More Appropriate Names for Hurricane Irene

            I don’t know about all of you, but I can’t read enough about Hurricane Irene. Weather Channel meteorologist Jim Cantore hasn’t been this excited since Kate Winslet took her top off in “Titanic”, and quite frankly, neither am I (quick tangent here…VH1 has aired “Titanic seven times in the last week. Do you realize that with commercials, this movie takes four and a half hours to air on cable? It was on from 9 pm to 1:30 am last Saturday. My fiancée has watched parts of it three different times to try to catch the whole thing. When a movie takes that long to air, it’s probably wise to keep it on pay-cable so that way the television in the Muir house can be on more important things, like sports). Part of me wonders if Irene is pissed off because it doesn’t have a very menacing name. Irene should be the name of your local librarian or dental hygienist, not a category three hurricane bearing down on the northeast. Perhaps we have “A Boy Named Sue” situation on our hands.
            With that in mind, I’ve decided to list a series of things we should rename Hurricane Irene. If this storm is going to be as badass as experts are predicting, than it should be given a more memorable moniker. I’ll put the names in several different categories.

Super-Villains

Hurricane Bane

Hurricane Luthor
Hurricane Kardashian (they all count as super villains in my book)
Hurricane Bowser
Hurricane Favre
Hurricane Drago
Hurricane Stuffed-Crust Pizza (my digestive system nominated this one)
Hurricane Lebron
Hurricane Snooki (earns this status thanks to her shenanigans during Season 4)
Hurricane Voldemort
Hurricane Shredder
Hurricane Newman
Hurricane Borg
Hurricane Hannibal
Hurricane Beck

Deceased Actors/Musicians/Celebrities

Hurricane Dio

Hurricane Ledger
Hurricane Michael Jackson (the King of Pop deserves his full name on a hurricane)
Hurricane Hendrix
Hurricane Dean
Hurricane Monroe
Hurricane John Wayne (another worthy of a full name)
Hurricane Farley
Hurricane Macho Man

Corporations That Went Bankrupt

Hurricane Borders

Hurricane Sears
Hurricane Enron
Hurricane Blockbuster (I think we have our clubhouse favorite)
Hurricane Chrysler

Chuck Norris

Hurricane Chuck Norris (new clubhouse favorite)

Infamous Individuals

Hurricane Manson

Hurricane O.J.
Hurricane Casey Anthony (having a monster hurricane named after her would give women everywhere even more reason to hate her).
Hurricane Bundy
Hurricane Nixon

Porn Legends

Hurricane Diggler

Hurricane Jameson
Hurricane Pam and Tommy (No Cred determined that we can’t split them)

Iconic Movie Characters

Hurricane Spicoli

Hurricane Yoda
Hurricane Montana
Hurricane Rainman
Hurricane Dirty Harry
Hurricane Wooderson
Hurricane Cameron Powe (maybe “Con-Air” isn’t iconic to the masses, but it is in my book)
Hurricane Maverick
Hurricane Ripley
Hurricane Rocky

            All kidding aside, this storm looks like it’s going to be a big deal. Stay safe everyone.