10. Jaguars Put Up Two Points Against Kansas City As if there was any doubt which club I’m doing my
Madden franchise with this season (I pick the worst team), Jacksonville sealed
the deal with a turd-sandwich in their home debut.
9. Some Guy Named Yusmeiro Petit Almost Throws a Perfect
Game
7. New York Jets Gift-Wrapped Season Opening Victory Over Tampa Bay There wasn’t a more
unimpressive team in Week 1 than the pathetic Tampa Bay Buccaneers, who
ended up with third and 35 on their opening series. Josh Freeman’s days under
center are numbered.
5.Clint Bowyer Intentionally Spins Out, Removing Jeff Gordon and
Ryan Newman From The Chase
(EDITORS NOTE: The following is the paragraph I had written immediately
following the conclusion of Saturday night’s race at Richmond)
I have a confession
to make…I spun out several times in NASCAR Thunder 2000 to bring out cautions.
I don’t feel great about it, but it’s great to come clean, and at least I didn’t cost two guys a spot in the NASCAR playoffs.
That paragraph still
stands, except NASCAR showed some massive balls and penalized Michael Waltrip Racing late Monday night.
The previous link sums up the story pretty well, but I’ll say what it didn’t
say… Michael Waltrip is a cheat, a scoundrel, a scumbag, and a dumbass.
4. Cowboys Win Bizarre Season Opener Against Giants
1. Patriots Get a Push, Still Pull Out Win in Buffalo
New
England’s offense was dynamic when Danny Amendola was on the field,
and mediocre when he was off of it. They’ll be a force if they can ever get him
and Rob Gronkowski healthy at the same time.
As an emerging sports fan in the mid-90s, I wanted to soak in
everything. I knew every pertinent thing you need to know about the NFL, MLB,
NBA, NHL, NASCAR, PGA, PTA, and college sports. I’d re-watch Sportscenter
episodes over in over (remember when they used to do that?), even when all they
had was college basketball highlights. It was virtually 24/7 sports. But alas, I
got older. I started working a retail job in high school, which meant I was
unable to watch college football on Saturday 95% of the time. Then, I started
partying (we start early in New Hampshire). Incredibly despite partying through
the college age years, I was able to hold on to a full-time job. The death nail
to living a 24/7 sports lifestyle? Focusing on supporting a family. Inevitably,
some things had to be cut out. I tried quitting NASCAR in 2008, but the sport
is too engrained in my DNA to get rid of it fully. Baseball has gotten super
boring since they took steroids away, so now I only follow it for fantasy
purposes (it’s amazing how much one can know about baseball without watching a
single inning of it). I’ll read about the major events in tennis and golf, but
no longer commit to watching the final round at Augusta. NFL is still king
(until super-liberals ban it from the United States in 30 years), NBA has
climbed up my rankings (only because the quality of play is so high), but
that’s where it ends. Of all the
leagues I used to follow, college basketball was the easiest to cut out. The
overall quality of play is atrocious, with most games moving at a slower pace
than a Peter Jackson movie. I get that all the kids are “trying hard” because
they haven’t gotten paid yet, but just because they give a shit doesn’t mean
the play is any good. I can’t make time to watch it anymore, which is why this
March will be the most uninformed I’ve ever been for the NCAA tournament.
Here’s the short list of things I know.
The
Big 10 was regarded as the best conference in the country.
Kentucky
isn’t participating.
I hate
Duke.
Gonzaga’s
center is one goofy looking dude. Can’t wait for him to average 3.5 points
and 2 rebounds during his NBA career.
I
still hate Duke.
With that in mind, here’s my prediction for all 63
NCAA tournament match-ups. We’ll start by breaking down each region, and then
making Final 4 picks.
MIDWEST
First Round
#1 Louisville over #16 NC A&T/Liberty
#2 Duke over #15 Albany #3 Michigan St. over #14 Valparaiso The
only memory I have of any of the underdog schools is Valparaiso, and that was
when one of the five Drew brothers hit the following 3-pointer to upset #4 Ole
Miss in 1998.
#4 Saint Louis over #13 New Mexico State
For a solid decade, I’ve picked a college from New Mexico to pull off a
first round upset, and even a few times have put that school in the Elite 8.
Needless to say, that strategy hasn’t worked out.
#12 Oregon over #5 Oklahoma State
Everything I’ve read suggests that Oregon should be at least a single digit
seed, and I usually take two or three #12 seeds to win every year. Sign me up
for the Ducks.
#11 Middle Tennessee State or #11 St.
Marys over #6 Memphis
This marks the first time I’ve ever picked whoever wins a play-in game to
advance to the second round (in case you haven’t noticed, I refuse to call the
play-in games “the first round” and the first round “the second round”, even if
that’s what the NCAA wants to jam down our throats. It’s bad enough they
already fucked up the bracket. I’m not bending on the name of the first and
second rounds). This has more to do with not liking Memphis than having a
strong opinion of either of the #11 seeds.
#10 Cincinnati over #7 Creighton
Creighton is one of the only teams in this entire region that likes to play
fast, so in the spirit of expecting the less desireable outcome to occur, I’m
picking Cincinnati to win. I don’t know if that makes any sense, but whatever.
#8 Colorado State over #9 Missouri
This is an unofficial, non-researched opinion, but I think Colorado State
owns the record for most times being in an 8-9 game in NCAA Tournament history.
Second Round
#1 Louisville over #8 Colorado State
This
will be a cakewalk for Louisville. I didn’t even blink about making this pick.
Remember that when Colorado State hits a game-winning buzzer beater.
#10 Cincinnati over #2 Duke
I
planned on picking against Duke in the Sweet 16, so why not double down and
have losing during the opening weekend? Cincinnati has the defensive ability to
frustrate the Blue Devils. At least that’s what I’ve read.
#3 Michigan State over #11 Middle Tennessee State or #11
St. Mary’s
Even
if you put the best players from both 11 seeds together, I still don’t think
they win this game. Continuing that thought, what would this hybrid team be
called? Middle Mary’s State?
#12 Oregon over #4 Saint Louis
Continuing
the No Credentials tradition of picking two 12 seeds to make the Sweet 16, will
get one team out of the way with our first region. If nothing else, you know
Oregon will wear really gaudy looking uniforms.
Sweet 16
#1 Louisville over #12 Oregon
Here’s
an Adidas school vs. Nike school battle. That has no relevance to anything. I
just wanted to note it.
#3 Michigan St. over #10 Cincinnati
Tom
Izzo isn’t a spectacular coach, but the dude has a habit of getting the most
out of his teams in March.
Elite 8
#1 Louisville over #3 Michigan State
I’m
tempted to take the team from the stronger conference (the Big 10 is loaded
this year), but when you’re uninformed, it’s safe to role with the #1 overall
seed until at least the Final 4.
West
#1 Gonzaga over #16 Southern
#2 Ohio State over #15 Iona Here
are your no brainers out west.
#14 Harvard over #3 New Mexico
At
the time I wrote about New Mexico State earlier in this piece, I had no clue
that New Mexico was a #3 seed. We’ll stick to our guns and keep betting against
New Mexico colleges, and this one gives us the added bonus of getting to cheer
for nerds.
#4 Kansas State over #13 Boise State or #13 La Salle
I
already have gone over my quota for play-in game participants to advance.
#5 Wisconsin over #12 Mississippi
Why
do I feel so confident that Wisconsin is going to win by at least 20 points?
Someone with knowledge please give me a reason.
#11 Belmont over #6 Arizona
Arizona
is only 5-5 in their last 10, and Belmont is notorious for pulling off crazy
shit in the tournament.
#10 Iowa State over #7 Notre Dame
Iowa
State loves to make it rain from downtown. They either win by 25 or lose by 25.
#8 Pittsburgh over #9 Wichita State
I
mentally flipped a coin to choose a winner here.
Second Round
#1 Gonzaga over #8 Pittsburgh
It
was tempting to take Pittsburgh, but Gonzaga should be pretty motivated to make
it to the second weekend during their first ever tournament as a #1 seed.
#2 Ohio State over #10 Iowa State
If
Iowa gets hot, they could completely destroy my bracket. You’ll see why
momentarily.
#5 Wisconsin over #4 Kansas State
Essentially,
I’m assuming that a Big 10 team should beat a Big 12 team. I typed that not
knowing if the Big 12 still exists.
#11 Belmont over #14 Harvard
Folks
in charge of televising the NCAA tournament are praying this match-up doesn’t
happen.
Sweet 16
#5 Wisconsin over #1 Gonzaga
Still
wagering on the quality of the Big 10.
#2 Ohio State over #11 Belmont
Ditto
for this pick.
Elite 8
#2 Ohio State over #5 Wisconsin
I
expect the Buckeyes to win in a rematch of the Big 10 championship game.
South
Round 1
#1 Kansas over #16 Western Kentucky
#2 Georgetown over #15 Florida Gulf Coast #3 Florida over #14 Northwestern State There’s
your shoe-ins, although some experts think Florida Gulf Coast can give
Georgetown a run.
#13 South Dakota State over #4 Michigan
I
don’t like this Michigan team at all. Even if they win, I don’t see them
getting past the Sweet 16.
#5 VCU over #12 Akron
VCU
made the Final Four two years ago. Raise your hand if you remember that
happening.
#11 Minnesota over #6 UCLA
Someone
has to win this battle of two struggling teams.
#7 San Diego State over #10 Oklahoma
It
wasn’t that long ago that Oklahoma was losing scholarships because their head
coach wouldn’t stop texting recruits like a 13-year old girl.
#9 Villanova over #8 North Carolina
This
one hurts to pick (the Tar Heels are the closest thing I have to a favorite
college basketball program), but one can’t deny that the Big East was much
better than the ACC.
Round 2
#9 Villanova over #1 Kansas I
predict one number one team to lose in the second round every year. A third of
the time, I’m right.
#2 Georgetown over #7 San Diego State
Remember
when San Diego State almost joined the Big East? That would’ve been the dumbest
thing I’ve ever heard of in college sports.
#3 Florida over #11 Minnesota
Man,
the Gators got a great opening weekend draw. At least in the opinion of this
uninformed blogger.
#5 VCU over #13 South Dakota State
Another
game CBS would like to do anything in their power to prevent from happening.
Sweet 16
#2 Georgetown over #2 Florida
The
Gators melt like Tony Romo when they are in close games. They won’t run away
from Georgetown.
#5 VCU over #9 Villanova
Picking
a winner of this potential match-up makes me think I really fucked up this
region.
Elite 8
#2 Georgetown over #5 VCU
Even
if I get the rest of the region wrong, Georgetown will still score me some
points if they make it to the Final Four.
East
First Round
#1 Indiana over whichever shitty #16 wins the play-in
game
#2 Miami over #15 Pacific #3 Marquette over #14 Davidson #4 Syracuse over #13 Montana Talk
about a top-heavy region. Syracuse as a #4 is ridiculous.
#12 California over #5 UNLV This
game is being played roughly an hour south of California’s campus. That’s
really fair.
#6 Butler over #11 Bucknell
You
don’t bet against Butler. Not until the next round anyway.
#10 Colorado over #7 Illinois
Some
guy who works for ESPN said Illinois is overrated. I sure hope he’s right.
#8 N.C. State over #9 Temple
This
game should be renamed “the Earn the Right to Get Slaughtered by Indiana” game.
Second Round
#1 Indiana over #8 N.C. State #2 Miami over #10 Colorado #3 Marquette over #6 Butler #4 Syracuse over #12 California I’ll
rename this the chalk region.
Sweet 16
#1 Indiana over #4 Syracuse
#2 Miami over #3 Marquette Still
rolling with chalk.
Elite 8
#1 Indiana over #2 Miami
I’m
either really sure of myself or really lazy because I’ve already typed 8,000
words.
Final Four
#1 Indiana over #2 Georgetown #2 Ohio State over #1 Louisville I
think I just picked two Big 10 schools over two Big East schools, but I don’t
actually know what teams are in what conference anymore.
National Championship
#1 Indiana over #2 Ohio State
Tom
Crean has a link to the Harbaugh brothers (I think he’s married to a Harbaugh
sister or something), so we’ll ride the Harbaugh wave through the NCAA
tournament.
If you haven’t already, sign up for the No Credentials
March Madness group on Yahoo. It doesn’t cost anything, and there’s a really
good chance you won’t finish last. The league ID # is 35068. There is no
password required.
9. Kyle Busch Holds Off Kyle Larson For Bristol
Nationwide Series Win
It’s
been a rough start to 2013 for Larson (he only almost flipped into the
main grandstands at Daytona), so it was good to see the nineteen year-old run a
clean race and come up just short of his first Nationwide win.
8. This Week’s Episode of “The Walking Dead” Was
Significantly Better Than Last Weeks
I’ll grant you that it wasn’t hard to top last
week’s show (which other than the water zombie episode in season 2, was
probably the worst in the history of the show), but the chase scene between
Andrea and the Governor was moderately riveting. It’s a shame that they both
didn’t get eaten by zombies.
You heard it here first…it ends tonight. Well, as long as
Garnett plays.
5. Kentucky Doesn’t Make the NCAA Tournament Avid readers of this
blog (all 13 of you) may recall that I occasionally celebrate the shortcomings of certain college
coaches. In no particular order, here’s the list of coaches
that are candidates for such a mention in the weekly top 10.
3. Ole Miss Solidifies Tournament Bid With Win Over Florida I hadn’t thought
about Ole Miss as an institution since Eli Manning was there, so we’ll tip our cap to the Rebels for a job well
done.
