Week 2 NFL Picks

            Short disclaimer before we get to the Week 2 picks…my picks last week were awful. Horrendous. Worse than Jimmy Carter’s performance in the White House. Let’s just look at some of the simple things I attempted to bet against in Week 1.

-         I forgot about my rule to bet against teams that spend a bunch of time in jail, hence the reason for not picking the Rams to cover.

-         I forgot that picking a quarterback making his first start against Tom Brady was a bad idea.

-         I forgot that you should never bet against Peyton Manning at night.

-         I forgot that I picked the Saints to be a mediocre team in the pre-season when I said that they’d blow out the Redskins. It’s like I was hit in the head between writing my NFC South preview and my Week 1 picks.

-         I forgot that you should never, EVER, bet against a team honoring a dead owner. I considered retiring from football picks all together after picking the Bengals to keep it close against Baltimore.

            Have faith that I’ve pledged to buckle down and make a comeback in Week 2. My goal is to be at .500 going into Week 3.

 

Tampa Bay Buccaneers @ New York Giants

Sunday, 1:00pm, FOX, O/U 44
            New York is getting Prince Amukamara back, which should substantially improve the Giants pass defense. I’ll guess that eleven days will be enough time for the Giants to be sufficiently motivated after their sloppy performance against Dallas

GIANTS (-7) over Buccaneers

 

Arizona Cardinals @ New England Patriots

Sunday, 1:00pm, FOX, O/U 48.5
            Arizona, playing on the east coast, with Kevin Kolb at quarterback, at 1:00pm (10:00am Pacific time). If you do a two or three-team teaser that doesn’t involve the Patriots, you’re a dumbass.

PATRIOTS (-14) over Cardinals

 

Minnesota Vikings @ Indianapolis Colts

Sunday, 1:00pm, FOX, O/U 44.5
            Blaine Gabbert looked competent against the Vikings, so this looks like the perfect recipe for an Andrew Luck breakout performance.

COLTS (+2) over Vikings

New Orleans Saints @ Carolina Panthers

Sunday, 1:00pm, FOX, O/U 51.5
            New Orleans is a mess. Even though Carolina looked terrible last week, at least they don’t have an interim interim coach.

PANTHERS (+2.5) over Saints

Kansas City Chiefs @ Buffalo Bills

Sunday, 1:00pm, CBS, O/U 45
            This match-up has the feel of an elimination game. Hard to believe that Ryan Fitzpatrick or Matt Cassel could lead their clubs out of 0-2 holes. I’m not bailing on the Bills yet, so I’ll lose with them for one more week.

BILLS (-3) over Chiefs

 

Baltimore Ravens @ Philadelphia Eagles

Sunday, 1:00pm, CBS, O/U 46.5
            For my money, the hardest game to predict this week. Philadelphia was the worst looking Week 1 winner, but typically plays up (or down) to the level of their competition. Baltimore was fantastic, but Joe Flacco has been prone to laying crap sandwiches in road games. I guess when all else fails, take the points.

Ravens (+2) over EAGLES

 

Oakland Raiders @ Miami Dolphins

Sunday, 1:00pm, CBS, O/U 39.5
            Miami is horrible enough that even playing in the late Monday night game and then traveling across the country to play at 1 won’t sway me from taking the Raiders.

Raiders (-2.5) over DOLPHINS

 

Cleveland Browns @ Cincinnati Bengals

Sunday, 1:00pm, CBS, O/U 39
            Brandon Weeden bombed more than “Battleship” did at the box office. He should not ever be less than a 10-point underdog.

BENGALS (-7) over Browns

Top-5 Pick of the Week
 

Houston Texans @ Jacksonville Jaguars

Sunday, 1:00pm, CBS, O/U 41
            Houston is one of the five best teams in the league. Jacksonville is one of the five worst. I’ll tip my cap to Blaine Gabbert if he pulls a second straight last-minute cover out of his ass.

Texans (-7) over JAGUARS

Top-5 Pick of the Week
 

Dallas Cowboys @ Seattle Seahawks

Sunday, 4:00pm, FOX, O/U 42.5
            About the only thing I was right about last week was Russell Wilson sucking. I’ll stand by that this week.

Cowboys (-3) over SEAHAWKS

Top-5 Pick of the Week
 

Washington Redskins @ St. Louis Rams

Sunday, 4:00pm, FOX, O/U 44
            Lets see how Robert Griffin III looks against a team that actually has coaching.

RAMS (+3.5) over Redskins

 

New York Jets @ Pittsburgh Steelers

Sunday, 4:30pm, CBS, O/U 41.5
            This isn’t a game you want to go into without Darrelle Revis if you are the Jets. Expect big games from Mike Wallace and Antonio Brown.

STEELERS (-5.5) over Jets

Top-5 Pick of the Week
 

Tennessee Titans @ San Diego Chargers

Sunday, 4:30pm, CBS, O/U 43
            I think my combined record in picking games involving the Chargers and Titans over the past two years is 5-27. I’ll begrudgingly take the home team, only because Chris Johnson looks like a guy who’s really happy about his paycheck.

CHARGERS (-6.5) over Titans
 

Detroit Lions @ San Francisco 49ers

Sunday, 8:30pm, NBC, O/U 46
            Detroit is essentially a lesser version of the Green Bay Packers. San Francisco just won in Lambeau last week. I rest my case.

49ERS (-7) over Lions

Top-5 Pick of the Week

Denver Broncos @ Atlanta Falcons

Monday, 8:30pm, ESPN, O/U 51.5
            Kudos to the NFL for scheduling Peyton Manning two straight weeks in primetime. I’m going to bet against him a second straight week because I love losing.

FALCONS (-3) over Broncos

Week 1 Picks = 3-13 (YIKES!)

Thursday Pick = 0-1 (sigh…)

 

            This might be the last picks column you ever read if I throw up another 3-13 week.