10 Awesome Things That Happened This Past Weekend (11/25-11/27)

10. Women Uses Pepper Spray on Fellow Shoppers During Black Friday
            Because you know, it’s that important to get Kinect for your Xbox 360.

9. LSU Demolishes Arkansas

            I hope you like field goal matches, because that’s what we’re more than likely going to get when LSU has to play Alabama again in the BCS Championship Game.

8. Matt Leinart Breaks Collarbone, Texans Win Anyway

            I’m starting to think Houston doesn’t need a quarterback to win the AFC South. Not good news for Andre Johnson fantasy owners, but good news for people planning on betting against the Texans in the first round of the playoffs.

7. Barcelona’s 27-Game Win Streak Ends

            This was noteworthy for me because I was under the impression that Lionel Messi only was on losing teams in World Cup matches.

6. Stevie Johnson Blows Game and Keeps No Credentials 3-Team Teaser Alive

            A 15-yard penalty for excessive celebration (that by the way, should’ve counted as five extra fantasy points, because the clever mocking of Plaxico Burress was fantastic), followed by dropping a pass while Buffalo was attempting to drive for the win were the two blunders for a player who after dropping a touchdown pass against the Steelers last season, asked God on Twitter what he did to Him. Just in case you were curious, God doesn’t have a Twitter account, so he was unable to respond.

5. UNLV Upsets North Carolina

            I was too busy getting my ass kicked in Scrabble to watch this game live, but kudos to the Rebels for getting to 7-0 against the pres-season favorite to win the NCAA title.

4. Sofia is Finally Found, “The Walking Dead” Can Move On

(EDITORS NOTE: If you have the mid-season finale on DVR, skip to number three to not have the show ruined for you)

            I didn’t care if Sofia was found dead, alive, or as a walker, but I needed this storyline to end. The writers of the show had already wasted five episodes on the search for her. It was fitting that she was in Hershel’s barn the entire time the group was out searching. In a way, it was a nod to all of the time wasted by viewers on this plotline.

(EDITORS NOTE: If you don’t watch “The Walking Dead”, none of that made sense to you. In related news, I don’t care)

3. Patriots Push Eagles to Edge of a Cliff

            Thanks to the efforts of Tom Brady and Wes Welker, Eagles fans got to debut the “Fire Andy!” chant. They probably should’ve busted that out three weeks ago.

2. The NBA is Back

            Is there still a bad taste in the mouths of fans after the ridiculous lockout cost two months of the NBA season? Sure, but here’s a list of all the great things to look forward to now that games are set to begin.

“The Big 2 Featuring Chris Bosh”, season 2

Will the Magic Trade Dwight Howard? (oh wait, that’s actually something to dread. ESPN will talk about this incessantly for weeks on end)
Does Kobe and/or the Celtics’ Big 3 Have One More Year Left in the Tank?
Dirk and the Mavericks Defending the Title
Durant and Westbrook Battling for Shots in OKC
DeMarcus Cousins, Tyreke Evans, and Jimmer Fredette Being on the Same NBA Roster

1. Broncos, God’s QB Win in OT in San Diego      

            I saw a guy yesterday wearing a Broncos hat, so naturally I asked him about Tim Tebow. The man had absolutely no faith in him, and if anything, regretted the winning streak the Broncos have gone on because it has destroyed their chances at getting a top quarterback prospect. Don’t be surprised if locusts swarm this man’s home after Tebow’s latest miracle victory in overtime over the pathetic Chargers.

10 Awesome Things That Happened This Past Weekend (5/27-5/29)

10. Avril Lavigne Lashes Out At Tampa Bay Ray’s Fans

            Let the record show that this 10 spot on this list was blank until 11:24pm Sunday when I read this story on Yahoo. I hadn’t realized that Avril’s career had gone so far off the tracks that she was performing a concert after a baseball game. 

9. Cleveland Cavaliers Attempting To Acquire 2^nd Overall Pick in NBA Draft

            So let me get this straight…Cleveland fans are supposed to be excited about their favorite basketball team potentially having the top two picks in the draft when this year’s crop of rookies is considered to be the worst in over a decade? Man it sucks cheering for the Cavaliers.

8. Golfer Jordan Spieth Skips High School Graduation to Play PGA Tour Event

            In retrospect, I would’ve gladly skipped my high school graduation ceremony to get in a couple of extra games of “MVP 2004”, so I don’t fault Spieth for missing his to actually do something worthwhile. He pulled within 3 shots of the lead before fading on the back 9.

           

7. Djokovic Wins 43rd Straight Match

            I’m not going to sit here and pretend I’m a tennis expert (although I am pretty solid at Wii Tennis), but I do know that winning 43 straight matches is pretty hard to do. If he keeps the streak alive, he’ll more than likely face Roger Federer in the semi-finals of the French Open.

6. David Ortiz Hits Pinch-Hit Home Run To Lift Red Sox Over Tigers

            For all the talk about the 0-6 start, Carl Crawford’s struggles, and Adrian Gonzalez proving his worth, there hasn’t been enough talk about David Ortiz. Big Papi delivered a rare pinch-hit home run off of Tigers closer Jose Valverde to give Boston a 4-3 win in Game 1 of a doubleheader Sunday. After two horrid starts in both 2009 and 2010, Ortiz has hit at a .305 clip (9^th in the AL), a team-leading 11 home runs (5^th in the AL), and is currently 5^th in the American League in OPS. Either Papi is back on the juice, or he’s really happy to have Adrian Gonzalez in the lineup.

5. Barcelona Hammers Manchester United, Wins Champions League Title

            If you want to keep your kid away from football for fear of injury, have him or her watch highlights of Lionel Messi. That should be able to hook them for life.

4. Steven Stamkos Undeterred By Broken Nose

            Hockey players come back from stuff like this all the time, but it never ceases to amaze me. The last thing I would do after taking a frozen rubber brick to the sniffer was return to the very same activity that resulted in the injury 15 minutes later.  

3. Dale Earnhardt Jr. Runs Out of Gas on Last Lap

            After the craziness that happened in the Indy 500 earlier in the day, about the only thing that could’ve knocked the 500 off the front page would’ve been a win by Dale Earnhardt Jr. in the Coca-Cola 600. Amazingly, he came within about a 500 feet of pulling it off. Kevin Harvick was again the beneficiary of Junior’s misfortune (like Martinsville earlier this year).

2. Boston Bruins Advance to Stanley Cup Finals

            I’m not going to write too much here due to the fact that my Stanley Cup Finals preview will be up within 36 hours from now.

1. JR Hildebrand Chokes, Gives Dan Wheldon Indianapolis 500 Victory

            Hildebrand could go on to win three 500’s during his career, but he’ll more than likely never forget the mistake he made on the final corner of the last lap.