much of a future in the NBA, but that’s another column), but I’ll be shocked if they make it through the 1^st weekend. I’ll take #14 Bucknell to equal the feat there basketball team accomplished in 2005 (Bucknell beat #3 seed Kansas in that tournament). Remember this and make fun of me when Walker scores 28 and Connecticut wins by 35.

-         I always look for three teams seeded 10^th or higher to place in the Sweet 16. I’ve never found any statistical evidence to back this theory up (or for that matter, searched for it), but it makes sense in my head. This year my three clubs are Missouri, Utah State, and Gonzaga.

-         Although I didn’t practice this theory in my bracket this year, I typically try to pick one #1 seed to lose in the second round. This strategy has been burned into my brain ever since I successfully predicted UCLA upsetting  #1 Cincinnati in the 2002 tournament (it’s funny that I remember that, but forgot about the rest of my awful bracket that year. I think I had 7 of the Sweet 16 teams right. It was miserable). I was tempted to pick Butler over Pittsburgh in the second round, but couldn’t quite pull the trigger.

-         Follow those rules and you’ll be destined to have a great bracket once every eight years. I’ve got #1 Ohio State, #4 Texas, #1 Kansas, and #2 Florida in my Final 4, with Ohio State beating Kansas in the championship game. Expect all of those teams to lose by the end of the Elite 8.

           

My Christmas List

With the holidays rolling around, I thought it would be fun to post a Christmas list. These are all things that I hope can happen within the next year or so. Without further ado…

 

I wish that the NFL would keep their regular season schedule at 16 games.

I wish that “FOX News” would be forced to have its name changed to “FOX Conservatives”, and that MSNBC would be changed to “The Left Side”.

I wish that MLB would implement a salary cap, as opposed to having it’s entire infrastructure relying on the Yankees or Red Sox going deep into the playoffs to draw big TV ratings.

I wish that the Miami Heat would get rid Chris Bosh and find a couple dudes that could get a damn rebound and block a couple shots (as a fan of basketball I wish that. As a fan of the Celtics I hope they keep trotting out Bosh and his 7.9 rebounds and 0.7 blocks per game).

I wish that Gary Bettman could figure out that having less NHL teams in the southern part of the United States, and more teams in Canada, makes a lot of sense.

I wish that Tiger Woods would get his mojo back (golf mojo that is. Just wanted to be clear on that).

I wish that Jerry Jones would pay Bill Cowher eleventy billion dollars to coach the Dallas Cowboys.

I wish that Landon Donovan would be allowed to play in a European soccer league, as it would do much more to improve soccer’s popularity in the United States as opposed to him wasting away in the sub-par MLS.

I wish that Jay Leno, Chris Berman, Brett Favre, Kate Gosselin, and television show “The Sing Off” would go away. Permanently. They don’t have to die or anything; just get out of the public eye. Forever.

 

I wish that Obama, or Sarah Palin, or Martians, or anybody would destroy the BCS and create a college football playoff.

I wish that “Days of Thunder” would be released on Blu-Ray.

I wish that NASCAR would have their main series be sponsored by cigarettes again instead of a cell phone company. It was way more fun when it was “The Winston Cup Series”.

I wish that Caillou would grow hair (sorry to those of you that don’t have small children that probably don’t understand that line. You’re just going to have to trust that it’s a good wish).

Lastly, I wish everyone a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year.

10 Awesome Things That Happened This Past Weekend (11/26-11/28)

10. R.I.P. Leslie Nielsen

            While watching “Airplane!” on cable a few weeks ago, I went on an extended rant about how I felt Nielsen was one of the most underrated comedic actors of all time. Perhaps now that he’s passed he’ll get his due.

(EDITOR’S NOTE: I don’t think it’s awesome that Nielsen passed away, but I do think it’s awesome that we can recognize the man’s career. Just wanted to clear that up for anyone who may have been confused.)

9.  Derek Jeter and New York Yankees Still Far Apart

            There are rumors that Jeter has asked the Yankees for a six-year deal worth $150 million. New York is sticking to their offer of three years, $45 million. They have also encouraged Jeter to try to find a better offer if he is not satisfied with what the Yankees are willing to pay him.

            Isn’t it about time for the Red Sox to swoop in and offer Jeter a $100 million contract? If I’m Jeter, I’m placing calls to Theo Epstein everyday. This is the only way he’s going to get the Yankees to budge, as I find it hard to believe that A) Jeter would sign with Boston, and B) New York would let him go to Boston. It would be a bold bluff by the Red Sox (as there is no way they should actually want him on their team at this point), but if it could potentially result in New York paying a 36-year old shortstop $100+ million for several years, I would make the gamble and try to stir the pot.

8. Miami Heat Lose to the Dallas Mavericks, Fall to 9-8

            I promise that this will be the last time I write about a basketball team that is barely over .500. Well, at least until Thursday when Lebron returns to Cleveland for the first time since taking his talents to South Beach. I might have to do an instant reaction after that game.

7. No One in the United States Died at a Wal-Mart on Black Friday

            Although footage from a Target showed that we almost lost a couple of shoppers there. I understand that many people feel pressure to get the perfect gift, but do we have to trample over other human beings to do it? I’ll take Cyber Monday, where I can sit in my boxers in the comfort of my own home and order stuff online, over Black Friday, where I have to where body armor to survive, any day.

           

(QUICK TANGENT ALERT: Why had I never heard of Cyber Monday until just now? How long has this been going on? And does Cyber Monday just involve shopping, or does it include online poker, World of Warcraft, and porn? I don’t get how we all of a sudden decided to name the Monday after Thanksgiving Cyber Monday. In related news, I just named the second Wednesday after President’s Day “Wiggles Wednesday”. TOOT TOOT CHUGGA CHUGGA BIG RED CAR)

6. Chargers Destroy Colts in Indianapolis

            I missed an hour of this game while watching “The Walking Dead”, but I did manage to catch all four of Peyton Manning’s interceptions. Everyone talks about how the Colts have a lot of banged up receivers, but it looks to me like they are in need of some serious upgrades along the offensive line. If Manning didn’t get the ball out in less than two seconds, he was toast. I have a feeling that the Colts aren’t dead (they are still tied for first in their division), but I don’t see them making a lot of noise come playoff time.

(QUICK TANGENT #2: NBC needs to ditch the “I’ve Been Waiting All Day For Sunday Night” song. Faith Hill hasn’t made it work in four years. Pink bailed on it after the first season. The original song, “I Hate Myself For Loving You” by Joan Jett, was not one of Joan’s finest efforts. Come on NBC. Start the game five minutes earlier so we don’t have to listen to that terrible song)

5. Obama Gets 12 Stitches After Getting Elbowed in a Pick-Up Game

            No word yet on whether or not the GOP is blaming the cut on Obama’s failed economic policies, although I’m sure they are looking for a link.

4. Falcons Kick Late Field Goal to Beat Green Bay

            Impressive win by Atlanta. If they finish 4-1, they should have home-field throughout the NFC playoffs.

3. Andre Johnson Wins a Unanimous Decision Over Cortland Finnegan

            About 70,000 people went to Reliant Stadium in Houston to watch a football game, and what do ya know, a boxing match broke out. One of the strangest NFL brawls I’ve ever seen. Rarely do you see two players end up with both of their helmets off, and then trying to punch each other in the face. If I were Finnegan, I would’ve quickly tried to put my helmet back on. You don’t want to mess with Andre Johnson.

2. Boise State Kicker Misses Two Chip-Shots, Nevada Takes Advantage

            I stayed up about two hours past my bedtime to watch the end of this game. Here is the list of events and circumstances that made this game particularly memorable.

-         Nevada came back from a 24-7 deficit to tie the game.

-         On their first offensive play after Nevada tied the game, Boise State completed an 80-yard screen pass for a touchdown.

-         After falling behind again, Nevada drove down the field to tie the game with 15 seconds left. As soon as the referee raised his arms to signal a touchdown, a cannon was shot off. This has no relevance to the game, but there was a lot of smoke and it was really loud. Good times.

-         On their first offensive play after Nevada tied the game, Boise quarterback Kellen Moore completed a ridiculous 53-yard bomb to wide receiver Titus Young with two seconds left to play. If Boise State went on to win the game, this could have been the most memorable play of the college football season.

-         After being set up on the 9-yard line with two seconds left, kicker Kyle Brotzman pushed a 26-yard field goal wide right. This goes down in my book as the most shocking moment of the college football season.

-         Kyle Brotzman missed a field goal attempt again in overtime (this time wide left), setting up Nevada to kick a field goal with their overtime possession to win the game.

This was a truly epic game. I hope a few of you were able to take it in. 

1. Auburn Tigers Stage Dramatic 24-Point Comeback at Alabama

            While this contest didn’t have as many dramatic moments as Boise State-Nevada, the contest was magnified by what was on the line for Auburn. Cam Newton wasn’t as effective as he normally is on the ground, but made plenty of plays through the air to lead a comeback. I hope Auburn and Oregon take care of business in their last games, because if that match-up can hold up, we will be able to see the best National Championship Game since USC-Texas in January of 2006.