2014 Olympic Men's Hockey Tournament Preview

             I’ll be honest…I could give a shit about the Winter Olympics. Other than Bob Costas having weird eye issues, nothing has caught No Credentials attention yet. That all changes tomorrow, as one of the most underrated sporting events on planet Earth begins. We’ll break down what makes the Olympic Men’s Hockey Tournament so awesome.

-         Unlike the basketball tournament in the Summer Olympics, more than three teams actually have a realistic chance of winning. You could make a case for eight of the twelve teams having at least a 1% chance of earning Gold Medals.

-         Every game feels like a Stanley Cup Playoffs game. Hockey players are wired differently than any other professional athlete, so even though they aren’t earning a normal paycheck to play in the Olympics, they compete twice as hard as they do in a regular season game.

-         While there is parity to an extent, the top-tier teams are ridiculously stacked. Canada is always able to roll out four lines full of All-Star caliber players, but Sweden isn’t far behind. Even the United States has finally added some depth with a new wave of young players, led by Chicago’s Patrick Kane.

-         When teammates from NHL teams are split onto different countries, it feels extra intense. Crosby vs. Malkin. Kane vs. Toews. Chara vs. Bergeron. Or when a sniper has the pleasure of trying to score on his NHL goalie. All of those match-ups add to the intrigue.

-         Some of the non-NHL guys are actually pretty damn good, and they are more familiar with the international style rink and rules. This keeps most games close, unlike when the USA basketball team gets to stomp all over Ecuador or something.

With all that said, in reverse order is our rankings of each team in the tournament.   

NORWAY

Goalies = F
Defensemen = F
Forwards = F
            Somehow, Norway has two goalies with “Lars” as their first name. That’s never a good sign.

SLOVENIA

Goalies = D
Defensemen = D
Forwards = D+
            They have Anze Kopitar, and literally nothing else. Furthermore, I have no idea where Slovenia is.

LATVIA

Goalies = D
Defensemen = D+
Forwards = D
            For anyone that ever played the international tournament in the EA Sports hockey games over the past decade, Latvia immediately jumps to the top of teams to root for. The crowd chanted “LATVIA! LATVIA! LATVIA! LAVTIA!” so passionately that it almost made you want to move there (emphasis on “almost”). When I asked friends of the blog Ethan Hedrick and Mike Stevens (the two individuals that I have completed world tournaments with), all they had to say was “LATVIA! LATVIA! LATVIA! LATVIA!” No Credentials is on the Latvia bandwagon.

AUSTRIA

Goalies = D
Defensemen = D
Forwards = C
            I feel like based on their geographic location on planet Earth, Austria should be better at hockey.

SWITZERLAND

Goalies = B+
Defensemen =C
Forwards = C+
            Of teams that have the majority of their roster made up of non-NHL players, Switzerland is regarded as the club with the best chance to make noise.

SLOVAKIA

Goalies = B
Defensemen = B+
Forwards = B-
            It will take a hot streak from Jaroslav Halak and dominant play on the blue-line from Zdeno Chara for Slovakia to snag a top-2 spot in group play over either Russia or the United States.

CZECH REPUBLIC

Goalies = B
Defensemen = B
Forwards = B
            The Czech’s famously robbed Canada of a gold medal in 1998 thanks to the heroics of Dominek Hasek, but the talent of their team has fallen off dramatically over the past decade.

FINLAND

Goalies = A
Defensemen = B-
Forwards = C+
            Tuuka Rask provides the Fins their best goaltending since Mikka Kiprusoff in 2006. They’ll have to keep all of their games low scoring, but if they do, Rask can help them steal a medal.

RUSSIA

Goalies = A-
Defensemen = C+
Forwards = A-
            Russia has the home-ice advantage (which historically is a big deal in this event), but a weak defensive corps could be their undoing.
 

UNITED STATES

Goalies = A
Defensemen = B+
Forwards = A-
            Bringing back the majority of the silver medal-winning group from 2010, Team USA is positioned as one of the favorites for the first time in years. Led by Patrick Kane and Phil Kessel offensively, they’ll need Ryan Miller to repeat his last Olympic performance for them to have a chance.

SWEDEN

Goalies = A
Defensemen = A
Forwards = A-
            Even down one Sedin twin (Henrik is injured and will be unable to play), Sweden still has to be regarded as the co-favorite along with Canada.

 



CANADA

Goalies = A
Defensemen = A
Forwards = A+
            Canada is always the most talented team top to bottom in this tournament (to put it in perspective, Patrice Bergeron is probably going to be their fourth line center), but they have a history of choking in the Olympics (they only won last year for the first time in years because it was on home-soil in Vancouver). They’ll need either Carey Price or Roberto Luongo (the latter of the two famously flopped during the 2010 Olympics) to grab the starting gig by the horns before elimination play and provide stability to their star studded lineup. If that happens, Sidney Crosby and company will take care of the rest.

PREDICTIONS

Bronze = Russia

Silver = Canada
Gold = Sweden

Bruins-Penguins Eastern Conference Finals Preview and Prediction

            We’re busting out the “tale of the tape” method to determine who will win the right to face the Western Conference winner for the Stanley Cup.

 

Forwards

            Both teams are deep, but when you have the star power that Pittsburgh has, it’s no contest. Figuring out how to slow down both the Crosby and Malkin lines will be Boston’s toughest challenge.

Advantage = Penguins

 

Defenseman

            At first glance, you want to say Boston. They have Zdeno Chara, one of the few defenders on Earth that have a chance of slowing down Sidney Crosby, along with a cast of role players that play solid team defense. However, when you look at the other side, you have Kris Letang, arguably the top offensive defenseman in the game. If I were guaranteed that Wade Redden and Andrew Ference would be 100% for this series, it would be advantage Boston. With that not being the case, we’ll call it a draw.

Advantage = Push

Goaltending

            Tuuka Rask isn’t the second coming of Patrick Roy (his Game 4 against New York was so atrocious it had some New Englanders asking if Tim Thomas was available), but Pittsburgh’s goaltending is the Achilles heal of the team. Longtime starter Marc-Andre Fleury was benched after a lackluster performance in round 1 against the Islanders. While Tomas Vokoun has been solid in net since replacing him, one would have to wonder how long of a leash he has if the Bruins light him up in the first few games of the series.

Advantage = Bruins

Special Teams

            Barring a goalie collapse, here’s where the series gets decided. Pittsburgh was the second ranked team on the power play during the regular season, but only five other teams were worse than them at killing penalties. Boston was the fourth best team on the penalty kill, but only four teams were worse than them at scoring power play goals. The Bruins would be best served avoiding the penalty box, as Pittsburgh has already netted 13 power play goals in 11 playoff games. To put things in perspective, Brad Marchand leads the Bruins with 3 power play assists. Pittsburgh has five players who have at least three assists, with the Letang/Malkin/Crosby trio netting 7-6-5. When you trot sharpshooters like Jarome Iginla, James Neal, and Chris Kunitz around the quality of playmakers the Penguins have, it makes for a deadly attack.

Advantage = Penguins

Coaching

            I’m taking Claude “The Vacuum Cleaner Salesman” Julien over any coach not named Mike Babcock in the NHL. I love that guy.

Advantage = Bruins

Home Crowd

            Two great hockey towns here, but if I have to nitpick, I don’t like that all too often the Penguins go with the “white out” and dress all their fans in white t-shirts. That and the stirring rendition of the National Anthem just a day after the Boston Marathon bombing earns the Bruins an uncontested win in this category for the next three years against any city not named Toronto.

Advantage = Bruins

Local Announcers

            Jack Edwards is a fucking idiot, and an embarrassment to the city of Boston.

Advantage = Penguins

Prediction
            Boston is going to beat and batter the Penguins, but there’s just too much talent on the other side. Look for Pittsburgh’s juggernaut power play to be the difference in this series.
 
Penguins in 7 over Bruins

10 Awesome Things That Happened Last Weekend (1/28-1/30)

10. Former American Idol Winner Kris Allen Sings National Anthem at Pro Bowl

            This is on the heals of Fox planting last year’s winner into the halftime show at the Bears-Packers game (note to NFL teams: Don’t hire struggling reality show winners as your halftime entertainment. It’s not good karma). I can appreciate the efforts of Fox trying to raise the profile of these two singers, but at some point they have to realize that the majority of America doesn’t care about them. What’s next, fat Ruben singing before the Daytona 500?

9. “Grey’s Anatomy” Star Patrick Dempsey Finishes 3^rd at Daytona Rolex 24

            I’ve never watched “Grey’s”, and have very little knowledge of a guy who is referred to as “McDreamy” by TV Guide, but it’s not every day you see an actor for a chick-show finish well in one of the most prestigious auto races in the world. This isn’t just some celebrity race. These cars get up to 200 mph. I’m not sure how he finds time for this hobby, but kudos to him.

8. St. John’s Destroys #3 Duke

            You either hate Duke or you love Duke. There is no middle ground. Being in the first group, I was pleased with this result.

            I’ve never understood why St. John’s has struggled for the last 20 years. The college is in New York City, the Mecca of basketball. They play their home games in Madison Square Garden. How do they not get a top-5 recruiting class every single year? It’s never made sense. Now that they have former UCLA coach Steve Lavin (and more importantly, Steve Lavin’s hair. Have you ever seen Lavin’s hair? It should have its own Twitter account), St. John’s should be able to capitalize on their prime location.

7. Djokovic Wins Australian Open

            I know as much about tennis as the Kardashian sisters know about calculus, but I do know that Djokovic is kind of an asshole (which I like in an individual sport). And he has two funny consonants at the beginning of his name. I hope he makes a good run at Wimbledon. 

6. Team Lidstrom Beats Team Staal 11-10 in NHL All-Star Game

            It was an entertaining game, but I had a hard time trying to pick which team to cheer for, or figure out who was on which team. Hopefully next year we can get the Crosby-Ovechkin rivalry at the forefront of this game.

5. Miami Holds Off Thunder

            Sunday’s game between Durant and Lebron was an oddly paced affair. It started as a wide-open game (38-35 at the end of the first quarter) and then ended as a defensive battle. As currently constructed, the Thunder doesn’t have a strong enough post player to take advantage of Miami’s weakness in the paint. Miami finally put its best crunch time lineup on the floor (Lebron at the point, Wade and Mike Miller on the wings, Bosh in the post, and some stiff filling the 5^th spot) in the last 5 minutes that proved to be effective. The “stiff spot” (sounds dirty, but in this case, it isn’t) actually proved to be valuable for Miami, as they are able to use the spot on a bigger guy when needed (Joel Anthony, Big Z), or a 3-point specialist (James Jones, Eddie House’s carcass that somehow hit the go ahead shot on Sunday). Miami is a half-court offense away from being a very dangerous team.

4. Zdeno Chara Shoots a Puck 105.9 mph. During Skills Competition

            For those of you not in the know, that’s really, really hard. Chara looks like these creature that was created by Dr. Frankenstein whose sole purpose is to fire slap shots and crush people. Also, he’s the second person mentioned in this column that has two weird consonants as the first two letters of his name. 

3. O.J. Mayo Claims Energy Drink Caused Failed Drug Test

            No word yet on whether Mayo is also blaming the energy drink for being the reason he’s only averaging 12 points per game. Memphis has some nice pieces in place (Rudy Gay, Zach Randolph, Marc Gasol, Mike Conley), which in my opinion means they should look to move Mayo for draft picks. They’re already using their designated “crazy dude” spot on Randolph.

2. Celtics Defeat Lakers

            What do you get when you have a team with a chip on its shoulder playing a team that doesn’t care until the playoffs? The game we saw yesterday between Boston and the Lakers.

            Apparently there’s major panic going on in Los Angeles over the state of the Lakers. Some callers on sports radio shows have suggested everything from trading Andrew Bynum for Carmelo Anthony, starting Lamar Odom at point guard, and even trading Kobe Bryant. While those are all amusing suggestions, we won’t know what this Lakers team is capable of until we get to April. If Ron Artest can rediscover the desire to play lockdown defense, they will still be the favorites in the Western Conference.

1. NHL Hold’s First Ever Fantasy Draft to Select All-Star Rosters

            This event was five times more interesting than the actual All-Star Game. On paper, watching socially awkward hockey players sitting around in suits waiting to get picked onto a side may not sound like a strong television program, but it was a fascinating watch. The NBA needs to just blatantly copy this for next years game, and maybe if the Pro Bowl squads were picked this way, and the winning side could split $1 million, we’d see an actual football game.