Week 5 NFL Picks

            We’re making an announcement…if we don’t finish above .500 this week, we are retiring from NFL picks this season. No Credentials clearly has no firm grasp of what is going to happen in any of these games, so unless there’s a swift turnaround, we don’t see any reason to try to sucker people into thinking we are making quality picks. Sometimes, you have to know when you don’t have it. With that said, we tried really hard this week (which translates to about 5 minutes of deep thought), and with the momentum from the Packers victory Thursday, could be in line for a break through.

Bears (+2) over PANTHERS

            These two teams are the epitome of the “WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN THE NFL THIS YEAR?” phenomenon. For what it’s worth, the Bears are 2-0 on the road this year.

Browns (+1) over TITANS

            Tennessee should not be favored against anyone in THE NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE. We’re taking Cleveland and the one point out of principle.

EAGLES (-7) over Rams

            Here’s a combination of “Philly is due to pummel someone” and “St. Louis has looked competent for two straight games”.

Falcons (+4.5) over GIANTS

            Folks are overreacting to New York’s two game winning streak. One needs to remember that their wins came against the Texans without Arian Foster and a Washington team whose only claim to fame was destroying Jacksonville. Pump the brakes Giants fans. 

Buccaneers (+10) over SAINTS

            Another principle pick…there’s no way the Saints should be double-digit favorites over anyone. Tampa Bay also has a history of playing the Saints tough, even when New Orleans has been playing well.

Texans (+6.5) over COWBOYS

            We’ve picked against Dallas every week this year, and that’s translated to their first 3-1 start in six years. Since clearly the success of my picks is hopeless, at least we can try to keep the good vibes going with Tony Romo and company.

LIONS (-7) over Bills

            “GOOD GOD, THAT’S KYLE ORTON’S MUSIC!!!”

COLTS (-3.5) over Ravens

            I like Andrew the Giant to drag the Colts over .500 for the first time this year.

Steelers (-6.5) over JAGUARS

            I mean, the Steelers can’t lose to Tampa Bay and Jacksonville back-to-back weeks right?

Cardinals (+8) over BRONCOS

            Our third principle pick…this line is too damn high. One of the fun facts of 2014 is Denver being 0-3 so far against the spread.

49ERS (-5.5) over Chiefs

            I’m sure everyone and their third cousin wants to bang the Chiefs as a road dog after there demolishing of the New England Patriots. We aren’t falling for it.

CHARGERS (-7) over Jets

            Tough spot for Geno and the Jets. This line could be 10 points or higher.

Bengals (-1.5) over PATRIOTS

            The standard thing to do here would be to bet on Tom Brady (as a home dog!) in primetime to bounce back, but logic dictates that New England’s mediocre offense will have a really hard time against a well-rested Bengals squad.

Seahawks (-7.5) over REDSKINS

            Kirk Cousins turned into a pumpkin during the third quarter against the Giants in Week 4.

           

Week 3 = 5-11

Thursday = 1-0

Season = 27-40