NBA All-Star Break Rankings

            Now that Marv Albert is done complaining about the lack of defensive effort in the All-Star Game, we are here to rank all 30 teams. In reverse order, we are listing the teams we feel have the best chance to win the title in June. Spoiler alert…it won’t be the 76ers.

Atrocious

30. Philadelphia 76ers

            Someone needs to tell Joel Embiid to take it easy on the junk food while he’s rehabbing.

29. New York Knicks

            We’re still trying to figure out which hallucinogenic drug Phil Jackson was on before the season when he thought the Knicks were a playoff team. At least they actually have the rights to their first round pick this year.

28. Minnesota Timberwolves

            Minnesota earns karma points for actually trying to win games in the brutal Western Conference this year, and after a slow start Andrew Wiggins is beginning to look like a future superstar.

27. Los Angeles Lakers

            Considering how atrocious Kobe Bryant was shooting from the field, it might hurt their lottery chances that he is on the shelf for the rest of the year.

Occasionally Frisky

26. Orlando Magic

            If they can keep the core of young guys they have together, Orlando might have the makings of a playoff team within two years.

25. Utah Jazz

            Quietly, Utah is giving up the fourth fewest points per game among Western Conference teams. No one knows that because they are scoring the fewest points per game among Western Conference teams.

24. Indiana Pacers

            They are a pain in the ass to play every night, but points have been incredibly hard to come by without Paul George. As far as lottery teams, they could have the greatest impact on the playoff picture depending on whether or not they decide to move some of their veteran players.

23. Sacramento Kings

            Here’s a short synopsis of the Kings’ season so far for those of you on the East Coast.

1. Got off to a promising start with Boogie Cousins playing like a MVP candidate.
2. Boogie contracted meningitis (which is bonkers), and the Kings went into a total freefall.
3. The Kings fired Mike Malone while Cousins was out sick.
4. Sacramento is now a team in utter turmoil, but at least Boogie is back healthy.

          We here at No Credentials love Boogie Cousins, and we fully support the Boston Celtics sending 8 future first round picks to acquire him.

22. Boston Celtics

            Boston has enough draft picks over the next few years to build a 53-man roster, which would be cool if they were an NFL franchise.

In Need of a Rebuild

21. Brooklyn Nets

            Fortunately for the Celtics, three of the picks they are owed will be coming from the dumpster fire that is the Brooklyn Nets.

20. Denver Nuggets

            Denver is living proof of what happens when you end up picking between tenth and twentieth every year in the draft.

Fatally Flawed, But in the Eastern Conference

19. Detroit Pistons

            The Pistons keep dropping inefficient shooters (Josh Smith was waived, and Brandon Jennings ruptured his Achilles), which probably means D.J. Augustin should be looking into how much his deductible is on his health insurance.

18. Miami Heat

            Miami runs the same plays they have for years, but they don’t as well when Lebron James isn’t in the lineup.

17. Charlotte Hornets

            Lance Stephenson has worked out so bad for the Hornets, they are actually considering flipping him for Joe Johnson and Joe Johnson’s ginormous contract.

16. Milwaukee Bucks

            Milwaukee has managed to stay afloat despite the loss of Jabari Parker (what a bummer) to injury and Larry Sanders to the love of marijuana. The Greek Freak is the real deal.

Destined to Be on the Outside Looking In

15. New Orleans Pelicans

            One year I renamed one of my fantasy football teams “Aaron Rodgers”, because he was the only reason my team was competitive. New Orleans should consider doing the same and going by “The Brow” the rest of the way.

14. Phoenix Suns

            Phoenix is losing its grip on the eighth seed, which is a problem when they still have the hardest part of their schedule ahead of them. Rumors that Goran Dragic is on the trade block smacks of desperation.

Flawed Contenders

13. Los Angeles Clippers

            In a loaded Western Conference, Blake Griffin’s staph infection is enough to drop the Clippers out of the playoffs altogether.

12. Washington Wizards

            Bradley Beal has been off all season while dealing with a variety of injuries, and that’s what will hold Washington back from being a contender in the East.

11. Oklahoma City Thunder

            Despite all of the games missed by both Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook, and the handi-cap of having the worst coach in the league, the Thunder are only half a game behind Phoenix. Their title chances hinge largely on whether or not they can avoid Golden State in the first round of the playoffs.

10. Dallas Mavericks

            Rajon Rondo has delivered uneven results so far, but we’re guessing he will deliver value come playoff time.

9. San Antonio Spurs

            This San Antonio club remains me of the Spurs squad that was swept by the Suns in the first round of the 2010 playoffs. That’s not a good thing.

8. Houston Rockets

            James Harden has been playing out of his mind, but Houston’s title hopes hinge largely on whether or not Dwight Howard is back at full strength before the playoffs.

7. Toronto Raptors

            Remember last year when the Pacers got to the playoffs and suddenly forgot how to execute basic offensive functions? That’s our prediction for how the Raptors will look in April.

Legit Title Contenders

6. Portland Trail Blazers

            LaMarcus Aldridge deciding to play through his thumb injury was the turning point of Portland’s season.

5. Cleveland Cavaliers

            We’re already looking forward to the over analysis of Kevin Love shooting 25% from the floor in Cleveland’s first round playoff series. We’d bump Cleveland as high as second if they can add one more useful big man.

4. Memphis Grizzlies

            Other than the Spurs, there isn’t another team in the league whose players understand their roles and deliver consistently on a nightly basis.

3. Atlanta Hawks

            Atlanta has played beautiful basketball all season long, but too many times we’ve seen groups like this crumble in a conference finals. We’re not sure if Al Horford or Jeff Teague are capable of delivering a bucket when it really matters come playoff time.

2. Chicago Bulls

            To say Chicago’s play has been uneven is being kind, but assuming Joakim Noah can get to at least 80% effectiveness by April 1, there isn’t a deeper team in the league.

1. Golden State Warriors

            If it were medically possible, the Warriors would be wise to freeze Andrew Bogut in carbonite so he can be healthy in the playoffs.

NBA Season Wrap-Up: Teams 5-16

            Here’s our second set of post-season NBA team reviews. Today, we look at the teams that have lost in the playoffs so far.

16. Atlanta Hawks

No Credentials Pre-Season Rank = 23
Fantasy MVP = PF Paul Millsap (quietly kept Hawks afloat after Al Horford went down for the year)
            The Hawks deserve a lot of credit for hanging in there and competing after Al Horford tore his pectoral. After not cashing in big last summer, Jeff Teague took a step forward as a Mike Conley-lite kind of player, and they hit gold with Kyle Korver. An upgrade at small forward is sorely needed, and with their cap space and roster flexibility, consider them a dark horse in the Carmelo Anthony sweepstakes.

15. Charlotte HORNETS

No Credentials Pre-Season Rank = 28
Fantasy MVP = Al Jefferson (has finally found a home in Charlotte)
            Other than Cleveland, the biggest winner in the draft lottery was the Hornets. With Detroit slipping one spot down to ninth in the lottery, they had to forfeit their first round pick to Charlotte. This is a massive development for an up and coming team fresh off a surprise playoff appearance. It’s even better news considering their own pick was already shipped to the Bulls. Charlotte won’t find an elite rim-protecting center at pick eight, but look for them to add some 3-point shooting. Doug McDermott makes a ton of sense here, unless Michael Jordan has flashbacks to drafting another elite Caucasian college player high in the draft (2006, Adam Morrison). Either way, the future finally looks bright for the Hornets.

14. Chicago Bulls

No Credentials Pre-Season Rank = 2
Fantasy MVP = PF/C Joakim Noah (finally got his due for his defensive prowess this season)
            Dreams of a championship run immediately turned to tanking when Derrick Rose was lost because of a torn meniscus. Unfortunately for Bulls fans, Chicago couldn’t even successfully tank, and ended up fourth in the Eastern Conference. Things aren’t all bad though, as they have the cap space to add a max contract. Chicago will be one of the first teams mentioned when Kevin Love or Carmelo Anthony are discussed. In addition to cap space, the Bulls boast two first round picks at 16 and 19 (you’ll know where that came from if you were paying attention reading about the previous team). We don’t expect Chicago to use both of those picks, with the odds of them using one or both in a sign in trade or to move up in the draft or more likely.

13. Toronto Raptors

No Credentials Pre-Season Rank = 20
Fantasy MVP = PG Kyle Lowry (most notable All-Star snub this year)
            The young Raptors roared to life after ball-hogging Rudy Gay was sent to Sacramento, but it’s not a guarantee that they bring the same core back next season. Kyle Lowry, who was a monster all season and the catalyst for Toronto’s post-Rudy success, is a free agent. Fortunately for the Raptors, the number of teams that will be looking to spend big money on a point guard is low, so they shouldn’t have to break the bank to keep him. Don’t expect Toronto to make any huge splashes in free agency (because you know, they play in Toronto), as it makes the most sense for them to bring their core back and let them develop for another season.

12. Dallas Mavericks

No Credentials Pre-Season Rank = 11
Fantasy MVP = PF Dirk Nowitzki (massive bounce back year after injury plagued 2012-13)
            Since winning the 2010-11 title, Dallas has whiffed on landing major free agents, and instead settled for short-term, non-cap clogging contracts. This year that strategy paid off with a spiriting playoff appearance against San Antonio. We should expect the Mavericks to make their usual run at the top free agents, before settling for solid cheap veterans to fill out their roster when they inevitably whiff.

11. Memphis Grizzlies

No Credentials Pre-Season Rank = 9
Fantasy MVP = PG Mike Conley (steady contributor all season, especially when Marc Gasol was injured)
            Memphis pushed Oklahoma City to the brink in round 1, but an untimely Zach Randolph suspension derailed their hopes of winning a Game 7. We wrote that their lack of perimeter scoring would be their undoing, and that is exactly what happened. Adding a 2 or 3 that can score and stretch the floor is of utmost importance.

10. Golden State Warriors

No Credentials Pre-Season Rank = 10
Fantasy MVP = PG Stephen Curry (has he finally put health concerns to rest?)
            We’re not sure how switching from one color analyst to another will make a difference barring a major roster shakeup. Golden State is very interested in Kevin Love, but without draft picks to offer and no desire to move Klay Thompson, we don’t see that happening. Regardless of whether or not they are successful in adding Love, moving David Lee to provide better floor spacing is a priority.

9. Houston Rockets

No Credentials Pre-Season Rank = 4
Fantasy MVP = SG James Harden (not as consistent as last year, but still productive)
            Reportedly, Houston is doing everything in it’s power to construct it’s own Big 3. James Harden and Dwight Howard proved to be an effective duo, and either Anthony or Love make sense as possible additions. Houston could’ve very easily won every game of their first round series against Portland, so unless they add a max-level player, they shouldn’t blow anything up.

8. Brooklyn Nets

No Credentials Pre-Season Rank = 7
Fantasy MVP = SF Paul Pierce (surprisingly valuable in his first season away from Boston)
            A disappointing season from start to finish doesn’t leave much reason for optimism. They don’t own their first round pick for the next five years, which is insane. They’ll likely lose both Paul Pierce (to another team) and Kevin Garnett (to retirement), but are too far over the salary cap to replace them with elite talent. Swinging a trade would be the only way Brooklyn could do anything, but there aren’t any particularly desirable assets the Nets own. At least Brook Lopez will be back, but there’s no guarantee he returns to his previous All-Star form after a second surgery on his foot. We wouldn’t be shocked at all if the 2017 and 2018 first round picks owed to the Celtics are both in the lottery.

7. Washington Wizards

No Credentials Pre-Season Rank = 15
Fantasy MVP = PG John Wall (the top point guard in the East)
            This year’s winner of “team that gave it’s fan base the most hope for the future”, Washington is poised to make a jump to an elite level next season. John Wall made the leap to a legit franchise player, and it doesn’t look like Bradley Beal is that far behind him. Wall and Beal could be the top backcourt in the NBA by this time next season. Bringing back Marcin Gortat is vital to Washington’s chances of remaining relevant, but we fully expect that to happen. Their first round pick is headed to Phoenix, and with little cap space any improvement next year will have to come from within.

6. Portland Trail Blazers

No Credentials Pre-Season Rank = 12
Fantasy MVP = PF LaMarcus Aldridge (showed in playoffs he can carry a title contending team)
            Portland made solid strides this season in winning their first playoff series in fourteen years, and the roster is young enough to still develop more. Having a bench that consists of more than just Mo Williams would be a good start to improving their chances of advancing further in the ridiculous Western Conference.

 



5. Los Angeles Clippers

No Credentials Pre-Season Rank = 5
Fantasy MVP = PF Blake Griffin (holy free throw percentage Batman!)
            The Clippers had numerous things to feel great about this year (Blake Griffin becoming a legitimate MVP candidate, officially dominating L.A. with the demise of the Lakers), but their insane owner washed most of that away. Due to the likely drawn out legal proceedings that will be necessary to resolve the Clippers ownership situation, they are the hardest team to forecast going into the off-season. Our best guess is there will be no significant player additions, but the same core along with Doc Rivers will return for 2014-15.