The Daytona 500 was on really, really late last night. Much later than most racing fans are used to staying up. My Dad was asleep before Jimmie Johnson's crash, and that was the second lap of the race. Here's a review of all the noteworthy events that happened during the race.
Juan Pablo Montoya Crashed Into a Jet Dryer
The odds of Montoya’s suspension
breaking, and then consequently forcing his car to slide directly into a jet
dryer, must’ve been 1,000,000 to 1. When Darrell Waltrip says that a crash is
the most bizzarre event he’s ever seen, that means something.
Jimmie Johnson Gets Knocked Out 2 Laps Into the Race
As soon
as it was confirmed that there were no serious injuries, the 2012 Sprint Cup
season officially got off to the best start possible (for No Credentials
anyway) with the elimination of the five-time champion. Elliott Sadler made the
most of his one-off appearance in the 33 car.
The Jet Dryer Exploded
I
had never given much thought about what could happen if a car careened into the
back of a jet dryer, but I supposed if I had to list the five most possible
outcomes of such an event, explosion probably would’ve made the list.
Danica Patrick and Trevor Bayne’s Suspensions Ruined By
Wet Grass
To
get rid of the 48, I guess we also had to give up two of the fan favorites. On
a sunny day both Bayne and Patrick would’ve been fine, but their cars sunk so
low into the wet grass that their suspensions actually dug into it. It was a
real shame for Bayne, who had a car fast enough to win the race.
Seriously, It Was a Fucking Inferno
I just
watched this video 10 more times. I could watch it 500 more.
Jeff Gordon’s Engine Blows Up
Gotta
hand it to ol’ Gordo. Even when his engine blows, he still gets praise for
alerting his fellow competiters to get away from him.
My Wife Thought Dave Blaney’s Name Was “Dave Baloney”
Blaney
was the number one supporting actor to the gigantic fireball in turn 3, because
if the track was too damaged to race, he was in position to win the race. He
generated so much interest in the Muir house that we researched the specifics
of the company that sponsored his car. Even more importantly, Blaney was
trending on Twitter.
Brad Keselowski Tweets From His Car During the Red Flag
I
don’t think I will ever hear a good reason why Keselowski felt the need to have
his cellphone on him during the Daytona 500, but it proved to be tremendous
foresight. Keselowski tripled his Twitter followers by the end of the race.
Tide?
It’s
easy to forget that NASCAR used be a country bumpkin affair (with all the
corporate sponsorships and all), but the fact that laundry detergent was used
to wash off 200 gallons of jet fuel was a great reminder of the sport’s old
school roots.
Matt Kenseth Wins, Dale Jr. Ends Up Second
At
roughly 12:51am Tuesday morning, Kenseth held off Dale Earnhardt Jr. and Greg
Biffle (Biffle may or may not have been dragging his break so Dale Jr. wouldn’t
be able to pass Kenseth, but we’ll leave that for the Junior Nation conspiracy
theorists) to earn his second career Daytona 500 win.
5. Rick Grimes Saves Shane’s Life For Some Reason on “The
Walking Dead”
Rick
picked Shane up from a bus surrounded by walkers just minutes after Shane tried
to throw a metal wrench at his skull. He’s a bigger man than I.
4. James Buescher Survives Crash Fest, Wins Nationwide
Race at Daytona
In a
scene straight out of Days of Thunder, Buescher dodged
10 wrecking cars to claim his first career NASCAR win. Crazy.
3. Kevin Love Nips Kevin Durant in 3-Point Shootout
Rarely
do two superstars fight for victory in the 3-point contest, but that’s what
fans got Saturday night. It was the best match-up the NBA could’ve gotten.
2.Anthony Davis Goes Bonkers, Helps Kentucky Seal
SEC Title
28 points, 11 boards, and six
boards are monster stats in
a college game (unless your name is Lew Alcinder. Then it would just be
mediocre). Davis is the clear number one pick in the upcoming NBA Draft.
1. Lebron is the Goat Again, West Wins 152-149 in NBA
All-Star Game
Lebron James was brilliant during the East’s furious
fourth quarter rally, but all of the talking heads are going on and on about
him throwing the
ball away with five seconds left.
This nasty rollover by Tony Stewart back in 2001 was rightfully overshadowed by Dale Earnhardt's fatal accident later in the same race, but still deserves to be recognized as one of the most violent flips in NASCAR history.
36. Robby Gordon - #7 Dodge – Robby Gordon Motorsports
“They
should just name thirty-sixth place “Robby Gordon Place”. He owns it.” – my
wife on Robby Gordon.
35. Joe Nemechek - #87 Chevrolet – NEMCO Motorsports
Joe
Nemechek is to “Start-and-Park” what Kenny Loggins was to theme songs for
movies in the 1980s.
34. Casey Mears - #13 Geico Toyota – Germain Racing
It’s hard
to believe that Mears spent his first seven years driving for Chip Ganassi,
Rick Hendrick, and Richard Childress, and somehow only finished in the top-5 12
times. He could very well of been the worst driver of the ‘00s.
Part-Timers That Could Win a Plate Race
33. Danica Patrick - #10 GoDaddy.com Chevrolet –
Stewart-Haas Racing
Danica will
get her feet wet in Sprint Cup with 10 starts this season while running the
full Nationwide Series schedule. Skipping the Indy 500 this year shows that
she’s serious about stock-car racing. She’ll take her lumps (her Twin 150 Crash a prime example) running in Cup, but
I expect her to win a race this season in Nationwide.
32. Elliott Sadler - #33 Kroger Chevrolet – Richard
Childress Racing
Sadler will
at least run in the Daytona 500 thanks to the guaranteed starting spot the #33
car has based on owners points from last season. Richard Childress fielded the
strongest restrictor plate cars last season, making Sadler the best long-shot
bet to win the 500.
31. Ricky Stenhouse - #6 Eco Boost Ford – Roush Fenway
Racing
The
defending Nationwide Series Champion will get his feet wet in Sprint Cup
driving the unsponsored #6 car, which is guaranteed a spot in the field for the
first five races. I wouldn’t be surprised if some strong runs at places like
Phoenix early in the season earn some sporadic sponsorship for the #6
throughout the season.
30. Trevor Bayne - #21 Motorcraft Ford – Wood Brothers
Racing
Bayne
already proved he can get it done on the plate tracks with his shocking Daytona
500 win last season, but needs to demonstrate more consistency everywhere else
to prove that he is a future star in the series. His Sprint Cup success is
mostly irrelevant, but I’d like to see him win 3 races and a championship
running the Nationwide Series this season.
Many Moons Past His Prime
29. Bobby Labonte - #47 Kroger Toyota – JTC Daugherty Racing
Much like
the last decade of both Richard Petty and Darrell Waltrip’s careers, Labonte
looks like a guy who is just out there for a paycheck. NASCAR fans under the
age of 15 might not even realize that at one time, Labonte was one of the five
best drivers in the sport.
How Are They in Sprint Cup Again?
28. David Gilliland - #38 Ford – Front Row Motorsports
27. Aric Almirola - #43 Smithfield Ford – Richard Petty
Motorsports I really
don’t have anything insightful to write about these guys. You’re just going to
have to look for your Gilliland and/or Almirola discussion somewhere else.
Kicked to the Curb
26. David Ragan - #34 Ford – Front Row Motorsports
I’m not
sure who had a worse winter, Ragan or anyone who owned a ski resort in the
Northeast. First, his team at Roush Racing was “shut down” because of a lack of
sponsorship, only to then announce that they would start the season with Ricky
Stenhouse while the car is guaranteed a spot in the field. Then he lost out on
not one, but two job openings with Penske Motorsports and Phoenix Racing. At
least the team he ended up with is a level above start and park caliber.
Just Wants to Thank the Fans
25. Mark Martin - #55 Aaron’s Toyota – Michael Waltrip
Racing
Martin will
be sharing the Aaron’s Dream Machine with Michael Waltrip this season. If nothing
else, expect him to have the same impact he had when drove the 01 Army care
back in 2007. He won’t contend for wins, but look for the performance of Clint
Bowyer and Martin Truex to improve because of his leadership.
Could Steal a Win With Pit Strategy
24. Regan Smith - #78 Furniture Row Chevrolet – Furniture
Row Racing
The most
underrated moment of the 2011 season was Regan Smith’s shocking upset victory
at Darlington last May.
23. Jamie McMurray - #1 Bass Pro Shops Chevrolet – Earnhardt
Ganassi Racing
No
Credentials’ most accurate 2011 prediction was that Jamie McMurray would
struggle to finish in the top-20 in points. His 2010 campaign will go down as
the most out of the blue seasons a Sprint Cup Driver has ever had.
22. Paul Menard - #27 Menards Chevrolet – Richard Childress
Racing
Menard’s
theft of last seasons Brickyard 400 from Jeff Gordon transformed him into the
greatest trust fund child to ever win a Cup race.
21. Joey Logano - #20 The Home Depot Toyota – Joe Gibbs
Racing
Logano is
exhibit A of No Credentials case that drivers were rushed to quickly into
Winston/Nextel/Sprint Cup over the last decade. There’s a chance he’ll be out
of a gig with Joe Gibbs after the season, and he just turned 21. If Logano was
a stock, I’d buy low to reap the benefits of his championship-winning season in
2021.
20. Jeff Burton - #31 Caterpillar Chevrolet – Richard
Childress Racing
Burton is
over the hill, but he’s called “The Mayor” of NASCAR, which gives him some
street (oval?) cred.
Master of Right Turns
19. Marcos Ambrose - #9 Stanley Ford – Richard Petty
Motorsports
The top
road racer in the series started to flex his muscle at ovals last season,
registering a career high ten top-10 finishes at tracks that only require left
hand turns. If Ambrose sweeps Sonoma and Watkins Glen, and then steals a win at
one of the restrictor plate tracks (he looked solid in the Bud Shootout), it’s
not out of the realm of possibility that Ambrose could steal a spot in The
Chase.
Fringe Chase Contenders
18. Kurt Busch - #51 Chevrolet – Phoenix Racing
Busch’s
path to an unlikely Chase berth is similar to Ambrose, with the advantage of
superior performance on short tracks. Expect Busch to struggle at the mile and
a half tracks, but he’ll be a contender everywhere else. It’s just a matter of
how well his equipment will hold up. Either way, expect Busch back in a
championship contending car in 2013.
17. Martin Truex Jr. - #56 Napa Toyota – Michael Waltrip
Racing
After a
mostly mediocre first two years driving for Michael Waltrip, Truex posted four
top-10s in the final five races of 2012. Normally that would be a sign of
optimism, but the addition of Clint Bowyer to the MWR lineup gives No
Credentials reason for concern. Truex is no longer the lead driver, which isn’t
a good situation when you’re on a team that hasn’t even proven it can field one
championship contending car, much less two.
16. Juan Pablo Montoya - #42 Target Chevrolet – Earnhardt
Ganassi Racing
I have Juan
Pablo ranked about five spots higher than I should, but I’ve had a fantasy
basketball team named after him for five years now, so I’m a little biased.
Chip Ganassi has fielded competitive cars every second or third year, so don’t
be surprised to see Montoya have a solid bounce back campaign.
15. Ryan Newman - #39 Army Chevrolet – Stewart Haas Racing
Newman is
amazing. For the last four years I think I’ve been predicting the end of
competitiveness for the Rocket Man, but somehow he always seems to find a way
to wiggle his way into The Chase. At least this year I’m predicting he’ll wind
up in the top 20 (last year I ranked him at 24 before the season…oops!) so I
won’t look as bad when he inevitably ends up with one of the 12 tickets to The
Chase.
14. Clint Bowyer - #15 5-Hour Energy Toyota – Michael
Waltrip Racing
My wife
pronounces Bowyer’s last name “Bauer”, like Kiefer Sutherland’s character in
“24”. That has no relevance to anything, but just thought I would note it. Bowyer
brings tons of credibility to MWR. He’s the first A-list driver to leave a
top-flight team to join them (although it should be noted that he’d still be
driving for Richard Childress is the sponsorship package was more secure last
fall). I think a year of adjustment will result in Bowyer just missing The
Chase this season, but look for big things in 2013.
13. A.J. Allmendinger - #22 Shell/Pennzoil Dodge – Penske
Racing
I had
Allmendinger ranked pretty high in last year’s preseason poll when he was
driving for Richard Petty, so naturally No Credentials is all-in on Allmendinger
and his move to Penske. Joining an organization that put two cars in last
season’s playoffs is a big deal. Allmendinger will have his growing paints
initially, but expect him to be a contender to crack The Chase (either via
wildcard spot or by being in the top 10 in points during the regular season)
all year long.
12. Greg Biffle - #16 3M Ford – Roush Fenway Racing
Biffle
hasn’t put together a serious championship contending campaign since 2005, and
No Credentials sees little reason to believe he’ll be able to do it this
season. Cutting the #6 car may allow Roush to field stronger cars for him, but
he’s still the third banana behind Edwards and Kenseth. Expect a few poles,
quite a few laps led, and lot of finishes between 15 and 20.
The People’s Champ
11. Dale Earnhardt Jr. - #88 Amp Energy/National Guard
Chevrolet – Hendrick Motorsports
Call me
crazy, but I think it’s a benefit that Danica Patrick has stolen most of the
media attention from Earnhardt during Speedweeks. Junior has never been under
the radar at any event in his life, and while plenty of his loyal fans are
desperate for him to win for the first time in almost four years, at least the
national media is off his back. All of NASCAR would benefit if Dale Jr. visits
victory lane this Sunday.
Legitimate Title Contenders
10. Kyle Busch - #18 M&Ms Toyota – Joe Gibbs Racing
Busch
answered a few questions about how he would bounce back after almost getting
his walking papers at the end of last season during his performance in last Sunday’s
Bud Shootout. However, Busch’s disturbing trend of pulling a Tony Romo in The
Chase needs to change. For as many wins as Shrub has collected in all three of
NASCAR’s major series, he’s only won once during The Chase.
9. Tony Stewart - #14 Mobil 1/Office Depot Chevrolet –
Stewart Haas Racing
The last
time Stewart was in line to defend a championship, he responded by missing The
Chase. No Credentials won’t forecast that result, but I do expect there to be a
championship hangover for Smoke before he catches fire in the summer.
8. Kasey Kahne - #5 Chevrolet – Hendrick Motorsports
There isn’t
a harder driver to forecast than Kahne, who makes his long awaited debut for
Rick Hendrick in the Daytona 500. How you think he’ll fair this season largely
depends on what type of equipment you think Kahne has been dealing with his
entire career. If he could put Red Bull into victory lane last season two races
before the entire team shut down, what sort of work can he get done driving for
the most powerful team in NASCAR? No Credentials will hedge a put and stick
Kahne hear, but don’t be shocked if NASCAR’s prettiest driver (just ask the
ladies) is a serious championship threat come November.
7. Kevin Harvick - #29 Budweiser Chevrolet – Richard
Childress Racing
I like the
move by Harvick to shut down his Nationwide and Truck teams to focus on Sprint
Cup and raising his soon to be born son. I’m not sold on the strength of
Richard Childress Racing at this point in time (look at his two
teammates…woof), but Harvick is talented enough to will the Budweiser Chevrolet
into The Chase.
6. Jeff Gordon - #24 Drive to End Hunger Chevrolet –
Hendrick Motorsports
Gordon’s 2012 didn’t start the way
he drew it up, but things can only go up from that right? If crew chief Alan
Gustafoson can will more efforts out of Gordon like the one he made at Atlanta
last fall, a fifth championship is within reach.
5. Matt Kenseth - #17 Best Buy Ford – Roush Fenway Racing
Want to
know what the biggest sponsor downgrade of 2012 is? Without question, it’s Matt
Kenseth going from Crown Royale Black to Best Buy. This won’t have any impact
in his on track performance, but No Credentials wouldn’t be No Credentials
without making some worthless commentary.
The Media’s Contenders
4. Jimmie Johnson - #48 Lowe’s Chevrolet – Hendrick
Motorsports
It’s
fantastic to go into a Sprint Cup season without Jimmie Johnson as the
defending champion, but secretly it might be better for Johnson than anyone
else. No longer burdened with keeping up a historic streak, Johnson and Crew
Chief Chad Knaus seem looser than ever. The history of the sport says it’s
unlikely that Johnson will ever win a championship again (the only drivers to
win a championship after a run of consecutive championship? Petty, Waltrip, and
Earnhardt) but no one has The Chase figured out like the 48 team. He’ll be a
threat this season.
3. Brad Keselowski - #2 Miller Lite Dodge – Penske Racing
A year ago
at this time people were wondering aloud whether Keselowski should’ve bypassed
earning Sprint Cup points to defend his Nationwide championship. Now he’s the
popular dark horse pick to win the 2012 title. What a difference a year makes.
The Media’s Champ
2. Carl Edwards - #99 Aflac Ford – Roush Fenway Racing
Cousin
Carl’s attitude and demeanor seem just fine after last season’s devastating
championship loss to Tony Stewart. Expect Carl to be more aggressive this year,
and significantly increase his win total from last year.
No Credentials Championship Pick
1. Denny Hamlin - #11 Fed-Ex Toyota – Joe Gibbs Racing
I don’t have
any tangible reason to expect a return to his 2010 form, other than the
addition of last year’s Championship Crew Chief, Darian Grubb. However, I’m
going to look at the career track of Carl Edwards to justify a return to
championship form for Hamlin. Edwards
was a popular pick to win the 2006 title after his breakout 2005 campaign.
Edwards responded by going winless, missing the chase, and finishing twelfth in
the standings. Carl was again the favorite after his 9-win 2008 season, and
responded by posting another winless season. Last year, Hamlin was a preseason
favorite amongst most media outlets (not No Credentials though. Big ups to us
on that one), but responded by winning only once and limping to a ninth place
finish in the standings. What does this all mean? Just because Hamlin had a
down year (down is being generous actually. Hamlin’s average finish was the
worst he posted in any of his full Sprint Cup seasons) doesn’t mean he can’t
rebound to contend for a title this year. That’s why Denny Hamlin is No
Credentials pick to win the 2012 Sprint Cup Championship.
10. ESPN Fires Employee Responsible For Offensive Jeremy
Lin Headline It’s
very disconcerting that such a headline could make it all
the way to being publicly viewed. You’d think an organization like ESPN
would have better forms of checks and balances.
9. Jimmie Johnson’s Car Fails First Tech Inspection at
Daytona
It’s
great to see that Chad Knaus vacation this off-season didn’t change his devious
ways too much. There hasn’t been a more hate-able crew chief in the history
of NASCAR.
8. Seeds Are Planted For Rick vs. Shane Showdown on “The
Walking Dead.”
No
Credentials would like to hear from the readers. Who do you want to see
survive, Rick or Shane? My vote is for Shane. If you’re willing to have your
response posted (get it to me via e-mail at c_muir@hotmail.com,
twitter @nocredatall, or on Facebook) I’ll run them in a post before next
week’s episode.
7. Carl Edwards Win Pole for Daytona 500, Roush-Fenway
Sweeps Front Row
Qualifying
at Daytona means about as much as a politician’s guarantee to lower taxes, but
Edwards should be pumped
to start 2012 on a high note after the disappointing end to last season.
6. Beckett and Lester Acknowledge Lack of Judgment Last
September
We
can file this news bulletin in the “better
late than never” department. Perhaps the need for redemption will empower
both Red Sox pitchers to reaffirm their status as aces.
5. Lionel Messi Scores Four Goals in One Game For
those of you not in the know, four goals is a lot.
4. Spurs Nearly Blow Lead, Defeat Clippers in Overtime
It
was impressive feat for San Antonio to win it’s tenth straight
game in the Clipper building, but they paid a heavy price to do it. Manu
Ginobili, who was making his fourth start after missing 22 with a broken wrist,
suffered a strained oblique after a hard screen by Kenyon Martin. San Antonio
also lost backup center Tiago Splitter to a strained right calf. For a team
that has been trying to baby Tim Duncan through this condensed regular season,
that’s a big deal.
3. Tim Wakefield Retires
I’m just
going to list all of the memorable (for better or worse) players Wakefield was
teammates with during his run in Boston that I can type from memory in five
minutes.
Roger Clemens
Mo Vaughn
Jose Canseco
Tim Naehring
Scott Hatteberg
Jason Varitek
Heathcliff Slocumb (unofficially, his trade was the catalyst for the
foundation of the 2004 Red Sox, along with steroids)
Derek Lowe
Pedro Martinez
Troy O’Leary
Trot Nixon
Nomar Garciaparra
John Burkett
Hideo Nomo
Johnny Damon
Manny Ramirez
David Ortiz
Curt Schilling
Mark Bellhorn
Rich Garces
Orlando Cabrera
Dave Roberts
Kevin Millar
Lou Merloni
Jacoby Ellsbury
Matt Clement
David Wells
Jonathan Papelbon
Hideki Okajima
Kevin Youkilis
Clay Bucholz
Jon Lester
Josh Beckett
John Lackey (woof)
Dustin Pedroia
Dante Bichette
Aaron Sele
Adrian Gonzalez
J.D. Drew
Carl Crawford
Bronson Arroyo
Daniel Bard
PAPELBON (still a little distraught he’s no longer with the
Sox)
Keith Foulke
Jared Saltalaicantspelltherestofhisname
Playing
with all those guys (and the many more that I forgot, like Todd Walker, Tom
Gordon, Daisuke Matsuzaka, Carl Everett, ect.) is an accomplishment on it’s
own. I’ll remember Wakefield for being the most fun Red Sox pitcher to watch
(after Pedro) for how quickly he worked. I’ll remember him for his quirky
knuckleball, which usually led to either 8 innings of one run ball or 2 innings
of 9 run ball. I’ll remember him doing whatever was asked of him (remember him
getting 15 saves in 1999? Crazy). I’ll remember him for bouncing back after
giving up the series clinching home run to Aaron Boone in the 2003 ALCS (most
pitchers would’ve been destroyed by that moment). It’s more likely that
baseball fans will see another Pedro Martinez before we
ever see another Tim Wakefield.
2.Linsanity Continues Sunday Against Dallas
Linsanity
is just like Tebow Mania, with the only difference being that the player at the
center of the craze is actually pretty
good.
Classic NASCAR fans can rejoice. Pack racing is back
(at least until the last two laps anyway). Kyle Busch put on one of the best
displays of driving in restrictor plate history with two brilliant saves,
and then his slingshot move to nip Tony Stewart at the finish line. Folks
should be looking forward to a great Daytona 500.
For those
of you that thought Jeff Gordon’s little tumble in the Bud Shootout was bad,
I’d like to offer a cold dose of reality. Here’s Ricky Rudd’s terrifying crash
in the same event back in 1984 (back then it was called the Busch Clash).
A couple of fun notes about that
tumble to show how bonkers Ricky Rudd was back in the day. In addition to
cracked ribs, both of Rudd’s eyes were so swollen after the crash that he used
scotch tape to keep his eye lids open during the Daytona 500. He finished
seventh. Even more impressive, Rudd won the very next week at Richmond.
It feels
like Upton has been playing for years, but he’s only 24 years old. A 30-30
season is coming soon.
2-14. Hanley Ramirez, 3B-SS, Miami Marlins
There
are tons of questions surrounding Hanley (is he fully healthy again, will he
finally make peace with moving to third base), but if he’s firing on all
cylinders, Ramirez could easily be the most valuable player in fantasy this
season. Throw in the added third base eligibility (meaning you can plug him in
at two of the weakest positions), and he’s well worth the risk at this point in
the draft.
2-15. Justin Verlander, SP, Detroit Tigers
Verlander’s
2011 performance was extraordinary, and it would be foolish for anyone to think
he can duplicate it. In increase from last seasons ridiculous .236 BABIP was a
certainty even before it was announced that Miguel Cabrera would spend time at
third base. He will still be good, but if someone takes Halladay or Cliff Lee
ahead of him in your draft, don’t snicker at him or her.
2-16. Roy Halladay, SP, Philadelphia Phillies
Halladay’s
incredible consistency has almost made him a boring player to draft. He might
not be the top fantasy pitcher this season, but there isn’t anyone else who is
a safer bet to finish the year in the top-5.
2-17. Dustin Pedroia, 2B, Boston Red Sox
Fresh
off a career year in home runs and steals, Pedroia is poised to have another
stellar all-around campaign.
2-18. Carlos Gonzalez, LF-CF-RF, Colorado Rockies
Don’t
ever expect his 2010 numbers again, but you shouldn’t be too bummed out about
50 combined homers and steals. You do need to be prepared for a batting average
that can be anywhere from .260 to .320.
2-19. Jose Reyes, SS, Miami Marlins
If
you like to gamble, you’ll bet on Reyes staying healthy for 150 games and
giving you 50 steals and tons of runs hitting in front of Hanley Ramirez and
Mike Stanton. If you’re conservative, you’ll stay away from him because of his
injury history. He’s essentially the MLB version of Mike Vick.
2-20. Mike Stanton, RF, Miami Marlins
I’ve
done a full 180 on Stanton, which may or may not be related to the fact that I
took him in the eighth round of my keeper league draft last year. He should
have more than enough RBI opportunities with Reyes and Ramirez hitting in front
of him.
2-21. Cliff Lee, SP, Philadelphia Phillies
Cliff
Lee attacks the strike zone in a similar manner that George W. Bush assaulted
the English language. Like Halladay, another dude that’s not exciting to draft.
2-22. Ian Kinsler, 2B, Texas Rangers
Kinsler’s
BABIP last seasons suggests that his batting average is due for an increase
this year. The fact that 2011 was the first season Kinsler ever dodged the DL
suggests that he is due for at least one 15-day stint. Whichever of those last
two sentences you feel more strongly about should determine what pick (or money
in an auction) you’re willing to spend on him.
2-23. Cole Hamels, SP, Philadelphia Phillies
While
his first two teammates who were drafted are considered boring, Hamels is the
trendy choice. His excellent ERA and WHIP hasn’t translated to the win column
the past two seasons, which one could argue means that he’s due for a 20 win
season.
2-24. Mark Teixeira, 1B, New York Yankees
He
won’t do you any favors in the batting average department, but 35+ homers and
110+ RBIs aren’t easy to come by in the post-steroids era.
3-25. Jered Weaver, SP, Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim
Weaver
delivered a career season last year, but don’t be shocked if his ERA creeps
closer to 3 if his BABIP moves closer to the norm. Wins are a tough stat to
predict, but with Pujols on board, they should be easier to come by for Weaver
and the rest of the Angels staff.
3-26. Andrew McCutcheon, CF, Pittsburgh Pirates
McCutcheon
was terrible after the All-Star Break, which derailed a potential breakout
season. If he can play an entire season with a .280+ batting average, we could
be talking about one of the ten most valuable players in fantasy.
3-27. Felix Hernandez, SP, Seattle Mariners
King
Felix still might be the most talented starter in MLB, but Seattle’s anemic
offense severely handicaps his win potential. Unless you’re in a league that
has more categories than the standard 5x5 league, you have to drop him down
your rankings.
3-28. Curtis Granderson, CF, New York Yankees
Ever
since the second half of the 2010 season, Granderson has been the modern day
version of Mickey Mantle. Like Teixeira, Granderson will more than likely sport
a poor batting average, but walks enough to still set the table for Cano,
Teixeira, and Alex Rodriguez.
3-29. C.C. Sabathia, SP, New York Yankees
His
peripheral numbers aren’t as strong as the other elite starters, but there
isn’t a safer pitcher to bet on winning 20+ games than C.C. Bump him up your
rankings even more if you are in a league that counts innings pitched as a stat
category.
3-30. Josh Hamilton, LF-CF, Texas Rangers
The
last time I remember a player going 10 to 15 picks later than he should because
of alcohol issues was Miguel Cabrera. Cabrera is pretty good (incase you didn’t
know), and so is Hamilton. He’s an injury risk, but I feel better taking him in
the middle of the third round as opposed to the second.
3-31. Tim Lincecum, SP, San Francisco Giants
Lincecum
is the NL version of Felix Hernandez, with a slightly better offense supporting
him and more injury concerns.
3-32. David Wright, 3B, New York Mets
Thanks
to the devastating loss of Jose Reyes, Wright’s supporting cast is a cast of
misfit toys (with the exception of Ike Davis, if he’s healthy). Wright could be
top-10 player in the second half if he gets traded, so he should be a player
that is on your radar all season long after the draft.
3-33. Pablo Sandoval, 1B-3B, San Francisco Giants
No
Credentials predicts that this will be the season that the 25-year old Sandoval
will crack the 30-homer mark. He won’t rack up a bunch of RBIs (he doesn’t
exactly have the TECMO Super Baseball versions of Barry Bonds and Matt Williams
on his team), but he delivers enough in the batting average department to
warrant being the third player added to a team.
3-34. Desmond Jennings, LF-CF, Tampa Bay (Devil) Rays
This pick
is way to early. I’ll acknowledge that. However, guys with the potential to
steal 50 bases and hit 15 home runs don’t grow on trees. If he keeps his average
above .270 (which he was well above before a disastrous September last season),
he’ll be one of the top 20 players in fantasy.
3-35. Nelson Cruz, LF-RF, Texas Rangers
One
of the greatest teases in fantasy baseball. If healthy, Cruz could easily top
45 home runs. However, Cruz pulls a groin about as often as Lindsey Lohan
violates her probation. I’d prefer to get him in the middle of the fourth
round.
3-36. Adrian Beltre, 3B, Texas Rangers
Amazingly enough, Beltre is the fifth Rangers hitter
off the board (think they’ll score some runs this year?) Beltre smashed 32
homers last year in only 124 games. Forecasting 40+ dingers would be a little
optimistic (his health won’t allow it), but Beltre is still one of the sexier
options at third base in the majors.
Welcome to No Credentials second annual "Nerdfest", a month and a half long series showing how No Credentials would build 12 teams for a non-keeper league fantasy baseball team. My ranks should hold up well for either roto or head-to-head leagues. While this mock is based on a non-keeper league, I will occasionally call out guys who's value should be adjusted if you're building a keeper team, or if you are participating in an auction. Without further ado...
1-1. Robinson Cano, 2B, New York Yankees .302 AVG, 28 HRS, 118 RBIs, 104 Rs, 8 SBs Cano plays the weakest position in
fantasy, and all indications are that this will be his first full season
hitting third. Having Mark Teixeira hitting behind him will give him more
fastballs to crank out of Yankee Stadium.
1-2. Troy Tulowitzki, SS, Colorado Rockies
.302 AVG, 30 HRs, 105 RBIs, 81 Rs, 9 SBs Tulo
plays the second weakest position in fantasy, and he’s a healthy year (which
has never happened) away from his first 40-homer season.
1-3. Miguel Cabrera, 1B-3B, Detroit Tigers
.344 AVG, 30 HRs, 105 RBIs, 111 Rs, 2 SBs Cabrera
plays the third weakest position in fantasy (notice a trend?), and he has a
near equal on his club for the first time in the form of Prince Fielder. It
appears likely that Cabrera will hit in front of Fielder, which like Cano,
should increase the number of quality pitches he has to hit.
1-4. Jose Bautista, 3B-RF, Toronto Blue Jays
.302 AVG, 43 HRs, 103 RBIs, 105 Rs, 9 SBs Two
years is enough of a sample size to declare Bautista a top-5 worthy pick.
Depending on the position eligibility rules of your league, he’s #1 pick worthy
in re-draft leagues if you can plug him in at third base.
1-5. Albert Pujols, 1B, Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim
.299 AVG, 37 HRs, 99 RBIs, 105 Rs, 9 SBs I’m not
crazy about the Angels line-up around Pujols, but if Pujols could help Lance
Berkman return to elite status, couldn’t he do the same for a guy like Vernon
Wells? Expect strategic use of the DH spot to keep Pujols fresh throughout the
season.
1-6. Joey Votto, 1B, Cincinnati Reds
.309 AVG, 29 HRs, 103 RBIs, 101 Rs, 8 SBs Votto’s
power numbers were down, but he showed improved plate discipline, drawing over
100 walks for the first time in his career. A return to 35+ homers is likely.
1-7. Evan Longoria, 3B, Tampa Bay (Devil) Rays
.244 AVG, 31 HRs, 99 RBIs, 78 Rs, 3 SBs Blame a
dreadful BABIP for Longoria’s deflated 2011 batting average. A return to the
norm in that statistic combined with avoiding the DL could lead to an
MVP-caliber season for Longoria. Don’t be shocked if he puts up a
.285-41-125-105-15 line.
1-8. Matt Kemp, CF, Los Angeles Dodgers
.324 AVG, 39 HRs, 126 RBIs, 115 Rs, 40 SBs There’s
a 5% chance that Kemp will be available with the eighth pick in your draft, but
here’s why he’s this low in this mock. Let’s take a look at what I wrote last
year about Kemp in my 2011 mock draft.
2-22 = Matt Kemp, CF, Dodgers – Remember
the discussion about Carlos Gonzalez earlier? Matt Kemp’s production the past
two seasons is a perfect exhibit A for the case I was making for not using a
high pick on Gonzalez. After putting up 26 homers, 101 RBIs, and 34
stolen bases (along with a .297 batting average) in 2009, Kemp was going
anywhere from fourth through the eighth pick in the first round last season in
fantasy drafts. Kemp rewarded owners with a disappointing .249 batting average.
The only category of importance that went up was home runs (he hit 28), but he
had less RBIs and stolen bases (89 and 19), and was even benched for a few
games by then manager Joe Torre. One telling stat that could’ve predicted
Kemp’s 2010 struggles was his terrible strikeout to walk ratio. In 2009, he
struck out 139 times to only 52 walks. In 2010, his strikeouts jumped up to 170
with only 53 walks. With all that said, why would Kemp be this
high then? The answer is simple…because of the same reason Carlos Gonzalez and
Josh Hamilton were both picked a few spots earlier. Sure there is plenty of
risk involved with these players, but if they play to their potential, you are
getting guys that could end up being ranked in the top 5 at seasons end. The
back half of the 2nd round is the appropriate time to take these
sorts of risks (as opposed to say, the middle of the 1st). Kemp
joins Robinson Cano on Team 3.
To make a long story short,
the same theory still applies, but in reverse. Kemp’s strikeout to walk ratio
last season was 159-74. It wouldn’t be surprising at all if Kemp’s average fell
back into the .260 range. If that’s the case, his counting stats won’t be
nearly as high (think something closer to 25-25 in homers and steals, which is
still useful, but not first round worthy with a mediocre batting average).
Rather than spend a top-3 pick on Kemp in the draft (or spend too much on him
in an auction), I’d prefer to target him in a trade if he starts slow this
season.
1-9. Adrian Gonzalez, 1B, Boston Red Sox
.338 AVG, 27 HRs, 117 RBIs, 108 Rs, 1 SB Take 15 of
the 45 doubles Gonzalez cranked out, turn them into homeruns, and you get the
42+ homers No Credentials expects Gonzo to hit in 2012. You could take him
fifth in your draft and I wouldn’t make fun of you.
1-10. Prince Fielder, 1B, Detroit Tigers
.298 AVG, 38 HRs, 120 RBIs, 95 Rs, 1 SB His home
run total might dip a bit, but the rest of his counting stats should be similar
being paired up with Miguel Cabrera as they were with Ryan Braun.
1-11. Jacoby Ellsbury, CF, Boston Red Sox
.321 AVG, 31 HRs, 105 RBIs, 119 Rs, 39 SBs Ellsbury
probably should be higher, but No Credentials would like to see one more
healthy season before using a top-5 pick on him. If he suits up for 155+ games
again, he should produce a .300 AVG and 70 combined homers and steals.
1-12. Clayton Kershaw, SP, Los Angeles Dodgers
21-5, 2.28 ERA, 248 Ks, 0.98 WHIP Kershaw has
reduced his walk rate every year in the league, and at age 23, appears poised
to be the dominant pitcher in the National League for the next decade. The
advantage of being in the NL puts Kershaw ahead of Verlander in my book. Anyone
that owns Kershaw in a keeper league but decides not to keep him for 2012
should be banned from playing fantasy baseball.
10. Yankees Attempt to Trade A.J. Burnett to Pirates
I
like where the Pirates heads are at here. It’s not everyday they can acquire a
starter with number one stuff, which Burnett has. I expect New York to eat $25
million of the $33 million owed to Burnett over the next two seasons, which
makes this a low-risk gamble for the up and coming Pirates.
9. Kevin Youkilis Gets Engaged to Tom Brady’s Sister
Thankfully,
Brady’s sister won’t have to worry about Youkilis ever going up against Eli
Manning in a baseball game.
8. Detroit Red Wings Win Twentieth Straight Home Game
Even
without Jimmy Howard, nothing has stopped the Red Wings from
dominating at home. I still like them as the number one threat to Vancouver
in the Western Conference.
3. Mickelson Steals Tiger’s Thunder at Pebble Beach
Wood’s
supporters should place the blame for Tiger’s
miserable fourth round on Tony Romo, who was Wood’s amateur partner in the
tournament. As for Phil, his six-stroke comeback will go down as one of his
greatest non-major wins of his career.
2.Linsanity Strikes Down the Lakers
It’s
really hard to believe that an undrafted player out of Harvard is all of a
sudden one of
the ten most watchable players in the NBA, but after watching the entire
second half of the Knicks-Lakers game Friday night, I’m a believer.
1. The World Remembers Whitney Houston
Has
a singer ever (for lack of a better word) picked a better day to pass away? She
weaseled a second memorial service out of the Grammy Awards last night. In all
seriousness though, I sincerely hope that wherever she has gone, Whitney
Houston has found the peace that she could never find on Earth.
With the NASCAR season beginning in just 3 weeks, No Credentials is starting a new weekly video series dedicated to the most memorable crashes in NASCAR history. No fatal crashes will be included (look for those yourself sickos). We'll do our best to link the crashes with past events at wherever the upcoming race will be, although that will be a tough task when we go to boring tracks like Kansas.
The first three weeks will be dedicated to Speedweeks at Daytona, and we start this series with the most famous qualifying crash ever. Let's go back to 1983, when Cale Yarborough had just completed the first qualifying lap over 200 mph at Daytona. He was in the middle of his second lap when he encounted an issue.
A 40 mph wind gust was the main culprit of Yarborough losing control. After destroying his Chevy, his team trucked a Pontiac Grand Prix down from Charlotte to race in the 500. Yarborough passed Buddy Baker on the last lap to win the race.
10. Utah Jazz Owner Blasts Karl Malone Hard
to pick a side in this one, but it’s pretty sad when a franchise gets involved
in public bickering with the greatest
player that ever wore their uniform.
9. Manchester United Comes Back From 3-0 Deficit to Earn
Draw at Chelsea
I
don’t know much about soccer, but I can say with confidence that it’s not easy
to score 3 goals, and even harder to score 3 goals after
3 goals have been scored against you.
8. Cam Newton and Von Miller Win Offensive and Defensive
Rookie of the Year
I’m
too lazy to research this, but I’ll give a shout-out to anyone who can let No
Credentials know the last time the top two picks in the previous years draft
won the Rookie of the Year awards.
7. Aaron Rodgers Wins 2011 NFL MVP Award
Remembering
that this is a regular season award, the voters
got it right giving Rodgers the MVP and honoring Drew Brees as the
Offensive Player of the Year.
6. Roger Goodell Admits That Eliminating Pro Bowl is an
Option
Kudos
to Goodell for not coming out and defending such an awful event and put out
there that changes
need to be made. This year’s Pro Bowl didn’t even crack last week’s review,
as I didn’t even remember that it was A) on, or B) had happened.
4. Kevin Garnett Looks Young (For One Day), Leads Celtics
Over Grizzlies
Its
too bad Boston can’t play every game at noon on Super Bowl Sunday. Garnett is
one of the few players crazy enough to get up for a game at that time
of day.
3. Curtis Martin Elected to Pro Football Hall of Fame
1995 was
the first year that I was truly obsessed with football, and Martin
was the Offensive Rookie of the Year that season for the Patriots. I guess
that means I’m getting old.
2.Audi’s Super Bowl Vampire Ad
In
another weak year for commercials, Audi’s “Vampire Party was easily best in
show. Honorable mention goes to Acura’s Jerry Seinfeld ad.
1. Giants Defeat Patriots in Super Bowl XLVI
I’ll
remember Super Bowl XLVI as one of the weirdest Super Bowl’s
ever. Tom Brady’s first pass attempt resulting in a safety. Feeling like
New York should’ve been up by three touchdowns at halftime, but somehow it was
10-9 Patriots. Wes Welker, Deion Branch, and Aaron Hernandez all having a
really bad case of the drops, and then getting ripped by Mrs. Brady (no
joke, read here!). Madonna looking like she’s at the peak of a steroid
cycle. Lastly, Ahmad Bradshaw scoring the ugliest game-winning touchdown in the
history of football. As a Cowboys fan who hates the Giants more than any other
franchise (sorry Redskins, you’ve been too pathetic for too long), I’ll forever
believe that this game is different if Patriot killer Bernard Pollard didn’t
injure Rob Gronkowski in the AFC Championship Game.
As always, these may or may not
be actual e-mails from real or fake people.
What’s my greatest accomplishment, winning a Super Bowl,
or overshadowing a Super Bowl I’m not even playing in? – Peyton M.,
Indianapolis, IN
I’m leaning toward
overshadowing this year’s game, as your one Super Bowl win came against Rex
Grossman. Other than the original Desert Storm invasion of Iraq in 1991, has
there ever been a bigger non-Super Bowl related news story during the week
leading up to the game? I’ll give any reader who comes up with one a fake prize
if you message me with one.
So I’m back in the yellow scivvy, what do you think? –
Greg P., Sydney, Australia
I’m guessing most of you aren’t
up to speed on The Wiggles, so let me try to make an analogy that will explain
what a big deal it is for the original yellow Wiggle to return. In terms of
children’s music, it’s like if Jim Morrison came back from the dead six years
after his heroin overdose to sing for The Doors. Greg Page (aka Greg Wiggle) is
a big f***ing deal (we’ll bleep it because we’re talking about a kid’s group).
I didn’t really learn about The Wiggles until my son was born (because you
know, it would be pretty strange if I was rocking out to “Hot
Potato” while driving around in high school), but it didn’t take long what
this guy meant to a lot of kids (and parents) all over the world. Greg left the
group in 2006 because of a disorder that basically doesn’t allow enough blood
to flow through his body (I always thought Sam Wiggle was a time traveler from
the future who came back to poison Greg so he could be the yellow Wiggle), but
now he’s back to kick ass and chew bubble gum, and of course, wiggle.
I have a two-part question. First, is it ok to have a man
crush on Tim Tebow? Second, on average, how many puppies do you think Tom Brady
kicks in a day? – Colin Tuttle, Bozeman, MT
Question 1: Michael Vick was
(and is still to a few members of the population) a much-admired quarterback
who also couldn’t complete a quick slant, so I’m totally cool with anybody on
the Tebow bandwagon. Question
2: Brady thinks about kicking 100 puppies a day, but Giselle holds him back.
(EDITORS NOTE: “The New York Post” has never been a model
of professional journalism, but their “exclusive” breaking of Gisele Bundchen’s
private e-mail to friends and family asking for prayers for Brady this Sunday
has to rank as one of the dumbest front page stories I’ve ever seen. Is it
really news that a wife would ask for support before her husband’s big game? No
wonder newspapers are bleeding money)
Is it reasonable for a big-time recruit to have his
choice of school be partially swayed by the proximity of a fast food chain? – Dan
V., Montpelier, VT
This
question is relevant after linebacker Cassanova McKinzy revealed that one of
the reasons he picked Auburn over Clemson was because
there wasn’t a Chick-fil-A in sight. As someone who likes Wendy’s and
Chili’s way too much, I can’t fault the kid for letting him pick one school
over the other for that reason. If I were a big-time college prospect, my
ability to efficiently order and eat a Spicy Chicken Sandwich would probably
rank second behind the likelihood of ending up in the NFL.
Should I be bitter about getting dumped by The Wiggles,
or grateful for the opportunity I was given? Sam M., Sydney, Australia
When the
news first broke, I would have to say grateful. It would be one thing if you
got canned so some random guy to replace you, but there’s no shame in being
replaced by the original singer. However, the smear campaign being led by
Anthony Wiggle would piss off. Watch this interview to see poor Sam being
referred to like he was the janitor at the Wiggles complex.
I think
Charlie Sheen was more prepared for his interviews last spring while sky high
on cocaine than Anthony Wiggle was. I can’t wait for ex-Wiggle Sam’s tell all
book about how much of a dick Anthony Wiggle was/is.
Why doesn’t McD's sell hot dogs? – Megan L., Silver Lake, NH
Ray Kroc, who purchased the brand
from the McDonald brothers, stated in his 1976 autobiography that he banned
chains from carrying hot dogs because he felt they were unhygenic (because you
know, a Double-Quarter Pounder with Cheese is). McDonald’s restaurants in the
UK, Japan, and Toronto have carried hot dogs at various times over the years,
but they have followed the word of their most important executive with their locations
in the U.S. since his death in 1981.
Are the
starters for the NBA All-Star Game further proof that the general public
shouldn’t be allowed to vote for anything? – Finn, Bismark, ND
Great question. Let’s review
each one starting with the Eastern Conference, grading each selection on a 1 to
10 scale.
PG: Derrick Rose, Bulls – The defending MVP is having another MVP-type
season despite dealing with turf toe. Grade = 10
SG: Dwyane Wade, Heat – He’s been banged up, but this pick is
defensible because there has been no other 2-guard even close to him in the
East. Grade = 9
SF: Lebron James, Heat – 30, 8, and 7 on 55% shooting is ridiculous. If
it weren’t for the national media bias against him, he’d be the clear favorite
for league MVP. Grade = 10
PF: Carmelo Anthony, Knicks – Voted in because of name alone, Anthony
should’ve been passed over for Chris Bosh. Can’t believe I just typed that last
sentence, but it’s 100% true. Grade = 3
C: Dwight Howard, Magic – Howard still dominates despite being surrounded
by constant trade rumors and sub-par teammates. Grade = 10
Now for the West…
PG: Chris Paul, Clippers – The quarterback of Lob City, Paul has
delivered the goods for the Clipers. Grade = 10
SG: Kobe Bryant, Lakers – Kobe’s scoring average is only 0.3 higher
than Lebrons, but the degree of difficulty for Kobe to get his 30 points is
three times higher. It’s amazing what he’s doing at his age. Grade = 10
SF: Kevin Durant, Thunder – His scoring is down, but his overall
stat-line is up across the board. Grade = 10
PF: Blake Griffin, Clippers – I heart Griffin, but this is the most
egregious mistake the fans made. Kevin Love is average 27 and 14, while also
shooting almost 40% from 3. Stats don’t lie. Love should’ve been the pick here.
Grade = 1
C: Andrew Bynum, Lakers – You could make a decent case that LaMarcus
Aldridge (who isn’t a true center) could’ve filled this spot, but Bynum’s
breakout season is worthy of an All-Star start. Grade = 9
All in all the fans
did a decent job. Score one for democracy.
So I threw in
an extended break during practice to try to simulate the Super Bowl halftime.
Further proof I’m a genius right? – Bill B., Foxboro, MA
I guess so, but I’ll be more impressed if you
figure out a way to remove the horseshoe out of Eli Manning’s ass.
I would like to formally request some No Credentials
thoughts on this Lee Evans catch/no catch/should have reviewed the play/didn’t
need to debacle. Personally, I think it was probably worth reviewing, although
I don’t think that it was a catch according to the new rule. I think he sealed
his fate by trying to keep taking steps instead of just falling to the ground
and holding on for dear life. Also, I know I’m not alone on this, but I think
Harbaugh sealed Cundiff’s fate by not calling a time out. Why lose a game with
a time out left? Why make your kicker run out on to the field and rush through
a kick that important? Either way I’m not too excited about this Super Bowl
match up as a Patriots fan I can tell you that. – Mike S., Keene, NH
I
had no problem with that catch not getting reviewed. Both of his feet hit the
ground after his hands were on the ball, but I don’t think he established clear
possession before Sterling Moore knocked the ball out (quick aside, not nearly
enough credit has gone to Moore for that play. A lot of DBs would have just
tried to tackle him instead of punch the ball out. Cowboys corner Terrance
Newman would’ve already fallen down at the five yard line before this pass was
thrown, but that’s another topic of discussion).
I’ll give 65% of the blame to Harbaugh, Cundiff 30%, and whoever was operating the scoreboard at Gillette Stadium 5% (remember that the scoreboard was showing it was third down when it was actually fourth, which apparently is part of the reason why Cundiff was so confused). A NFL kicker should have the presence of mind to kick a relativly short field goal in rushed circumstances, but it’s pretty pathetic that a rushed kicked could’ve been prevented by a timeout. They didn’t even snap the ball until there was only one second left on the playclock. Harbaugh makes a lot of money to manage situations just like that.
You cool with Les Miles mocking an eighteen year old kid? – Steve A., Pittsboro, IN
I normally support the turf-eating coach, but can’t back him up here. For Christsake, the kid is 18 years old! To turn a kid just barely old enough to vote into a punch-line at your alumni dinner (aka: gathering of grumpy, ignorant, and delusional old men) is moraly deplorable.
Coming from a Pats fan, are you as tired as I am of hearing about Gronk? – Kyle H., Sacremento, CA
Coming from someone who isn’t a Pats fan, I am tired about hearing about Rob Gronkowski’s ankle. However, it’s not Super Bowl week if the media doesn’t beat one or two stories into the ground. At least this one is related to the game (unlike the Peyton Manning saga). Also, if Gronk is ineffective (which No Credentials predicts will not be the case), the Patriots have no chance of winning. So it is a big deal.
Paula Deen. Paula Deen. Paula Deen. Where do I start? I'm not a Paula fan, and this question is not intended to show my affection or lack of it. Is PD a healthy cooking chef? No. Is she entertaining? To some. Should her show be removed from television because of what and how she cooks most likely caused her health problems? Is there anything wrong with making "a" cupcake with 2 sticks of butter, 5 lbs of sugar and a gallon of whole milk? Why not chicken fry a steak, pour the fat into a shot glass, take a hit and chase it down with a 12 oz glass of maple syrup? We are Americans. I personally had the luxury to defend this great nation. The fat, thin, healthy, sick, rich, poor, disabled, able, fucking stupid, and insanely intelligent. Watch any sporting event and you WILL see a beer ad. What happens if we later find out that one of the actors was an alcoholic? Can he no longer make beer commercials? Now what about the Cialis commercials? He's got a problem, admits to it, goes on TV and talks about it, and yet his broken penis won't get his face time pulled. So I ask you this...if some fat, rebel flag waving, puts her dentures in lard at night and her definition of eating pork is eating the entire swine, should have her program removed because its not healthy? Maybe if she had a more acceptable problem like Mr. Cialis (who may or may not have abused his penis while alone or with others) she might still have the dignity that we are trying to take away. I say, let the fat lady sing (cook while televised), you? – Ryan B., Kearsarge, NH
After that magnificent rant, I’ll keep my reply short and simply say that I concur.
Before we get to my Super Bowl pick, here’s some prop bets that I like that I’m sure will lose.
First score of the game will be Any Other Score (+155)
Longest touchdown of the game will be Over 49.5 Yards (-115) No team (+130) will score 3 straight times without other team scoring New York’s total rushing yards will be Under 107.5 (-115) Eli Manning Over 2.5 Rushing Yards (-120) Hakeem Nicks Over 85.5 Receiver Yards (-130) Tom Brady Will Not Throw an Interception (+115) Ben-Jarvis Green-Ellis Over 47.5 Rushing Yards (-115) Danny Woodhead Will Score a Touchdown (+300) Wes Welker Over 81.5 Receiving Yards (-115) Deion Branch Over 40.5 Receiving Yards (-115) Deion Branch Over 3 Receptions (Even) Wes Welker will have More Receptions Than Free Throws Attempted By Lebron James (-115) Victor Cruz will have More Receptions Than Combined Goals By Rangers and Flyers (-115) Super Bowl MVP will Thank His Teammates First During Award Acceptance Speech (+200)
Now for the moment everyone (okay, no one actually) has been waiting for, the official No Credentials Super Bowl XLVI pick…
Patriots (-3) over Giants
I don’t hate another NFL franchise more than I hate the New York Giants, so perhaps this pick is biased, but I don’t care. You pick the Patriots in this game if you believe in things like “Tom Brady can’t lose two Super Bowls to Eli Manning”, or “I want to bet against the most over-confident 9-7 team that needed to win it’s last game of the regular season to make the playoffs”. I think Gronkowski plays, and he plays well. I expect Eli Manning to turn it over at least two times. Lastly, I expect Robert Kraft to lift the Lombardi Trophy in honor of his wife Myra.
