Whenever I think of gambling on sports, I get downright giddy. That’s why I figured I would alleviate that urge somewhat by posting NFL picks for week 11. I don’t necessarily encourage anyone to wager thousands of dollars based on these selections, but if you do, please don’t get mad at me if I go 4-12.
The home team will be in caps. I’m using Sportsbook’s betting lines for my picks. Without further ado…
DOLPHINS (-1.5) over Bears, Thursday 8:20pm
Can’t say I like the Bears and their shoddy offensive line traveling on short rest to humid Miami. My Dad has been complaining about the Bears being a fraud all year (even after they beat his Vikings last Sunday), so this pick will make him happy.
Dolphins 20, Bears 10
STEELERS (-7.5) over Raiders, Sunday 1:00pm
I really wanted to take the Raiders in this game, but I have a feeling Pittsburgh will be fairly motivated after their performance against the Patriots. Could be similar to the beat down the Steelers gave the Buccaneers earlier this season.
Steelers 34, Raiders 7
Texans (+7) over JETS, Sunday 1:00pm
Sexy Rex Ryan and company have a bad habit of making games a little too dramatic. If the Lions and Browns can push the Jets to overtime, then the Texans should be able to keep this game within a touchdown.
Jets 21, Texans 17
Ravens (-10) over PANTHERS, Sunday 1:00pm
Carolina should get some sort of award for putting together the worst collection of offensive talent in the past decade. They are so bad they have made Steve Smith irrelevant in fantasy. Can we start a “Save Steve Smith” campaign, before he goes completely nuts and stuffs Jimmy Clausen headfirst into a urinal?
Ravens 27, Panthers 3
TITANS (-7) over Redskins, Sunday 1:00pm
Between Donovan McNabb’s benching, and then the ‘Skins trying to appease him with “an extension” (in quotes because they can cut him after this season and only pay him $3.96 million), Albert Haynesworth taking a nap on the field, and Mike Shanahan confirming that he has in fact gone completely senile, I think I’ll take the Titans in this one (how was that for a sentence?).
Titans 28, Redskins 13
COWBOYS (-6.5) over Lions, Sunday 1:00pm
Not nearly enough publicity for a match-up involving a quarterback who is among the all-time leader in passing yards squaring off against his former team. That’s right, I’m talking about Jon Kitna versus the Detroit Lions.
Cowboys 34, Lions 21
Packers (-3) over VIKINGS, Sunday 1:00pm
The Vikings are a zombie from AMC’s “The Walking Dead”. The Packers are Sheriff Rick Grimes, who is about to blow the zombie’s head off.
Packers 24, Vikings 17
(QUICK TANGENT ALERT: If you haven’t seen “The Walking Dead” yet, you need to. The show is much more about the characters as opposed to slaughtering zombies. Not to mention that each episode plays like a mini-movie. It’s a fantastic watch. Sunday nights at 10. Believer it or not AMC did not pay me to post this. I think I'll be able to find advertisers once my audience is greater than 25 readers. I'm just rambling now so lets move on to the next game)
Bills (+5.5) over BENGALS, Sunday 1:00pm
On paper, the Bengals are a much more talented team. In reality, the Bills have much more fight and heart.
Bills 27, Bengals 23
Browns (+1) over JAGUARS, Sunday 1:00pm
This is a tricky one. The Browns played out of their minds against the Jets, but lost with 30 seconds left in overtime. Jacksonville won on a Hail Mary. Both teams are classic candidates for a letdown game. If they were playing anyone else, I would pick both teams to lose (well, maybe not if they were playing the Panthers). Unfortunately they are playing each other. I’ll take Cleveland’s letdown game over the Jag’s letdown game.
Browns 13, Jaguars 9
CHIEFS (-7.5) over Cardinals, Sunday 1:00pm
What’s the perfect recipe for the Chiefs to end their losing streak? Playing a team quarterbacked by Derek Anderson.
Chiefs 30, Cardinals 14
SAINTS (-11.5) over Seahawks, Sunday 4:05pm
I was going to pick the Seahawks to cover in this one, but after checking their season performance I was turned off. Of their first nine games, seven of them have been decided by more than 10 points (whether they won or lost). I don’t see Seattle keeping this close.
Saints 37, Seahawks 16
RAMS (+3) over Falcons, Sunday 4:05pm
The Rams are a very pesky home team. I can see Atlanta laying a bit of an egg after their dramatic win against Baltimore.
Rams 23, Falcons 21
(QUICK TANGENT ALERT: Can we get Sam Bradford some wide receivers? His best receiver right now is Danny Amendola. That sounds to me like a character from a Nickelodeon show (“Big Time Rush” perhaps) instead of a wide receiver. We need to get Steve Smith to St. Louis right now)
Buccaneers (+3) over 49ERS, Sunday 4:05pm
This is the weirdest match-up of the week. I don’t understand how a team that is 6-3 is an underdog against a team that is 3-6. Thanks for the points Vegas.
Buccaneers 24, 49ers 16
PATRIOTS (-3) over Colts, Sunday 4:15pm
My brain started hurting after a couple minutes of looking at this game. On one hand, the Patriots should not be able to stop Peyton Manning. On the other hand, this season looks very similar to 2003 when the Patriots looked over-matched in every big game, but somehow always found a way to win. I’ll stick with Brady for this one.
Patriots 28, Colts 24
Giants (+3) over EAGLES, Sunday 8:20pm
Philadelphia is not as good as they looked Monday night against Washington. The Giants are not as bad as they looked against Dallas. I’m anticipating a little market correction with this game.
Giants 24, Eagles 20
CHARGERS (-10) over Broncos, Monday, 8:30pm
I’ll conservatively estimate that Phillip Rivers will throw for 672 yards in this game. This one’s going to be ugly.
Chargers 45, Broncos 24
(EDITORS NOTE: THE AUTHOR AGAIN STRESSES THAT HE IS IN NO WAY A PROFESSIONAL FOOTBALL HANDICAPPER. HE'S WATCHED A LOT OF FOOTBALL OVER THE PAST 15 YEARS OR SO, AND HE'S REALLY GOOD AT MADDEN, BUT HE HAD NO INSIDE INFORMATION WHEN MAKING THESE PICKS. PROCEED WITH CAUTION IF USING THESE TO HELP MAKE GAMBLING DECISIONS)
