Is Rick Santorum an Artificial Life-Form Controlled By Obama?

            The longer Rick Santorum drags out his hopeless bid to become President of the United States, the more I suspect that he is an android being controlled by Obama. Let’s think of the two things Santorum has accomplished these past few months.

-         He’s dragged the battle for the Republican nomination into the spring, which wasn’t a bad thing for Democrats in 2008 (it was clear that Obama or Hillary Clinton were going to be elected president against whoever the Republicans dragged out for slaughter), but in a year where Mitt Romney needs as much time as possible to focus his campaign solely on Obama, Santorum has undermined him.

-         He’s destroyed any faith ultra conservative voters might have in Romney by appealing to them more, which in turn, persuades any folks on the fence to question him (remember, the ultra-conservative folks will vote red come November even if Romney dresses like Richard Simmons at the Republican Convention, but it’s the undecided voters that will question a guy who couldn’t trounce a lunatic in the Republican primary come November).

            Bullet point  #2 is the most important. It is almost like Santorum is a talking doll programmed to say certain things on command. Perhaps when Obama is on his treadmill in the morning, he hits a button that leads to Santorum rattle on about how much he hates gay marriage for the 6,482,192nd time. When he’s eating lunch, Obama hits the “blast contraceptives” button. During dessert six days ago, Obama hit a button that somehow made this come out of Santorum’s mouth.

“You win by giving people the opportunity to see a different vision for our country, not someone who’s going to be just a little different from the person in there. If you’re going to be a little different, we might as well stay with what we have instead of taking a risk with what maybe be the Etch-A-Sketch candidate of the future.”

            To summarize that statement, Tricky Rick essentially said Americans could be better off sticking with Obama than rolling with Romney. Santorum probably won’t be heard from ever again after the Republican primary finally ends (he’s burned a few bridges, and more importantly, he’s fucking crazy), but assuming Obama is re-elected to a second term, he should be honored as the MVP of Obama’s campaign.