Waiting For the World to End, Volume 2: My Favorite Apocalypses

            In reverse order, I rank what my favorite ways of ending the world would be.

Nuclear Holocaust

            This would be the most embarrassing, as human hands would bring the end of the world.  

Errant Passes By New York Jets’ Quarterbacks

            Is it possible that we could get concussed to death? The plucky trio of Sanchez-Tebow-McElroy would be the ideal candidates to attempt it.

Alien Invasion

            A bunch of spaceships appearing in orbit would be fun for about two minutes, until they started frying us with advanced weaponry. For grins and giggles, here’s a list within the list showing what would be my favorite alien invaders.

5. Martians, “Mars Attacks!”

4.The Galactic Empire, “Star Wars”

3. The aliens from “Independence Day”

2. Xenomorph, “Alien” franchise

1. The Borg, “Star Trek” 

A Kanye-Kardashian Fetus

            Odds are high that this fetus would morph into a black hole, sucking all life into it.

Zombie Outbreak

            Enough people in this country play “Call of Duty”, so maybe we’ll have enough trained citizens to eventually survive a zombie apocalypse.

Justin Bieber/Taylor Swift Duet Album

            All of the anguish over botched relationships by these two dimwits would surely create enough bad vibes to shift a tectonic plate or two.

Sun Going Supernova, Vaporizing the Earth

            No one would survive, but it would be painless. At least, I think it would (nerds correct me if I’m wrong!).

Polar Shift Resulting in an Ice Age

            Couldn’t we all just wear a jacket?
 

If you missed Volume 1, click here.

Waiting For the World to End, Volume 1: Don't Argue About the Apocalypse

            Just a gentle reminder from No Credentials…the world is supposed to explode in a week. Or become infested with zombies. Or be stricken by earthquakes and volcanoes because of a dramatic polar shift. Or something. I could use science to validate why you shouldn’t argue that the Mayans are going to be right, but I have a much simpler reason.

What good is it to argue a point if you won’t get to gloat about it after it’s proven correct?

            Most of the time when you argue about a possible outcome, there’s a chance you either get to celebrate your genius or have to eat crow for your stupidity. In this case, if the world ends, you’ll be dead, and if it doesn’t, you’ll look like a dumbass. At best, you might be one of the few survivors of a zombie apocalypse, but will you really feel like reminding people that you’re right when walkers are trying to bite your ankle? There’s no winning in the debate of whether or not the world will end. It’s the ultimate lose-lose situation.