10 Awesome Things That Happened This Past Weekend (11/16-11/18)

10. Toronto Blue Jays Ink Melky Cabrera to a $16 Million Deal
            Because you know, when you get the chance to sign an admitted juicer who will probably hit .260 now that he’s clean, you have to do it. Kudos to Toronto though for going bonkers and spending a bunch of cash this off-season. 

9. Ricky Stenhouse Jr. Wins Second Straight Nationwide Series Championship

            It sucks to lose Matt Kenseth, but Jack Roush couldn’t ask for a better replacement than Stenhouse. In four years, we could be talking about him as the next Brad Keselowski.

8. GSP Returns

            It wasn’t Georges St-Pierre’s most impressive performance, but at least the potential super-fight with Anderson Silva is still a possibility.

7. Houston Texans Win 43-37 Shoot-Out Over Jacksonville

            A suprisingly entertaining game who’s boxscore looks like it was produced by two junior high kids playing Madden. For Jagaurs fans, at least they could see that Justin Blackmon can play when he has someone other than Blaine Gabbert throwing him the ball.

6. Ravens Win a Slugfest in Pittsburgh

            It wasn’t pretty, but thanks to Jacoby Jones punt return, Baltimore has a two game cushion in the AFC North.

5. Patriots Put Up 59 Points

            Throwing some water on the Andrew Luck Love-Fest was a welcome event for Patriots’ fans, but unfortunately they paid a price for it. Rob Gronkowski had surgery today on his broken forearm.
          
4. #2 Oregon Loses in Overtime to Stanford
3. #1 Kansas State Pummeled by Baylor
            What did these two shocking upsets result in? That’s right, another event that proves the Mayans could be right about the world exploding next month…Notre Dame is the #1 team in the country.

2. Dallas Cowboys Rally, Defeat Cleveland in Overtime, Keep No Credentials Alive in the Sportsbook.com $100K Survivor Pool

            I’m glad I was working during this game, because I’m pretty sure I would’ve had a minor cardiac event if I was able to follow it live. Thankfully, I won’t be able to pick them the rest of the season.

1. Brad Keselowski Wins the 2012 Sprint Cup, Then Gets Wasted

            Keselowski is the first Sprint/Winston Cup Champion who’s post-race celebration included chugging Miller Lite out of a 128-ounce glass while being interviewed on Sportscenter.

 

10 Awesome Things That Happened This Weekend

10. Matt Hasselback Rallies Seahawks to 35-34 Win Over Buffalo
            (EDITORS NOTE: The author of this post may or may not have had the Bills in a parlay yesterday. Reader discretion is advised)

            I can’t possibly express my anger at the Buffalo Bills in a logical, well-thought paragraph, so let’s go to bullet points.

-         Buffalo allowed Chris Johnson, a man who has spent the last two years murdering fantasy teams, to run for 195 yards and two touchdowns.

-         Ryan Fitzpatrick threw the worst interception of the 2012 season. Even Tony Romo watched the highlight of the pick and said, “Man, that was a shitty throw.”

-         After the Fitzpatrick interception, Matt Hasselback, who’s been washed up for five years, marched down the field in the final minutes, miraculously throwing a touchdown on fourth and eleven to Nate Washington.

-         I have nothing against bald people, but it feels even worse to have my perfect parlay ruined by a bald person. It feels like Larry David got the best of me or something.

-         Coming into the game, Tennessee had the worst point differential in the league, and had been blown out every time they played on the road.

-         If I ever consider wagering on the Bills again, I’ll instead save some time and light my money on fire.

9. Fever Win First WNBA Title

            I’ll give $10 worth of Monopoly money to the first person who can tell me what city the Fever are based out of without clicking this link.

8. Down 2-Laps, Ricky Stenhouse Rallies For Remarkable Nationwide Series Win

            The Nationwide Series doesn’t make it into this space much during the NFL season, but Stenhouse’s season saving rally is worthy of the cut. Also, Kyle Busch ran out of gas in the last turn, which makes everyone happy.

7. Red Sox Hire Former Pitching Coach John Farrell as New Manager

            It’s not everyday a shortstop gets flipped for a manager, but I have feeling the loss of Mike Aviles will be worth acquiring Farrell. If anyone has a chance of turning around Boston’s pitching staff, it’s him.

6. Houston Texans Destroy Ravens

            I don’t think this game was about Baltimore missing Ray Lewis as it was Houston being really pissed off after getting blown out by the Packers. The Texans have reestablished themselves as the best team in the AFC.

5. Drew Brees Tosses Four First-Half Touchdowns

            The Saints needed every one of Brees’ touchdowns, as their anemic defense surrendered 510 yards of total offense to Tampa Bay. Don’t look now, but the bounty-gate Saints are on a two-game winning streak.

4. Matt Kenseth Survives Another Crash Fest, Wins at Kansas
            Kenseth didn’t have to dodge a 25-car pileup like he did to win at Talladega, but Kansas bit the same number of drivers in 14 separate incidents. Incredibly, the race didn’t impact the Chase standings much thanks to an incredible repair job by Jimmie Johnson’s crew. After Johnson wins this Sunday at Martinsville and takes the Chase lead, we’ll remember Kansas as the turning point for his championship run.

3. San Francisco Giants Force Game 7
            San Francisco is doing its best impersonation of the St. Louis Cardinals doing everything they can to stay alive. The Giants are sending the better pitcher to the hill tonight, so that means you should probably put your money on the Cardinals. 

2. Patriots Attempt To Choke Again, Still Beat Jets

            New England heroically attempted to pull a Cowboys and blow this game at home, but unfortunately for Jets fans, were not able to execute.

1. RGIII and Eli Exchange Last-Minute Touchdown Passes, Giants Win

            Even without Pierre Garcon and Fred Davis, Robert Griffin III still nearly pulled off the upset with a late touchdown toss to Santana Moss. Unfortunately, he left a little too much time for Eli.