10 Awesome Things That Happened This Past Weekend (4/27-4/29)

10. Nike Shoe Designer Mocks Derrick Rose on Twitter
            This story wouldn’t have been a big deal if it weren’t for the fact that Jason Petrie happens to be the man who designed Lebron Jame’s signature sneakers. Petrie should’ve used his head and realized that trying to play 66 games in 120 days had much more to do with Rose breaking down than what brand of shoes he was wearing.

9. Redskins Draft Kirk Cousins in Fourth Round

            I’d be totally cool with Washington taking a flier on Cousins (it’s not a bad investment to draft a quarterback late and turn it into future draft picks via trade. Think of what the Patriots did with Matt Cassel as a prime example). The problem is they already gave up three draft picks (including their next two first-rounders) on their presumed quarterback of the future, Robert Griffin III. Shouldn’t a team that isn’t all that great be focusing on adding as many parts as possible around Griffin instead of taking a guy that they might be able to trade in three years? This serves as another reminder that the best part of being a Dallas Cowboys fan is having the Redskins in your division.

8. Cowboys First Round Pick Morris Claiborne Claims He Blew Off Wonderlic Test

            Reportedly his score on the Wonderlic was a 4, so claiming he didn’t give a damn about it was a wise move by the Cowboys’ prized new cornerback.

7. Water Bottle Takes Victory Away From Tony Stewart, Gives it to Kyle Busch

            NASCAR is claiming that there was sheet metal on the track, but Tony Stewart will go to his grave blaming an empty water bottle for taking a sure victory away from him Saturday night. Saturday’s win capped a huge weekend for Kyle Busch, who’s brother Kurt delivered his Nationwide team it’s first victory.

6. Josh Smith Dominates KG, Rondo Earns a Suspension

            For a team that appeared to have a clear path to the Eastern Conference Finals set-up by the Derrick Rose injury, Boston had about as bad a Game 1 as they could’ve had. They’ll need a huge game from Paul Pierce in Game 2 to even the series.

5. Kings Steal Game 1 in St. Louis

            L.A. already took down Vancouver, so the Blues should be a piece of cake right? If Jonathan Quick keeps standing tall, this series will be a short one.

4. Howard-less Magic Score 11 Unanswered Points, Steal Game 1 in Indiana

            What an embarrassing loss for Indiana. No Credentials predicted that Game 1 is the one time Indiana will let its guard down against an undermanned Magic squad, and was handsomely rewarded for a hefty wager on the Pacers in Game 2.

3. Heat Annihilate Knicks

            I’ll make a long story short and come out with the truth…I bet a shit-ton of money on the Heat laying 7.5 points. They won by 33. Good times for No Credentials.

2. Danny Briere Scores “Twice” in Overtime, Flyers Take Game 1

            Briere kicked a puck into the net early in overtime (which was quickly overturned), but made up for it with a well-placed wrist shot. New Jersey was the dominant team in the first period, but ran out of steam the rest of the way.

1. Durant’s Clutch Jumper Gives Thunder Game 1 Win

            It wasn’t the most graceful looking shot, but two points is two points.             

Bonus 1. Grizzlies Pull Epic Choke, Lose to Clippers

            I never claim to be an expert on anything (except how to build a team in Madden’s Franchise mode), but I’m pretty sure that when you are up by 27 points, you’re supposed to win the game. Things would look better for the Clippers if Caron Butler hadn’t of broken his hand.

           

                                                                                                          

NBA Playoffs 1st Round Predictions

Kept this post short because I really want to play Mario 2 (sorry guys, I have my priorities). That and there won't be any drama in the NBA until Round 2. To put it in perspective, I made a 5-team series parlay today that I would be shocked if it failed.

#1 Chicago Bulls vs. #8 Philadelphia 76ers
            Derrick Rose missed roughly 40% of the games this season, and yet the Bulls still finished with the best record in the East. I’m not sure how they will hold up going forward, but this series will be a walk in the park.

Bulls over 76ers 4-0

#2 Miami Heat vs. #7 New York Knicks

            I’ll give New York one emotional victory in MSG, and that’s about it.

Heat over Knicks 4-1

#3 Indiana Pacers vs. #6 Orlando Magic

            Unless Orlando puts in a historic 3-point performance in this series, they don’t have a chance without Dwight Howard.

Pacers over Magic 4-2

#4 Boston Celtics vs. #5 Atlanta Hawks

            Doesn’t it seem like 40 years ago when the #8 seed Hawks were pushing the 2008 Celtics to a seven-game series in the first round? This series would be much more compelling if a healthy Al Horford was available for Atlanta.

Celtics over Hawks 4-2

#1 San Antonio Spurs vs. #8 Utah Jazz

            Utah has made a nice return to relevance this season (their first full season since the early-80s without Jerry Sloan on the bench), but this Spurs team is too deep. Guys like Gary Neal and Tiago Splitter will be the difference in this series.

Spurs over Jazz 4-2

#2 Oklahoma City Thunder vs. #7 Dallas Mavericks

            Dirk Nowitzki will have to go bonkers for Dallas to have any chance of even winning two games in this series. Oklahoma City has its flaws, but they should blow the doors off the Mavericks.

Thunder over Mavericks 4-0

#3 Los Angeles Lakers vs. #6 Denver Nuggets

            This series is more compelling with the absence of Ron Artest (sorry Ron, can’t call you Metta World Peace after you almost ripped James Harden head off last week), the Gasol/Bynum tandem will be more than enough to push the Lakers into round 2 without their psychotic small forward.

Lakers over Nuggets 4-2

#4 Memphis Grizzlies vs. #5 Los Angeles Clippers

            The Grizzlies are a bunch of scary dudes. L.A. is a swingman short in this series.

Grizzlies over Clippers 4-1

Classic NASCAR Crash of the Week - Richmond

     For anyone that was on the "Dale Earnhardt was a dirty driver" bandwagon, this following crash paired with his dumping of Terry Labonte at Bristol are exhibit's A and B.



Stanley Cup Playoffs Second Round Picks

            NBC must’ve vomited when they saw the western conference match-ups take shape.

#1 New York Rangers vs. #7 Washington Capitals

           New York struggled in surviving their first round series with Ottawa. Washington played way over their heads against the Bruins. No Credentials is predicting a market correction in this match-up.

Rangers over Capitals 4-2

#5 Philadelphia Flyers vs. #6 New Jersey Devils

            The Devils do not have the defensive fortitude to slow down the Flyers juggernaut of an offense. Of all the series, this one should be the most lopsided (you know what that means folks. Get your money on the Devils right now).

Flyers over Devils 4-0

#3 Phoenix Coyotes vs. #4 Nashville Predators

            Now that the Bruins are out, I plan on spending the rest of the playoffs picking against Mike Smith and the Coyotes until they hoist the Stanley Cup.

Predators over Coyotes 4-2

#2 St. Louis Blues vs. #8 Los Angeles Kings

            This will be the lowest scoring series of the second round. St. Louis has more depth, but I like Jonathon Quick a smidge more than the Elliott/Halak tandem. I won’t be betting on this series.

Kings over Blues 4-3

Bobby Valentine - "I'm Keeping the Seat Warm for Francona"

Chicago, IL (AP) – Bobby Valentine dropped a bombshell before Thursday’s game with the White Sox, revealing that Boston hired him as a ploy to return the fan’s faith in former manager Terry Francona.

            “John Henry thought it would take until June for Red Sox Nation to begin chanting for Terry,” says Valentine, “Needless to say, I’ve exceeded his expectations.”
            Executives in the Red Sox front office never wanted to fire Francona after last season, but according to Valentine, knew Red Sox Nation would not be happy if they didn’t make a change after their disastrous performance in September.
           “The folks running this team know Boston fans have the I.Q. of an infant squirrel,” a relaxed Valentine said while leaning back in his chair, “So by hiring a dummy like me to run the team, Red Sox Nation would immediately forget about one of the worst September collapses in baseball history.” Valentine went on to rant about how he doesn’t fit in with the Red Sox.
            “You know I like to do things like lay on tanning beds, or lay out in the sun, or you know, any activity that makes my skin more orange. During the first day of Spring Training, Pedroia asked if I wanted to play a game of cribbage. Cribbage! My Nana played cribbage. I don’t belong in a place where I have to play board games with people.”
            Valentine didn’t say whether or not ESPN was in on the scheme, but did say that if Francona were rehired, it would be very likely that he would return to television.

10 Awesome Things That Happened This Past Weekend (4/20-4/22)

10. Fenway Turns 100, Red Sox Celebrate With Epic Implosion
            Boston’s play was so awful against New York that God did them a favor and dumped rain Sunday night, canceling an inevitable Yankee sweep. No Credentials’ news department is working on a story about Bobby Valentine, so stay tuned…

9. Dwyane Wade Bans Girlfriend From Courtside Side Seats

            A stupid story for sure, but the headline is funny enough. In related news, I’ve banned my wife from ever attending my local open gym so my jumpers don’t become even more erratic than they already are.

8. Lakers Defeat Oklahoma City in Double-Overtime Slugfest

            Overshadowing Kobe Bryant’s heroics was the violent elbow to the head Metta World Peace delivered to James Harden. I’m still trying to figure out how World Peace can call it an accident. I’ll give a fake prize to the first reader who can come up with another time someone celebrated a great play by swinging his or her elbow back at full force.

7. Denny Hamlin Steals Win From Martin Truex Jr. at Kansas

            Truex dominated most of the afternoon, but when the sun finally peaked through on a miserable cold day, Hamlin came to life and stole the trophy. That’s two wins for No Credentials pre-season championship pick.

6. Kings Knock Out Canucks

5. Predators Eliminate Red Wings
            The folks at NBC won’t like two of the most popular teams getting eliminated in the first round, but it’s great to see two teams with little to no recent success come up with a first round win. Both Los Angeles (behind Jonathan Quick) and Nashville (behind Pekka Rinne) are great examples of how far a goalie can take you.

4. Jon Jones Manhandles Rashad Evans

            Even on an off night, Jones was still in command of Evans for the entire match.

3. Real Madrid Stuns Barcelona

            Being not much of a futbol guy, I always had assumed that Cristiano Ronaldo was an over-rated pretty boy. His game-winning goal Saturday proves otherwise.

2. White Sox Pitcher Philip Humber Throws Perfect Game

            I don’t mean to piss on Mr. Humber’s fire, but shouldn’t this feat get an asterisk because he did it against the Mariners?

1. Tyler Seguin Lifts Bruins to Game 7

            It took six games, but Boston’s young phenom finally made a difference with the game-winning goal Sunday. Seguin and the rest of the big guns on Boston had been quiet all series. If they fire on all cylinders Wednesday, the Bruins will move on to round 2.

           

                                                                                                          

Classic NASCAR Crash of the Week - Kansas

Not a lot to pick from, so we'll play it safe and play a video of NASCAR's most hated driver slamming into the wall.



Bruins-Capitals Game 4 Running Diary

7:35: We’re coming to you live from No Credentials Headquarters! We’re going to miss most of the first period because my son is still awake, and if he sees the computer on he immediately starts screaming for YouTube videos.

7:36: The Bald Asshole (aka Pierre McGuire) is interviewing John Carlson. Unfortunately, Carlson didn’t punch The Bald Asshole in the face.

7:40: NBCSN must be really struggling if they are devoting ad time to qualifying for the U.S. Men’s Wrestling team.

7:40: Capitals win the opening face-off. They’ve been dominating face-offs all series long.

7:41: Sloppy turnover by Capitals in first minute of game on their own end. Fortunate to survive that one.

7:41: Not as fortunate…the Bruins. An Ovechkin collision creates a 2 on 1 for Brooks Laich and Marcus Johansson. 1-0 Capitals.

7:43: Good time to mention that Washington is without their second best offensive player tonight, Niklas Backstrom, due to a really poor decision by the NHL to suspend him for a game.

7:44: I already wish that I were watching a Flyers-Penguins game instead. The score would already be 3-2.

7:46: If Boston was getting production out of any of their big guns (Lucic, Seguin, Krejci, Bergeron), they’d be going for the sweep tonight. I type this after a sloppy off-side by Bergeron and Lucic.

7:48: Bomb by Chara leads to a rebound, but Bruins can’t convert. Having someone more mobile than Ilya Bryzgalov in goal helped Washington.

7:49: Real encouraging play by Tyler Seguin. Made a nifty pass to Krejci, but unfortunately he overstated the puck. Bruins are out-shooting Washington 8-1 to start the game.

8:13: All right my kid’s in bed, and apparently I missed Rich Peverley’s goal. In the time I spent away from the game, I did decide that Doc Emerick is my favorite sports announcer. Also, in my next life, I’ve decided I want to come back as a Canadian hockey coach.

8:15: Rich Peverley just slashed a Capital and snapped his stick in half. Washington will end the first period on a power play.

8:16: Washington can’t even get the puck passed the blue-line with an extra guy on the ice.

8:20: Bruins have a 14-3 shot advantage, but yet the score is tied 1-1.

8:21: During the intermission, I’m going to try to think of as many events as possible I’d like to have Doc Emerick lend his voice to.

Football

Basketball
Baseball
Auto Racing
Curling
Fencing
Porno
Bowling
Mystery Science Theater 3000
A Kid’s Television Show
Westminster Dog Show
Track and Field
Horse Racing (an obvious one, thanks to the NBC Sports Network for airing a Kentucky Derby commercial)

8:23: I’m interrupting the list to talk about the NBC intermission crew. Mike Milbury and the guy on the left (sorry, don’t know his name) have been on TV every day since the playoffs start, and it looks like they’ll be on everyday of the playoffs. I don’t mind the guy on the left, but I think I’m three days away from reaching my Mike Milbury tolerance level.

8:30: Just incase you wanted confirmation that Milbury is an idiot, check out his Wikipedia page. Signing Rick DiPietro to a 15-year contract should earn Milbury a lifetime ban from ever being a GM for a NHL team.

8:46: Took an extended break to rotate laundry and clean up the bathtub. Came back to hear The Bald Asshole compare Braden Holtby to Ken Dryden. Someone get Pierre some cold water.

8:50: Holtby is on pace to face 50 shots tonight in regulation. I’ll give The Bald Asshole a little more credit for his Dryden comparison.

8:53: Tim Thomas just stones Ovechkin on a wrist shot from the slot. Thomas hasn’t been tested much, but he’s been rock solid (you can’t blame the Capitals goal on him).

8:53: Benoit Pouiliot just roofed one over Holtby, which was followed by the Capitals roofing one over Tim Thomas. Still 1-1.

8:55: Boston now out-shooting Washington 26-8. If the Capitals win, Braden Holtby should be the first, second, and third star of the game.

8:56: Johnny Boychuck hooks Troy Brower (the most impressive no-name Capital in this series). Washington gets a power play at the half way point of the second period.

8:57: I’m not sure how Dennis Wideman didn’t score. Net was wide open, and Wideman just blew it. Boston is lucky to still be tied.

8:58: Ovechkin just shanks another sure goal opportunity. Good grief.

9:01: Brad Marchand received a gorgeous one-time pass from Rich Peverley, except Marchand didn’t one-time it. Instead, an easy save for Holtby. I’m not a hockey expert (or for that matter, an anything expert), but Boston’s scorers look like they are over-thinking it a little bit.

9:02: The Bald Asshole is interviewing The Vacuum Cleaner Salesman, Claude Julien. No Credentials loves that guy.

9:06: Wild action on both ends resulted in near scoring chances for both teams. Capitals have come to life in the second period offensively.

9:07: Just saw on ESPN.com that Curtis Granderson hit 3 dingers in the first four innings tonight. Yikes.

9:08: I want to see the video of Ovechkin falling over the bench five more times.

9:12: My wife just asked when the All-Star Game is. Needless to say, she doesn’t follow hockey much. She did take the time to announce that Zdeno Chara is her favorite hockey player. “He’s like a big monkey on the ice.”

9:14: Killer Bergeron penalty leads to a power play goal by Alexander Semin. Semin’s shot appeared to be traveling 160 mph. 2-1 Capitals.

9:16: Apparently the guy on the left’s name is Liam.

9:22: “What’s up with him? He looks like crap. He acts like crap. He’s probably drunk out of his mind.” – my wife on Alex Ovechkin

9:46: Took a break from typing for a bit, but we’ll comeback to report Tim Thomas’ incredible save to keep it a one goal game with 12 minutes to go.

9:47: I’ve stopped typing because I’m reading this great piece of satire by Chuck Klosterman. 

11:44: So ya…I was talking with my wife and forgot to type for two hours. If I’m the Bruins, I’m scared shitless right now. Braden Holtby looks like a cross between Dryden and Patrick Roy (The Bald Asshole was on to something). Game 5 is a must win for the Bruins.

10 Awesome Things That Happened This Past Weekend (4/13-4/15)

10. Jacoby Ellsbury Dislocates His Shoulder in Red Sox Home Opener
            When Jacoby Ellsbury last dealt with a significant injury early in the 2010 season, he missed roughly 85% of the games. Red Sox fans should be on edge.

9. Oklahoma City Demolishes Sacramento Kings Friday Evening

            Here’s your “Shameless Plug of the Team That No Credentials Picked in the Sportsbook Survivor Pool”, sponsored by Geico.

8. Lakers Sweep Season Series With Mavericks Without Kobe Bryant

            Much has been made of the late-season surge by the Boston Celtics (and rightfully so. Against all odds Boston is now a legitimate title contender), but what about their long-time west coast rivals? Ramon Sessions has stabilized the backcourt, and the Gasol/Bynum tandem has stepped up while Kobe Bryant deals with a shin injury.

7. Greg Biffle Wins a Snooze-Fest at Texas

            The race ended with 234 consecutive green flag laps, which was an outcome that no one other than Greg Biffle must’ve been thrilled with. 

6. Canucks Bench Roberto Luongo

            Unfortunately for Vancouver, a switch in goalies didn't prevent the number one seed in the west from going down 3-0 against the Kings. 

5. Blackhawks Cap Wild Game 2 Comeback With Overtime Goal

            NASCAR had nearly put me into a coma Saturday night, but thankfully I regained consciousness in time to see the wild ending to the Blackhawks-Coyotes game. Is there anything worse than blowing a one-goal lead with 5 seconds left in regulation and then losing in overtime? 

4. Red Sox Take 3 Out of 4 Over Tampa Bay

            It’s hard to call a series in April vital, but this one was pretty close to that for Boston. They needed to make a statement against one of their two rivals in the AL East. They’ll go for the sweep in the Patriots Day game Monday morning. 

3. Predators Win First Playoff Game at Joe Louis Arena, Lead 2-1 Over Red Wings

            Game 3 was filled with solid defense and stellar goaltending from Nashville’s Pekka Rinne. In other words, it was the exact opposite of the third game of the Penguins-Flyers series.

2. Flyers Drop 16 Goals on Penguins in Two Games, Take 3-0 Series Lead

            Thank God that birth control’s effectiveness isn’t equal to Marc-Andre Fleury’s save percentage in the playoffs so far, otherwise there would be significantly more unplanned pregnancies. The Penguins look like a team that has lost all composure, even resorting to hair pulling at the end of Sunday’s game. 

1. Bruins Regain Home Ice Advantage With Game 3 Win in Washington

            As someone supporting the Bruins, I would’ve appreciated it if they took a break from playing cardiac hockey and won 4-1 Monday evening, but I guess a Chara goal with 2 minutes left to win the game is all right.

Classic NASCAR Crash of the Week - Texas

Michael McDowell was attempting to qualify for his second career Sprint Cup race in April of 2008. He got loose entering turn one on his second lap, and what followed was the most violent qualifying crash in NASCAR history. If it wasn't for soft walls, HANs devices, and all of improvements to the cars themselves over the past decade, McDowell would not of gotten out of this car under his own power.



Barely Informed 1st Round Stanley Cup Playoff Picks

Eastern Conference

#1 New York Rangers vs. #8 Ottawa Senators

            I’ll set the tone for this post with the following sentence…Craig Anderson stinks.

Rangers over Senators 4-1

#2 Boston Bruins vs. #7 Washington Capitals

            Washington has choked so many times as a top seed that it is tempting to pick them when no one believes in them. Unfortunately for them, their goaltending situation is the worst of any team in the playoffs. Facing an unrelenting Bruins offense that is three lines deep is not the opponent Washington wanted to draw in the first round. It will take a super human effort from Alex Ovechkin for the Capitals to pull off an upset. I don’t see Claude “The Door-to-Door Vacuum Salesman” Julien letting that happen.

Bruins over Capitals 4-2

#3 Florida Panthers vs. #6 New Jersey Devils

            Has there ever been a better fourth place team in a division than the 2011-12 New Jersey Devils? Martin Brodeur and company probably could care less, especially with their favorable first round match up. Florida did everything it could to give the Southeast Division away to Washington down the stretch.

Devils over Panthers 4-0

#4 Pittsburgh Penguins vs. #5 Philadelphia Flyers

            Here is by far the best first round match-up (on paper anyway). If Sidney Crosby were still on the shelf, these teams would be mirror images of each other talent wise. A healthy Sid the Kid will be the difference in a classic first round series.

Penguins over Flyers 4-3

Western Conference

#1 Vancouver Canucks vs. #8 Los Angeles Kings

            Kings goalie Jonathan Quick is good enough to steal this series, but the lack of offensive depth will cripple them in the end. Daniel Sedin’s return from a concussion should be the boost Vancouver needs to win a close series.

Canucks over Kings 4-3

#2 St. Louis Blues vs. #7 San Jose Sharks

            Folks will be tempted to pick the Sharks based on reputation alone (after years of choking in the playoffs, they have made it to the Western Conference Finals the past two seasons), but this Blues team is for real. They are a Western Conference version of the Bruins (minus a scary looking 6-10 dude from Slovakia on the blue line) that has three legitimate scoring lines. San Jose is a stud winger short in this series.

Blues over Sharks 4-2

#3 Phoenix Coyotes vs. #6 Chicago Blackhawks

            Mike Smith was the MVP of both championship teams in the fantasy hockey leagues I played in this season (and also the reason the team I guaranteed would win a fantasy hockey championship was relegated to a fourth place finish), and quietly was the most surprising player in the NHL. The fact that a guy who was best known as being a complete head-case when he was with Tampa Bay (his Yahoo player picture from three or four years ago supported that sentence) somehow rebounded to become one of the ten best goalies in the league is remarkable. With all that said, Smith and the Coyotes ended up with a tough draw against Chicago. There will be more Blackhawks fans at the games in Arizona than Coyotes fans. Phoenix is resilient, but expect Chicago to win in 6.

Blackhawks over Coyotes 4-2

#4 Nashville Predators vs. #5 Detroit Red Wings

            If it weren’t for Jimmy Howard’s troublesome groin, Detroit would at least have earned a 3-seed. Betting on Howard’s health isn’t a very safe proposition, but that’s what we will do here.

Red Wings over Predators 4-2 

10 Awesome Things That Happened This Past Weekend (4/6-4/8)

10. Isaiah Thomas Gets Fired…Again
            Isaiah Thomas is rockstar. He actually had the stones to come out and say that getting fired from Florida International University was the first time he had been canned for “basketball reasons”.

9. Kanye West Seen Canoodling With Kim Kardashian

            If these two procreate, I’m moving to Uranus.

8. Steven Stamkos Reaches 60 Goals

7. Lionel Messi Reaches 60 Goals
            Both feats are impressive, but Messi achieving something that hadn’t been done in 39 years earns him one spot higher on this weeks list over Stamkos.

6. Milwaukee Bucks Beat Lowly Bobcats By 5

            Loyal readers may recognize this item as “The Weekly Shameless Plug of the Team No Credentials Picked in the Sportsbook Survivor Pool This Past Weekend”.

5. Carmelo Anthony Drops 43, Leads Knicks to Victory Over Bulls

            Sure the Knicks were at home playing against a team led by a very rusty Derrick Rose, but did anyone in the NBA need to have this kind of game more than Carmelo Anthony? Me think not.

4. Boston College Wins NCAA Hockey Title

            I would’ve ranked this higher, but BC beat some school named Ferris St. in the championship game, which is a college that I would need at least five guesses to figure out which state it is located in.

3. (Devil) Rays Rally Against the Hammer of God, Eventually Sweep Yankees

            I’d be more excited about New York’s 0-3 start, but the last time they lost their first three games they went on to win 114 games in 1998.

2. Red Sox Blow Two Saves in One Game, Get Swept By Tigers

            We are only in the first week of the season, but No Credentials is feeling pretty confident with its third place finish prediction for Boston.

1. Bubba Watson Wins 2012 Masters on Second Playoff Hole

            Despite no Tiger Woods, and a pedestrian performance by Phil Mickelson, this year’s Masters will be memorable thanks to Bubba Watson’s incredible second shot at 10 during the playoff. That shot would be hard to pull off in a video game, much less during a playoff hole in the biggest golf tournament on Earth.  

Have Indigestion? The Red Sox Bullpen Won't Provide Relief

No Credentials is trying to make an effort to actually watch baseball this year. If I catch any part of a game this season, I’ll do my best to write up a paragraph or two about it. Here are some overboard comments about the piss-poor Red Sox bullpen.

            The Boston Red Sox only have 12 position players on the big league roster so they could have more options in the bullpen. In the bottom of the eighth on opening day, Vicente Padilla came trotting out of the bullpen to relieve Jon Lester. Read that sentence again. Now let me put that in italics and center it.

In the bottom of the eighth on opening day, Vicente Padilla came trotting out of the bullpen to relieve Jon Lester.

             For those of you that only follow Boston sports and generally ignore the national sports landscape, let me give you some valuable information… Vicente Padilla sucks. Of seven middle relief pitchers, it’s really sad that he was the first one chosen to pitch in a one-run ball game.

            Boston still has 161 games to go, but let me make a classic over-the-top-blogger proclamation. The bullpen is going to be the undoing of the 2012 Boston Red Sox. Alfredo Aceves is a great band-aid (middle-relief, spot starts), but he’s not a closer. Mark Melancon is well, Mark Melancon. I like Franklin Morales (the lefty specialist), but otherwise this bullpen is a mess. Expect plenty of more frustrating finishes for Boston until Andrew Bailey returns in July, and by that point, the AL East and wildcard (only one AL East team is getting a wild card spot. AL West will get the other one) will be out of reach.

Half-Baked MLB Preview

            After watching parts of a dominating performance by Kyle Lohse (Kyle f***ing Lohse!), I feel pretty stupid about producing two pages worth of a Word document on a sport that almost puts me into a deep coma. Despite this questioning of my self-worth, here’s No Credentials predicted order of finish for each division in MLB.

NL West

1. Arizona Diamondbacks
2. San Francisco Giants
3. Colorado Rockies
4. Los Angeles Dodgers
5. San Diego Padres

If you were allowed to put the Giants pitching staff with the Rockies offense, you’d have a super team. Unfortunately, that’s not allowed, so we’re stuck with picking the most well rounded team in the division to win the NL West. Arizona has the most underrated starting rotation in the NL, and a deep bullpen to support it. A monster campaign from Justin Upton (think .290-35-115-110-25) puts Arizona into the 95-win zone.

AL West

1. Texas Rangers
2. Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim
3. Oakland Athletics
4. Seattle Mariners

It doesn’t really matter if you put Texas or the Angels first or second in this division. With each team getting 36 chances to beat the living snot out of the Mariners and Athletics, both of these teams will be making the playoffs.

NL Central

1. Cincinnati Reds
2. Milwaukee Brewers
3. St. Louis Cardinals
4. Chicago Cubs
5. Pittsburgh Pirates
6. Houston Astros

          The toughest division for No Credentials to pick, we ended up going with the club that lost the least during the off-season. I have a hard time believing it will be business as usual in St. Louis without Albert Pujols, and Milwaukee faces a similar issue without Prince Fielder.

AL Central

1. Detroit Tigers
2. Cleveland Indians
3. Minnesota Twins
4. Kansas City Royals
5. Chicago White Sox

I tried to talk myself into picking Cleveland to win the division, but can’t do it. Even if Detroit’s infield is leakier than the Titanic, the Tigers should win the division by 10 games or more.

NL East

1. Philadelphia Phillies
2. Washington Nationals
3. Atlanta Braves
4. Miami Marlins
5. New York Mets

         This is the most competitive division in MLB. You could make a strong case for any of the top four clubs to win the division. Philadelphia’s three-headed monster at the top of their rotation still gives them the edge in No Credentials book, but their aging offense is becoming more of an Achilles heal.

AL East

1. Tampa Bay (Devil) Rays
2. New York Yankees
3. Boston Red Sox
4. Toronto Blue Jays
5. Baltimore Orioles

          New York is getting long in the tooth (other than Robinson Cano), and doesn’t have a reliable starter other than C.C. Sabathia. Boston will need to get a borderline historically dominant season from their offense (a possibility. If Boston makes the playoffs, it will be because Adrian Gonzalez is the AL MVP) to overcome the issues they will have with their bullpen (TANGENT ALERT: I hate the placement of Daniel Bard in the starting rotation. They essentially traded one of the best setup men of the past two seasons who has the stuff to close games for a guy who had an ERA over 6.00 the last time he was a regular starter, and that was in Single-A ball in 2007). Tampa Bay has the most pitching depth (minors included) of any club in baseball. Evan Longoria is due for a hammer-of-God season (he was plagued last season by a insanely unlucky BABIP), and the emergence of Desmond Jennings should fill in what they lost when Carl Crawford left for Boston (remember folks, Carl Crawford used to be good once upon a time). This is why No Credentials is cursing the Tampa Bay (Devil) Rays by picking them to win the AL East.

10 Awesome Things That Happened This Past Weekend (3/30-4/1)

10. LOGO Plays “Showgirls” All Day Sunday
            My wife tripped over this one (I swear). The movie is apart of LOGO’s “great American cinema” series. Apparently, LOGO has a much different idea of great filmmaking than the majority of the American public.

9. Red Sox Announce Daniel Bard Will Start Year in Rotation

            Because anytime you can screw up your bullpen on the fleeting chance that a guy who hasn’t started a game in 5 years might be decent at the back end of your rotation, you have to do it.

8. Johan Santana Named Mets Opening Day Starter

            It’s really easy to forget that Santana was once the most dominant pitcher in baseball. Even with him, the Mets will struggle to stay out of the NL East basement, but good for him for returning after missing the entire 2011 season.

7. Ubaldo Jimenez Gets Revenge on Troy Tulowitzki With Fastball to the Elbow

            Aside from the fact that Tulowitzki is on one of my 4 fantasy teams (sadly, I couldn’t tell you which one), I love every part of this story. I like that Ubaldo was pissed off about not getting a contract extension when he was still with the Rockies while Tulowitzki and Carlos Gonzalez did. I love that Tulowitzki basically said that Ubaldo needs to shut the hell up and move on with his career. I love that Rockies manager Jim Tracy went on the record after the incident and said that he has lost all respect for Jimenez. It’s a damn shame that the Rockies and Indians won’t play again this season.

6. Notre Dame Knocks Off Lady Huskies in Overtime

            I didn’t watch a second of this game, but I’m 99% sure that this score results in no Geno Auriemma for several months.

5. Kobe Bryant Goes 3-21 in Lakers Victory Over Hornets

            Thankfully, Kobe’s career worst shooting performance wasn’t enough from preventing the Lakers advancing No Credentials in the Sportsbook $20,000 survivor pool.

4. Celtics Thump Heat

            If every Celtics game were played on Sunday afternoon on ABC, Rajon Rondo would be the greatest point guard in NBA history. 

3. David Reutimann Takes Win 200 Away From Hendrick Motorsports

            It’s not fair to be so hard on Reutimann, who was shooting for the best possible finish to keep his car in the top 35 in owner points, so let’s play it safe and blame NASCAR. Let’s say only the top 25 in points were guaranteed a starting spot every week (there’s really only 20 cars that have a realistic shot to win every race). This would prevent an also ran team like Reutimanns from keeping an ailing car on the race track one lap too long and completely altering the complexion of a race in the final laps. While Sunday’s finish was certainly memorable (Ryan Newman won by the way), we were robbed off a classic 4-lap sprint to the finish between Jeff Gordon and Jimmie Johnson. I’ll leave it to you to decide if that outcome would be better than the one we got Sunday.   

2. Anthony Davis and His Uni-Brow Take Over Against Louisville

            If I were a fan of the Bobcats, Wizards, Hornets, Raptors, Cavaliers, or Kings, I’d be cheering for my team to lose every game to get some more ping balls for the draft lottery this May. Anthony Davis is that good.

1. Down Big, Kansas Storms Back to Top Ohio St.

            Jared Sullinger didn’t strike me as the sort of player that could shoot his team out of a victory, but that’s what happened Saturday night. Kansas will be heavy underdogs against Kentucky, but they do have the necessary depth in the frontcourt to give the Wildcats problems.