What Romney and the GOP Really Could Have Done to Win the White House

            It’s been two weeks since President Barack Obama was reelected to a second term. Democrats rejoiced. Republicans feared the worst, complaining not only about the President but their own party. You can read any number of articles on the Internet about why Mitt Romney lost. Click here to read about there failed experiment with technology that left most of their volunteers in battle ground states without any direction on what to do. Republican’s failure to attract Latino voters is well documented (I won’t even bother posting a link to it, just type it into a Google search and you’ll get 9,000,000 different sites). However, I think most of the reasons offered by “experts” are too broad. It’s time someone named specific ways Mitt Romney could’ve generated a better result in the electoral vote, or at the very least, figure out how Republicans can generate more votes in future elections. No Credentials isn’t qualified to do it, but that hasn’t stopped us before.

Open a Wendy’s in the Mount Washington Valley

            It was all the way back in the fall of 2008 when Wendy’s was taken away from North Conway, NH (apparently, the FDA frowns upon letting employees deal drugs through the drive-thru window). If Mitt Romney opened a new Wendy’s in my backyard back in August, it may have made me think about which candidate I was going to vote for. Well, for at least half a second.

         

Create an Ad Campaign with Dora the Explorer

            This move probably wouldn’t pay off until about 2028, but it would help the GOP plant some seeds. For example, they could send their leading presidential candidate on the show to say something like, “Remember when we wanted to deport your uncle? Just kidding!”

End the NFL Referee Lockout Before the Start of the Season

            An idea that I first heard floated around by Bill Simmons and Cousin Sal on a podcast, this could’ve at least swung the popular vote. If Romney came out and hammered the NFL for their handling of the referee crisis, Americans that don’t have time for less important issues (economy, healthcare, military, abortion) would’ve been plugged in to the 2012 election.
 

Offer to Banish the Tea Party to an Island in the South Pacific

            Ultimately, Romney breaking his back to impress the ultra-conservative members of his party was what cost him the trust of moderate undecided voters. Offering to ship folks that still want to live like it’s 1952 far away from the United States would go along way in bringing the independents to the Republican side.

Develop Technology to Stop Hurricanes

            Not to make light of Superstorm Sandy, but it’s fair to say that the timing of the storm couldn’t of been worse for the Romney campaign. It was hard to bash President Obama at campaign stops when New Jersey’s Republican governor was praising the president for his swift decisions in establishing recovery efforts (may or may not have something to do with Obama handling Sandy the exact opposite way that George W. handled Hurricane Katrina, but I digress). People got to see the President in action, while ol’ Mitt was stuck claiming he’d create seven million jobs out of thin air. What if shortly before Sandy made landfall, Romney busted onto the scene and did this…

 

            Who’s not going to vote for a guy that can stop a fucking hurricane? It would’ve been like electing Storm from X-Men with the added talent of flip-flopping on abortion.

Figure Out a Way to Compete in California

            Ceding California’s 53 electoral votes every four years is the equivalent of starting a football game down 14-0 before your offense gets a chance to hit the field. Unfortunately for the GOP, Republicans are a dying breed in America’s most populated state.

Hire Someone Other Than Karl Rove to Raise Money

            Actually, I take that back. Rove melting down on live television was the highlight of election night. We were lacking some serious entertainment without the involvement of Sarah Palin, so Rove’s performance was some much-needed comic relief.

 

           

            So there you have it. I’d like to give a shout out to Colin Tuttle, friend of the blog and graphic arts extrodianaire, for providing the pictures, even despite his best friend blowing the election. Here’s a picture of Colin with his pal Romney taken on the campaign trail.