Now
that Marv Albert is done complaining about the lack of defensive effort in the
All-Star Game, we are here to rank all 30 teams. In reverse order, we are
listing the teams we feel have the best chance to win the title in June.
Spoiler alert…it won’t be the 76ers.
Atrocious
30. Philadelphia 76ers
Someone
needs to tell Joel Embiid to take it easy on the junk food while he’s
rehabbing.
29. New York Knicks
We’re
still trying to figure out which hallucinogenic drug Phil Jackson was on before
the season when he thought the Knicks were a playoff team. At least they
actually have the rights to their first round pick this year.
28. Minnesota Timberwolves
Minnesota
earns karma points for actually trying to win games in the brutal Western
Conference this year, and after a slow start Andrew Wiggins is beginning to
look like a future superstar.
27. Los Angeles Lakers
Considering
how atrocious Kobe Bryant was shooting from the field, it might hurt their
lottery chances that he is on the shelf for the rest of the year.
Occasionally Frisky
26. Orlando Magic
If
they can keep the core of young guys they have together, Orlando might have the
makings of a playoff team within two years.
25. Utah Jazz
Quietly,
Utah is giving up the fourth fewest points per game among Western Conference
teams. No one knows that because they are scoring the fewest points per game
among Western Conference teams.
24. Indiana Pacers
They
are a pain in the ass to play every night, but points have been incredibly hard
to come by without Paul George. As far as lottery teams, they could have the
greatest impact on the playoff picture depending on whether or not they decide
to move some of their veteran players.
23. Sacramento Kings
Here’s
a short synopsis of the Kings’ season so far for those of you on the East
Coast.
- Got off to a promising start with Boogie Cousins playing like a MVP candidate.
- Boogie contracted meningitis (which is bonkers), and the Kings went into a total freefall.
- The Kings fired Mike Malone while Cousins was out sick.
- Sacramento is now a team in utter turmoil, but at least Boogie is back healthy.
We here at No Credentials love Boogie Cousins, and we fully support the Boston Celtics sending 8 future first round picks to acquire him.
22. Boston Celtics
Boston
has enough draft picks over the next few years to build a 53-man roster, which
would be cool if they were an NFL franchise.
In Need of a Rebuild
21. Brooklyn Nets
Fortunately
for the Celtics, three of the picks they are owed will be coming from the
dumpster fire that is the Brooklyn Nets.
20. Denver Nuggets
Denver
is living proof of what happens when you end up picking between tenth and
twentieth every year in the draft.
Fatally Flawed, But in the Eastern Conference
19. Detroit Pistons
The Pistons
keep dropping inefficient shooters (Josh Smith was waived, and Brandon Jennings
ruptured his Achilles), which probably means D.J. Augustin should be looking
into how much his deductible is on his health insurance.
18. Miami Heat
Miami
runs the same plays they have for years, but they don’t as well when Lebron
James isn’t in the lineup.
17. Charlotte Hornets
Lance
Stephenson has worked out so bad for the Hornets, they are actually considering
flipping him for Joe Johnson and Joe Johnson’s ginormous contract.
16. Milwaukee Bucks
Milwaukee
has managed to stay afloat despite the loss of Jabari Parker (what a bummer) to
injury and Larry Sanders to the love of marijuana. The Greek Freak is the real
deal.
Destined to Be on the Outside Looking In
15. New Orleans Pelicans
One
year I renamed one of my fantasy football teams “Aaron Rodgers”, because he was
the only reason my team was competitive. New Orleans should consider doing the
same and going by “The Brow” the rest of the way.
14. Phoenix Suns
Phoenix
is losing its grip on the eighth seed, which is a problem when they still have
the hardest part of their schedule ahead of them. Rumors that Goran Dragic is
on the trade block smacks of desperation.
Flawed Contenders
13. Los Angeles Clippers
In a
loaded Western Conference, Blake Griffin’s staph infection is enough to drop
the Clippers out of the playoffs altogether.
12. Washington Wizards
Bradley
Beal has been off all season while dealing with a variety of injuries, and
that’s what will hold Washington back from being a contender in the East.
11. Oklahoma City Thunder
Despite
all of the games missed by both Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook, and the
handi-cap of having the worst coach in the league, the Thunder are only half a
game behind Phoenix. Their title chances hinge largely on whether or not they
can avoid Golden State in the first round of the playoffs.
10. Dallas Mavericks
Rajon
Rondo has delivered uneven results so far, but we’re guessing he will deliver
value come playoff time.
9. San Antonio Spurs
This
San Antonio club remains me of the Spurs squad that was swept by the Suns in
the first round of the 2010 playoffs. That’s not a good thing.
8. Houston Rockets
James
Harden has been playing out of his mind, but Houston’s title hopes hinge
largely on whether or not Dwight Howard is back at full strength before the
playoffs.
7. Toronto Raptors
Remember
last year when the Pacers got to the playoffs and suddenly forgot how to
execute basic offensive functions? That’s our prediction for how the Raptors
will look in April.
Legit Title Contenders
6. Portland Trail Blazers
LaMarcus
Aldridge deciding to play through his thumb injury was the turning point of
Portland’s season.
5. Cleveland Cavaliers
We’re
already looking forward to the over analysis of Kevin Love shooting 25% from
the floor in Cleveland’s first round playoff series. We’d bump Cleveland as
high as second if they can add one more useful big man.
4. Memphis Grizzlies
Other
than the Spurs, there isn’t another team in the league whose players understand
their roles and deliver consistently on a nightly basis.
3. Atlanta Hawks
Atlanta
has played beautiful basketball all season long, but too many times we’ve seen
groups like this crumble in a conference finals. We’re not sure if Al Horford
or Jeff Teague are capable of delivering a bucket when it really matters come
playoff time.
2. Chicago Bulls
To
say Chicago’s play has been uneven is being kind, but assuming Joakim Noah can
get to at least 80% effectiveness by April 1, there isn’t a deeper team in the league.
1. Golden State Warriors
If it were medically possible, the Warriors would be
wise to freeze Andrew Bogut in carbonite so he can be healthy in the playoffs.
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