10 Awesome Things That Happened This Past Weekend (12/23-12/25)

10. My Son Vomits All Over Our Car While Driving Christmas Eve
            Just incase you were ever wondering, traveling with a toddler sucks.

9. Miami Ruins Mavericks Title Celebration

            It’s safe to say that this game was much more important to Lebron James and the Heat than it was to the defending NBA champions. Nevertheless, an impressive performance by the Heat.

8. Knicks Barely Hang On Versus Pierce-less Celtics

            New York played hard and earned the win, but they shouldn’t feel to happy that a Boston team playing without their best player came back from 17 down at one point to make a game of it.

7. Packers Return to Form, Blast Bears

            Chicago had no answers for Aaron Rodgers, who tossed five touchdown passes. Green Bay’s defense is still suspect, but they won’t have a tough opponent until the NFC Championship Game.

6. Buffalo Bills Clobber God’s QB

            God must’ve been too busy getting ready for His Son’s birthday to support the Broncos Saturday.

5. Bulls Rally, Nip Lakers By 1

            Chicago fell asleep in the third quarter, but turned it on late to rally from 11 points down with less than four to play. Derrick Rose made the type of play MVPs make (although he loses points for blowing by Derek Fisher, because Julius Erving could probably trot out on a court today and blow by Derek Fisher) to win the game.

4. Giants Stomp Jets, Brandon Jacobs Almost Stomps Rex Ryan

            Would beating up Rex Ryan have been worth 50 fantasy points for Jacobs?
       
3. Presents
2. Family
1. Christmas
            I hope everyone had a safe and happy holiday.

10 Awesome Things That Happened This Past Weekend (12/24-12/26)

10. Eagles-Vikings Game Cancelled Due to Blizzard

            For those of you who missed last week’s column, the #10 spot has turned into something that really isn’t awesome, but is something I can rant about.

            I’m just going to copy the quote made by Pennsylvania Governor Ed Rendell made to a Philadelphia radio station, because it is better than anything I could ever write. Enjoy.

             "It goes against everything that football is all about… My biggest beef is that this is part of what's happened in this country. I think we've become wussies… We've become a nation of wusses. The Chinese are kicking our butt in everything. If this was in China do you think the Chinese would have called off the game? People would have been marching down to the stadium, they would have walked and they would have been doing calculus on the way down."

            In related news, Ed Rendell is officially the most awesome politician in the United States.

9. Sidney Crosby Extends Points Streak to 24 Games

            Hockey is pretty far off the national radar, so what Sidney Crosby has been doing this season has gone mostly unnoticed. Which is a damn shame. To put it in perspective, Crosby’s streak would be equivalent to a 48 game hitting streak in baseball. Hopefully the streak is still alive when they face the Capitals on New Years in the Winter Classic.

8. Cowboys Miss an Extra Point, Lose to Cardinals

            About the same number of people who read this blog watched this game due to the fact that it was on NFL Network (for those of you not in the know, that number is roughly 7). At least Dallas was been eliminated from playoff contention months ago, otherwise this loss would’ve troubled me much more. Not now though. Keep losing guys, it’s a higher draft pick if we do.

7. Spike TV Has “Star Wars” Marathon on Christmas Eve and Christmas

            These movies always suck me in. Episode I is a crappy movie (thanks to Jar Jar Binks and the little kid playing Anakin Skywalker), but it’s bad enough that making fun of it is actually enjoyable. II and III are all right, despite the best efforts of Hayden Christensen to destroy them. Have you ever watched a football game where one team’s quarterback is playing so bad that you think he bet money on the other team (example: Neil O’Donnell in Super Bowl XXX for the Steelers against the Cowboys)? That’s what it looks like Christensen was doing in these movies. I think when George Lucas was casting the part, his only criteria was “dude who sort of looks like a young Mark Hamill”. At least he gets most of his limbs chopped off at the end of the third one, so there’s a payoff at the end.

Episodes IV-VI are classics. An epic story carried by solid performances, these movies are still the gold standard for quality science fiction.

6. Bears Win a Surprising Shootout Against the Jets

            This only made the list because every NFL expert and their brother picked this game to be a low-scoring, defensive affair. It’s a good thing TV networks pay big money to get these people’s opinions.

5. Carolina Panthers Earn #1 Pick in 2011 NFL Draft

            After getting destroyed by the Steelers last Thursday, and then two unlikely simultaneous victories by the Bengals and Broncos, Carolina has clinched the top pick with a game to spare. The popular opinion will be for the Panthers to add Stanford quarterback Andrew Luck. However, the roster is so bad that throwing a young quarterback onto this team might not be the best idea. We’ll discuss this more come early April when the NFL Draft is approaching.

4. Green Packers Push Giants to the Brink of Elimination

            I’m on board with any outcome that ends in the phrase “New York Giants in a free-fall”. Has anyone noticed how Green Bay has done this season against coaches on the hot seat? They destroyed Dallas, and the next day Wade Phillips got the boot. They pounded Minnesota in the Metrodome (before the roof imploded), and the next day Brad Childress was canned (by the way, these posts were much easier to make when idiots like Phillips and Childress were head coaches. I miss those guys). Green Bay won’t kick Tom Coughlin out the door, but they could get the first assist (hockey term) if New York doesn’t make the playoffs after week 17.

3. 49ers Coach Mike Singletary Goes Bonkers, Then Gets Fired

            I’m going to keep this very brief…Mike Singletary is f***ing nuts. I’d love to see him coach a college team (as long as my son  wasn’t on it), but I have a feeling his NFL coaching career could be over.

2. Miami Heat Defeat Lakers

            If I had remembered that the Lakers were 4-8 in their previous 12 Christmas Day games, I wouldn’t of been as surprised about the outcome as I was when it happened. LA looked listless, and didn’t take advantage of their significant size advantage inside. I have a feeling that if these two teams were to meet in the NBA Finals, it would be a very different outcome. The Lakers are on cruise control until April.

1. Christmas

            Was there any doubt that this would be #1? Christmas is awesome. I hope everyone had a very happy holiday.

My Christmas List

With the holidays rolling around, I thought it would be fun to post a Christmas list. These are all things that I hope can happen within the next year or so. Without further ado…

 

I wish that the NFL would keep their regular season schedule at 16 games.

I wish that “FOX News” would be forced to have its name changed to “FOX Conservatives”, and that MSNBC would be changed to “The Left Side”.

I wish that MLB would implement a salary cap, as opposed to having it’s entire infrastructure relying on the Yankees or Red Sox going deep into the playoffs to draw big TV ratings.

I wish that the Miami Heat would get rid Chris Bosh and find a couple dudes that could get a damn rebound and block a couple shots (as a fan of basketball I wish that. As a fan of the Celtics I hope they keep trotting out Bosh and his 7.9 rebounds and 0.7 blocks per game).

I wish that Gary Bettman could figure out that having less NHL teams in the southern part of the United States, and more teams in Canada, makes a lot of sense.

I wish that Tiger Woods would get his mojo back (golf mojo that is. Just wanted to be clear on that).

I wish that Jerry Jones would pay Bill Cowher eleventy billion dollars to coach the Dallas Cowboys.

I wish that Landon Donovan would be allowed to play in a European soccer league, as it would do much more to improve soccer’s popularity in the United States as opposed to him wasting away in the sub-par MLS.

I wish that Jay Leno, Chris Berman, Brett Favre, Kate Gosselin, and television show “The Sing Off” would go away. Permanently. They don’t have to die or anything; just get out of the public eye. Forever.

 

I wish that Obama, or Sarah Palin, or Martians, or anybody would destroy the BCS and create a college football playoff.

I wish that “Days of Thunder” would be released on Blu-Ray.

I wish that NASCAR would have their main series be sponsored by cigarettes again instead of a cell phone company. It was way more fun when it was “The Winston Cup Series”.

I wish that Caillou would grow hair (sorry to those of you that don’t have small children that probably don’t understand that line. You’re just going to have to trust that it’s a good wish).

Lastly, I wish everyone a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year.