10 Awesome Things That Happened This Past Weekend (3/25-3/27)

10. Bronson Arroyo Diagnosed With Mono

            Not to make light of an unfortunate illness for a member of the 2004 Red Sox, but for some reason whenever I hear someone has mono I giggle. It’s very juvenile, but when it’s burned into your brain in junior high school that mono is the kissing disease, I just can’t help it. Without any proof of a relationship, here’s the list of five celebrities I think could’ve most likely given Arroyo mono.

Lady Gaga

Lindsey Lohan

Kate Hudson

Paris Hilton

iCarly

            Mono is also fun for black humor slogans such as, “Got mono? Well, at least it’s not AIDs!” I could go on all day about this, but I don’t want to lose what little of an audience I have, so lets move on.  

9. Alonzo Mourning Stops Traffic in Miami to Help Disabled Person Cross the Road

            This is a fun little story about a random act of kindness. Don’t read enough of these anymore.

8. Freddy Garcia Earns Spot in Yankees Rotation Over Bartolo Colon

            In other words, the Yankees chose the lesser of two evils.

7. Bulls Steal Game in Milwaukee

            Derrick Rose went bonkers in this one, going off for 30 points and 17 assists. There’s no doubt who the NBA MVP will be this season.

6. Kentucky upsets Ohio St.

            This spelt the end for my insanely awful bracket this year, as I had Ohio State winning the whole thing. Next year I plan on having my son choose my picks for me. He’ll be over a year old at that point, which means he’ll have a better chance at succeeding than I will.

5. Kevin Harvick Passes Jimmie Johnson on Last Lap

            I was able to watch the last 10 laps of this one, which turned out to be the only 10 laps worth watching. I plan on trying to do this more often with NASCAR races.

(TANGENT ALERT: I bought “Gran Turismo 5” for Playstation 3 about 10 days ago. I know racing games aren’t for everyone, but for those that are this game gets my full seal of approval. If this blog inexplicably dies within the next month, you can blame GT5.)

4. Kentucky Outlasts North Carolina

            I’m a little bummed out by this result, because it means my favorite player in the tournament (Harrison Barnes) will no longer be in it. Kentucky deserved the W though.

3. VCU Stuns Kansas

            In other words, men’s college basketball officially stopped making any sense at all.

2. Kemba Walker Powers Huskies Past Arizona

            No team better exemplifies my ineptitude in picking the 2011 tournament than Connecticut. Faithful readers of this column will recall me picking Bucknell to upset them in round 1 (click here for proof). Now the Huskies are the favorite to win the whole damn thing. Did I mention how much my picks sucked again?

1. Butler Defeats Florida in OT, Advances to Final 4

            I’d give Butler more credit if they weren’t bailed out by Florida running the “chuck 25-footers offense” in the last two minutes of regulation and overtime.

10 Awesome Things That Happened This Past Weekend (3/17-3/20)

10. Danica Gets Angry After Hard Crash

            Patrick was running 17^th with 53 laps to go in Saturday’s Nationwide Series race when Ryan Truex bounced off the wall and into Patrick’s car, causing this vicious crash.

9. NFLPA Accuses Roger Goodell of Lying

            In related news, NBA players called NBA Commissioner David Stern “a big pooh-pooh head”.

8. Kyle Busch Sweeps Weekend at Bristol

            Busch is about as popular at Bristol as Gadhafi is in Libya, but that didn’t stop him from winning both the Sprint Cup and Nationwide Series this past weekend.

7. Jimmer’s 34 Points Lead BYU to Sweet 16

            I was participating in a fantasy draft during the BYU-Gonzaga game. I must’ve typed “JIMMER!” in the league chat room 12 times, because the guy just kept burying 30-footers. Unfortunately, no one else in the fantasy league likes college basketball, so no one knew what I was talking about. Nevertheless, it’s always fun to type Jimmer.

6. Michigan Misses Last Second Three Against Duke

            It was fitting that these two schools played a competitive game after the mild controversy that emerged after “The Fab 5” documentary aired on ESPN last week. I’m surprised Jalen Rose didn’t come in for the last 30 seconds.

5. Late No-Call Gives Arizona Win Over Texas

            This is more of a personal entry, because it effectively destroyed my already putrid bracket.

4. Morehead St. Pulls Off Massive Upset Over Louisville

            This happened last Thursday, but it’s still worth noting because somehow my fiancée was the only person in my bracket group to correctly pick this game.

3. San Diego St. Survives Double-OT Against Temple

            This game was an absolute slugfest, with Temple holding the Aztecs to 18 points in the entire second half. I wonder how much better San Diego St. could be if they had someone more competent than Steve Fisher coaching the team (remember, Fisher was somehow able to not win a National Championship with the Fab 5).

2. Butler Stuns #1 Seed Pittsburgh

            Two ridiculous fouls will be what this game will be remembered for, but at least the fouls were split between the two clubs. Fortunately for the officials involved, they did get the calls right.

           

1. My Fiancée Leads No Credentials Bracket Challenge Group

            Fortunately for my pride, her lead will probably be short-lived after her championship pick (Notre Dame) got pummeled by Florida State.

Quick March Madness Thoughts

-         I was on-board with the play-in games until I realized two of them involved #11 and #12 seeds. It would make perfect sense to have all of these games involve #16 seeds. You would give the stage (a small stage, but a stage nevertheless) to eight small programs, with four of them getting to go home and say they won a NCAA tournament game. Furthermore, none of the teams that would win a play-in game would have a chance to beat a #16 seed, so it wouldn’t mess up your bracket. It makes so much sense it hurts.

-         I’m not going to say that Obama lost my vote in 2012 or anything, but he really bummed me out with his gutless choice of four #1 seeds making the Final Four. This guy is supposed to be a huge basketball fan, yet he predicts a scenario that has only happened once. Was he trying to swing Tea Party voters with his ultra conservative picks? You let me down Mr. President.

-          I wrote about this a week or two ago, but it bears repeating. This is a year that the 53-year old secretary you work with that has never watched a minute of college basketball will probably win your office pool. Logic such as, “I won 13 straight games of beer pong at Marquette once, I’ll take them over Xavier!” or, “My oldest son was conceived at a frat house at Texas A&M, give me them over Florida State!” will rule. My fiancée picked Morehead St. over Louisville because the name “Morehead” made her giggle. And you know what? Morehead St. will probably win. It’s that kind of year.

-         If you want to be guaranteed to lose your office pool, follow these rules (you want to know why? Because these are my rules, and I’m the Los Angeles Clippers of bracket contests. My only winning year was 2005 when I rode North Carolina to victory. Other than that, it’s been disaster after disaster). I always pick two #10, #11, and #12 seeds to pull an upset in the first round (or “Round of 64” according to the NCAA). These games usually feature either an over-valued BCS conference club against a quality mid-major (#5 Kansas State and #12 Utah State is an example), or two mediocre BCS conference teams (#7 UCLA vs. #10 Michigan State). My upset picks that fall in the 10-12 range are #12 Memphis, #11 Missouri, #10 Florida State, #12 Utah State, #11 Gonzaga, and #10 Michigan State.

-         I’ll only pick a #13 or #14 seed to win if I feel there is a major concern with the favorite in that match-up. The only team I see a major red flag with is Connecticut, who just grinded out a Big East Tournament Championship by winning games five days in a row. Syracuse was the last team to pull off an effort like that in the Big East Tournament, winning four straight games in 2006. Even with four days off before the 1^st round, Syracuse lost as a 5^th seed to Texas A&M. I’m a Kemba Walker fan (even though I don’t think he has much of a future in the NBA, but that’s another column), but I’ll be shocked if they make it through the 1^st weekend. I’ll take #14 Bucknell to equal the feat there basketball team accomplished in 2005 (Bucknell beat #3 seed Kansas in that tournament). Remember this and make fun of me when Walker scores 28 and Connecticut wins by 35.

-         I always look for three teams seeded 10^th or higher to place in the Sweet 16. I’ve never found any statistical evidence to back this theory up (or for that matter, searched for it), but it makes sense in my head. This year my three clubs are Missouri, Utah State, and Gonzaga.

-         Although I didn’t practice this theory in my bracket this year, I typically try to pick one #1 seed to lose in the second round. This strategy has been burned into my brain ever since I successfully predicted UCLA upsetting  #1 Cincinnati in the 2002 tournament (it’s funny that I remember that, but forgot about the rest of my awful bracket that year. I think I had 7 of the Sweet 16 teams right. It was miserable). I was tempted to pick Butler over Pittsburgh in the second round, but couldn’t quite pull the trigger.

-         Follow those rules and you’ll be destined to have a great bracket once every eight years. I’ve got #1 Ohio State, #4 Texas, #1 Kansas, and #2 Florida in my Final 4, with Ohio State beating Kansas in the championship game. Expect all of those teams to lose by the end of the Elite 8.